Qin Shi came to the Head and Neck Department of Binjiang Cancer Hospital on the eve of the Spring Festival last year for radical resection + repair surgery for left tongue cancer, and then recuperated in his hometown for two months before returning for radiotherapy and chemotherapy treatment. Now the treatment has just begun, and there are no particularly big side effects, such as mouth ulcers, etc., so I can still walk, talk, and eat soft things, "I am a bird that longs to fly, you two can't restrict my freedom to fly", he often said to the two young people who control themselves more strictly, they are his "adopted son" Bai Keran, and "adopted daughter" Qin Beibei. Last year, when he had surgery during the Spring Festival, it was these two "adopted sons" and "adopted daughters" who accompanied him throughout the whole process, and often he would look at the two children in front of him with appreciation, he was nearly fifty years old, and he was still alone, and he has always regarded his two "adopted sons" and "adopted daughters" as his own, and devoted his life to his efforts. Now that they are all adults, Beibei has a successful career, and Keran is also familiar with his work and has excellent ability, he is very relieved.

The only thing he can't let go of in his heart is the debt to a person, he wants to take advantage of the fact that the difficult stage of his treatment has not yet arrived, and he can still move around, he wants to meet this person who he swore to see again, but he has always been lovesick.

He remembered that Master Huilai once said to himself, "No one appears in your life for no reason, and everyone has a fate and is worthy of gratitude." After so many years, you can't forgive, you can't let go, there is only one reason, you still love her, other than this, there are no other factors, and the other so-called reasons are self-deception."

Today is Sunday and there are no treatment arrangements at the hospital. He was about to go out, so he deliberately put on a scarf around himself, put on a mask, and added a pair of sunglasses, so that people would not recognize himself, in fact, he had left the city of Binjiang for almost 30 years, and he had changed from a young man to a person of nearly 50 years. That's a lot to do. But he did it anyway.

After breakfast, he set off, and according to the route provided by Keran, he only walked for less than ten minutes to reach the Tianxin community. Outside the door of Room 102 of Building 2 in the community, he looked at her from a distance, and he guessed that she should go out to buy groceries so that he could take a look at her from afar or close.

In the middle of February, the weather on the riverside was not warm, and the slightest hint of north wind stopped and stopped, but fortunately, Qin Shi was dressed thick and didn't feel too cold. Maybe there was another fire burning in his heart? A fire of longing and guilt that he had been looking forward to for 28 years had been burning in his life and had never been extinguished.

From a distance, he saw Lan Xin, who was wearing a long cotton jacket, holding a bamboo basket in one hand and a scarf around his neck with the other, hurriedly going out.

He took a few steps to keep up with Blue Heart's steps.

At this moment, Lan Xin in front of her is a boring aunt, skillfully bargaining with the vendors, and not hesitating to waste her lips and saliva for a few cents.

For a moment, she was so close that she almost met Lan Xin, and her deep pool-like eyes stared at her for a long, long time, and then walked to another stall in disappointment.

Qin Shi followed Lan Xin from one stall to another like this, but he was fighting fiercely in his heart.

He thought, how difficult her life is, what kind of responsibility should she bear for all this? If she hadn't left at the beginning, she might not have married Luo Yuejin, and if she hadn't married Luo Yuejin, whether she was married to herself or anyone else, her life would have shown infinite possibilities. At least it would be much better than the near-dark days of the present day. But there are no ifs in our years, only reality. If the years could really go back, how many souls of regret and resentment would there be in the world?

He deeply blamed and remorseful himself for his original mistakes.

He walked all the way, but in his heart he was thinking about the scene just now. He only has Lan Xin in his heart, not himself, he thinks, he still loves Lan Xin, you see how much she needs my love. A woman who is almost fifty years old, at the cost of her most beautiful years, reaps the taste of loneliness and bleakness all year round. In the world of indifferent interpersonal relationships and disturbances, with a weak body and the hardships of survival, fighting so bruised, even if he walked into the house exhausted, there was no man who knew him to help him, and sent a plain but intimate comfort, how to resolve the blocks in his heart, and over time, he was tired, indifferent, sad, and painful...... , will turn into the wind and frost of winter, gradually eroding her beauty, health, and even the fantasy and passion of pursuing happiness. When she was gray-haired, she looked back on her past years, and she could say to herself, is my life happy?

So let me fix that mistake. He said firmly to himself.

He remembered a poem written by Cangyang Gyatso: "For many years, you have been living in seclusion in my wounds, I have let go of heaven and earth, but I have never let go of you, and the mountains and rivers of my life are for you to say goodbye one by one." In addition to life and death, nothing in the world is idle. ”

He thought: I really never let go of you, you have been living in seclusion in my wounds like a bird. It's just that now, I may no longer be able to fulfill my wish, you see, the Grim Reaper's degree has been passed on the road, and the most important thing I need to face at the moment is how to solve this death problem.