Xiaoliu and I sat by the river. The evening wind was comfortable and chilly. The waves rolled up by the ships imprinted the light unique to the city at night, and the water waves amplified and disappeared in circles and circles.

"It's beautiful, if only it were by the sea. "I put my elbows against the guardrail.

The water in the river is clearly permeated with desolation. It uses the sparkling surface to attract people deeper and deeper, and they never want to pull it out.

"Su Xiaoliu, I want to see the sea. ”

He leaned to the side and remained silent. It's like, thinking about what to say.

I stretched out my hand to catch the colorful light that fell on the waves, and the wind passed through my fingers, and everything became nothing.

"If it's not a river or a sea, I'll jump in. ”

"Crazy you!"

"Don't you think it's a blessing to die in what you think is the most beautiful place?"

He took off his coat and put it on me indiscriminately, and said angrily, "Put it on, don't talk nonsense." What is the death of a good death?"

"Just kidding. I just think it's beautiful, and you just feel it when I feel it. I fastened the zipper and hung on the guardrail like an octopus, "Little Liu, let me tell you, I only once in my life, only once in my life I want to die in the past." When I was in junior high school, because of Pei Ning and Yan Jia. ”

At that time, I really thought it was ridiculous, and in addition to being ridiculous, there was also a chill in my memory. How could you just die like that? It was bad enough at the time, but maybe you can always get a little luck.

So I lived to this point.

Hopeless, still hopeless.

"But I don't want to die. "I said that no matter what happened to me in the future, I didn't want to die. It's not that I'm in my pocket, it's that I still have something to look forward to in the future. Even if a few more people abandon me, and a few more unspeakable things happen to me, then I still don't want to die. Yes, I love to drill the horns, and I will never give in on this matter.

"That's right! I'll just talk to you. ”

"Actually," he confessed to me, "I know who you saw." ”

I was stunned, then relieved. Think about how my mom found me, she won't remember what I looked, how tall I was, what I lacked, how well I was doing. Everything is Little Six......

I couldn't help but ask, "When did she start looking for you?"

"Last winter. ”

"I didn't even know so early. Then he asked, "Why didn't you tell me?"

She ...... Don't let it. ”

"Do you know that I wait for her every day to be uncomfortable? Do you know that I ......" The roaring kite with a broken string was blown away by the wind, and I slid down the guardrail little by little, "Forget it, don't talk about it." ”

"She had a hard time at that time. When you broke your bone last winter, the money, she paid for it. ”

A pair of hands reached out from behind my back and lifted the zipper from my clothes.

"She's seen you from afar. ”

"Don't say it, I just finished crying. I don't have the strength anymore. ”

The light on the waves by the river became more and more blurred. A yacht sailed by, blocking out the light so tightly that it was black, and I stared at it, as if one more staring at it would suck me clean.

"Little Liu, aren't you following the professor to do a project? Lend me money, I don't want to owe her. ”

I didn't forget to make a heartless joke with him, "In the future, I will study hard and make money, how about you?"

His voice, like a water-covered stream, flowed in confusion, and he said, "You owe no one. ”

"Then what do you think I should do to her? She didn't even say a word of sorry, she didn't say anything to me! I asked her if the man was bullying her, and she told me no, she lied, and she had such a big bruise on her arm...... She lied to my face! What did I do wrong for her to do this? I didn't do anything to be sorry for her, I thought about her every day, and I almost vomited all the scenes I could imagine when she came back! I just didn't think she was like this, what should I do!"

In the end, I couldn't help but clean my heart, I didn't want to confess to others in such embarrassment, I felt every word that burst out of my mouth like a sharp knife stinging my body. I crouched on the ground and cried, unreservedly, naturally, and without image.

But I know in my heart that this is an old wound that has been piled up for many years, and it may not be able to heal for a lifetime. And I don't even have the right to expose it to the sun, I can only let it rot and stink in a dark corner.

Time flies, and in a blink of an eye, it's almost July.

Study rooms, which are rarely filled, are now overcrowded, and library seats also need to be reserved. I don't want to stay in a rented place, I'm always cranky when I'm alone, so I have no choice but to go to Zhao Meimei. She reserved a seat in the graduate school room of Z University for two years. I came in with my book, and she took down the loose items from the chair on the right and moved me to a seat.

"Finally remembered to study?" she teased me in a whisper, but I saw that the friendship was politely dismissed, "I hope it doesn't affect you." ”

"I hope you influence me more, I'm a little bored by myself. ”

Even if I was listless, I couldn't help but be surprised: "Where's your boyfriend?"

"Dead. ”

"Lying. ”

"He split his legs, gave me 100,000, and told me to get out. ”

She laughed at herself: "Okay, okay, that kind of scumbag, I'll see one and fight one in the future." Besides, aren't we here to review? With that, she opened the thick translation textbook.

Obviously, she was more impetuous than me, so she didn't look into it, and ran to ask again: "What about Zhao Yilun?"

"I feel like I'm getting faster. ”

"Hurry what?"

"Hurry up like you, get back to being single. ”

She laughed and scolded me for not being satisfied, how could such a good person do something out of the ordinary? I didn't say anything more to her, I knew in my heart that those unclear feelings kept pressing over, and I couldn't hold it anymore.

I told him to leave the opportunity to break up with me, even if it is still difficult to say it reluctantly, but sooner or later I will have to say it.

That day won't be too late, at least before I break down. I'm going to say it, I'm going to say it.

Keep your head down and review for two hours, but not as concentrated. I have never been a single-minded person, and for this reason, I comforted myself so easily.

I was struck by a piece of hard stuff in my bag, and I awkwardly took it out, and it was a piece of candy wrapped in glittering paper. I can't remember where I got it.

I handed it to Zhao Meimei and proposed, "Let's go buy candy later, I want to eat wine chocolate." ”

"Greasy. ”

"Sometimes, it's really bitter. What's wrong with getting tired of it once in a while?"

"Let's go, buy candy. She smiled and agreed.