Diary 1: 20** year * month * day

Today is my twenty-seventh birthday.

Twenty-seven means that I have been in contact with him for ten years;

Twenty-seven, which means that most of the most precious flower season of my life has passed;

Twenty-seven, it also means that the relationship I paid before is no longer yesterday, if I want to continue my life, I have to start a relationship from the beginning, invest in a relationship from the beginning, and start from the beginning......

Everything came back to square one on my twenty-seventh birthday.

It's as if my past ten years were just a springboard for me to bounce to the present, and the wind and snow in the middle that I thought could become a sweet memory for a lifetime were simply a dream, an illusion.

However, if it is a dream or an illusion, then why does my heart still feel painful when I wake up?

I wondered, where did all those old days go? Who stole my decade?

Someone once said that they don't care about how long it lasts, they only care about what they once had.

My friend has advised me to do the same.

I think that the person who said this must be a complete failure emotionally, because he has not been able to last forever, so he has to say that he only cares about what he once had. Moreover, the person who said this is still a master who can't eat grapes and says that grapes are sour, he knows what feelings are?

And I, on the contrary, can not care about what I once had, but I care a lot about how long it lasts.

Unfortunately, I also failed, and moreover, badly......

Diary 2 20** *month* day

I've lost my temper three times today.

I also broke three of my mother's favorite cups because the maid came in to bring tea without permission.

Those three cups are all dowries when my mother gets married, and they are very expensive.

But now all that remains is the shiny broken glass in the corner, glittering in the sunlight and never to be complete.

This set of cups, in fact, should be a matching four.

I remember when I was a child, my mother got so angry that she even slapped me in the palm because I accidentally planned one of the cups.

However, this time, although I broke all the cups, my mother didn't ask a word.

I knew her heart was aching and uncomfortable.

However, I'd rather watch her feel uncomfortable and I wouldn't apologize to her.

Yes, now, I hate her, hate her!

She's my real mother, but because of that, I hate her even more!

I never understood why she didn't like the man I fancied so much, why did she have to stop me from associating with him?

Speaking of which, her reason is very simple, saying that Shangguan Yilin has a sense of anger, he is not my true son, I will only be wronged if I follow him!

What is the reason for this?

I once begged her, "Mom, can you change your opinion of Shangguan Yilin because of me?" He is very good to me......

Unexpectedly, my mother said, "If you don't listen to adults, you will regret ......it one day."

Yes, I have today, I broke up with him, but do I regret it?!

Mom, should I praise you for your foresight or should I hate you for cursing success?

I want to die now, why did you save me?!

Let me die, really, no one will stop me!

Diary 3: 20** * * month * day

After my first suicide experience, I was closely guarded.

You can't die if you want to.

Actually, I knew for myself that I was just a physical remnant, because my heart was dead since I woke up from suicide, and it was a complete death.

The days with Shangguan Yilin should have been more than ten years since he pinched his fingers.

The happiest days of my life are these more than ten years, and the most painful days have happened in these ten years.

This man gave me the best memories in my life, and in the end, he wiped out all my good memories and gave me a fatal blow.

I don't understand, I really don't.

Why would he do it!

This man, from the first day I met, I was madly in love with him.

This kind of love, many people don't understand, they don't understand.

The reason why they are not optimistic about me and Shangguan Yilin is that they always think that in this relationship, I have paid too much. They think that I should be a princess who is high up and needs to be held in the palm of Shangguan Yilin's hand and cared for, instead of me going to catch up with him.

In fact, the child is not a fish, and the joy of Anzhi fish?

Kazubayashi is also very gentle with me, sometimes tenderly breaking my heart.

Let me know what it's like to love someone!

I once swore to the sky that if this feeling could last forever, I would rather die for ten years!

However, my fate is still not good, and God does not favor my oath at all.

If you had blessed me, I would not have killed myself.

And after listening to the Buddhist scripture that Jiang Feng read yesterday, now that I think about it, I am indeed a little stupid.

My body is skinny, and I don't even cherish myself, do I still expect others to cherish me?

Committing suicide for love, that's called martyrdom.

But I was sadly not even martyred, because I was the only one who committed suicide.

He's still alive and well, or rather proud, because he has his sweetheart, and I call her a slut!

Indeed, a very lowly woman.

Her mother is a dancer in the Changle Ballroom, and she is an unidentified illegitimate daughter, can such a background not be humble?

However, he was so high up that he was actually fascinated by such a woman, and he wanted to marry her.

That woman is actually the opposite of the role I played in the relationship with Yilin.

From beginning to end, it was Yilin chasing her.

The feeling of being held in the palm of Yilin's hand that I haven't tasted was snatched away by her.

However, she was not satisfied, she said that she did not love him.

That day, from Yilin's eyes, I saw the kind of pain he felt after being rejected by that slut! I had never seen it before.

My heart, at that moment, slammed to the ground and fell into eight petals!

It turned out that he didn't love me at all!

My hands trembled a little as I wrote this......

I thought, I shouldn't have let that woman go......

Okay, there was a knock on the door, it should be Jiang Feng coming.

Diary IV 20** * month * day

I was able to get out of bed.

But I didn't want to go down.

Not why.

I'd rather stay in bed than get out of bed and not know where to go.

And when there's no suitable place to go, I'd rather keep going.

In fact, there are many suitable places to go, such as the Tanzhe Temple, Jietai Temple and other royal temples in the suburbs, where incense is always vigorous and people come and go.

However, it is built on the mountain, far away and quiet, and it is indeed a good place for self-cultivation.

Jiang Feng persuaded me to go there several times to relax, but I didn't want to move.

Jiang Feng once joked that at the beginning of a person, his nature is evil, and when he lives, he wants to atone for his sins, to atone for the original sins of his previous life and even his previous life.

Only in this way can we settle down with peace of mind and maintain peace and health in this life.

I've died once, and I'm still afraid of what to do!

(To be continued)