I never thought that I would see my past in this way, and see Yan Jia in the depths of my memory.

When I remember what she said to me, "I hate you," I can't hate you.

We who were once children got lost in our own small world.

So that in the end, the more we live, the more narrow we become, the more we live away from the imaginary self more and more contrary to it.

Eventually, we tear apart the illusion with reality.

There is no real friendship in this world, that's the conclusion I came to when I just turned fifteen.

At that time, I didn't have a friendship, but I still longed for it.

No one expects to be isolated, and no one likes to be forgotten.

I've tried to get close to people countless times, but when we soon close a quarter of a Marriott, I always stop.

Perhaps, it is time for the shadow that remains in my heart to be removed.

Anyway, I'd love to see Yan Jia. I didn't know what to tell her, but I knew I should go see her.

What I didn't expect was that she would offer to meet.

I refused to come along.

We were behind the rostrum in the East Playground of Z Academy. She still had long hair with a shawl, but it was down to her waist.

The moment our eyes collided, an indelible sense of distance came as scheduled.

We look away at the same time. I thought I wouldn't have to ...... like I did back then. So care...... But it's still awkward.

"Suko. She turned her head slightly

It seems that she, like me, has not forgotten each other.

Now that we are all forced to jump out of the current trajectory of our lives and re-fall into the quagmire that we thought we had been forgotten by the years, how can we not be awkward?

The posts ...... "I'd love to ask her what she's doing this for, is that really that much that hated me?"

The wind is blowing.

She looked me squarely, restless strands of hair digging into her mouth, and she pinned her hands behind her ears. It was no different than it was back then. It's like it was me, Yan Jia, and Pei Ning who stood on this playground yesterday. We're sharing a bag of potato chips.

"I didn't post those posts. Zhang Yunyi just happened to hear a little bit about me and you. She...... I like Xu Wei, I don't like Xu Wei's paintings, and I always come to you when I paint. ”

I couldn't help frowning, it turned out that it was not unreasonable to point the finger at me, plagiarism was just an excuse.

Before I could answer, she had already skipped the topic.

"Actually, I still can't tell you how much I hate you. Because you I felt like I was ...... myself," she paused, took a soft breath as a buffer, and continued: "I felt like I was going to die, and I was on the stairs that day, and I really wanted to cut my wrists, but it hurt too much......"

I froze where I was.

I know I'm going too far, but what about me...... What are the ones I receive......

I thought I could not care, I thought I could not be so small and selfish. I was wrong, and I still care.

"I hate you, but I want to tell you," she met with my eyes, and neither of us avoided it this time.

She said three words to me: "I'm sorry. ”

These three words are too heavy...... At least for us at the time, it was too heavy.

My whole body was numb, I couldn't say a word, and it became difficult to breathe.

She said this sentence as if she said it to herself, and it seemed to say it to me. I know that today she will say it whether I will accept it or not.

"Don't you hate me the most......"

"Actually, I only said half of that sentence to you at that time, I hate you the most, and I hate myself the most. ”

She stopped looking at me and seemed to be talking to herself.

"My mom, you should be able to guess what my house is like. I grew up knowing I wanted to get ahead...... Now it looks. That's not really what you want. It's just because I'm afraid of being poor, so I've been studying hard.

Since I was a child, I was praised and was afraid that others would deny me. When I was in junior high school, I first started lying and hiding my mother's illness just so that my studies would not be affected......

But at that time, I didn't understand anything, I just knew that I couldn't be worse than others. I can try to do a lot of things, but I found that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't change the fact that my mom was abnormal. ”

So for the sake of their vanity, they can only lie.

"Also, I know you didn't push me. ”

She didn't say any more.

If it were me, would I be like her? I had to put on a cloak that seemed appropriate in order to adapt to the environment until it was torn...... Or is being isolated from the first place the best option?

…… Few people would want to do that. I don't want to think about it anymore.

We stood at the top of the podium, and under the large dome above the rostrum, there was a concentrated shadow.

On the day Yan Jia fell down the stairs, we were also standing side by side like this.

I seemed to see myself walking down the stairs with lead-filled legs, and in the corner lay a dying Yan Jia, who accused me of pushing her.

For so many years, every now and then, I would have this dream. Now, can she or I really escape from the nightmare?

"In the end...... Why are you telling me this?" I asked in a hoarse voice.

"I hate myself like that. ”

The wind ruffled her long hair again. The scar on her snow-white neck was revealed. The scar was scratched by Pei Ning, and when I saw it in my eyes, I just felt that it was too much......

"I have something to say to you as well. I'm sorry, Yan Jia. ”

I'm sorry, it's for her, and it's for myself. I know that these three words are too heavy for us, but these three words alone cannot make up for anything, and nothing can be undone.

What lies between us is something that these three words can never dissipate...... We can only wait for time to wash away.

The past cannot be redeemed, and the only way to stop the future from repeating itself is to let go.

Those posts, after they were deleted, didn't last a few days, and I didn't pursue them any further. I've been busy looking at this mess, and a lot of things that should be done have been left behind.

Zhao Meimei, who hadn't appeared for a long time, talked about when she was hacked before, she basically didn't care, and she might really be dizzy sometimes. But you always have to do a lot of things yourself, no matter how uncomfortable it is, you have to do it, because no one will do it for you.

She said exactly the same thing that Teacher Ai once said.

Maybe it's because I'm too sensitive to know it, too concerned about other people's eyes, and too cautious.

It's impossible to be open-minded in a short period of time, but what I can do is divert my attention.

Right now, there's something imminent.