Change your way of thinking, translated by Zhang Bao 2019.4.22

1. Give up happiness. Sometimes the more you want something, the harder it gets. The more obsessed you are with wanting to be happy, the more likely you are to focus your attention on your unhappiness. By putting pressure on yourself to be happy, you are more likely to achieve the opposite result.

Instead of forcing yourself to be happy, admit that this is your goal and then do something that will help you achieve that goal, for example, be vigilant, be kind to yourself, and exercise regularly. It may help you create a plan of action that tells you how you want to be happier in life. Once you've written down your plan, it's easier for you to focus on the steps you need to take to achieve happiness rather than going for abstract happiness itself.

2. Be responsible for yourself. Instead of complaining about something, think about what you can do to fix it. You are the only one who can make yourself happy.

Even if someone does something that hurts you, there is no benefit in dwelling on the pain. You can't control their behavior, you can't force them to do better things for you, you can only control your own behavior and emotions.

This may sound harsh, but it's actually very positive. This means that you are in control of your own well-being. Don't let others think they're in control. Don't give them that power!

3. Be positive and optimistic. Don't dwell on the bad things in life. Try to see the good in everything – even the things you don't like. For example, you have to go to a class that you hate, but at least you'll see your best friend there.

The positive part is believing in yourself. Combat negative self-talk with positive affirmations. Example sentence: Instead of saying, "I feel stupid because I failed the exam," say, "I need to study harder next time," or "I'm disappointed that I didn't pass the exam; what can I do to make sure I pass the exam next time?"

If you can't find good in something, don't indulge in negativity. You will also benefit from avoiding the company of people who satisfy your negative emotions.

4. Be your own best friend. The positive part is treating yourself like your best friend. Sometimes it's easy to talk to yourself, for example, about being stupid or ugly. Chances are, you wouldn't talk to your best friend like that. Give yourself the same respect and kindness that you deserve it.

5. Gratitude. Research shows that gratitude, even for the little things in life, can have a positive impact on your well-being. It is helpful to keep a journal and make a list of 3 good things that happen every day, no matter how small they are. It started to rain when I was running, and the cool rain on my skin felt so good.

Instead of dwelling on what you can't do, make a list of what you can do: Can you walk, Talk, Breathe on your own, Do you see, Have you eaten today, Do you have clean water, Do you have a place to live, Can you read a good book, Can you enjoy the beautiful blue sky?

6. Live in the moment. This is also known as "mindfulness" or cultivating "mindfulness." Countless research and spiritual masters claim that the better we live now, the happier we will be.

The first step to living in the present moment is to develop a non-judgmental awareness of yourself and the world around you: try to observe your thoughts without judgment. Don't dwell on these ideas or rush them away;

When you go to the store to buy groceries, don't focus on buying things. Pay attention to the feeling of the ground beneath your feet, the feeling of the air on your skin, the feeling of breathing and walking, and the moment you are in right now.

7. Be compassionate to others. To be empathetic is to care for others, and to be empathetic is to put yourself in their shoes. Research links depression and anxiety to self-focus, and compassion broadens your horizons and helps you feel more connected to others.

You can build compassion for others through "Loving Meditation": sit comfortably, inhale and exhale from your heart, and think or say these words over and over again: "Can I get rid of internal and external injuries and dangers? Can I be safe and protected? Can I get rid of mental pain? Can I be happy? Can I get rid of physical pain? Can I be healthy and strong? Can I live happily, peacefully, happily, and comfortably in this world?"

Next, still sit comfortably, breathe from your chest, unconditionally transfer your thoughts to your loved ones, and send them equally good thoughts.

After that, go ahead and find someone more neutral and recite the words of "fraternity" again, replacing "I" with their name.

Finally, find someone you have a hard time with or don't like, and repeat the words "loving kindness" again. If you have difficulty doing this, write at the beginning of each sentence "Do the best I can, I hope you are ......"

8. Be curious. Curiosity means keeping an open mind and being willing to explore new ideas, among other things. Make curiosity a part of you, and you'll find that there are many things in life that offer ways to nurture curiosity:

Explore your own thoughts and emotions. When you have an idea, don't just accept it as truth, be curious and ask yourself why you have the idea. You can also do this when someone else expresses an idea that you are not familiar with or that you may not agree with.

When you hear something you don't know, look it up online or ask someone to explain it to you.

Don't always eat the same food at your favorite restaurant, try something new and better, try a new restaurant! You might even consider seeing how your favorite dish is made and then making it yourself at home.

9. Think about spirituality. Many people claim that spirituality helps them enjoy life. You don't have to be religious to be spiritual, spirituality can also be achieved through mindfulness and meditation techniques, or by practicing yoga.