The years wandered Zhang Baotong 2018.9.27

Sometimes, we will walk on a road for many years, not because we are not working hard, but because of many reasons why we wander and stop.

Sometimes, this factor does not come from the ego, but because of certain objective circumstances. For example, when we are about to reach a certain destination, suddenly there is a flash flood, the river overflows, blocking our way, and we cannot find a boat to cross the river for a long time. At this point, we had to wait. Waiting for the flood to pass, waiting for the ferry to navigate.

Those of us born in the fifties and sixties of the last century have encountered so many of these things. When I was in the third grade of elementary school, the Cultural Revolution began, and the school was closed to make a revolution, and it was not until 69 that it calmed down a little. So, in the three years of '66, '67, and '68, we went out fishing, catching frogs, digging edges, and digging wild vegetables all day long, and almost never went to school. Therefore, our students in this level skipped the fourth and fifth grades from the third grade to the first year of junior high school. After two years of junior high school and two years of high school, I began to go to the mountains and the countryside again. I was lucky, I only stayed in the countryside for one year and seven months, but my classmates stayed in the countryside for at least three years, and some of the educated youths from Changsha stayed in the countryside for eight or nine years. Adolescence is a precious time for learning and growing knowledge, but our generation has been left desolate.

Yesterday I saw on the news that a little girl from Henan was admitted to Tsinghua University at the age of 14. However, when we were 14 years old, we had already gone to the countryside. In the years we spent in the countryside, we only learned how to plant and harvest rice, which does not seem to be directly related to our skills and techniques in life.

Later, I was recruited to work at Xi'an Station, and when the national college entrance examination was resumed in 1977, I didn't even have a book with me, so I began to look for bookstores to buy books and review materials all over the street. However, you can't even buy a single book in any bookstore. In the end, I had no choice but to buy a copy of "History of the Inca Empire" and a map of South America. Therefore, the college entrance examination that year was very bad, and I barely answered some of the Chinese papers, and almost none of the mathematics papers. However, these two books became the threads and themes for my later long histories, "The Fall of the Inca Empire" and "The Tragedy of the Incas". In 78, I was barely admitted to a junior college and studied English. However, my English was not very good, almost the worst in the class. I studied and chased hard, getting up at 4 o'clock in the morning and leaving the classroom at 11 o'clock in the evening. The school building was not open, so I stood under the dew lamp to read and memorize texts and words. In winter, the weather in Xi'an is very cold, and you can't stay under the dew lights. I found that the window of the toilet on the first floor of the teaching building was open to people, so I covered the window every day and jumped in through the window the next morning. When I entered the school building, if the classroom was not open, there would be a light in the hallway. So, by the time my classmates came in the morning to read early, I had been reading and memorizing for three hours. English is a very easy language to learn, but in half a semester, my academic performance was already in the top 10 of my class. After graduating, I studied English at Shaanxi Normal University for three more years.

The road of life is often blocked by objective reality, but we must not obey the fate and be at peace with the situation, we must work hard, strive for self-improvement, and chase back the time that has been delayed and delayed. Otherwise, our future will be mistaken again and again, like a slow train that is delayed, and will eventually be left behind all the trains.

However, the main reason for the passage of time often lies in us. We can see that some people have been working all their lives, but they still can't do their jobs well, and they still can't teach well after being teachers all their lives. These people are not in the minority. It's not because these people aren't smart enough, it's because they're content with the status quo and don't want to make progress. When I was working at the station, there was a master who had been working for more than 20 years, but when loading and unloading bags for trains, he made mistakes with tickets and goods at every turn, and cried every time he analyzed the accident, but he couldn't find the reason. When I was in school, an old teacher who graduated from Beijing Normal University taught physics to high school students, and the students in his class were as chaotic as the city. The leader criticized him, but he blamed the students for not listening carefully and not studying hard. Just like if an actor doesn't perform well on stage or has no audience, he has to find out the reason and keep improving. Otherwise, the actor will have to be asked off the stage. Of course, there are some people who are really not suitable for this kind of work, just like Chen Jingrun, who is very good at scientific research, but he is not good at teaching; just like Su Yu, he can only command wars, but he cannot engage in politics. People like this should be transferred to a suitable position. Let him free himself, and let others be free.

In some cases, you work diligently, are decent, and have outstanding achievements, but you are always not making progress, and you don't know why. This is the most confusing and aggrieved. I have worked in educational institutions for many years, and I am among the best in the annual evaluation of the institutions, and I am responsible for news reporting, not only in the West Rail Bureau, but also in the entire education system of the Zheng Tie Bureau. However, the two cadre reshuffles of the organ left me aside. This made me very angry, and later, when I left the educational institution, the secretary asked me why I refused to write about his advanced deeds. That's when I understood why I wasn't promoted. It turned out that the secretary had become an advanced bureau secretary, and he wanted me to publish his advanced deeds in an internal journal at the ministerial or bureau level. Actually, this is very easy for me, and my manuscript is written and published in those journals. However, some people did not say this to me, but told the secretary that I was unwilling to write about his advanced deeds. Therefore, the secretary has always been obsessed with me, and I was left behind after two cadre adjustments.

As the years go by, sometimes someone will pull you and you will easily rise to a high position, and sometimes someone will dig a big hole for you to fall into inexplicably. Therefore, it is a big loss to just bury your head in pulling the car, not knowing that looking up at the road. No matter how good you are at work, it is the leader who promotes you, so having a good relationship with the leader and colleagues can reduce and eliminate the obstacles on your way forward, so that you can go all the way more smoothly.

Looking back on our lives, along the way, like a train stoker who started as an apprentice, slowly rose to the co-driver, driver and veteran driver, during which it was full of doubts and wandering about life and skills, and we are often misunderstood by ourselves, thinking that it is a waste of time. In fact, it's a time when we can fully develop ourselves. During this time, we have been learning about our working environment, being exposed to relevant knowledge and skills, moving from this field of knowledge to that field of knowledge, from one position to another, and through some friction and integration with others and the environment, forming our ideological foundation and moral beliefs. It can be said that the setbacks and opportunities of this period have not been provided at any time since.

The years are not a waste of time, but like crops, they store energy in the winter and break through the ground in the spring. The wandering period is not unambitious, but waiting for the opportunity. It is in the turmoil and unrest of this period that many young people clarify the direction of their lives and make final preparations for the realization of their life goals.