"Although I can interact with people normally, I still can't eliminate the fear in my heart and the subconscious rejection of people, let alone make friends with people, I can't trust anyone, I can't really make friends with people, I'm afraid that others will approach me, I'm even more afraid that others will be good to me, I can't maintain long-term relationships with people, in order not to make myself too different, I desperately disguise myself, so that I can look in line with the public's aesthetics. The corners of Si Qi's mouth curled slightly, revealing a very faint smile: "I am a person who looks complete and healthy, but in fact, the inside has long been corrupt. ”

Shi Jing's people began to sink, listening to her self-deprecating words, almost making him unable to maintain a flat expression, he pressed the tip of his tongue against his upper teeth, calmed down for five seconds, and shamelessly suppressed the words that were about to blurt out.

"I thought I would never trust anyone again in my life, let alone touch love again, but my parents wanted to watch me enter marriage in order to worry about half my life, so that they could rest assured, so I was eager to find someone to work with, whether this person has money or not, whether he looks good or not, whether there is an earth-shattering past I don't care, as long as he is willing to cooperate, I can accept it. Si Qi was silent for a moment, as if she had fallen into some wonderful dream, her whole face came alive, and the tears on her face refracted the light, and shone with fine silver glints.

"But suddenly I met someone. She unconsciously lowered her voice, as if she was afraid of waking up a sweet dream: "When the introducer said that he was withdrawn, not good at words, had a very serious social phobia, and could not communicate with people normally, I even snickered in my heart very immorally, and felt that there was no more suitable person for me to meet, so I had to keep this person no matter what." ”

"I pretended to be considerate, tolerant, and empathetic, and even spoiled him as a princess, hoping that he could think that I was very competent as a partner. A hint of shyness flashed on Si Qi's face, and she murmured: " I don't know when, he was unconsciously put in my heart, I want to be nice to him, I don't want him to be a little uncomfortable, I don't want him to be embarrassed, maybe he is thin, but he is still very handsome and handsome, or maybe he exudes something very similar to me, anyway, I unconsciously let down my guard against him, I even began to be interested in his past, I want to know why such an excellent person would indulge in the dark and unable to extricate himself, when I see him, I always think of me seven years ago, when I was full of sunshine and love, sometimes I think, if he met me seven years agoThen I will definitely help him as much as I can, and I will never leave him alone in the dark. ”

Shi Jing looked at her in a daze, the falling tears and gentle laughter pierced his heart, and also dispersed his indifference and alienation, like a cup of boiling water warming the ice wall he had barely gathered, the heart-to-heart monologue finally made him unable to ignore it anymore, he stretched out his hand in a panic, and wanted to wipe away her tears in an orderly manner, and couldn't help but say: "Don't... Don't cry... Don't cry..."

Si Qi held his hand and pressed it on his face, gently rubbed his cold fingers, and showed him a very bright smile, "Shi Jing, we are all people with an unbearable past, and we are all stumbling forward with heart disease, I like your painting, because he gave me a lot of courage, I want to live, I know you want to live too, there is no difference between you and me, I understand your pride, and I also understand your inferiority complex, because I have experienced it." ”

Shi Jing's eyes began to float uncontrollably, the hand she held trembled unconsciously, and another hand seemed to be looking for something to rely on, desperately twisting the teacup, his lips were white, his teeth even gurgled, as if he was experiencing some kind of entanglement, and then for a while, he still didn't say half a word.

"Back then, I saw that painting at an art exhibition, and when I went back to school that day, I posted a comment on the talk, saying that if I could travel through space, I would like to go to the painting and be an angel who brought the beautiful man in the painting back to earth from hell. Si Qi looked at him fixedly, "Are you willing to let me accompany you, we can go forward together, I need you, you also need me, why can't we walk hand in hand?"

In an instant, Shi Jing turned into a wax figure, motionless, and his mind suddenly went blank.

It was only after a long time that he muttered, "Why do you need me?"

Si Qi said softly: "Because I think you will understand me, you will not see my past as a stain on my life, seven years, I never dare to think back to the past, as long as I think about it a little, I will be disturbed by nightmares, but looking at your painting, it always reminds me of me seven years ago, reminds me that seven years ago Although I was naïve and stupid, I was brave, fearless, and had love in my heart, I really want to change back to me seven years ago, only you can give me courage." ”

Shi Jing was speechless.

In fact, he didn't feel anything "unbelievable" or "ecstatic", he didn't even have time to think about it, his joy, anger, sorrow and thinking ability were all frozen in an instant, he touched his eyes in a panic, wondering if he had burst into tears, but nothing, only dry and sore eyes, he couldn't help pinching his palm, and found that he couldn't feel any pain.

So, he thought desperately, "Am I dreaming again?"

However, the person in front of him, the hand that was clenched, but soberly told him that none of this was a dream, he saw her tears, heard her past, felt her despair and helplessness, she was like stepping on his life road, he had experienced everything he had experienced, there was a sentence she said very right, they are all people with a past, because they understand, so there is no point to be afraid or not.

Si Qi didn't speak again, just looked at him fixedly, in fact, this confession has exhausted all her courage and strength, she has never mentioned the incident to anyone in the past seven years, when her parents tried their best to force the question, she was just silent, and did not hesitate to firmly seal this past in the depths of her heart, as a wake-up call and tombstone in her life, burying her past and future.

However, at this time, the heart that had just been cut out by her own hands was like a mountain that had been removed, and her heart suddenly opened up, and the hidden darkness was exposed to the blue sky and daylight, making her feel a kind of happiness that she had never felt before.

Anyway, she knows and is sure that he won't care about her past, he has experienced those embarrassments and miserabries, so he understands that she doesn't need to disguise herself in front of him, she doesn't need to be afraid, she doesn't feel like she is different, and she doesn't feel that she is psychologically unhealthy.

The two of them were silent.

After a long time, Shi Jing suddenly withdrew his hand and stood up, staggered in front of her, squatted down, reached out and hugged her waist, and buried his whole face in her chest.

It was a long, long time before Si Qi heard his muffled voice: "I only want you in this life." ”

Even if there are shocking waves and thousands of thoughts in his chest, it is these few words that are finally pronounced.

I want you.

All I want in this life is you.

This is all his longing, the lamp that illuminates his dark life, he loves but is reluctant to die, no amount of wounds he cuts with a knife, it cannot replace the pain of losing her, he is like sitting on a torture rack, with a rope around his neck, and a steel knife under his thighs, he forces himself to let her go, and let himself suffer from the sword, because he is reluctant, he is reluctant to let her suffer and be afraid of suffering.

He knew what the darkness of his world had become, but she didn't.

He had hoped that she would stay, but he didn't expect her to open his heart and show him, using the method he had used, and he knew how heartbreaking it would be to recall the past that he didn't want to recall.

He had suffered, and now she had suffered.

He and she are truly a cruel miracle.

"The girl who jumped off the building that day reminded me of something from the past, and I realized that I might be sick. Shi Jing continued to say sullenly: "Every time I get sick, I will have some memory confusion, the next day you said that the injury on my arm was scratched by you, I don't remember at the time, but I vaguely remembered it at night, I was scared, so I took a lot of medicine, I didn't want to scare you anymore, but I couldn't do it, I knew that even if I increased the amount of medicine, I still couldn't stop those frightening behaviors." ”

"So you want me to leave?" Si Qi touched his hair, very soft, "I'm not a little girl who doesn't have anything to do with the world, this thing can't scare me at all, I called Mo Wenlan, he should be back tomorrow, he will help you." ”

"He can't help me. Shi Jing whispered: "We have been reunited for eleven years, and he has always regarded me as the most important patient, and he has tried his best, but psychotherapy, hypnotherapy, and desensitization therapy are useless." ”

"That's because there is no me. Si Qi smiled and said: "Let me help you this time, I have experience, Mo Wenlan is just a doctor, but I used to be a patient, I will understand you better than him." ”

Shi Jing slowly raised his head, just met her lowered gaze, and then clearly saw the undisguised gentleness of her eyes, so that the darkness around him died inch by inch, and what could really crush the darkness and coldness was never the sun, nor the fire, but a casual look, or a pair of hands stretched out halfway, or the soft whisper: I will always be with you.

I don't need you to be strong, you just need to exist so that I can see, and that's it.

"Can you completely hand you over to me?" Si Qi whispered: "Let me accompany you, we can try to go out, such as climbing a mountain, going out for a few laps every day, going out to eat after eating, or you tell me about your work, your company, your career, Mo Wenlan said that the employees of your company are all won back by your PK, and the reason why those Internet gods are willing to take root in Senmu Technology is because they are your subordinates, I am very interested, you can teach me programming, I can also teach you to dance." ”

Shi Jing replied very quickly this time, "Okay." ”

Si Qi pulled him out of the cup and said with a smile: "Let's do the aftermath work first, and then discuss what to do in the afternoon." ”

Shi Jing raised his head and said very sincerely: "I want you to sleep with me." ”

Si Qi: "......"

Big brother, are you so direct?