1 April 2017

"It's raining so hard outside. "After dinner, I went to the teahouse, and the landlord was reading the newspaper. I took off my raincoat, took a towel from the waiter, and took off my coat for her.

"There's someone waiting for you for a long time. The landlord didn't look up, but pointed to the small room with a small teapot.

I like to be alone in it when I'm fine, and I see it as my world.

"Tea or wine, welcome to my world. I pushed open the door and saw a petite figure, she heard my voice, her body was stunned, and she slowly raised her head to look at me: "I want to drink." I made a gesture of invitation and started mixing. Her voice was low, and there was still undried rain at the ends of her hair, and I handed her a tissue, a pink jacket, which was not pulled to the top, and I could see the white T-shirt and blue jeans inside.

"You look smaller than I am. She looked at me questioningly.

"It doesn't look like I'm still small. ”

I like to look at people, I don't like first impressions, or I like to let me decide the first impression of a person, casual, playful, big but not rude, of course, I only like to think in my heart, I don't like to say it. I don't think we should subjectively evaluate some people and things, existence is reasonable, as long as it exists, we should accept it, everything has two sides, but the good side is not shown to me, that's all, so I can't rely on my subjectivity to decide whether a person or thing is good or bad. Of course, not subjectively evaluating does not mean that I do not have subjective thoughts in my heart.

"I'm a traveling scholar, to put it simply, I'm constantly wandering around every populated place, living in the world but not willing to be lonely. She didn't wait for me to ask, but spoke to herself. "I'm alone, this should be what you want to ask, I learned from the orphanage, I was picked up, the orphanage I live in is in the small county town, at that time the patriarchal thinking was extremely serious, so I guess I was a girl, so I was left behind. ”

"Your ......" I just wanted to hand her the wine.

"Just give it to me, don't talk, listen to me. She couldn't wait to interrupt me, to be honest, I wasn't dissatisfied, but I thought it was funny, maybe she was more pleasing to the eye and I really couldn't be dissatisfied. "I'm 24 years old, it's been eight years since I came out, sixteen years old, I sneaked out and left only a letter for them, your next question should be how do I live, please, I'm also a big living person with hands, feet and limbs, okay, there is no endless road. She finished this paragraph and took a sip of wine.

"I ......" I just wanted to take advantage of her free time to brush up on my presence.

"Shhh I smiled helplessly, but I felt that the girl in front of me, who was six years younger than me, was getting more and more interesting, "Your name is ...... Your name is ...... Hey, it doesn't matter what your name is, come on, let me guess, you're 25 years old, right, oops, who cares how old you are, listen to me. As for me, I'm a story collector, I know you've collected a lot of stories, come, my sister needs you. ”

"A story for a glass of wine. I looked at her playfully.

"Who prescribes. She replied nonchalantly to the look I looked at her.

"Me. I replied to her with that teasing expression.

"The person who invited me to drink had to tell me a story. She replied arrogantly.

"You rule?" I asked knowingly.

"I'm not happy, if you don't tell me a story, don't keep me, the rivers and lakes are far away, goodbye when you are fated, don't send it, I will walk slowly. She gave me a roll of the eye, and then just as she was about to leave the room, she gave me another wink.

On the third day after she left, she sent me a postcard that she had arrived in Guilin, and she said that if I could find her, or follow in her footsteps, I would tell me all her stories. I began to get tired of why life is always full of chasing, even the most ordinary life, I started chasing other people's children since I was a child, and finally came out of the shadow of other people's children and had to chase other people's boyfriends, then colleagues, friends, and then other people's parents, because I didn't understand so tired, Du Kang chased Tian Hui too, and I didn't know what to follow, yes, I also set off for Guilin, or back to Guilin. I don't know why I went, maybe the ghost was confused, or I just found a reason to relax, if Tian Hui and Du Kang left me without a little sadness is impossible, maybe I have been used to it since I was a child, and when I encountered something that could not be solved, I shifted my attention to escape, and handed everything over to time.

8 April 2017

Actually, I don't have to let her pick it up, after all, I'm going home.

That night, we met at a bar, however, we sat all night and only discussed one thing, who paid and who invited whom. It's not that I'm stingy, it's that I've always been in a state of being led by her, I have to fight back, I have to take the initiative, and she just wants to continue teasing me. Everyone has their own wishful thinking, and in the end I relented, not because of anything else, but because I don't like the singer who sings, there is a feeling of moaning without disease, the original lyrics are sung in one breath, he is stubbornly divided into three or four paragraphs, each paragraph has a feeling of not being able to breathe, I am really afraid that he will not sing himself.

Coming out of the bar, we went to the convenience store and bought a lot of alcohol. I went to her rental house, where she only rented a roof, built a small iron shed, and built a rooftop. We were watching the sky outside the iron shed and drinking, and we didn't dare to speak easily, for fear that what we said would be caught by the other party. Then the two men looked at the night sky, which had been polluted to orange by light. Yes, I broke the silence, I turned my head to look at her, raised the bottle, she also turned her head to look at me and smiled, the bottle in her hand touched me, and then she looked up and drank to herself, she drank with her eyes closed, took a big sip, I snatched her bottle, didn't give her any more water, and then finished her bottle, in her shocked eyes, then turned her head to look at her casually, and slowly said to her: "Come, I'll drink with you." Her eyes began to glow, and I knew that of course she wasn't crying, maybe it was just my act of "accidental" touching her.

She sneered, shook her head helplessly and opened another bottle, but her expression was not the same as before. I knew she would have spoken before I did. She suddenly leaned on my shoulder, and I didn't shy away from it or object. As if she had just met, she said to herself:

"I am a person with bad luck, I was born to decide what is right and what is wrong, everything that happens to me is wrong, from the moment I was born, it was decided. When I was 12 years old, the dean at the time took me to the office and raped me, I didn't know it at the time, and don't be curious, but this kind of thing is very common in many places, especially in remote counties or towns. At that time, he covered my mouth, I wanted to shout out, I wanted to tell him that I was in pain, but I knew that even if I told him, he would not pay attention, and then I became very silent, and the aunt who picked me up noticed it, and asked me several times I remained silent, I knew that it was a very shameful thing, I didn't dare to say it, and I didn't know how to say it, I was afraid that my aunt would be angry, I was afraid that my aunt would blame me for doing something wrong, I was afraid that other friends would know, don't tell me what I should do, I was only twelve years old at the time, how did I know what was right and what was wrong, there would always be people who called themselves elders to tell us that what the elders said was rightThe elders told us to do the right thing. Later, this lewd thief treated another girl in the courtyard in the same way, and this girl was an unreasonable lord, she kept crying when she was hurt, and the more she cried, the louder she became, and no one could listen to it, and then the aunt patiently calmed her down, and the surrounding area was already full of people, and the dean was obviously a little flustered, but he still pretended to be calm and stood next to him, I looked at this fifty-year-old lewd thief and made me sick, and the way I looked at him would not change in my life. "Actually, I can tell it, because of the look in her eyes when she said these words to me, I can promise that she will not have to be less angry and resentful at that time. "Then the little girl said something that relieved me: 'The dean beat me with the golden rod under him, and it hurt me so much,' and I will not forget the phrase that disgusting lewd thief deceived other girls in the same way, and when she pointed at the lewd thief and said this, I sneered and wanted to see how he ended. ”

"Interrupt, don't open your mouth and shut your mouth to be a thief, it's not good, it's not good. ”

Indeed, how can calling him a thief to describe his disgusting. Later, when the police came to the hospital to investigate, they didn't let us know the results of their investigation, but the people they investigated let the whole orphanage know, knowing that we were not clean, but how did the children know that we were clean and unclean, they felt that we were doing something wrong, we should be isolated, and there began to be bullying, a little older children brought a group of children to insult us, they knew a little bit about that aspect of the matter, the words are disgusting, you will never believe that it was a fourteen or fifteen-year-old child, and then when they grew up, I think they were unintentional, but those words that hit the heart have been in the heart can not be erasedYou should be able to understand the shadow that those things have caused on the psychology of an orphan who is only twelve years old. Do you think that's the end of it? No, in the days that followed, some of the older children began to be more bold, because these children who were bullied did not dare to tell their aunts, they threatened us, and then they began to do something, but in the end they did not have the courage to go further, but dared to take advantage of us carefully in their limbs, until later we became more and more emotionally unstable, and a girl committed suicide. Because the dean has been managed by the vice president after being taken away, and the vice president has turned a blind eye to these things, it is because of this person's inaction, one of us is unbearable, and finally chose the most extreme escape, I stood in front of the window of the dormitory, looking at the bubbling and bleeding body downstairs, the aunt who heard the noise also ran out, and called the other aunts in the courtyard in horror, and then we received a punishment, because we knew that she was going to do this but did not tell the adults and did not stop it, in fact, I felt that if I stopped, I was a sinner, I knew how painful it was, so I respected her choice, life is better than death, it is not as good as a dignified departure. ”