When I was still in elementary school, I liked the star in Yangtze River No. 7 very much, humorous, and looked very handsome at that time. I remember laughing at the time.

Looking at it now, I don't feel it anymore. To be precise, it's indifferent to anything.

I desperately pulled all the joy out of my memories to ease the uneasy mood that I was now settling in. It's not that I'm so excited, but I'm at the bottom of a valley where I can't even detect depth.

It's a bottomless pit. For the first time, I had more than a dozen suicidal urges in one day. The more desperately I tried to press this impulse, the more I let myself be entangled and cowardly. I couldn't find the meaning of being alive. I don't know what I'm going to do if I survive.

Closing my eyes peacefully, I haven't made a decision yet. I leave the decision to someone else. If anyone finds out what I am now, then I will survive. If you are completely ignored by the world, then you will die.

I don't have the courage to help myself again.

Sleepy, the pain is still there, subconsciously, still awake. I remember, I can't die yet, I haven't let that beast fall into the law, at least not yet......

The phone keeps ringing, is it the police, I'm not ready......

"Wake up, why did you fall asleep on the couch again?"

"Wake up, Su Ke?"

Someone was gently shaking my shoulder, pulling at the wound, but the wound below was more painful, and I didn't even have the strength to cry out in pain.

opened his eyes a small slit and glanced at Zhao Yilun's face. I'm looking embarrassed right now, he'll be scared away in a moment.

It's okay to go.

"The indoor temperature is quite low, why do you sweat so much?"

"Hot. ”

There were no lights on, only the picture on the TV jumped back and forth, and I couldn't see his face clearly. He wouldn't notice anything strange about me.

"Let's separate. I said calmly. His hand holding my shoulder was slightly stunned, and then he said without hesitation, "Okay." ”

"I dumped you, you remember. ”

"Well, remember, always remember. ”

He sighed softly, but it was me, as if more ...... than just now Hopeless.

"Let's go now, right now, right now. ”

I've never been so strong, but now, dragging such a body, I still have the strength to be angry with him.

"Tomorrow, tomorrow again. ”

"Right now, you go!" The anger that had been suppressed in my heart began to swell indefinitely, and I grabbed him like a shrew and yelled at him. Should...... Calmer, it seems that I don't like him that much, and I'm just trying to be with him. Overreacting, he sensed my abnormality, and used his hand to make the wound bleed. The fishy smell spread through the air, and my arm shook violently uncontrollably.

"What's wrong? Ah, this is"

"It's sweat, it's too hot, I'm sweating a lot, please, let's go, please......" Blood was constantly oozing from my back, in order to deliberately distance myself from him, I leaned back on the sofa and begged him: "Let's go, please, let's go?"

"It's blood!"

"I said it was Khan!"

He walked briskly to the wall and turned on the switch, and the room lit up instantly. And I've never been so afraid of being exposed to the light as I am now.

He stood by the wall and did not move, his hands blood-red, "This is ...... What's wrong?"

I'm not as strong as I thought I would, just seeing him like this I was already scared and crazy, I was afraid that he would laugh at me, I was afraid that he would dislike me.

"Fell. ”

"Still lying!"

In the blink of an eye, he had already walked over and reached out to pick me up. "We went to the hospital. ”

"Don't go. ”

"Obedient, let's go to the hospital. ”

"I won't go!"

"Go to the doctor...... he pulled out the hand that touched my back, blood had soaked most of his arm, and asked with scarlet eyes, "You say...... Is this a fall?"

“…… It hurts, don't move me, it really hurts. ”

He was about to call an ambulance, but I stopped him: "If you dare to call them, I will die." ”

"Su Ke!"

"I'm really going to die, I don't lie to you. ”

He crouched down and noticed the bruises on my legs and the bite marks in front of my collarbone, and I touched his face and asked, "Guess that?"

"Don't say it. ”

"Buy me birth control pills...... One last thing I ask you to ......"

"Don't say it. ”

"I'm sorry to let you see the way I look now...... You have to keep the evidence......"

"I'll take you to the hospital, let's bandage it, okay?"

"Remember to help me buy birth control pills. ”

“…… Good. ”

"Don't let them take me to the hospital...... It's a shame. ”

"Good. ”

"Don't tell anyone...... There's no way I can live. ”

"Don't talk nonsense, I'll live with you. ”

"You can't afford to accompany it, Zhao Yilun, you can't afford to accompany it. ”

He trembled and picked me up, the wound on my back was too long, but it still inevitably touched it, and it hurt to the bone. The pain woke me up from my calm and plunged me into the abyss as far as the eye could see.

Ah, I've never been able to crawl out of that abyss.

"Would you like to call Lin Dongzhe to pick us up?"

"Don't!"

The last bit of security I had reserved for myself was crumbling, and it felt like I had been sent to hell and put to death, and someone had come and dragged my body to the bare sun.

I told him, don't tell anyone. Don't tell them that I was abandoned to hell.

If I could, I really wanted to die like this. I lay in his arms, and the four words that my dad had said popped up in my head, study hard.

Every time he always talked to me, I always thought that there was nothing to say between us, but these four words seemed too perfunctory. I didn't understand him, and I thought he wouldn't understand me either. It was I who didn't realize that he understood me in his way, even though I barely accepted it.

Study hard. I'd love to hear him say it again.

I can't imagine what he would have done if I died, would he have gone crazy? When I was a child, I suffered from gastroenteritis that was not mild or severe, and I couldn't cure the root cause, and from time to time I had a high fever, which was terrifying. He even came up with methods such as asking the Buddha to worship the immortals, and even hid in the corner alone in the middle of the night while crying while burning the charms that the half-immortals gave him. That was the only time I ever saw him cry.

If I die, he won't be able to take it...... So, I can't die.

Live even if it's uncomfortable, even if there's no light around you...... Let's live too.

If in the future I am destined to live heavily in the shackles of humiliation, then it would be good for me to bear it alone, and there is no need to stain others.

There are still people waiting for me. My presence is not so insignificant, at least not to my family.