Qingya's mouth turned up, "Are you going to die? This woman is your destined nemesis, she won't do anything but cause trouble, you must not be with her, I will not allow it!"

I glanced at Meng Lu's side, and she was looking at me fixedly, definitely anxiously waiting for me to go back and take her home.

"Qingya, let me be willful again, okay? In the future, even if I want to be willful, I won't have a chance, these days with her, I have lived a very happy life, really, much happier than ever, I want to go through the last days with her like this!"

If they obviously love each other, but they dare not be together because they have too many scruples, then how can there be so many loves and couples in the world? Since Meng Lu would rather regret it, then I should not leave regrets in her life.

I woke up too late, if I had understood this truth ten years earlier, and took the initiative to pursue Meng Lu, not only would I be able to enter the palace of marriage with her, put on a beautiful wedding dress for her with my own hands, and give her a grand wedding, maybe even have a child now.

But now, although it is not too late to make amends, there are only a few months left, and I will definitely not be able to marry her and have children.

She has already been divorced once, and when I die, she will be widowed for the third time, and if she has to carry a child who has not been born for a long time, what is this like, and what man is willing to marry her?

I'll admit that I'm just overthinking and complicating things, and if only I could have thought simply?

"No, no, no!" Qingya exclaimed excitedly, and the people next to her all looked at us sideways.

"Qingya, she is not as bad as you say, she has been taking care of me meticulously during this time, so you should be more at ease, right?" I gently comforted her.

"Is it? She can take good care of you? Are you sure she doesn't suck your blood and brains dry?" Qingya glanced at me, "Dogs can't change eating, you believe her, I don't believe it!"

"I'm already with her, no one can separate us except myself, Qingya, will you fulfill us?" I suddenly felt that I was so indulgent and elegant that even love was bound by her comfort.

But I owe her so much in this life, what else can I give her but to indulge her? It's really hard to be a human being, especially someone like me who owes emotional debts everywhere and can't pay them back.

"Let's see!" Qingya threw me these three words, beckoned to Ling Xi, called him over, and walked away in high heels.

Meng Lu also followed, and asked me a little about me and Qingya, I deliberately avoided the question, and she didn't follow up, otherwise I wouldn't know how to explain.

After I went back, I thought about it for a long time, secretly guessing what Qingya would do to Meng Lu next, I was worried that she would hurt Meng Lu, but I couldn't remind Meng Lu, so I could only pay attention to Meng Lu all the time.

Qingya wants to deal with Meng Lu, she must meet her, if you make an appointment, you will either call or send a text message, because I am paying close attention to her, I finally know the time and place of their meeting.

When Meng Lu made an excuse to go to the appointment, I secretly went with them, appeared in front of Qingya before she told her my secret, and left Qingya angry, saying that she would never care about my business again.

The implication is that I can be with Meng Lu, she will not do anything to hurt Meng Lu, nor will she deliberately destroy our relationship.

This would have been a good thing for me, but seeing her sad and aggrieved look, my heart was full of guilt, and I always did things that made her sad and sad.

After that, Qingya really didn't care about me and Meng Lu anymore, but life was not as good and smooth as I imagined, and Meng Lu kept hinting at me about getting married.

I could be with her, but I couldn't marry her, and I couldn't afford the responsibility of marriage, so I had to run away, but fortunately she didn't push me, which made me a little relieved.

Meng Lu always likes to ask questions that only little girls ask when she is fine, and that day she was idle and panicked and began to play with little girl temper again, and suddenly asked me when I fell in love with her.

I naturally have an answer to this question in my heart, I had feelings for her in high school, and then it increased day by day, but I couldn't tell her, I just let her guess for herself.

I played her a piece called "Adelina at the Water's Edge", called Balde-Pour-Adele in French.

The story of Adilina, which comes from Greek mythology, is a beautiful love story and represents this kind of miracle, and I intended to use this piece to answer the question she asked, but she didn't seem to understand.

I didn't explain it, it doesn't matter if she doesn't understand, it's okay for me to know it myself, I've always been so selfish about love.

There is a poem: If the two love for a long time, how can it be in the morning and twilight.

Meng Lu works in the company during the day on weekdays, I can't see her at all, our love is destined to not last long, so all I can fight for now is morning and twilight, so I cherish every morning and twilight.

Weekends are my favorite days, I can watch Meng Lu all day, even if I don't do anything, and I am also satisfied to look at her like this.

When I was receiving treatment abroad, I didn't think it was working, but when I came back, I gradually noticed that my physical condition had improved.

Before going abroad, I was sick on a monthly basis, I lived with Meng Lu in August, and I didn't feel well for the first time until after the National Day, but fortunately, during the day, Meng Lu was not at home, so I quickly called her.

My excuse was very high-sounding, saying that there was something important at home and I had to go back for a few days, and she didn't have any suspicions, and I really liked the trust she placed in me.

When I left home, I went directly to the hospital to find Qingya, and now that I have Meng Lu, I am even more reluctant to die, and if I can live one more day, I can be with her for one more day.

Qingya examined me, and her good-looking eyebrows were almost in a line, and she looked at me worriedly, "There seems to be no obvious effect from the last foreign treatment, and your condition is still deteriorating." ”

"Really?" I was a little puzzled, thinking that this episode had been separated for so long, maybe it had stopped the disease and successfully stopped the thing that was killing me.

"Although the onset is very mild this time, I still recommend that you stay in the hospital for a few days. "Qingya's attitude towards work is very serious, and she is very responsible for other patients, and she is even more responsible for me.

If I had heard her suggestion before, I would have refused without even thinking about it, but now I just want to be able to spend as much time with Meng Lu as possible and enjoy the nourishment of love.

After a deep groan, he agreed to her, "Okay, you can arrange everything." ”

She was very surprised when she heard this, and looked at me with wide eyes and disbelief, "Why are you so obedient this time, I haven't seen you so cooperative before." ”

I smiled, a bitterness welled up in my heart, and I said helplessly, "I used to be very resigned to my fate, but now I don't recognize it so much." ”

"Why?" Qingya subconsciously asked, and then seemed to think of something, "Is it because of Shu Menglu?

"Nobody wants to die, people who commit suicide are cowards, I just believe too much in contemporary medicine. "I don't believe in miracles, I never believe in them, so I broke off the luxury of living early.

"Anyway, it's always good if you want to live, so let's cooperate with the treatment in the future!" Qingya glanced at me with some relief, and went to do her own thing.

According to Qingya's advice, I stayed in the hospital for five days, did a lot of tests, and when I got the final results, there was not much difference from before.

"I'm sorry!" Qingya apologized to me sadly, "The treatment of the Hidden Kingdom really didn't help you much. ”

I carefully put away the test results and smiled gently, "It's okay, I've taken at least one trip abroad and experienced the customs of foreign countries, and that's enough." ”

"But I still can't save you. "She studied medicine to save me, and now that her dreams are shattered, she is even more sad than me.

"You've done so much for me, and I'll only thank you, so you don't need any apologies, or it will only make me feel more guilty. "I owe her all my life, even if I want to apologize, that person shouldn't be her.

In November, Lu Zhenting suddenly had good news here, Li Sisi came back, and she also brought her parents with her, the purpose of which was to assess Zhenting.

Just after Li Sisi came back, a very dangerous thing happened, I became ill on the weekend, and there was no way to avoid Meng Lu, but fortunately, she only thought it was a cold and didn't think much about it.

But at night, I fainted in the bathroom uselessly, she was not there at the time, and when I came back, I found that I had found a very lame reason, and I had deceived her.

It really scared me this time, and if she hadn't trusted me so much, or had been a little more careful, she would have seen that I wouldn't have been a simple cold, and thankfully, she ignored that.

A few days later, Zhenting not only passed the assessment of his future father-in-law and mother-in-law, but also obtained a certificate with Li Sisi with lightning speed, and since then they have become a legal husband and wife, and no one can take them except themselves.

The night before her parents left, Meng Lu and I were invited to a send-off dinner, and Meng Lu saw that Zhenting and their two families were so harmonious and happy, and suddenly asked when she could let her meet my parents.

Although she didn't mention marriage to me again, she showed that she wanted to give me a child, even if she didn't have a name, it didn't matter, and now she still had to see my parents, which was enough to show that she had decided that I was her destination.

My parents don't know about me and Meng Lu together, but since Meng Lu wants to see them, then I'll find a time for them to meet, and the location is at my house.

Meng Lu was very happy to see my parents, but at the same time she was a little restrained and inferior, although my family was not rich, but it was also a good time, but she was a divorced woman, and she always felt that she was inferior to others.

But my mother seems to like her very much, although it is the first time we met, but I am very engaged in chatting with her, the two are like mother and daughter together, I rarely see my mother so happy to chat with someone.

My mother broke a lot of news about me when I was a child, and occasionally a trace of sadness flashed in her eyes, but fortunately, Meng Lu didn't seem to notice it, and chatted with her very seriously.

My dad took advantage of their conversation to pull me into the study and said happily, "This girl is not bad, not pretentious at all, self-aware, humble and polite, and my father is very happy for you." ”

"Thank you Dad. "Due to his work, my father has always had a very serious face, and he is rarely as enthusiastic and affectionate as he is now, which surprised me very much.

"Does she know about you?" Dad asked me suddenly.

"I didn't tell her, and I didn't plan to let her know. "I'm going to leave her ruthlessly when I'm really about to die, and then tell Qingya to tell her about my death.

In this way, she at least has to face life and death, and does not have to bear the pain of facing my death, which seems to me to be completely different from facing death, which suffers much more.

"In that case, why are you with her? Didn't you insist on it all along?" asked my father, puzzled.

I like Meng Lu's thing, they are the same as Qingya, and they have known about it for a long time, so they will be confused about my decision.

"Because I don't want to leave her with regrets. "I told my father what Meng Lu said at the time.

"If it had been a few years earlier, I would have persuaded you to marry her and have me a grandson or granddaughter. Dad sighed, "It's a pity that it's too late now, it's too late." ”

I don't know what to say, if I had known that Meng Lu would not be with Zhou Mingchuan for a long time, I would rather marry her back then, so that I could leave a child for my parents and give some comfort.

I remember when I was young, my parents mentioned several times that I should find a suitable girl to marry, preferably to have a child, so that even if I left then, they would not forcibly leave my wife behind, and if I was afraid that the child would drag her down, they would take care of it on her behalf.

It's just that I was too persistent at the beginning, and I didn't accept my parents' advice, so I missed the best ten years of youth with Meng Lu, and now it's too late to regret it.

I very Meng Lu didn't stay at her parents' house for too long before leaving, Meng Lu was very excited all the way, happy like a little bird, seeing her so happy, I became sad.

A few days later, my body was in a bit of a condition, and I rushed to the hospital alone under the pretext that my mother was not feeling well, and called my mother on the way and asked her to cooperate with me, because at this time Meng Lu already had her mother's phone.

This time the situation was much worse than the last time, I had to stay in the hospital, and two nights later, I suddenly received a call from Meng Lu that Liu Wei had gone to kidnap her with a thief heart.

At that time, my physical condition was not very good, but it was impossible for me not to go back when I received such a critical call, and she finally found out about the problem and began to ask me the truth.

I refused to answer her questions, and was forced to say nothing, and the atmosphere between the two of us changed over the next few days, and I thought it was time for me to leave, and if I continued like this, what I had been fearing would happen.

After Meng Lu questioned me again and again, I almost couldn't hold on, I couldn't bear to keep the secret for so many years, and I couldn't bear it when I saw that it was about to be known by her.

In the end, I had to choose the simplest but most effective method, and left her ruthlessly according to the original idea, when she was still with Meng Shuwei's child, I didn't know what she should do, I was really looking for a very useless man.

She looked for my parents, Qingya, and Lu Zhenting, wanting to know my whereabouts, but I was lonely and packed my bags and went around several surrounding cities.

I can't continue to stay here, otherwise as long as Meng Lu pesters the people around me more, I may take the initiative to go back to her, and in front of her, my self-control is getting worse and worse.

Whether it was in Xiacheng or going out, Qingya couldn't help but call me at least once a day to make sure I was still alive, but that day she called me and said, "Brother, I'm getting married, can you come to my wedding?"

Qingya is finally getting married, and it is really a happy and lucky thing for me to be able to see her wearing a wedding dress while she is alive!

I held the phone and laughed, "Okay, when, I'll be on time." ”

Qingya gave me a date, and there were only a few days left, so I hung up the phone and went to buy a plane ticket, and finally returned to Xiacheng the day before her wedding.

After I went back, I called Qingya, then went to find Meng Lu, took the initiative to tell her the truth tomorrow, and then took her to attend Qingya and Ling Xi's wedding the next day.

On the way home, I really kept thinking about telling her the truth, but when it really came to that moment, I suddenly flinched, and finally I couldn't bear to tell her that I was going to die.

She seemed to have a premonition and refused to sleep, but I had already taken action first, secretly put sleeping pills in the water, and then served her to drink as if nothing had happened.

Looking at her sleeping face with a slight frown, listening to her even breathing, I wrote her a long letter, telling her that I was a person with no future, and that she would forget me after dawn.

I folded the letter and put it on the bedside table, pressed it with her mobile phone, then reached out and gently smoothed her frowning brow, and finally kissed her face, kissed her lips, and whispered, "I'm sorry, I love you!"

This time I really decided to leave

Leave the sorrows that have remained unchanged for a long time

I want you to forget your sorrows

Forget about caring

Let go of all these disturbances and be free

When I locked the door and left, I kept thinking about these lyrics, return, return, do I still have a chance to come back and see your flowery smile?

I texted Qingya to tell her about my current decision, and then I went straight back to my parents' house and booked a plane ticket to California overnight.

I remember that when Meng Lu and Zhou Mingchuan first had problems with their relationship last year, I took Meng Lu to the beach once, and that day we talked about the places we wanted to go, and this time, I was going to realize my wishes.

Meng Lu looked for me like crazy the next day, I knew very well, when she called my mother, my mother turned on the amplification, and I listened to Meng Lu's voice next to me.

She also contacted Qingya, but I have already explained everything, I believe that Qingya will not betray me, didn't she always want to be with Meng Lu?

Whether it is Qingya or Zhenting, a few people who were very relieved before, except for Meng Lu, have a good home in their feelings, and they have entered the palace of marriage with infinite expectations for the future.

A few days later, I set out on a journey to California, not thinking about dying outside, just fulfilling my last wish I could fulfill, and that's it.

I fell in love with California since I was in high school, and it started with a song, Hotel-California, which was the pinnacle of the famous American country rock band Eagles in the 70s.

Later, I looked up a lot of information about California, fell in love with the warmth of California's smile like Monroe's smile, and loved its motto: i-have-found-it.

I often have the same dream, dreaming that I took Meng Lu to walk in the redwood forest at sunset, the sun sprinkled on our shoulders, stretching my shadows very long, overlapping together, you have me, I have you, and I can no longer tell each other.

But every time I wake up, I can't feel the warmth in my dream, only the boundless loneliness and helplessness swallow me, I secretly smile bitterly, how could I have the opportunity to take Meng Lu to California to enjoy the sunshine?

When I was abroad, I took care of myself very carefully, and I was going to stay outside for two months, diluting the urge to go to Meng Lu and then go back, so as not to do anything reckless.

Walking on the streets of a foreign country, looking at the unfamiliar environment around me, people of different colors, I don't have the passion of high school in my heart, all I think about is Meng Lu.

Qingya called me at first to tell me about Meng Lu, complaining that Meng Lu went to the hospital to ask her about my whereabouts, and my parents did the same, they said that Meng Lu actually found my home.

I only took Meng Lu back to my parents' house once before, she couldn't remember the address, and she didn't have a good sense of direction, let alone remember the route, how much did she pay to find me?

Meng Lu, I'm sorry, it's all my fault, it's my fault that makes you work so hard, listening to my parents' words, my heart hurts and even breathing becomes difficult.

"Xiaoying, why don't you come back, maybe she's not as fragile as you think, and she's willing to face it with you. "Mom gently persuaded me.

"Mom, what I'm afraid of is that she will face it with me, she is very strong, but the deeper the love, the more she can't accept it, I don't want to die and pull a cushion. "Thinking of Meng Lu's suicide last time, I trembled with fear.

With her current feelings for me, I can't guarantee that she will still find the courage to live after watching me die, so I am very much in favor of her adopting Meng Shuwei's child, so that she will at least have a responsibility to bond.

Many people want to know how long they can live, because unknown death is unsettling, but they don't know that when they really know that death is close at hand, the feeling of counting the days is even more painful.

It is a fear of falling into a bottomless abyss, with no hope at all, and a feeling of despair that haunts you all the time, reminding you of how many days you have left.

"It's going to be hard to deal with you, but if you don't say anything like this, won't you feel too cruel? My mom continued to persuade me.

"I know, but I can't open that mouth, now that she has a child with her, maybe the relationship will fade after a while, and she will still get married after all. I sighed helplessly, "Okay, Mom, don't persuade me anymore, I'm determined." ”

Mom sighed on the other end of the phone, didn't say anything more, and quickly hung up the phone.

Alas, in fact, I know that they still want me to give them a grandson or granddaughter to talk about to comfort their heartache.

I rented a house in a small village in California for a while, and the owner of the house was very welcoming, often bringing me food and introducing me to interesting places to go nearby.

They have a few children, all of whom are very cute, and they will pull me to play in the neighborhood at sunset, and I feel like I am full of children and grandchildren.

How much I want to have a child under my knees, how much I want to be a couple with Meng Lu for the rest of my life, but I don't have such a good life, God gave me too little time, and I desperately overdrafted, but after all, I still missed a lot.

If I could turn back time, I would definitely pursue Meng Lu, instead of silently loving her for ten years, and in the few months I have been together, I finally regretted my insistence.

It must be a very happy thing to be able to be with Meng Lu for ten years and have children, why do I only understand it now?

I was always afraid that Meng Lu would regret it, but the person who regretted it was me, Jin Yebai, you are a self-righteous big fool, you think you are an idiot, but in fact you are just a coward!

Meng Lu, can I ever see you again in this life?

I really want to see you again and say to you personally: It is the greatest happiness in my life to meet you in this life!

I love you, I wish you well, ten years of loving you is not a long time, I have no regrets!

———— Xiaobai finished his ————