This is a single chapter (which has been deleted) from the time of my last book, and it has been almost half a year since today.

The reason for re-sending it is also because I thought of this when I wrote a new testimonial, and my new testimonial is also related to this, so if you are interested, you can take a look.

Most of the testimonials in this article are about when I was in school, and the new testimonials are about entering the society after graduation.

It's not a bad sale, it's just a story.

You can also think of it as fake, and you can just watch it for fun.

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Two nights ago, I had dinner with my friends for the first time in a long time.

I found that after not seeing each other for a while, my whole person became out of place.

How to put it, I just found that everyone is not in a circle.

My circle is almost gone, and there is no other entertainment other than codewords every day.

And they talk about work, girls, marriage, houses, children.

Yes, it's been eleven years since everyone knew each other in a blink of an eye.

The young men who were fifteen or sixteen years old at the beginning are now married and have children.

It's just me, still single and living my own numb life.

watched them talk about a salary of 3,000 a month, a 30-year mortgage, and a complaint about the other half.

I suddenly felt a sense of fear.

My future...... Is this also the case?

Take 3,000 yuan a month, marry a wife who maybe I don't like, have a child, and then live in this small city with a heavy mortgage for the rest of my life.

This is probably the life of most people.

In the end, I sighed again: "Ordinary is a blessing".

Does this really mean that ordinariness is a blessing, or is it because of resignation?

I flipped through QQ and mobile phone books, only to find that my classmates and friends in elementary and junior high school had long lost contact, and the only remaining friends I have now are these few people.

And now ... We're drifting away.

At the beginning of the promise, when they reached the age of 60, everyone would find a nursing home to continue to brag and fart, but now it seems that it is just an unattainable dream.

When I got home, my parents in their fifties were still out working at night tonight.

A person sat in front of the computer in the bedroom, and randomly came to a song "Half of Life" by Ashin, and somehow, the words on the computer suddenly became blurry.

Late at night, leaning back in my chair and lighting a cigarette, my mind somehow went back to more than twenty years ago.

That was the beginning of twenty-seven years of non-achievement in my memory.

Later, my mother and my grandmother said more than once that it was only five minutes before the whole country would celebrate my birthday together.

That's right, my birth was only five minutes away from New Year's Day.

It was 11:55 p.m. on December 31, 1992, the eighth day of the lunar month.

According to my grandmother and my mother, because my mother was in too much pain, so I had a birth infusion, and I fell to the ground five minutes early.

But I wasn't impressed (laughs).

The earliest thing I remember is when I was about four years old.

At that time, the kindergarten held a program, and our class was going to perform the Little Yellow Duck Dance, and the teacher asked the whole class to wear yellow clothes that day.

I didn't.

Because there is no money.

In the past, I wore old clothes that my two cousins couldn't wear.

It was the first time I went shopping for clothes.

I don't know how much it is, anyway, it's summer, a thin layer.

On the day of the performance, I didn't feel anything when I saw my classmates' gorgeous new clothes, after all, I was only four years old, and I didn't know what comparison was (laughs).

At that time, I didn't think there was anything bad about my family.

At that time, our family lived in the marshalling station, which was a row of two-story buildings, each household had one room and no living room, cooking was outside the house, and the toilet was outside the marshalling station building.

The place was close to the railway, and along the way was a bumpy broken road with no street lights.

Every night after dinner at my grandmother's house, our family of three would ride home in the stars on my dad's motorcycle.

I was sitting in the middle of the motorcycle, with my face on my dad's back, and my mom sitting in the back and hugging me.

Although it was very windy, I never felt it.

With the bumps of the rugged path, that half-hour journey was probably my happiness at that time.

I have not been in good health since I was a child, and I eat Chinese medicine and everything as food, and I must have three days a month to get an injection because of a high fever.

A high fever can occur when the stomach is distended, and a high fever can occur when the throat is inflamed.

In short, everything translates into suppuration of the tonsils, followed by a high fever.

So when I was in third grade, my family took me to have tonsil surgery.

Since then, I have rarely gotten sick.

That's right, my tonsils were cut off, and now I'm actually a mutilated person (funny).

Why do you say this? Because the next day when I was in fourth grade, SARS broke out.

How to say it, I don't know if this is considered providence.

If I hadn't had this surgery, I guess it would have been gone.

Afterwards... When I was in the fourth grade, my original homeroom teacher, the young teacher who took over our class at the age of 22 as soon as I graduated, was pregnant, so our homeroom teacher was replaced.

(Last year, I asked my teacher about my school, and she said that my Chinese teacher is now the head of the Chinese group or the head of teaching.)

I also added the Chinese teacher's WeChat, but there is nothing to follow, because I said that I am a student of the class of 99, the first class you led, but she has forgotten. ）

That's when I saw a book at my cousin's house.

"I'm Crazy for Songs"

Chu Tiange, Cong Rong, Ye Feng, Mai Yunjie, Gai Shiai, and the yellow-haired Korean brother who plays the drums, what is the English name?

I liked that book a lot, and through this book, I became friends with a girl in my class (at that time, there was a kind of antagonism between men and women in the class, children, you think it's a shame for a boy to play with a girl, and when you meet a little girl you like, you will deliberately make her angry).

After that, I went to junior high school, and I guess I told this story before.

I thought there would be no intersection from then on, but our junior high school was in the same school again (in fact, I have known that it is in one school for a long time, because they are all workers' children, and the students in that junior high school are basically the children of workers in the factory, but which class I don't know. ）

How did it come together again...

I remember it very well.

It was a recess exercise after two classes in the morning, and after the recess exercise, all the students in the school were asked by the class teacher to run around the playground twice.

It was summer, and I was jogging around with two or three friends talking about basketball and games.

All of a sudden, she slapped me in the back.

It really hurts...

I looked back and saw her surprised face.

"Lethe (pseudonym)?!What class are you in?"

I was in class seventeen and she was in class six.

So naturally, the two of us got together again.

Just buddy, though.

Until that day.

That night, we came to sneak over the wall to buy food, and when we came back, the dormitory teacher patrolled, and the two of us hid in a small grove behind the playground.

Maybe it's nervousness, maybe it's something else.

We both held hands.

Later, maybe it was because the teacher left and we relaxed, or maybe it was because she was twelve or thirteen years old, and her cheeks were red, and I guess it was probably the same.

Then the two of us kissed each other.

It's just a simple lip to lips.

At the time, I just felt my heart pounding, and after the kiss, the two of us just looked at each other and laughed.

Such... Maybe even if it's together?

Afterward...... Not later.

I was in my third year of junior high school, and I had a lot of schoolwork, so somehow, I didn't keep in touch.

Until now, more than ten years later, when I was coding words, she notified me on QQ that I was getting married and sent me a group invitation.

I found out that our QQ friends had been there all along, but they never deleted them.

Last time I chatted with her on QQ.。。。 It's been 07 years.

Of course, it was also at this time that I started reading novels, strictly during the summer vacation of the sixth grade.

At that time, there was the Hope Reading Club next to the junior high school, and it was the one who paid 36 yuan to get a library card, and then borrowed a book for a dime or two a day.

It's full of pirated web novels in green skins.

At that time, I remembered that there were more than 20 copies of "Starting from Scratch", and I thought it was long enough, but I didn't expect it to be finished a few years ago (laughs).

A lot of books I read are from there.

Mad God, Kind Death, Only I am the Immortal, Guardian God of the Zodiac, Ice and Fire Demon Kitchen, Emperor Qin, Legend of the Evil God, Lucky Demon Swordsman, Online Game Dream Reality, Celebrating More Than Years, Guest, Shenglong Road, Cun Mang, Ethereal Journey, Zichuan, Legend of the Master, Mercenary World, Blasphemy, etc.

Later, I got my cousin's eliminated computer, and the broken computer couldn't play games, so I became obsessed with fan fiction.

It's not because I started watching anime at that time.,It's because the anime fanfiction at the beginning is all free and not on the shelves.,Everyone is generating electricity with love.,I look down on the genuine version.。

At that time the most ... It's a fanfiction of anime such as Naruto, Grim Reaper, Gundam SEED, and Magic Teacher.

Among them, there are many Naruto and Gundam SEED.

This is also the beginning of the pit where I started.

I remember that at that time, the domain name of the starting point was still CMFU or CFMU or something.

I remember the most vivid book of the same people, the name is "The Legend of the Fairy Sword and Spirit", the protagonist is the son of Nangong Huang and Wen Hui. There are two heroines, Zhao Ling'er, and the other is the daughter of Star Swirl and Wang Pengxu.

Then, because of reading novels, my grades plummeted, and my family cut off my library card (although I later secretly got another one).

Later, I saw a martial arts book from my uncle, "Wind Flower Sword Snow Moon Knife", the protagonist is called "Wind Flower Sword" Ding Yi, and a sword can pierce the throats of 81 people.

I was very impressed, so this book also made Ding Yi run a trick.

After that, I went to high school in such a mess.

When everyone was studying hard in high school, there was a babbling girl in the class.

She's so cute and bubbly.

Under the thin school uniform, there is a delicate and budding youthful body, to be honest, it is difficult not to be impressed.

But it's just heartbeat.

We had a good relationship at the time, maybe because of the fact that we were at the same table.

At that time, we were fighting and laughing. But after all, there is no story between men and women, maybe because the friends she usually plays with are all gangsters in the class.

So I went to the second year of high school without any shock.

One weekend night, I went out for a night run.

That day I saw her crouching outside under the street lamp crying, and I went over and asked her what was wrong.

She raised her head, her teary-eyed and rainy little face looking pitiful under the dim streetlight.

To be honest, I was really moved at that time.

She said that she had an argument with a friend who had been killed, and then she was going to drink with me and talk to me.

I sat with her on the barbecue stand, watching her drink and vomit and cry, and the eyes of the diners next to me really made me feel like I was on pins and needles.

Then she got drunk and I carried her home on my back.

The youthful body is lying on my back, which makes people really feel a little ape.

Then, her somewhat hoarse voice rang in my ears: "He doesn't want me anymore......"

Me: "Hmm. ”

She said, "He doesn't want me anymore, do you want me?"

My heart was cold, and so was my blood.

Just sent her home in silence all the way.

Her dad looked at me like a thief.

I didn't say anything, bowed, turned around and ran home.

Afterward...... Later, the two of them reconciled, and she still joked with me every day, and I responded to her with a grin.

Laughing and laughing, I just smiled and got to college.

I went to a junior college.

Friends in college and dormitories all talked about love, and everyone happily fell in love every day, played games, and played basketball.

It's just me, and I'm still alone.

Is there really no one who likes me?

Yes, after all, with my handsome appearance, it's not difficult to find a girlfriend.

The girl of the same class, the senior sister of the first year of high school.

They joked: "Lethe, you don't have a girlfriend, why don't we make do with it?"

I smiled and said, "Yes, yes." ”

Then everyone giggled as a joke, because my expression didn't look real.

My friends in the dormitory laughed at me: "You're not going to be a GAY, are you?"

I also giggled: "Then you remember that your butts are washed at night and waiting for me." ”

Then everyone laughed.

Maybe it's because it's boring, maybe it's because of conformity.

I later accepted a girl's confession.

But is that love?

I do not know.

We just ate together, took classes together, and went to the library together.

Maybe it's just a companion to talk to when you're bored? Maybe so.

I'm almost graduating, and she wants me to go to her city.

I refused.

On the day of graduation, she cried and hugged me and I didn't go home at night, which is commonly known as opening a room.

I still refused.

I took her back to the dormitory and told her, "I can't hurt you." ”

Do I love her? Maybe not.

She didn't say anything.

Later, I was blocked, and I will never see each other again.

This is also the best ending, she will meet the person she likes in the future, get married, have children, and give herself to him without regrets.

It's good to think about.

After graduating, my first job was at a company owned by my cousin's classmates.

It's a company, but it's a studio with only a few people.

My salary is 1000 a month, and 1500 after three months of internship.

But I only took 3,000 yuan in the first five months.

Because the company was renovated at that time, the boss gave everyone a long vacation.

Only I didn't, because I had to go to the site every day to supervise the work.

Then she said it didn't count as work.

I didn't say anything, maybe because of my youth.

I've been doing this for almost two years.

I remember it was the last day before the end of the New Year's holiday, and she called me and said she was looking for me to drink.

I said it's ten o'clock, I go to work tomorrow, it's time to sleep.

She said she and her boyfriend were downstairs from my house.

I went down and the two of them drove me to his house and a bundle of beer.

When I was drinking, they said they trusted me the most and would give me a salary increase when I got to work.

I said yes.

I thought to myself, as long as I have 2,000, I will work with you for the rest of my life.

The next day I went to work for a meeting, and I raised my salary, from 1500 to 1300.

She said that she deducted 200 yuan every month, and then every three months, that is, in the first quarter, she sent me an extra 600 yuan at one time.

I didn't speak, and I left in the afternoon.

At night, she scolded me in the circle of friends, saying that I was a white-eyed wolf, how much she trusted me and wanted to cultivate me.

Ha, a fool who doesn't want money and works honestly, which boss doesn't like it?

Later, I went to learn from someone.

It is the company that Chen Xiangdong, the former CEO of New Oriental, came out to start a business by himself, and it belongs to an online teaching platform.

I am in charge of the Luoyang branch to take promotional photos and videos for teachers, educational institutions and schools.

2500 a month, deducting five insurances and one housing fund (this is the only job I have ever paid five insurances and one housing fund), to 2039.

At this time, I met two colleagues, two female colleagues who were a year younger than me and joined the company a few months later.

I liked my first colleague very much, and I took her to learn some principles in society and the workplace.

We get along day and night.

I ride her home on an electric car every day.

And then one night, I said, "Do you want to go to the movies tomorrow?"

She shook her head: "Tomorrow my boyfriend will come to Luoyang after graduation, and I want to go to the movies with him." ”

I smiled and waved my hand.

I wish you happiness.

The second girl, one meter seventy-two tall, grinned and had cute rabbit teeth.

She loves to play LOL.

I liked it too, and the two of us became good friends in the company.

It's just slowly developing, watching movies, and shopping.

I think it's time.

I said, what do you think of me?

She said, "You're a good friend and a senior in the workplace."

She said that she has just graduated now, and she doesn't want to fall in love, but wants to do a good job first.

I nodded, you're right.

In the second month, she posted a photo in her circle of friends, in a car, she and the person in the driver's seat interlocked their fingers: "The rest of my life is up to you, I am very happy." ”

Later, after I left my job, I heard that the two of them had broken up.

I wish she could find someone better.

I haven't been moved since.

Then I went on a blind date.

Along the way, it has been more than two years since the blind date.

There have been more than ten blind dates one after another.

Even some of the 17-year blind dates have married and had children, and I am still alone.

Five or six of them, the other party wanted to try to develop and see.

But my introversion and cold temperament are like this, and that's it.

Until I met a junior high school teacher.

She said to me, "Lethe, you have never opened your heart at all, you just wrapped yourself in the wall you built, and sat alone in the middle, even if someone wanted to open the wall, you would repair the wall and continue to sit alone in the middle." The cheerfulness and optimism you show are just a mask you wear. ”

She was gone, and I was speechless.

Looking back, it seems like it really is.

In the past, I always thought: falling in love is to get married, and if you can't give each other a good material life, then there is no need to delay others.

What the hell is this responsible for...... Or low self-esteem?

I used to be confused, and I didn't know what I was after.

With a salary of more than 2,000 yuan a month, I can get by.

It wasn't until that day that I really understood something.

On that day, I accompanied Xuexue to Wangfujing to buy clothes.

It seems to be H2 or a brand, I don't know.

He bought two pieces of clothing and one pair of pants, a total of 2,800 yuan.

Seeing that I was bored standing on one side, he found a shirt with a half-sleeved sleeve for me to try.

After wearing it, it is indeed very close-fitting, very visible to the figure, and the material is also very comfortable to wear.

My heart was moved.

Then I asked the price, 600 yuan.

Almost half a month's salary for me when I didn't eat or drink.

I waved my hand and said it didn't look good, forget it.

At that time, I only had 700 yuan in my card, and I didn't have a penny on me.

My classmates said to help me put it on first.

I refused.

The shopping guide didn't say anything, nor did she have mocking words or eyes.

She just smiled, took the clothes from my hand and hung them back.

Just like that, I'm qualified to fall in love?

Then I started writing a novel.

Maybe I can only live a better life by immersing myself in the dreams I weave.

There are always a lot of people who say entrepreneurship or something.

It's like a ladder going up.

Most people fall into a wound, they lick the wound, give up, and turn around and go home.

But I don't have that qualification.

I turned back, but there was only darkness.

My parents are now persuaded to quit by the factory, and they are still working as security guards and dormitory managers for others when they are old, working three shifts a day for the 1,700 yuan.

They're for me.

So I want to code words.,Can escape into the dream I weave.,If you can still feed yourself without contact with the outside world.。。。 How nice that would be.

It is said that most of the people who act in comedy are lonely in their hearts.

Maybe the same is true for me, who writes light-hearted novels.

If one day, I can support myself by writing novels, and I don't have to let my parents continue to go out and work hard.

Can a girl break the wall I have built......

Ha... Then we'll talk about it then.

Press the cigarette to extinguish, and the sky outside the house will brighten.

I'm going to continue to code words today.

The dreams I weave go on.

Outside, pedestrians who get up early to go to work and school, and the crowd gathered in front of the early stall is a little noisy.

Inside the house, the lights are bright, accompanied by Ashin's "Half Life".

A twenty-seven-year-old guy who has achieved nothing, continues to weave the story of his dreams.