"Children's memories are always short-lived, those children who bully us may also feel that bullying us is not much fun, and begin to gradually forget the joy of bullying us, but how can I forget, how can I forget the bullying of those people, they are trampling on our personality and dignity, time flies quickly, two years have passed, on my fifteenth birthday, I feel that God has given me the best gift, there is a volunteer in the courtyard, an eighteen-year-old big brother, when he takes that group of children to play basketball, when he gives us dinner, Let the little girls in the courtyard who are just starting to fall in love or the old girls who have not yet been adopted are obsessed with this big brother, of course, our 'special' beings are not qualified to have such an obsession, because we know ourselves' It's not clean', but this big brother took extra care of us, and we didn't know why, maybe he knew about us from the hospital, and we never knew what it was like to be courted by others, because no one in the hospital gave us a good face except for the aunt who picked me up and was kind to us. Maybe it was also adolescence at that time, or maybe it was a long-term insecurity, and his care for us made us even more obsessed with him, but the inferiority complex in our hearts did not allow us to accept it. Later, he said that the school was out and he could stay in the courtyard for a long time, and then he often came to our dormitory, which was 'specially cared for', and brought us a lot of food, and his face was always full of that sunny smile. ”

When I watched her talk about this big brother, that kind of smile may not be half a point weaker than Yang Guifei, who looked back and smiled.

"Then one time he was playing with his mobile phone, I saw, a long time of self-isolation so that our vision and the world are limited to that small orphanage, he taught me how to surf the Internet, if contact with the outside world, and then one day he asked me if I had seen the computer, I said yes, I saw it in the office, but I didn't touch it, and then that night, my aunt went to sleep after telling us, he came to the door of our dormitory wearing a very long and wide windbreaker, and learned to meow three times, this is our agreement, just the two of us, at that time I didn't know why he only agreed with me, I always thought I was lucky。 Later, he wrapped me in a trench coat and walked out of the courtyard gate, and took me into the Internet café, to be honest, it was very exciting, and I still wanted to experience it again, probably not that kind of excitement and freshness, and then the next day he took me to play all day, amusement parks, video game cities, movie theaters and other places, I was exposed to a new world, it was a world that made me happy and made me forget that unpleasant things had happened, of course, we stayed in a hotel that day. Later, when he went back to school, he occasionally came back to see me and bring me snacks or something, and I thought it was love. Later, I couldn't stand the feeling of not being able to see him, and when he came to see me, he told me that he might be going to college in another place after the college entrance examination, and I also told him, can you take me with you, I can support myself, I just want to be with him, we were all silent that day, he left the orphanage, I also went back to the dormitory, left a letter, packed my luggage and ran out, when I asked a passerby to call him, he asked me to go to him, I found him, he talked and laughed in a café with a person I would never have imagined, that ugly face, the source of all evil。 He saw me coming, motioned for me to come over, and asked me if I knew who he was, how I would know, until he said it was his father, and then they laughed, and then I found out that he had embezzled money from other people's orphanages, and in the county, especially in a remote county, there is nothing that cannot be settled with money, and if there is, it is not enough. How piercing their laughter was, everything was a scam, in order to get revenge on the bedbugs, scum who put him in prison and gave him one less way to make money. ”

"Your wine is terrible. I said as I looked at the roof of the building opposite.

"yes, are you starting to dislike me, too? She turned her head, her breath brushing over my face. "Do you think I'm stupid, punish myself with other people's mistakes, and practice myself? And I'm not dirty. ”

"What do you think I can say, if you don't think I'm hypocritical, if you say yes I won't hurt a girl, especially if she's so beautiful. I took a big sip of wine and replied as I lay down.

"Later, I was lucky enough to have an adopted child working in the library, and I met her when I was passing by, and she was one of the few children who didn't dislike us at that time, and then she learned about it and introduced me to the library, and it was there that I got a little bit of peace and saw the bigger world, so I have the me you see now, and the me you meet. You don't know my name yet, Zhou Ting, welcome to advise. She smiled sweetly and looked ahead, yes, it was the roof of the opposite building that I looked at before, maybe she was looking at the sky in the distance. I was also obsessed with the side face of her staring ahead.

We were both a little drunk, and she climbed on top of me, breathing, "Do you hate me?" I pushed her away: "You're drunk." She didn't speak, I helped her to the bed, and she slept very sweetly, she didn't cry, including when she said those things, maybe the time when she cried was over. Later, I thought that maybe it would be better for me to sleep on the couch, and although she might not object to me lying down next to her, I would always think that boys or men are like this.

30 April 2017

"Accompany me to a place today. ”

"Good. ”

We took a two-hour bus ride to my real hometown, a county seat in Guilin. Later, we went back to Guilin on the same day.

1 May 2017

I woke up to find that she was long gone from my pillow. For a month, she had already let me sleep with her. I walked out of the small room to the rooftop table, and all that was left was breakfast and the letterhead under the plate:

"Anonymous:

Hey, is there a surprise, yes, I'm going to go forward again, it's ridiculous, it's been a month, I don't know who the name of the person next to the pillow is, for a month, you haven't touched me, I should doubt your sexual orientation. Haha, I'm glad to get to know you, but I'm not going to stop because of anyone, even you. I've never told anyone else these things for so many years, you're the only one who knows, and of course, I don't ask you to keep it a secret, but I want me to be a lesson for others. Don't look for me, don't contact me, we're only suitable to be passers-by. By the way, the name Zhou Ting is true. Thank you for being a passerby and making me a memory. I don't need comfort, actually, I also want to hear your story, because I feel like you and me, that kind of calm eyes, I don't know what words to use to describe us who have known each other for a short time, in one sentence: your kindness may inadvertently save the world. You saved my world, in fact, I have always been mindful of this, because my aunt's blame at that time has always made me feel guilty that I did not stop the little friend who decided to leave at that time, and you have only told me for so many years that I have not done anything wrong. Kind people, I wish you to be treated gently by this world as well.

Scholar: Zhou Ting

1 May 2017"

I went back to Beijing, to the little bars and teahouses, as if nothing had happened, maybe I really thought she said, I was the kind of cold-blooded animal who was unfazed and emotionless. When I met Lin, he was just a bar apprentice, and the first glass he mixed for me was when he first picked up the wine scale. He ruined my mood for the whole night.

It was a hot day, so hot that I felt warm in the bar with the 17-degree air conditioner on, and I was still so hot that I was sweating, and he said it was my heart that was too hot. He didn't sweat, so I asked him how quiet he could be, and he didn't answer me directly, he used a plastic bag with a little ice cubes, smashed the ice cubes with a grinding rod, and after a while served me a mojito full of crushed ice. I was stunned and pointed to the ice crusher next to him, he looked at the ice crusher, and then stared at the mojito in my hand for a long time.

I sniffed the glass in front of me that tasted like vodka in water, I looked at him for a long time, he was packing up his utensils, Havana stood quietly aside, the Smirno in his hand made me stunned for a moment, I sniffed the wine in the glass again, I was sure he added it wrong, and his hand was shaking.

The band on stage was playing and singing Mr. Turtle's "Boy Don't Cry", and I almost cried when I drank the "Mojito" in my hand.

That night Lin told me that it was his twenty-sixth birthday, and that he didn't look old at all. He said he was married, and he said he loved to buy lottery tickets. During the chat, it occurred to me that he was talking about being married, not married. The mojito in my hand is gone, he said, he will be in it one day, it's like investing, those big companies raise tens of millions of dollars at a time, and he just spent a few years investing in lottery companies, and now there are no dividends. His lover, no, it should be his ex-wife, did not wait for the day when his investment would pay off.

That night I originally wanted to wait for someone at the bar, to wait for someone I would never be able to wait for, but I couldn't wait for a drink all night, which was very appropriate, and my heart was like ginseng vodka, so that a glass of ginseng vodka with full ice was upgraded. That night, I waited for Lin to get off work, and he and I sat at the bar with big eyes, and I said I wanted a cocktail, and he said we'd just drink beer, and he invited me to drink Heineken. Theoretically, I'm a guest, but he's the one who pays at this moment. I thought about it, and tonight, drinking beer seemed to be the best option, after all, I don't know if he would add Black Rum to The Godfather.

After two years, he became the bar supervisor, this time with me, as an apprentice, and he also drank the first glass of wine I blended, again without rum, with a vodka "mojito", and I added a lot of mint leaves to him, how many? When he drank it, his brows furrowed, and he looked at me sluggishly, and I looked at him sluggishly, and he looked at the Soviet red in my hand, and I looked down and looked at him again, and the two of them returned to their dull gaze, and then he looked at the mint leaves in the shaker pot that I had crushed, the amount of three cups, and he fell into deep thought.