Sometimes I think, there are many people in this world, how will they live? Everyone is their own subject, what kind of person is they to others? I always wonder, what kind of person do I see in the eyes of others?

After a long time of searching, I found that I was so uncertain in the eyes of others, I couldn't capture the specific points in the conclusions of these many people, and even in their eyes, I could completely form a world, and the "I" they thought was the extreme part of me, and their evaluation of me was very kind, very annoying, very handsome, very ugly, very brave, very cowardly, very smart, very stupid, very humorous, very shy, very nosy, Very helpful and so on, and I'm just me, I can't take it apart, but people just like to take it apart, and it can't help but make me wonder, how can they be so sure that I'm what they see me to be? And it can change constantly, every time I'm so sure I'm that kind of person, I don't know what kind of person I am, how do they know?

I spend my days thinking about stupid questions that I can't find answers, like: Why do people change?

I've been thinking about why people change.

Some people give a lot of answers, because of the environment, because of growth, because of ignorance, because of the so-called desires...... I don't understand very well, these answers they give don't make me understand, maybe I'm really stupid, I think that people can't control except birth, old age, sickness and death, existence itself will not change, the forms of existence they show in different periods are only the strengthening of the forms of those periods, and weaken other forms of existence, but it doesn't mean that they have changed, people do self-protection, organic and accurate selection and hide something; at the beginning it was shown to you, so that you saw one part, and then he showed you another part, what can you say about himSay he's changed, he's changed or he's changed? They just switch their thoughts back and forth.

Kwan thinks I've changed.

Maybe I've really changed, and I'm making excuses for my own change.

After I came to the town, at first I still had illusions about Guan Wenbin, fantasizing that she could do anything for me, and fantasizing that she suddenly appeared in front of me and said to me, "I only want you".

I was so selfish that I couldn't help it, my possessiveness put me on the verge of loss, and then I became more and more passive, and I didn't know how to contact her, I didn't know what to say to her, and finally I recognized the reality, and I asked myself, what would I give up for her? Would I want to be possessed by her all the time? Can I suddenly appear in front of her?

Life in a small town has indeed made me unable to recognize myself, I can't recognize my previous life, but I always find reasons for myself to convince myself.

Some things come too fast and don't hug them when you're not ready, maybe it's a big hole and it's hard to fill it no matter how much dirt you shovel!

I hurt the past several times in my life, and Yamagata is still cold, which is my current mood.

I might be over with Kwan Wenbin.

I don't even suspect I ever started with her at all.

My heart is torn, my body is paralyzed, my mind is in a trance, my state is strange, I am about to suffocate, I have to prepare for a breakup!

I came back from a small town for a class reunion.

There were a lot of people who came, and there were many who didn't, and I found out afterwards that the students who didn't come were really smart.

said that it was a class reunion, everyone rushed to play cool and sell shame, and the things that would hold back a serious grandson when they went to school are now all exposed, the men's oily hair is slippery, the women's powder makeup is gorgeous, and the body and language are vulgar, you can imagine what kind of party this is.

One of my classmates, usually likes to pretend to @ force, this is miserable, in the first three minutes, he was poured half a bottle of liquor and three bottles of beer in a row, and he vomited in that wow wow, and he was lying on the table for the next few hours, and whoever shouted at him ignored it, which was really interesting.

I was also ugly, I was pulled next to Guan Wenbin, she asked me to eat vegetables, I ate vegetables, she asked me to drink soup, I drank soup, I looked very restrained.

I chatted with the man, drank, and somehow drank a little and vomited, Guan Wenbin hurriedly wiped my mouth, and I smirked at her.

The party was so boring, I wanted to stand up and go out to breathe, I found that I couldn't stand up, my body swayed, Guan Wenhui helped me out of the private room, went out to the side of the road, and vomited again! I felt that my internal organs were all vomited, and I really wanted to die and pull it down; Bai Xiao and the man also came out, and the man asked me if I was okay, I said with disgust, it's okay.

I was there for a while, a little conscious, with a terrible headache, and just wanted to find a place to sleep.

The man asked, "They went to karaoke, where are you going?"

Guan Wenbin looked at me, and I said, "You guys go play, I'll go to my hair." ”

Bai Xiao said: "Let Ah Bang send you there, get drunk like this." ”

So, Guan Wenhui took a taxi, and the two of us went up to say goodbye to them.

I leaned back in the saddle, Guan Wenbin took my arm, and we didn't say a word along the way.

When I arrived at the place, Guan Wenhui helped me lie down on the bed, and she said, "Why do you drink so much?"

I said, "You haven't had much, have you?"

"You feel weird today and don't talk much. ”

"Is there one?" I said with my eyes closed.

"How about you work there?"

"It's good. ”

"Oh......"

I was dizzy, because it was late autumn, so I wore a thicker one, but I was very hot, I felt like my body was burned by fire, I wanted to take off my coat but it was difficult to turn over, Guan Wenbin wanted to help me take it off, I hugged her, she fell into my arms, I used all my strength to try to press her down under me, but it didn't work, she called my name, I ignored it, continued to struggle, because the clothes were too thick, I couldn't do anything, I gave up,

Guan Wenhui said: "Wait for someone to come." ”

I thought they might come back and say, "You'd better go!"

Guan Wenhuan looked at me, I couldn't see her expression clearly, and she said again, "Are you okay?"

"Well, I'm dizzy and want to sleep for a while. ”

I threw my head on the other side and I did want to sleep.

She got up, helped me pull the quilt, and said, "Okay, you sleep, then I'll go." Seeing that I didn't respond, she walked slowly, and I was dazed, and I vaguely heard her footsteps, and after a while, I went in and out, and soon fell asleep.

Some people like to pretend to be confused, some people like to pretend to be strong, some people are just pretending to be forced, some people think that pretending to be pitiful will win sympathy, some people always complain and pretend to be sentimental, some people pretend to be confident, some people can't pretend to be sincere at all, and some people will pretend to have thousands of faces in an instant, so, these are all about me, I want to be simple, but it's not fucking easy, just because of desire!

Why is it that the desire to have it is not broken? Because before you have it you are desire, and after you have it you become waste, and in this respect man is actually a very inferior animal, alas!