The water surface of Dianchi Lake is rippling, refracting the sunlight of this afternoon, and I gaze at the blue as if I am lost in it, living for twenty years, but I have never lived to understand what I want. How many people have hurt us in the years of growing up? Can you remember them all? Do you really want to pay back if you really hurt us?

Indeed, I did it! Gao Xu pushed me and Yuxin to the opposite side for the sake of profit, and he helped Lu Quanming to trap me and Yuxin for the sake of money and power, because of this, I wanted to harm him to the way he is now, and I did it! I succeeded! But am I really happy? On the contrary, the torment in my heart is even more unbearable. At this moment, how I hope that Gao Xu, who wakes up, hates me, scolds me, and even beats me. I really don't want to put myself through so much pain in my heart.

The breeze blew and dried the tears on his face, but he couldn't dry the self-blame in his heart.

A wet tissue was handed to me, I looked up and saw Jing Yao, I don't know when she came here, she whispered to me, "Wipe it, I see you have been here for a long time." ”

I took the wet tissue and wiped my face, "Why are you here?"

Jing Yao sat beside me on her knees, looked in the direction of Dianchi and said, "Aren't you also here? Why are you here?"

"I just went to the hospital, and I saw Gao Xu. ”

"Hmm!" Jing Yao said to me: "I have been going to the hospital every day to see Gao Xu in the past few days, and when I first went to the hospital, Gao Xu's mother said that you had been here, and she cried very sadly, and left without saying a word." I wanted to come to you with my instincts to see if you were here, but I didn't expect that I was in the right place, is that a good idea?"

"I don't know. "At this moment, I wanted to smoke, and I instinctively touched my pocket, but I found that I had begun to quit smoking.

Jing Yao asked curiously, "Didn't you bring a cigarette?"

"It's not. I responded, "Quit smoking, stop smoking, the action is habitual." ”

"It's good. Jing Yao didn't talk to me about cigarettes, and said very casually: "I will go to the hospital to see Gao Xu these days, he woke up, it is worth celebrating, but it seems that he has forgotten a lot of things, the memory is still stuck in high school, the doctor said that it may take a while to recover, and it may not be able to recover completely, depending on personal creation, I think this is also good, right? At least you can forget the unpleasantness of these years." ”

"Thank you. I whispered to Jing Yao: "Thank you for everything you have done for me, I couldn't understand some of the things you did before, such as forgiving Gao Xu and Cheng Jia, I think from my point of view, I can't find a reason to convince myself, I even thought you were stupid for a while, thinking that you were okay to find trouble." Others are so harmful to you, why do you keep making excuses to forgive each other, until I have experienced all this myself, I don't know that the pleasure of revenge is only temporary, if I can be like you, have a tolerant heart to face all this, may not have such a deep self-blame today. You may not know that Gao Xu's hand touched my head and told me that he had a good score in the midterm exam, and his father rewarded him with more than 2,000 yuan, and he wanted to give it to me and let me give my father dialysis...... I cried very presumptuously and regretted! I have never been so sad in my life, I would rather Gao Xu beat me and scold me...... Maybe I'll feel better then, can you tell me what you think to forgive them for what they've done?"

Jing Yao looked into the distance and said: "I'm used to thinking from other people's perspectives, if it weren't for Gao Xu's father being investigated, he wouldn't be like this, in order to get through the relationship, he spent all the family's savings, and he was cheated of millions when he got through the relationship, the pressure he was under at that time can be imagined, he never told us friends, he has always borne it himself." He helped Lu Quanming unprincipledly, in your opinion, it was just for money and interests, but he never thought from his point of view, why was he so eager for money? Is Gao Xu like this when he was in school? There may be another reason for Gao Xu to become like this, that is, Liu Qian, that girl is very scheming, and she has never appeared again after Gao Xu's accident, 'Lao Yan flies apart'! This is also a choice, we do not have the right to criticize others for their rights and wrongs, some people, if you are willing to put yourself in their shoes, you will be willing to forgive him for what he has done and understand the situation he is facing. ”

I lowered my head, looked at the little ants crawling on the ground and asked, "Am I no longer in a position to redeem myself?"

Jing Yao leaned her head on my shoulder and asked, "Can I lean on for a while?" ”

"Hmm!" I didn't object, I raised my head and looked at the water surface of Dianchi Lake, I felt very empty in my heart, I helped Lu Yuxin design a full set of various requests, calculated Lu Quanming, Duan Jingnan, and tested everyone around her, I have always played the role of an idle, idle person, mixed in Di Kai to play scheming, this moment I feel very tired.

Jing Yao cautiously rested her head on my shoulder and asked softly, "Do you want Gao Xu to recover his memory?"

Hearing Jing Yao's question, I was stunned for a moment, and instinctively shook my head and said, "I don't want to ......" But after these three words were spoken, I felt that something was wrong, why didn't I want him to have a complete memory because of my own selfishness? Is this a selfish performance? But Gao Xu recovered his memory, did he think about those unpleasant things again?

Jing Yao said to me beside me: "Gao Xu can't recall this, it doesn't mean that you haven't done anything, you have escaped from others, but you can't escape from your own heart, with this mentality, you will have to live in self-blame for the rest of your life." ”

Jing Yao didn't force me to do anything, nor did she suggest what I should do, I didn't know how to continue our chat, fell into silence with each other, about ten minutes later, Jing Yao said to me again: "Silently, I'm leaving, the flight at noon the day after tomorrow, can you come and see me off?" I have something for you, I want to hand it over to you." In the future, they may meet again a few years ago, or more than ten years later, or even decades, or ...... Never again. ”

In the distance, the sun was already tilting and gradually sinking into the western mountains! I got up and said, "It's not too early, I'm going back, what about you? Do you want me to send you back?"

Jing Yao's eyes were full of sadness when she looked at me, shook her head and said, "You go first." I want to sit there for a while, and I probably won't have a chance to come back later......"