The sad first love Zhang Baotong 2016.3.16

First love is a dream, first love is a soul, and first love is the colorful cloud that can never float in my heart.

The first love began in the sophomore year of high school. At that time, I was almost fifteen years old, a handsome teenager, with excellent academic performance, and a cadre in my class. Moreover, I am the school's table tennis champion, and I played second in the county's competition, which is considered a celebrity for the school.

And she was one level below me, fourteen years old, and was the class president. She was the most beautiful girl in the school, very good-looking, and very smart. Her father was the brigade secretary of our Agency, and she happened to be our neighbour.

In fact, all the people who live around our house are cadres at or above the department level. Although our family is a worker, our family lives in the section chief's house. Because the former chairman of the union had moved away, and our family had a large population, the one-and-a-half-room bungalow was no longer enough to live in, so the department gave this two-room house to my family.

At first, maybe we were both too young to have that kind of awareness. But her father always called me to her house to play chess, and her mother liked me very much, and she couldn't stop praising me when she saw me, and even joked about my mother that she wanted to be in-laws. Yet, at some point, I noticed that when she saw me, she began to look a little unnaturally writhing, and her eyes were shining, and her lips were slightly open, and she was full of warmth and excitement. When we were about to break up, she always had to look back at me for a long time with that kind of attachment gaze.

I've never seen such an affectionate expression and a warm gaze. Because I've read some love novels, I can quickly realize that this is an expression of love. So, when I saw her again, I smiled at her very gently, implying that I understood what she meant.

At that time, I was busy playing all day and was hardly at home. Moreover, her father had already implemented the policy and went back to work at the Agency, and I had not been to her house for a long time. So, it's actually hard for us to meet. Sometimes, you can only get a glimpse from a distance in the assembly line when the whole school is doing radio drills. However, as soon as we touch each other, make eye strikes at each other, or say a few inconsequential words, we feel extremely comfortable and happy.

Somehow, however, my friend found out about it. He just made fun of her and made fun of me. I wondered how he knew that even I wasn't quite sure about it. Later, I found out that the girl my friend loved happened to be her close friend. It was her close friend who told my friend the secret. At that time, people's thinking was still very conservative, and the relationship between men and women was to be kept absolutely secret. However, she told others about it. It would be nice if this spread and let my classmates and teachers know about it, and they would say that I fell in love at a young age. So, I was very angry, and when I saw her again, I raised my head as if I didn't know her.

After that, for many days, she kept her head down when she saw me, as if there were tears in her eyes, and she did not dare to look up at me. This made me feel a little upset. Because I know that many girls in the school are like this, they want to tell their close friends the secrets of their hearts, and they want others to share the happiness in their hearts. Later, my friend reprimanded me, saying that people were so infatuated with me, but I ignored them. Let the family cry and swell their eyes. Hearing this, my heart hurts. Although I don't appreciate her approach, I can't see her sad and sad look. So, I took the initiative to talk to her and reconcile.

The sophomore year of high school passed quickly. But I'm obsessed with playing all day, so we don't usually see each other, and I've never even had the opportunity to actually sit together and say a few serious words. As soon as the sophomore year of high school ended, I graduated from high school. Immediately after that, I was going to go to the countryside.

I went to the countryside and didn't let me go home for two or three months, so then I realized how much I missed her. However, when I took leave and returned home to talk to her, she moved far away with her father. According to my friend, when I left home in the countryside, she cried for a long time, and her eyes were swollen from crying. Hearing this, I was sad for a long time.

After that, we never got to see each other again. It was about 40 years old when my mother told me that she was sick and dying, that she had cancer. Hearing the news, I barely slept well all night, and tears soaked my pillow towel over and over again. I regret very much that I didn't see her again while she was alive.

Some people say that first love is the first blooming flower in life, as beautiful as the rising sun. Some people say that first love is a kind of hazy shy, mysterious and excited feeling, only once, only once. But I still think that when I was in school, I put almost all my mind into playing ball, and I actually put very little into the relationship between men and women. Moreover, she left quickly, so the love affair with her can only be regarded as the germ and prelude to my first love, while my unforgettable first love happened in the countryside, and in my mind, it is more like the drama of my first love.

I met her when she got off the commune tea house, and she was the announcer at the brigade headquarters. When I saw her, I was stunned, I had never seen such a pure and beautiful girl, and the song was very good. It was love at first sight, and it didn't take long for us to feel inseparable.

The production team and the brigade headquarters under me are only separated by a slope of several tens of meters. The production team had no electricity, and it was boring for me to stay in the team alone, so every day after dinner, I would come to her house to chat with her or listen to songs.

The work in the fields in the south is very tiring, and during the busy season, I have to get up at 5 o'clock in the morning and go to the field, and I don't finish until it gets dark at night. Therefore, the most desired thing of the day is to get off work quickly, eat quickly, and go to see her quickly. Because meeting her was the happiest thing I had in the day.

In order to see her as soon as possible, I always asked the captain to give me a piece of land, and I would leave work when I was done. Therefore, the captain gave me seven or eight points of land every day. I worked hard as fast as I could, and by about four o'clock in the afternoon, I had finished planting. I went back to the house, ate a casual meal, and went to the brigade headquarters. Then we looked at each other and began to talk about all sorts of interesting things, until nine o'clock when the headquarters was about to close, and I did not leave.

Although we love each other affectionately, we only know it by heart. Because I am an educated youth and she is a farmer, her future is uncertain, and she cannot take risks abruptly and cause psychological trauma to the other party.

However, not long after we got along, the brigade headquarters sent me to work as a migrant worker for a survey team from Wuhan, that is, to put a ruler on the surveyors. It's a lot lighter than the work in the team, and you don't have to cook your own meals. The only bad thing is that this place is far away from the brigade headquarters, nearly ten miles, and it is difficult to see her. However, when people are busy, their brains are idle, so I always think about her, and sometimes I miss her so much that I feel that I am about to wither and wither. So, I went to see her every few days.

From the mountains to the brigade headquarters, there are all deep mountain paths and patches of forests, and there is no one on the whole road, not to mention at night, even during the day. Therefore, by the time I walked from the survey camp to the brigade headquarters, it was already dark, and when I met her and said a few words, I had to rush back. Because there is moonlight at night, it is not dark, but there are often yellow wolves or foxes on the path, especially pheasants in the forest, and the sound of sudden alarm can sometimes frighten people's hearts.

Sometimes, she was afraid that I would be afraid to walk at night, so she took the initiative to come and see me. She knew that we would be at camp at lunchtime, so she walked past our barracks as if something was wrong. In order not to let others gossip, we all pretended not to know each other and stood on the side of the road and looked at each other for a long time.

The time when the two are in love with each other always passes quickly, and the months pass quickly. Several times people from the tea field asked me to go back to the tea field, but I resolutely refused to go back, because I was afraid that it would be difficult to see her again once I returned to the tea field. We truly love each other and are inseparable, but this often makes me feel very conflicted and distressed. Because the educated youth are looking forward to leaving the countryside, if I really have to leave here one day, how sad it will be for her. However, I feel that I am the sunflower, she is the sun, and once I leave her, I will wither. Moreover, she can't do without me, she can't see me for a few days, and she can't sleep well at night. Therefore, we can only resign ourselves to fate, go with the flow, and not think about the troubles that lie ahead.

After the survey team left, I also returned to the team, so we could see each other every night again. However, at this time, the county was going to hold a table tennis match for middle school students, and the commune middle school asked me to take the students to practice. By the time I finished the game with the team, it was past the autumn harvest. Seeing that winter is coming, there is not much work in the fields. However, the team sent me to the mountains seventy or eighty miles away to build a reservoir.

It was the hardest time of my life, because the work was digging and picking up dirt from the dam, and people were almost like machines, but my mind was full of her figure. Sometimes, when she was resting, she sat on the top of a high mountain and looked affectionately at the place where the sun was about to set, and unconsciously wrote her name all over the ground. At that time, I had only one thought in my mind, and that was when I would be able to see my beloved.

Originally, the construction of the reservoir would not be completed until the end of the month, but at the end of December of that year, I was suddenly taken away directly from the reservoir by the recruiters, because the recruiters' itinerary was very urgent, and I was not allowed to return to the brigade headquarters to say goodbye to her, so I left my hometown and went to Xi'an. Because my brother has already done all the formalities for me.

A few years later, I went back there to see her two or three times, but her appearance changed a lot, and she looked very old. She told me that her life was not good at all. I think she's really pitiful, but because she's married and has children, it's hard to ask too much. I didn't go to see her again for more than twenty years.

This year, I went back to the countryside and wanted to see her again. However, as soon as I arrived at the team, someone told me that she died more than ten years ago due to illness and no money for medical treatment. Listening to this news, I felt like five thunderbolts, and I felt that the blue sky in the depths of my soul had collapsed, and I would never see the girl I loved so much again. Immediately, I burst into tears, thinking to myself that if I had known that she had no money for treatment, I would have found some way to help her with the money, so that she would not have died so early.

I often look back on the past and cry when I am alone and unmanned. In my youthful love, there were two beautiful and lovely girls who nourished and watered me with their love and love, making me feel the purity of the world and understand the beauty of life. It's a pity that they have a miserable fate. Therefore, when I think of this, I feel sad and sad, and my tears will flow uncontrollably. Because without them, I would feel more lonely and helpless in this world. Although they are not my relatives, in my heart, they are my dearest relatives, the most tender feelings in my heart, and the most beautiful scenery in my heart.

This emotion has always been cherished in my heart and has affected my emotions as well. Looking back on the past, when I was in love, I always took the other party's appearance as the first requirement, and someone introduced me to the daughter of the county magistrate, the bureau chief and the division chief, but I rejected it just because of her average appearance. Because I regard marriage as my first love, I think that as long as the beautiful people who love each other are together, they can live a good life. Thus ignoring the role of other aspects in marriage. However, I don't regret it, because that simplicity and beauty still make me yearn for it.