Love and marriage (I wrote "Mother's Lover"), Zhang Baotong, 2016.7.3

Is marriage the grave of love or the continuation of love? Different people will feel differently. Maybe it's the grave of love, maybe it's the continuation of love.

It is said that marriage is the grave of love, because after marriage, love will suddenly change, and the feeling of inseparability will begin to sail into a bland harbor, and some marriages even begin to enter a dead end of love. Otherwise, some newlyweds who have only been married for a few days, weeks or months will have to divorce and break up in a hurry before the word "嚚" in front of the door falls into the dust. It can be seen that the impact of marriage on love is so profound and significant. In fact, love and marriage belong to two different ways of feeling and feeling, and both parties need to understand and adapt in two different ways.

Both partners in love are trying to show their affection to each other, indicating that he or she is the person who loves each other the most in this world. And love itself is a kind of dedication and giving, which makes the other party feel your selflessness and selflessness. Many classic and great love stories tell the story of this spirit of dedication and sacrifice. It makes us feel that love makes life magical and beautiful, and we should not hesitate to give our part for love.

Marriage is a sign of love. So, in order to get love, we have to get married. However, once we get married, love is like an outdated piece of clothing, and it is no longer as gorgeous and beautiful in our eyes. More importantly, we discovered many things about the other party that we didn't know before, such as the selfishness and willfulness of the other person's personality, laziness and casualness, concealed diseases and some disgraceful experiences. These are the fatal wounds of love and marriage.

At the same time, marriage has brought about fundamental changes in the relationship between the two lovers. Before marriage they are lovers, while after marriage they are husband and wife.

The relationship between lovers can be extremely romantic, but the life of a couple is extremely ordinary. Whether it is the European Middle Ages or the thousands of years of traditional Chinese concept, after marriage, the wife becomes the private property of the husband, and the husband has the right to dispose of his wife. You can send her to a seminary, you can put her off. Although this old idea has been spurned by modern civilization, it is still deeply ingrained in the minds of many men (especially among many peasants). Because a man spends a lot of manpower, material and financial resources in the process of marrying a woman, it is easy for him to feel that this woman was bought by him with a lot of money. Therefore, he has full dominion over this woman. She is not allowed to go against her will, and she is not allowed to contact and get close to other men. And women will also feel that men have become domineering and willful, and regret that they have married the wrong person. And some powerful women will also dominate their husbands at will, do not allow their husbands to be with young and beautiful women, ask them to do this and that for her, and even treat them as their own servants.

In fact, marriage is more of a kind of sadness and helplessness of love. Regardless of whether they are people from the countryside or from the cities, how many marriages are harmonious and happy? However, how many sad marriages are dissolved? Marriage requires a certain amount of economic and financial resources, and divorce requires sufficient economic strength and financial foundation. Not to mention the poor rural people, even how many of us in the city can afford to divide the property after divorce? In addition, there are also emotional changes caused by sickness, vanity, and sexual life, which will turn marriage into a cold grave of love. But for us Chinese, as long as the marriage is still there, it shows that love has not changed. Therefore, many of us have to conscientiously continue to take responsibility for the dead marriage even though the flame of love has been extinguished. This cannot but be said to be our sorrow.

Many young people in modern times place more emphasis on love than ever in the luxury of weddings. They did not hesitate to spend a lot of manpower, material resources and financial resources to make wedding photos for the marriage system, and made the wedding and banquet as romantic and luxurious as Hollywood, and recorded the whole process. It seems that this will make their love and marriage stronger. As everyone knows, when the relationship breaks down and love is not there, these memories that cost a lot of money are not as good as a life-saving straw. Marriage is a form of fixed love, and there is no need to make it so grand. The reason why you want to make your wedding grand is because you want to compare yourself with others and make yourself more face-saving, not to make love and marriage solid. No matter how high your expectations are for marriage, life after marriage will teach you to live a smooth and ordinary life. Marriage is really about prudence rather than grandeur.

However, without marriage, love does not last. Because marriage is a form of identity that binds love to the law. Just like a fruit tree, it will blossom and bear fruit at a certain period of time. Love will also blossom and bear fruit at a certain time, which we call marriage and childbearing. Love has the characteristics of liking the new and hating the old and seeing different thoughts, even no matter how intimate the love is, it can't withstand the "seven-year itch". For various reasons, it is impossible for a person to love only one person for the rest of his life. If possible, a man can even fall in love with several women at the same time. If there is no marriage as a constraint, then love cannot be stable and long-lasting. Because human passion and energy are limited, long-lasting love can make us feel tired and bored. If there is no marriage as a guarantee, people's love can easily be transferred.

The novel I wrote, "Mom's Lover", is a story of an extramarital affair and an extramarital affair. The story uses "I" to narrate my mother's love affair with a man in the city. Both people who are in love are pitiful and sympathetic people. One is a rural woman who has been badly hurt by a dead man, and the other is a victim of a sexless marriage. Because they are not married, their love will not only be discussed by the villagers, but even "I", who is a son, will never agree. Therefore, "I" tried my best to discourage and persuade my mother to leave that man. However, my mother resolutely left me for the sake of the man she loved.

My purpose in writing novels is to talk about love, whether it is young or old, whether it is for people in the city or in the countryside, it is a support for the soul and life. For us, love is far more important than life ideals and goals, and it is actually second only to our daily eating, drinking, and sleeping. It is the sustenance of our hearts and the strength of our spirit. Without it, our minds would be a desert and barrenness, without sunshine and rain, and without hope and oasis. It is easy for a person to be sad when he is old, and one of the important reasons is that he can no longer pursue young and beautiful women like young people. Young and beautiful women are a symbol and complex of the meaning of a man's life. We can see that many rich and powerful men are very old and have to marry very young women as wives and concubines, and that is how he thinks of guò to fill the panic in his heart.

Everyone needs love, but because of marriage and some other reasons, it can make it impossible for many people to get love. Some of the middle-aged and elderly rural women I know and know have never really tasted love in their lives. I also expressed the helplessness of this marriage in the novel "Sisters". And "Mother's Lover" is the novel of "Lover" that I have written.

I don't know if a marriage without love is moral, and I don't want to comment on whether love without marriage is immoral. I'm just telling a story I want to tell and let the reader experience and appreciate it for themselves.