I took advantage of the victory to pursue, walked up to Xu Leiyang, and said fiercely, "Squat."

Xu Leiyang squatted down very obediently, drooping his head, like a listless bird, I kicked him a few times: "Xu Leiyang, you think about it for me, you are like this, do it against me, can you be worthy of your family? You can't give up on yourself at such a young age, right?" I said hatefully.

Xu Leiyang stopped talking.

Looking at his listless appearance, I realized that my words were too serious, so I thought that if the class was over, I would give him some psychological counseling, and they were all children, and the other side of the slap had one side to give sugar, and I still understood this truth.

Jingle bells, bells ring.

"Xu Leiyang come here," I said sternly.

Dismount and obediently follow me, what a big boy.

When I came to the preparation room, there was no one in the preparation room, so I closed the door heavily and said to him: "Teacher Xu Leiyang cares about you for your own good, you must know that the parents' money is not blown by the wind, you can't give up on yourself, how old are you, you must think about the future!"

I said it so bitterly, Xu Leiyang shed tears, and it could be seen that he was really sad.

In fact, it's pitiful to think about this child, no one cares about it at such a young age, and he is pushed over and over, like a leather ball, who can stand it, not only children, but also us adults, and the psychological endurance is not so strong.

In fact, Xu Leiyang should be said to be not a bad boy, I remember that once he borrowed five yuan.

After class that day, he walked up to me a little embarrassed and said, "Teacher, I want to lend you money." ”

I said, "How much do you borrow?"

"Five," he said, muttering.

I didn't think about it, I just took out five yuan, but what I didn't expect was that the students flocked to me, "Teacher, lend me some money!"

I was a little blindsided for a moment.

It is said that here, it is common for students to borrow money from teachers, but it is another way to say that they don't pay it back, and now children are really bold, after Xu Leiyang borrowed money, other students followed suit.

A girl came up to me and said, "Teacher, I want to borrow money." ”

I looked at her, "Borrow money?"

"Yes," she said, looking at me with round eyes.

"I'm sorry, but the teacher's money is all lent out, and it's gone. ”

Afterwards, I learned from their homeroom teacher that these children, in the first week's money, they were crazy about spending, crazy snacks, and all kinds of gadgets in the first few days.

But on Friday, I basically started to have no money to spend, and some didn't even have the money to go home, but they spent too much a few days ago, because I didn't think about the future when I had money, and I really couldn't compare with us at that time.

I remember when I was in junior high school, every time my mother gave me twenty or thirty yuan for living expenses, and every time it was a weekend, I still had about ten yuan left, because I was reluctant to spend, and I was careful to eat, but now my children have to pay at least 100 yuan a week

Living in this way, if you buy other school supplies, it is not enough at all.

The students in the class look like rural people, rural dolls, and left-behind children, but they also spend money lavishly, and it is said that they sometimes have to buy a pair of clothes every month, a pair of shoes, or once a week.

Life is extravagant and unimaginable, and I only thought of buying new clothes for several months, and when I bought it, I looked left and right, and I was afraid that it would be more expensive to buy it than right, and I always wanted to buy it after the discount, hey, the concept of consumption is different, and the current post-00s are estimated to be like this.

I forgot about Xu Leiyang's 5 yuan for picking me up.

But the next week when I was in class, he came up to me and said, "Teacher, pay you back." ”

He gave me a ten-dollar piece, and I couldn't find it on my body, so I had to interrupt embarrassedly: "You take it first." ”

Xu Leiyang stood in front of me for a while, seemingly at a loss.

At this time, the bell rang for class, and he walked to his seat in a sneer, he never mentioned the matter of these few dollars, and I didn't mention it, it was just a small matter of a few dollars.

To be honest, I'm embarrassed to be thin-skinned, even though I borrowed it, I'm too embarrassed to ask for it, I can't help it.

This time the words to Xu Leiyang were heavy, watching his tears roll down, my heart also softened, thinking that children are innocent, as long as they are watered with love, they should also become very good.

But then Xu Leiyang was still the same as before, listless in class, he also worked hard for a while, but he only persisted for three or four days, so his Chinese grades have been a mess, and his math results have been praised by the math teacher again and again

To be honest, it can be seen that he is also a smart child, but soon the semester is over, and the students in this class have successfully promoted to the eighth grade.

I continued to stay in the seventh year, and the eighth and seventh grades were not on the same floor, and I never saw the class again.

It's just that later I sometimes met Xu Leiyang at the school gate, at that time there was a little girl next to him, very thin, dressed very fashionably, it is said that he was in love with that girl, he saw me as if he didn't know him, and walked away from me.

Now that he is not a teacher, I don't know what happened to him.

Because my temper and the relationship between the students are very stiff, but I don't take it to heart, the most important thing is that my marriage is a big event, and the children can handle it.

But what should we do with Ma Tengyu?

I'm getting older day by day, and the good news of my friend's marriage keeps coming around, and I feel sad when I think about it. 、

During this time, my mood was very bad, I don't know what's wrong, I always feel like a special failure.

During this time, my colleague introduced me to another subject, whose parents both worked in the tobacco bureau, and he was two years younger than me.

My parents asked me to go and see it, thinking about how old I was and thinking about the longing eyes of my parents, I couldn't delay it any longer.

On the day of the blind date, I dressed up carefully, washed my hair, wore my favorite lace white dress, and carefully painted my eyebrows, eye shadow and mouth, with my makeup skills, I still think I am quite beautiful, plus a white dress, very young and beautiful.

I came to the place where we went on a date, it was a newly opened café, because it was new, so the business was very good, there were a lot of people, and the cars at the door were full.

I was looking around at the door, the summer wind carried some sadness, I was a little cold, blowing my hair, I felt that I was beautiful.

Standing here, you can carefully observe the boy who is about to date me, you can see what kind of person it is, after waiting for a long time, finally a short and fat boy trotted over, "Are you Gao Lanlan?"

"yes," I said.

When you see how he looks, I'm so disappointed that I walk into the store, and I'm even more disappointed.

Reflecting him in the light, his freckled face, thick mouth, small eyes, coupled with his low head, reminded me of Zhao Xiaowei, who seemed to be a short man again.

But I tried my best to restrain this disgust, and talked with him all over the world.

Because of my recent low mood, I have shown great modesty and humility.

Said to the boy complimentally: "The boy is successful, he went to drive for the leader at such a young age, and the future is immeasurable!"

"Where's the place?" he said, waving his hand, "You're very good, I see you, two years older than me, so beautiful, so beautiful," he emphasized.

When he said this, he made me very unhappy, what is maintenance? Am I very old? Isn't he openly laughing at me for being old, what kind of person, there is a knife in this.

But I didn't say anything.

The man continued to smile and tell me about his work and the little things in his life, presenting himself as a capable man who knew everything, everything

As he spoke, he kept looking at the time, looking a little anxious.

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"I'm fine. His expression was a little confused.

Finally, he couldn't help it, stood up, and said goodbye: "I still have something to do, I have to go first." ”

"Alright then, you go slower. I said lightly, but I was thinking in my heart that it would take less than half an hour to snub my beauty today, and I was still dressed so beautifully.

Really, I felt hurt in my heart, although I didn't like this man, but his attitude towards me undoubtedly made me feel very unhappy, and we didn't contact each other again.

This matter is also over.

Although it was just a small episode, it hit me hard, after all, it was others who didn't look down on me, and I thought I was dressed up that day to be beautiful.

For a long time, I couldn't lift my spirits, and the failure of several blind dates in a row made me feel hopeless about my future.

There were a lot of people in the middle of me who introduced me to people, gilded, rich, and I went to meet a few times.

But the strange thing is that the people in life that you don't see, strange shapes, thin and small, or very strange-looking, very strange personalities, all those people will appear on the table you are walking on.

In a word, there is no one normal.

Some will borrow money from you as soon as they open their mouths, some just boast about themselves and show themselves as dashing, but in fact they are just a plaything and a man who has lost his mind, and some feed Nuno without a bit of manhood. In short, it was hopeless

I don't have to go to the blind date table anymore, I don't have to go through the blows, and my heart has sunk to the bottom.

During this time, I don't know if it's because I'm not confident in myself, or what the reason is, in short, I always eat a lot, and I can relax when I eat too much.

One day, I actually bought 100 yuan of things, all snacks, rice puffed food, etc., and I ate them all at once, and my stomach was swollen and didn't look like my own

But when I was hiding in the dormitory and eating these things, I felt extremely comfortable, and I couldn't describe the feeling.

In fact, while eating, I blamed myself very much, and I didn't dare to think about such overeating in the future.

Just thinking about punishing yourself for more time, you can't eat anything else for two or three days.

After that binge eating, my stomach has been very upset.

Like an animal, I wanted to vomit all the time, so I went to the toilet and picked my throat, it was really not what people said, the thing vomited out, my stomach was relaxed, but my throat was hot.

It's all about suffering, but because of my angry mood, it seems that I have a kind of sustenance for eating, although it is very uncomfortable, and my heart is very depressed.

But I always can't help but eat, I eat all kinds of food, I used to think that junk food, but now it's completely like my life, I eat a lot, and now I eat a meal, I have eaten up everything I used to eat in three days

The thought of having gained so much weight again, the incomparably depressed heart, and the thought of eating on the other hand, as if this frustration needed something to fill it, I really couldn't say it in my heart.

Because of a bad mood and overeating, I have no confidence in my appearance, and I can delay teaching students, and I can't go to class.

During this time, the principal saw my problem, "Lan Lan, what's wrong with you lately? You see that your class's Chinese class grades have plummeted, what's going on?" Xiao Zhang took the results of this month's monthly exam, slapped the table and shouted at me.

"Headmaster, I'm sorry, I don't know, I'll pay attention next time. ”

The headmaster sighed and continued, "It's not that I'm talking about you, you look at the way you are now. ”

At this point, he stopped probably, for fear of hurting my self-esteem.

I looked at myself, indeed, now my body is blessed, I don't pay attention to clothes, I put on a piece of clothing, and I went out, plus my hair is also messy, and I tied a ponytail indiscriminately, and I was like two people who were glamorous before!

I couldn't help but ask myself, fortunately, the final exams were approaching, and there weren't many Chinese classes, so I was living my life of overeating.

To be honest, I feel sad every day, every time Ma Tengyu calls me, I will shout on the other end of the phone, "I have eaten too much again, I have gained a lot of pounds and I can't stand myself." ”

Ma Tengyu comforted softly on the other end of the phone: "Lan Lan, you drink more water, eat too much, it's okay, I don't think you're fat." ”

Even though he said this, I was still sad in my heart.

Every time I feel uncomfortable in my stomach, but I still want to eat, I ate three ice creams at noon that day, two bowls of fried noodles are the kind of particularly large bowls, and finally I ate a steamed bun with green vegetables.

One more and one less, I went to the extreme, and I didn't eat anything for three days, but as a result, I came to the supermarket and carried a big bag of food.

I bought a lot of potato chips, chicken nuggets, sour plums, cookies and candies, and then, that night in the dormitory, I was depressed in this pile of snacks by myself, and I kept eating until the last potato chips, my stomach, I didn't sleep at night, and I tossed and turned in pain.

The next day I thought viciously, I must starve myself for a few days.

With that in mind, I did, and for the rest of the day I ate nothing.

Drink only water, eat some fruit and some porridge every day.

When I was teaching the students at noon, my stomach kept screaming, and I tried my best to restrain myself, because I was afraid that the screams would be heard by the students, and it would be so embarrassing, but I only felt that my legs were weak and my eyes were dizzy, and I really wanted to fall down.

I knew it was because I was hungry, but I was so determined that I had to stick to three days without pasta and eat less.

But on the second day, I weighed myself and lost four pounds.

My excitement has not had time to relieve, on the third day, my mood was depressed again, I went to buy a bunch of food, I don't know what's wrong, I can't have money on me, I think of another way, I handed over all the money to my colleague Bingshan, let her keep it for me, Bingshan is also happy to help me.

Since then, every morning and Friday, the afternoon meal iceberg has taken me, as long as she eats what I eat, I will eat, such days for a while, I gradually returned to the regularity.

Iceberg This is the kind of good person, not too troublesome, sometimes a few cents of money will be remembered very clearly.

This method slowly worked, because I had no money on me, and the money was from others, so I restrained a lot.

But one day I knew that I couldn't restrain myself, and it seemed like I was obsessed.

Ma Tengyu called me, and I shouted on the other end of the phone, bring me something to eat, everything.

But half an hour later, Ma Tengyu appeared.

I had a big bag of food in my hand, all kinds of delicacies I wanted, and I wanted to see the treasures again, and indulge again.

When I eat these things, when my stomach is uncomfortable, when I cry when I feel uncomfortable, when my throat is itchy, I wonder, what is the reason why I torture myself like this? Is it because I am not confident? What is the reason? Because I have eaten fat and ten pounds during this time.

I didn't dare to listen to Ma Tengyu, I was afraid that he would abandon me and not me, forget it, I'll find someone to marry, maybe this can increase the pressure, and he can also control my overeating.

I always let my colleague Bingshan take care of my money, this is not the way after all, if someone takes care of me, it would be good.

"Ma Tengyu, let's get married, the sooner the better," I said to Ma Tengyu on the phone one day.

There was silence on the other end of the phone, I thought he had changed his mind, don't think that Ma Tengyu came and said, "I'll do it now," his voice was quiet, with joy.

My heart felt like I was in a cellar, and I felt like I was going to abandon myself.

As if I was going to give up on myself, I didn't want to do so much, but how would I explain it to my family? I kept thinking about it, and I would come home during the winter vacation.