Since Yan Jia's mother came to school, Pei Ning has been sarcastic from time to time. And I didn't talk to her again.

I think she brought it all on herself.

Slowly, she didn't speak, and her whole person became listless. During the day, she sat on the edge of the bed, did not listen to lectures, and was only in a daze. At night, she still sat in the classroom, did not return to the dormitory, and was insensitive.

When we accuse others domineeringly, we ignore our ugliest scars.

I hadn't said anything excessive to her, but the punishment seemed a bit excessive.

Is it too much? I had no idea at that age.

In the summer, she sat in the last row, wrapped in a long-sleeved gown, sweat soaked her entire back, and she did not take off her clothes.

Pei Ning pulled over the chair and sat down and mocked: "You are stupid, why don't you wear a padded jacket, Yan Jia, you won't be the same as your mother, right?"

She turned her head and shouted at me again: "Su Ke, you said she wouldn't be bullied by us, right?

“...... Yan Jia, you take off your clothes first. With mixed feelings, I walked over and unzipped her.

She quickly pulled it on again.

"Take it off!" I was a little angry and afraid to rip off her clothes.

She turned her head and glared at me.

As for why..... Probably, it's because she's too weak...... I felt that she seemed to be very aggrieved.

In fact, no matter how much I say, it's my escapist rhetoric. I don't want to admit that I've gone a little too far with what I've done to her.

"Smack-" Yan Jia's face turned to the side, and Pei Ning shook his numb hand.

"Yan Jia, Su Ke is kind enough to help you, are you still on your face?"

She was silent, and the tears in her eyes were forced back.

In the evening, the sun shines through the glass of the activity room and hits us. A suffocating burning sensation enveloped the whole body. Most of Yan Jia's body in the corner was hidden in the shadows, she choked up, and then cried loudly.

I see, in her, I see my own shadow. Lonely, lost, abandoned......

"Pei Ning, you..... It's a bit heavy, isn't it?"

"Huh," she looked at me incredulously. In just a second, he returned to the arrogant and invincible Pei Ning.

"What kind of good person are you pretending to be here? Isn't it you the one who said she was a liar?"

"No, I mean that's it when she cheats people, there's no need to keep giving her this upset. ”

"At the beginning, you were the one who said that you couldn't stand the deception the most, and now you are the one who says you want to forgive her, Su Ke, you are really different. ”

Don't do this..... Aren't we best friends?

"After all, you are the same as Yan Jia, you say one thing, and you do another!"

Don't do this..... Didn't we say we wanted to be best friends? Didn't we say we wanted to go to the same high school and the same university together......

"Speaking of which, you said that your mother left, your mother lied to you, do you also have to learn to lie to me? Why, didn't you say that you want to hate her for the rest of your life? Now that Yan Jia is not borrowing your homework to copy, are you uncomfortable?"

She broke the tightest string in my heart.

Will Yan Jia be like me when we accuse her like this?

Broken like me, isolated like me.

Our previous so-called "best friend's friendship" was cheaper than a plagiarized assignment in Pei Ning's eyes.

Pei Ning...... You're a scumbag!"

Best friend, these words have never been more scornful than when I think about them now.

Because it was too long, I don't remember what Pei Ning said, but I remember that after that, I met Yan Jia on the stairs leading to the roof.

She stood on the stairs, holding on to her old handrails. There was a creaking sound on the armrest that was loose from time to time.

In the dim light, half of her swollen face was very eye-catching.

I stood on her side and wanted to say something.

When the words came to his mouth, every word was like a thorn with thorns, and once he said it, it seemed to make people bruised all over his body.

So, I didn't say anything.

We were standing on the seventh floor, there was no air conditioning, the wind was pouring in, like a steamer, and the hot people were restless.

“..... Why don't you go back and do your homework?"

"Suke, I hate you". She turned her head sideways and repeated again with tears in her voice: "I hate you!"

Then, before I could even react to what she said, she rolled down the stairs.

My scalp tingled, and my whole body collapsed to the ground in disobedience.

She lay on the staircase, gasping and convulsing, and likewise resentful of me.

I walked down step by step, holding on to the handle, and the gentle stairs seemed to be several times steeper.

The handrails of disrepair creaked, and the rhythmless sound echoed through the open stairwell, turning on the voice-activated lights hanging above.

A few steps away, I saw her pale blue uniform stained with red blood.

The blood printed on the hem of the skirt was blue with red, and red with black.

"I hate you....."

That's all she said to me.

When she said that, I thought of the three of us standing on the playground sharing a bag of potato chips, we swapping each other's favorite novels, we doing our homework together, and we eating together....... We.

There is no more of us.

When I was called to the office and admitted that I was the one who pushed Yan Jia, there was no more of us.

When Pei Ning happened to pass by and saw me and Yan Jia without saying a word, there was no us.

When I stood in front of the whole school of 3,000 people and read the review aloud, there was no us.

When I was isolated like Yan Jia, there was no more of us.......

Once a person is labeled, anyone can judge them according to the definition on the label.

So no one will believe what I say, because I am stubborn, my grades are at the bottom, I don't study a lot, and I ruin the class atmosphere.

I don't remember, and I don't know how I spent my last days of junior high school.

Dark, uninteresting, collapsed, humble, cautious.

There is also loneliness that lasts longer than the word 'living like years'.

Probably, it was from that time that I began to hate girls, began to hate others approaching for no reason, and began to live more and more carefully.

After graduating from junior high school, I didn't tell anyone about this unknown experience. Even if it is vexatious, I have to go to a high school thousands of miles away from my original junior high school.

This ugly, indelible scar was wrapped up in me and thrown in a corner, left to fall to ashes, and allowed to be buried by memory.

But I didn't expect that five years later, it would still come back, it would sting, it would make me shrink again.