Some of the yellowed walls are plastered with several non-mainstream combination stickers, and the old style is festive as if someone's family is going to get married. The slightly rolled sticker stuck to the wall, and I reached out and grabbed the exposed corner.

"Dad, I can't believe it, it's been more than ten years, and it can't be paid off, it seems to have been bought for five yuan. ”

"Stop reading it, take these books of yours and sell them!"

I couldn't hear what the person behind me was saying, so I gently scratched the sticker with my fingernails and pressed the side of my head against the wall, so I could see the nail marks left on it.

With a bang, I turned my head and accidentally ripped off the combination sticker that had been sticking for more than ten years. A large cloud of ash dispersed in front of him, and the dust floating in the air was clearly visible in the sunlight. I was surprisingly bored, my eyes fixed on a speck of dust that was going up and down.

Ten minutes later, it still didn't fall. I exhaled and simply blew them all away.

"Don't come yet! Su Ke, what's the matter with you damn girl!"

"Here we go!"

I breathed into the empty room again. My dad hugged a stack of books and teased: "How old are you, you are a 25-year-old girl, are you naïve?"

"I'm still young, and I can't say I'm old if I'm not sixty. I took the heavy stack of books and moved them aside to tidy them up.

The textbook for the first grade of primary school is still there, and there are only a few pages left that have been torn up, and the exposed page is a story about a snowman. There's no title, but you can tell what story it's telling at a glance. At that time, because the snowman rushed into the burning house to save people and melted away, I almost cried my liver and intestines.

Scrolling down to the fifth and sixth grade textbooks, I saw that every page was scribbled by me, and no one was spared. Removing these books is some scattered papers made in junior high school, as well as a sprint simulation of the literary comprehensive that I bought in high school.

In one book, there is a piece of cardboard printed with plum blossoms, on which three words are written, Lu Xiangnan. It seems to have been written when I first realized that I cared about him.

"What is this?,It's written that I don't believe in it anymore......

"Dad!" I suddenly shouted at him, and his hands trembled in fright, and the blue-covered notebook was thrown far away.

"What are you yelling at, you scared me to death!"

I walked over half-crouched, grabbed a corner of the notebook, picked it up, and turned to the middle page. I folded the corners of that page.

"When I first heard him mention her, I knew that I would never believe in it anymore. It turned out that I had never seen myself in his eyes, and when I asked him, 'Who are you looking at through me?', he didn't have to speak, I knew that it was never me. ”

On the last page, there is the handwriting soaked in tears: "I don't want to like you anymore, Zhao Yilun." ”

I don't want to like you anymore...... I'd rather do that. It's been five years, and this year is the sixth, and I haven't forgotten his name, but what he looks like.

When I chased his shadow and shouted hysterically in the snow that day, he didn't look back. I forced my inner turmoil and persuaded myself that it was him.

"I haven't finished reading it yet, what are you writing?"

“...... Dad, are we really going to sell the house?"

"The people are gone, what are you doing with it?"

I clutched the notebook tightly in my hand, and there were still countless specks of dust floating in the air.

"This house was the most valuable when my mother left, and we also had a new home at that time, and it was also the time when we were most short of money, and you didn't sell it. ”

"Daddy" I rarely call him like that, it's always one word. He was also stunned when he heard it.

"Do you believe in starting from the beginning?"

"Yes, I guess no one wants to divorce. ”

I opened my mouth in surprise and took a big breath of turbidity, choking a little speechless. The first time I talked to my dad about topics that didn't have much to do with real life, he didn't say anything like that, "What kind of mess do you want?"

"Your mother is from out of town, and she is a road idiot like you, and she remembers how she got here anyway, and I'm afraid that when she wants to come back, she won't find her way home. ”

I tried to catch a little bit in his eyes, even if it was a little reluctance, but no. He replied to me, just a relieved smile.

As he spoke, he handed over a large dictionary, and there were strange threads sewn on it, as if I had been beaten because of this dictionary.

I'll smile back, but I can't really be relieved. I also fantasized that if Zhao Yilun came back, would I be able to continue to believe in the beginning.

Unfortunately not. What accompanied me, or what I consumed, was only five years that were neither long nor short. For five years, there was no him. In the past five years, I have always had the illusion that I will not have him in the future.

Dad stood up, he patted the dust on my body and asked, "Is the blind date arranged?"

"It's arranged, and in three months, the man will come back from the army. He asked for marriage leave, and if it was appropriate, we would register. ”

"Well, that's good, I'll just say that being a soldier can be trusted. Pack up, I'll wait for the agent to come over. ”

I took a deep breath, and there were only three words in my head, Zhao Yilun. I hadn't written his name in a long time, so I picked up the pen and wrote his name on the title page of my notebook.

One stroke at a time, still so skilled. I hope that I will be able to forget all that is left, but unfortunately it will not be satisfactory. If only I had never learned how to write these three words.

You see, I'm questioning whether there is a whole thing in this world, and I'm planning my own life. I can't forget him, but I have to get on with my life. To experience what people who survive in this society should go through.

After staring at his name for a moment, he simply threw away the pen and continued to blow the dust in the air.

What does he look like? I just remember that he was very white, very tall, and the rest...... I've thought about it countless times, but I can't remember.

My dad was outside talking to the agent about the price, and I heard him laughing, laughing very loudly.

If he had just gotten married at the age of twenty-nine and saw what was happening now, would he still choose my mother?

In the midst of the noise, I leaned against the wall and admired the graffiti I had painted on the wall when I was five years old. I remember that little man-like thing was painted in one stroke, and I was proud of it for a while when I was five years old.

The first time Zhao Yilun mentioned Lin Weisheng's name to me, it was also because of the painting. He always said that I hadn't studied much, but I was very good at drawing. I often complained to him that it was because he didn't learn that he kept imitating others and couldn't find his own style.

At that time, I didn't expect that this would be a poke, not only in the painting, but even in his eyes, it seemed like I was trying my best to imitate someone.

I never saw myself in his eyes, at least not when he was with me.