Self-feeling Zhang Baotong 2018.8.11

There are many manifestations of self-feeling, such as inferiority, complacency, self-pity, narcissism, self-regret, self-love, self-abandonment, self-boasting, self-shame, pretentiousness, self-inferiority, self-absorption, etc. These words all reflect a person's sense of self. Self-perception is a psychological feeling and reaction to being in a certain objective condition. When we have a successful life, a successful career, a happy mood, and a happy and proud mood, we tend to feel good about ourselves. It feels like our lives are climbing, the future is bright, it seems that everything we want is at our fingertips, and even luck and opportunity are seen as part of our success. However, when we are not satisfied with everything and feel toothache when we drink saliva, we will be sad, depressed, complaining, inferior and self-pitying, feeling that we are inferior to others in everything, often underestimating ourselves, and seeing difficulties and disadvantages as our own incompetence, so that we mistake ourselves for self-knowledge and self-knowledge, and in fact we are often suffocated by the mask of cowardice.

Whether you feel good or bad, there are deviations and errors from the objective reality. The reason for such deviations and errors is that there is no understanding of objective reality or insufficient understanding. For example, at a class reunion, a female classmate heard that I was an amateur master of table tennis, so she said that she would compete with me sometime. I asked her if she played a lot. Because the people I play with have been practicing for a decade or two. But she said she had never played. I was very surprised by what she said. I don't think you've ever played before, I'm afraid you can't even hold a racket, so how can you compete with me? It's just that a lot of people who play pretty well can't even catch my serve and pull. Obviously, she didn't know table tennis at all, at best, she had only watched table tennis matches on TV, thinking that it was not difficult to play table tennis. If she can play regularly, she will know the spin, speed and power of table tennis, and she will know that table tennis is a very difficult sport. When we watch a football game, we often see that some players have broken through the penalty area and can kick the ball away in the face of an empty goal. Seeing this, we might say that this man is so bad that if we were to play it, he would definitely be able to kick the ball into the goal. Of course, this is just a kind of assumption, if we are really asked to play, it will definitely be worse, whether it is a professional player or a professional player, is the level of football not as good as ours?

In terms of self-perception, many people have the Lake Ubigam effect of overestimating themselves. The Lake Ubigon Effect is the host of an American radio show who fictionalizes his hometown of Ubigan, a small town in the central United States, in a weekly episode. The women in this town are very strong, the men are good-looking, and the children's IQs are above average. In his anecdotes, there are many ridiculous stories about the clever and capable people of Ubigon every day. It's actually telling people that the Ubigans have been looking up to themselves. For example, if you ask 100 drivers about their driving skills, at least 90 of them will tell you that their driving skills are higher than average, i.e. above average. If that's the case, what would the other 10 people do to drive? How bad would they be to be on par with the other 90 people?

We say that life is smooth, career is successful, mood is happy, and happiness and pride will make people feel good about themselves. However, there are also many people who have a dull or even inactive life, and they also feel good about themselves. For example, there is a golfer who is the worst player in our game, but he always tells people that he has beaten this person, he has beaten that person, and sometimes, even if you unconsciously let him win a game, he will see people and say that he beat you. People who don't know the truth still think that he is really the highest level person here. So, we often don't understand, how can this person feel so good about himself?

In fact, almost many people have a good self-feeling mentality, otherwise, you listen to those who play chess say that others are stinky chess baskets, and every time the person who plays the ball says that he has won this person and won that person, he has lost to others, and it is all because of some objective reason. There have even been reports that Japanese people have found that the interrelationship between the neurotransmitter dopamine and brain activity networks in the brain is related to this "illusion of superiority". That is, mentally healthy people tend to think that they are better than others around them, and this self-affirmation is known as the "superiority illusion". It's no wonder that there are so many feel-good words in our dictionary, such as self-love, self-control, arrogance, self-satisfaction, self-style, conceit, pride, boasting, complacency, self-esteem, and self-respect, as well as boasting, boasting, pretentiousness, and self-esteem. With the exception of self-love, pride, and self-respect, the other words are almost always demeaning. It can be seen that feeling good about oneself is unpleasant in many situations. Because people like to be flamboyant, self-satisfied and self-esteemed, but they don't like others to be flamboyant, self-satisfied and self-esteemed, and they don't like others to appear smarter and better than themselves.

The opposite is to feel bad about yourself. People who feel bad about themselves often feel inferior and self-remorseful, self-pity, self-pity and self-lamentation, and self-abandonment. I know a female college graduate, simple and quiet, no disasters or diseases, and her figure and appearance are quite good, but she always looks preoccupied and unhappy all day long, and she is silent and slow to respond in language. Later, I learned that her parents' relationship had been bad since she was a child, and she quarreled and fought at every turn. Her father was very strict with her, controlled her very tightly, and often lost his temper with her, either sneering, or beating and scolding. Her mother never had a good face for her. Except for studying, they never cared about her mood and life. Therefore, she has always believed that her current pessimistic and melancholy state of mind is closely related to her past life experiences.

There was also a young man who was a cadre of a state-owned enterprise, and someone introduced him to a nurse from a large hospital. Because their factory was not profitable and just stopped working, they could only get 2,000 yuan a month for living expenses. But when he heard that the nurse could get five or six thousand yuan a month, he immediately felt that his job was not good, and the salary was too low to compare with others. Therefore, he took the initiative to cut off contact with other girls. As everyone knows, the girl likes him a lot, and she doesn't care about his work and salary. But because of his inferiority complex, he mourned and lost the girl.

In life, we get along the most and deal with ourselves the most. But the last thing we know is ourselves. Feeling good about ourselves can sometimes make us laugh or make others feel uncomfortable, while feeling bad about ourselves can make us unhappy and lose opportunities because of low self-esteem. Therefore, if we want to make ourselves feel objective and accurate, we must correctly understand ourselves, feel ourselves, be a calm and objective realist, and know both our strengths and our shortcomings. We look forward to life, but we can't expect too much. Because the ideal is always very full, but the reality is very skinny, we must withstand the challenge and grasp the opportunities in life.

We need to recognize ourselves and appreciate ourselves. Whether we are a towering tree or a small grass, whether we become a mountain or a small stone, it is a kind of nature and has its own value. As long as you appreciate yourself seriously, you will have a true self. Only self-appreciation can lead to confidence, and once you have confidence, you will have the motivation to resist all adversity. Only by recognizing ourselves can we grasp ourselves, so that our lives will be ordinary and full of taste.