Husband and wife relationship Zhang Baotong 2018.7.4

"Husband and wife are birds of the same forest, and they fly separately when disaster comes." If this sentence is used as a metaphor for husband and wife, then what kind of relationship should there be between husband and wife? There is a passage in the sixth and fifth volume of the "Fa Yuan Zhulin": "A man ploughs a field and is bitten by a snake and dies, and his wife says to people: 'For example, a bird that sleeps in a tall tree at dusk, sleeps together, gets up early tomorrow, flies away separately, and asks for food and drink. This passage just shows that husband and wife are originally birds of the same forest, and they are separated and easy to get together.

In this way, husband and wife should be in a relationship of mutual dependence and dependence. The physiological, procreational, and security needs keep men and women living together, but contradictions and discords separate them. So, this makes up the complex mutual relationship between husband and wife. In fact, whether it is a husband and wife, a lover or a lover, it is inevitable that there will be different views and habits in trivial life, and it is inevitable that there will be all kinds of contradictions and disputes. When these contradictions and disputes cannot be reconciled, separation from each other occurs. It's something that no one can avoid. Love does not have to be the dry sea of life and the world, when love turns into resentment, the two people who love each other may put aside love at any time and separate to the ends of the world.

In primitive societies, men wandered around and women lived alone. When a man wants a woman, he will bring some food to the cave and look for her, stay with her for two or three days, and then go out and wander, and after a few days, he will go to another woman for another three or two days. Therefore, a woman gives birth to a child who only recognizes the mother and does not know who the father is. In modern civilized society, monogamy is practiced. A man and a woman living together require a solemn marriage ceremony, to which the bride and groom swear an oath to each other: "Be faithful to her (him) until she leaves this world, whether she (he) is sick or healthy, rich or poor." ”

It turns out that the relationship between husband and wife is maintained by such vows or a marriage certificate. This is despite the fact that the marriage certificate has the force of law. However, it is still difficult to maintain such a complex relationship between husband and wife with this paper certificate alone. If the two of them really can't get by, let alone using this paper certificate to restrain them, even if they are forced with guns, they may not be able to maintain it.

The relationship between husband and wife is the most intimate of all kinds of relationships in society, and the two have to live together every day and sleep together at night. But their relationship is not like the blood relationship between parents and children, which breaks bones and tendons. Father and son or mother and daughter are sword and gun, and they are still father and son and mother and daughter. However, once a husband and wife are separated, they will form a family with someone else, and they will be commensurate with each other.

The relationship between husband and wife is based on mutual consent and mutual affection, and if this relationship is against the will of either party, then it will have tragic consequences. After making his fortune, a pirate became the governor of an island, and in order to find a woman he loved, he held a ball every day. There are many beautiful women and noble ladies at the ball. However, none of them satisfied him. One day, he saw a young woman who had followed her father on a boat ride to the island. This woman has a beautiful appearance, a soft figure, an elegant temperament, and noble clothes, like an extremely noble princess. He had never seen such a noble and beautiful woman, and he was so excited that he almost fainted. He proposed to the woman, but she did not agree. He tried every means to please women, but women remained unmoved. In the end, he said to the woman that he could do anything for her as long as the woman was happy. After much pleading, the woman finally agreed to him, pointing to a swamp outside the window and saying to him, "If you dig a canal here for me, I will marry you." The governor took all the money and mobilized thousands of people to finally build a canal in that swamp. So, the woman married him.

But the woman was still not happy, and her face was gloomy all day. In order to please the woman, the governor built a large palace, placed a large piano in the palace, and invited the only teacher on the island to rewrite the music for his wife. Although Madame sat in the palace all day playing the piano, she was still not happy. However, he no longer knew what to do to make her happy. One day, his daughter told him that his wife had been cheating all day with the teachers. So he broke open the door of his wife's room and saw her sleeping in bed with the teacher. He was so angry that he was about to have a seizure, but he saw that his wife sat up from the bed calmly and put on a posture at his disposal. Seeing that Madame was so calm and noble, he was so moved by it that he let the teacher go, and then fell on his knees and begged Madame to stop torturing him. Madame haughtily agreed to him. He thought that Madame had really agreed to him, but two days later he found that Madame had eloped with the teacher and left the island.

Such separations and escapes are not uncommon, and there are also incidents of couples killing and killing each other out of hatred. Last year, Phoenix Satellite TV's "Cold and Warm Life" column reported on a tragic incident in the mountainous areas of Guizhou. A girl was reluctant to have a boy from a neighboring village. But the girl's family received a bride price from the boy's family and promised the girl to the man's family. Because the girl refused to marry the man. The man wants to ask the woman's family for the bride price, but the woman's family has used the money to marry a daughter-in-law for their son and has spent all the money. In a fit of rage, the boy wanted to snatch the girl to his house. But the girl struggled to resist, so that the boy could not do anything. The boy lost his mind and blinded the girl. The boy was sentenced, and the girl was forced to marry a bachelor in the depths of the mountains. However, the bachelor man is lazy and unwilling to go out to work. Later, they had three children. The burden on the family increased, and the man's temper became very irritable, and when he got angry, he beat the woman desperately. Women are often frightened by the beating of men as if they have lost their souls. The woman was in a hurry, and new and old hatreds came to her heart, and she hacked the man to death with an axe at night.

Husbands and wives live together every day, and their relationship seems to be intimate, but it is really fragile, sometimes it can be said to be vulnerable, sometimes it can be said to exist in name only, and even water and fire are incompatible. However, the relationship between husband and wife is fundamental to whether we are happy or not in life. If the relationship between husband and wife is not harmonious, there will be constant troubles and chaos in the family, quarreling and fighting all day long, not to mention the ridicule and jokes that others will make, even we ourselves will feel restless and irritable. Otherwise, the ancients wanted to say: home and everything is prosperous. Moreover, discord between husband and wife will also have a very bad impact on the child, so that the child has no sense of security and stability. If there is another divorce or divorce, then our lives will be immediately disrupted, many of our needs will be interrupted immediately, there will be no place to place to sustenance, and there will be no one to take care of our children. A hard day during the day, lonely at night, upset, pessimistic and depressed. Even if you find another partner to start a family, will it really be better than the original?

From love at first sight, mutual affection, to love each other, mutual respect and concession, it takes a long time for husband and wife to run in and tolerate. Especially after having children, the relationship between the two will be tighter. If the husband and wife are not in harmony and the family is dissolved, it will cause great panic and inconvenience to both parties and the children in life and psychology. It's a lose-lose situation and a lose-lose situation for both sides. Therefore, if we want to grasp the happiness of life, we must deal with the relationship between husband and wife and avoid those unpleasant and discordant things.

To deal with the relationship between husband and wife, we must first give an accurate position to the relationship between husband and wife. Husband and wife are the term between the two, but not exclusively as a relationship between the two. Because couples give people the impression of intimacy and growing old together, but in fact, couples do not necessarily have to be intimate and grow old together. The relationship between husband and wife is easy to think of chai, rice, oil, salt, sauce, vinegar and tea. It seems that except for the trivial things of eating, drinking, lazing and sleeping, there is no romantic and beautiful mood. However, people's feelings are always seeking novelty and beauty, because novelty and beauty will make people feel happy and happy, and feel that life is valuable and meaningful. If you don't have novelty and beauty here, he or she may seek it elsewhere.

Let each other's life be full of romance and novelty, and live happily and happily, which is a way of life for people to treat their lovers. This is why your lover will be with you, otherwise, she probably won't choose to be with you. Therefore, we should treat marriage with the plainness of a chaimi couple and a romantic lover. You have to live a normal and peaceful life with each other, but you have to keep a fresh and romantic mood with each other. Freshness and romance are attractive, and more affection and love can be born, and with affection and love, everything can be tolerated and tolerated. Therefore, do not take the relationship between husband and wife as a kind of easy-going husband and wife, but treat her (he) as a beloved lover and intimate partner. Don't force and demand from the other party, don't say too much to the other party, do too much, be tolerant, be respectful and humble, and let the other party have a sense of peace and security.

Our country has a history of thousands of years of ancient civilization, but it also retains many traces of the agrarian era in terms of husband and wife relationships. In that patriarchal era, a man could have three wives and four concubines, divorce his wife and marry another, and even brutally punish a woman. And women can only be widowed behind closed doors and obedient. Without men, women have no way out and no way to live. Although times have changed and so have our lives, some ideas are still stuck in the ancient past. If ideas that are not suitable for the present remain unchanged, the relationship between husband and wife can easily become conflicted. Today's women are no longer confined to the home as they used to be, and they have to rely on men to live. Instead, the two are sharing the responsibilities of the family.

We have a lot of cultures, traditions and philosophies about the relationship. Some are old and obsolete, while others are timeless. We should learn from and introduce the beneficial, discard the negative and harmful, and grasp the positioning of the relationship between husband and wife in the new era, so that our marriage relationship will be stronger and our life will be happier.