She pursed her lips, words seemingly choked in her throat. Liunian's fingers searched for cigarettes, and then disappointed to find that there was no lighter, he wanted to get up, go out, and look for a lighter, but reason told him that he couldn't do this, could he only wait quietly?

As if there was no better way.

Accept, can only passively accept, no ability to fight back, he hates such a weak self, but he is powerless, Lao Tzu also said, do nothing.

He raised his head and faced the nanny, he had never been so directly face-to-face with the nanny, their eyes were short-sighted, and they found that they had nowhere to hide, as if courage came spontaneously at such a time, and the nanny cleared her throat.

"Sir, take your aunt to see a doctor, it's not always like this. ”

She made a concise head, and she breathed a sigh of relief, she didn't want to quit, her brain received this signal to her body, and her body lay back lazily. He still ordered his eyes to be fixed on the nanny's face, and Liu Nian found that this seemed to give the nanny the strength to continue.

But the nanny refused to say anything more. The air was silent, like the calm before the storm, and he could not stand it now, so quiet that he could hear the sound of his own heartbeat, and his heart would quarrel with him and make trouble with him in such a quiet time, and ask him to face it, but what was it that he had to face? Sometimes he knew it, sometimes he didn't.

Drifting heads, realizing that he had to respond to the nanny's proposal.

So he let his eyes find the face of the nanny again, it was a decent face that had been destroyed by the wind and moon, the face that had learned to compromise after tasting something, this face was originally ordinary, but it seemed to contain some wisdom of life, what wisdom can a nanny have? But what she just said was obviously and wise, and the years could not deny it.

He wanted to say I know, but in the end he only spat out the word "thank you".

"Thank you!" he repeated again.

The babysitter seemed genuinely encouraged this time, her lower abdomen off the corner of the table and pulling her spine to its straightest, which made her look a little taller than before, but nothing more. This made Liu Nian have to adjust the position of his head, and he felt that he had to look up at the nanny.

"And you, sir, you have to ...... I'm a woman, and I know what a woman needs most after giving birth. They need to have a father with the child by his side, I don't see you to see the child, in fact, I don't know the affection, but I think the relationship between you and your wife is not so bad, there is me here, you should actually ......"

She used the word "should", these two words made Liu Nian feel very unhappy, but she couldn't find a reason to refute it, yes, he married a wife and had a son, and the woman was still hovering between life and death two days ago, and she almost couldn't come back.

He put his hand in his hair with some annoyance, and then he realized that his hair had grown like crazy, how long? It didn't seem to be long, but they were so long, and messy, so long and messy, like his heart for a while. He even wanted to smooth out his psychology for a while, but later Liu Nian found that the more he wanted to straighten things out, the more it seemed to be a mess, so Liu Nian chose to give up.

The nanny had no intention of leaving, and Liunian realized that he had to respond to what the nanny had just said, even if it was just out of politeness. He nodded, "I see." The voice seemed to have degraded from being used for a long time, and it made a sound that was strange to all the years, so unfamiliar that he felt as if there was another person living in his body.

A stranger.

That's not him.

It's not a passing year.

The nanny continued to purse her lips, Liu Nian had already guessed that the middle-aged and elderly woman's conversation box had opened, she seemed to want to say more, and Liu Nian felt that he should be firmly stopped at this time, so he waved his hand and said, "I know." ”

The repetition representative emphasized that the nanny finally closed her mouth in understanding, and after a short silence, the nanny withdrew from the study in a playful manner. The study was empty, and the empty air surrounded him, so tightly that he couldn't break out. And why break out? He needs air.

Standing up, what season is this? He was a little confused. Looking out through the window, there is no one walking in the community at this time, the season brings pain and thought, the passing year is expected to be late autumn at this time, or early winter, the green plants in the park are declining, as if they are no longer in the prime of life, as if something has pulled out their vitality, the sky seems to be getting lower and lower, and the empty and dry air occupies all the space it can occupy.

It's really incredible, the world says that if you change your face, you will change your face, which makes him feel a little caught off guard. He reached out and pulled the window open, and the air was as hard as some kind of metal came in, and he shuddered, and looked around to see that there was nothing to keep him warm, and his hand hesitated on the window handle, not knowing whether to close it or leave it open in the next second.

It's not a very difficult question, but it still stumps him. Liu Nian felt that he was a little old, as if all the trivial questions could now make him hesitate or think for a long time.

It is said that thinking is the act of a wise man, or that he himself has grown wise.

He closed the window anyway, and when he walked out of the study, he saw his mother sitting quietly in the living room, and opposite her was a television set on, in which a variety entertainment show was being played, the atmosphere was lively and vague, and he noticed that his mother's eyes were meaninglessly staring at the television screen. She wasn't watching TV. For a second, he judged in his mind. He also thought he had lost the ability to judge.

Now, it seems, no.

He walked over to his mother, hesitating to tell her whether he should try to tell her that Chen Mofei had given birth, or that the new little life could awaken something, maybe she didn't need to go to a psychiatrist, these damn doctors, they couldn't solve anything.

Liu Nian was a little irritable, and finally saw the lighter on the coffee table, his hand went straight to the lighter, and then picked up one of them, he returned to the study, at this time the study seemed to have become his position, his stronghold, and his safest fortress, and the smoke in the drawer rose into the sky under the firelight, vivid and concrete. At that moment, he felt that it was better to be a smoker than a human being.

He remembered that when he was in college, Socrates was killed and before the execution he said to those who had killed him, "I am going to die now, and you will continue to live." Do you guess I'm more unfortunate or you're more unlucky?

He looked down at the cigarette with a faint smoke, and perhaps the cigarette had given him such an emotion or mockery at the moment, and he brought the cigarette holder to his lips: let it laugh!

He took a hard puff, the long soot was like a gray barrel, and the flow of time dusted the ash into the ashtray, but there were still dots of soot floating out.

Something had to be done, or just some decision was made.

He was convinced of this, and there was a knock on the door, and the voice was very gentle, and he expected that it must be the nanny, and he wondered what else she wanted to talk to him.

"Please come in. "The voice and the throat still seem to be in the phase of running into each other.

The door opened a small crack in front of his eyes, and then he saw Kang Ruoran. I don't know why, when I saw Kang Ruoran, my eyes lit up.

Kang Ruoran's small head was silent behind the door for long.

"The meal is ready. She finally said.

Liunian stood up.

"When did you come?"

The door, the hole opens. The woman walked in, and Liu Nian found that the woman in front of him seemed to be different, but he really couldn't say where it was different. Maybe she's no different, or maybe he's never paid much attention to her before, or maybe he's different from him before.

As the years passed, people had come to him, and he could smell the smell of a young man of the opposite sex, like grass, like jasmine, like clouds, like all that was ethereal.

In the past, he didn't feel like this about her, he always felt that Kang Ruoran was like some kind of physical object, something that he held firmly in the palm of his hand.

"Let's go, go out to dinner. The woman suggested.

Liu Nian didn't find a reason to refute, so he followed behind the woman's buttocks, and Liu Nian found out that she had changed her hairstyle, her hair was cut short, and a certain hair-cutting master helped her definely retouch, so that her whole person exuded a different temperament.

He found that he missed Chen Mofei a little. Chen Mofei is his wife, and he has waited for him for many years, and he has to be with her.

The past swept over the table, and the food and dishes on the dining room table were stretched out, just waiting for people to come and destroy them.

"Miss Kang, you together, I have done a lot. The nanny said.

Kang Ruoran was not polite, and said great, I happened to be hungry.

Then she stood at the dining table, picked up something with chopsticks, and put it in her mouth, which had just been bribed, so she hurriedly praised it: It is delicious, much better than what our aunt cooked.

The nanny smiled, and then the nanny turned around and went to the living room to push the old lady over, and several people sat around the dining table. Halfway through the meal, Kang Ruoran said to Liu Nian: I forget it, it is exactly a month so far, Mo Fei is full moon, if there is no special circumstance, I want you to accompany me to the United States as soon as possible. When I got better, I took my dad over and didn't want to come back.

Liu Nian raised his head and thought, a month has passed really fast.

He stood up, grabbed a coat and put it on himself, and the old lady chewed quietly, as if she was doing a very ** thing, the food passed through the esophagus, reached her somewhat aging stomach, and then stayed there, waiting for the stomach acid to further digest and decompose them.

She heard the door slam behind her, with a loud noise, a little noisy, the old lady thought.

Kang Ruoran lowered his head to eat, and suddenly felt that the food had lost its taste in his mouth.