One night at the end of May, Xiao Su and I were eating hot pot.

Originally, I didn't want to drink, I looked everywhere, the lights were bright, and I saw a thin girl in the lights across the street with her hand on the shoulder of a fat man, and they talked and laughed, and the girl looked around from time to time, but she didn't see me.

My heart was torn apart, and I wanted to rush forward and say to the fat man, she's my woman, but is she?

I was about to go crazy, I asked Xiao Su to pour wine, drank it in one go, poured it again, drank it again, Xiao Su looked at me, "Chen Zhuo, what's wrong with you? ”

I said it's okay,

Xiao Su said, "Okay, come, drink." ”

I had a few glasses of white wine, I didn't feel it, the hot pot was finished, Xiao Su said go back,

I said, "You go first, I'll go around." ”

Xiao Su and Ah Fei looked at each other for a while, looked at me again, and began to shake their heads on the side of the road, and the wine came up.

Ah Fei: "Chen Zhuo, you are drunk, let's go together." ”

I yelled, "I'm not drunk." ”

Anyway, I walked forward with a tendon, walked into a small alley, there were no street lights, nothing could be seen in the dark, I couldn't stand on my feet at all, so I rubbed hard against the wall, I was conscious, but my mouth and limbs just didn't obey the call, Xiao Su and Ah Fei followed behind, I felt something in front of me blocking me, so I climbed up, the thing suddenly sounded, and flashed, it was a private car or two.

Xiao Su and Ah Fei couldn't stand it in the back, so they grabbed me, called a bread tricycle, and lifted me up, and before the master drove away, I vomited in the car, causing the master to scold, Xiao Su quickly apologized, and said that the factory would wash his car.

Xiao Su took me to the dormitory, I fell on the bed and didn't move, I don't know how Xiao Su and Ah Fei washed the master's car, and I don't know how much the travel fee costed.

I slept until midnight, my throat felt like a fire, it was raining outside, I endured a headache to the cafeteria and took a sip of cold water, I didn't have any strength when I went upstairs, I did it at the staircase, because the stairs were outside, my back was beaten by the rain, I felt like I was about to die, I held my head in my hands, tears and rain flowed into my clothes.

At this time, Lu Qiong came back, she saw me sitting there, she was very surprised, she helped me up, walked to my dormitory, and said, "How much wine are you drinking?"

I said, "You don't care?"

She said, "Why are you doing this?"

I seemed to wear a crying tone and said, "I saw you shopping, with your partner." ”

She understood why I was drunk like this, and said, "I'm sorry, Chen Zhuo, don't you do this in the future, okay? ”

I said, "It's okay, you don't have to blame yourself, I did it myself." ”

She said, "I don't feel good about you like this." ”

I suddenly raised my tone: "How can you feel bad, you are happy!"

After that, I asked her to go, and it was very loud, and she was afraid of waking others, so she comforted me a few words and went back, while I, with my wet clothes, lay on the bed.

As for the rain, I don't blow it, I have been drenched in all kinds of rain from childhood to adulthood, drizzle, light rain, violent storms, rain under the sun...... Those rains are slapped by my body, no one is spared in me, every time I get drenched in the rain for a different reason, I won't go to the rain for no reason, that's what boring people do, I do everything for a reason, every time I get drenched in the rain there is a reason, I also ran in the rainstorm, insisted on running 10 kilometers, every time the feeling of the rain is different, but every time the result is the same, run the toilet 4.5 times a day, the legs are weak, play small because of blind eating branded enteritis, a cold on the stomach, but I enjoy it, coincidentally the problem of the rain is developed when I was a child. No matter how heavy the rain is, I am not afraid, I believe that after being drenched in the rain, I can better understand me under the scorching sun, otherwise why am I not anxious at all?

I think of Guan Wenlan.

Guan Wenlan won't let me get drenched in the rain, won't let me be so heartbroken, she won't reject me, no one can be better than her, but I have been away from her for a long time.

The next day I woke up in pain, my shoulder was badly broken, I remembered that I had the wall worn down in the alley last night, I changed my clothes, went to the hospital to get my medicine, and swore to myself that I would never drink again no matter what, what a sin.

When I came back, I met Xiao Su, Xiao Su smiled when he saw me, saying that yesterday I had all my foreign appearance, and every time I got drunk, I could come up with new tricks, and he asked me when I would continue to drink, and I said that I would not drink in the future, and he didn't believe it at all.

One night, I received a call from a man, he cried heartbreakingly, not at all like the person I usually knew, he cried on the phone and told me that he and Bai Xiao broke up, and Bai Xiao didn't want her anymore. I'm not surprised, just as he wasn't surprised when I broke up with Guan Wenlan. I told him that it was probably a contradiction, and it was soon fine, and he said that this time it was true, and he said a lot of things, but I didn't hear him clearly, I only heard him crying, and the man also became useless, maybe the love in the depths naturally made people become useless, I won't laugh at him, how can I laugh at him who is connected with his fate? The man is estimated to be tired, he hung up the phone, but I can't sleep.

I know that everything is over at this moment, my youth is stranded at this moment, waiting for the ending that reality has to accept for me, the lost 18-year-old, the lost girl, the lost fragments floating in the wind, can never be picked up again.

Actually, I understand Bai Xiao, what she pursues is not in him, but in the distance, he can't help but is very obsessed with her body, causing him to be hit again and again. Breaking up is also a good thing, there is nothing to regret after experiencing it, and there must be sacrifices to grow up.

Although the man and Bai Xiao broke up, the relationship was not clear, and the man had to retreat to the second, as long as Bai Xiao said a word, he would not give up.

The man said, I really should live in a troubled world, and the more chaotic the society, the more I can take advantage of it from various fields.

I have a common opinion about life at that time, which can be seen from the conversation between the two of us when we chat:

Me: Hey, who do you think?

Man: I'm thinking about a large number of people, not about any one person

Me: Oh, I see, it's you, you, you...... Not you!!!

Man: Well, that's right, I'm worthy of the feelings of our brothers, when will you introduce a girlfriend to me?

Me: I don't know a few women, really.

Man: How is that possible?

Me: I feel like I've gone downhill. So, you're better than me.

Man: What a fart, you still have a girl to accompany me, I am alone every day, what you are about to come is called happiness, and I am called suffering in loneliness.

Me: It's happiness, the key is my pursuit of myself, it's not like this. Also, for people, only sadness and pain are the real emotions of human beings, because they last, joy and happiness are common to everyone, too fake!

Me: People are the real side when they're sad.

Hanzi: Sadness and pain are also temporary, people do not have an eternal mood, any kind of emotion will be changed by time, so emotions are fake, too fake too fake, your pursuit I understand, but the pursuit is the pursuit, life is reality, since it can't be changed, you can only accept it.

Me: It's like being raped @ raped, right?

Man: Well, and it's a wave of rape.

Me: Yes, I accepted it, but life still kept doing @ me, and I collapsed.

Man: Hehe, buddy, you are gone, and you are destined to spend your life in being raped.

I:............

Man: Actually, a handsome and talented person like you should, no, you have to stage an unforgettable love, what do you think?

Me: I think so too, but unfortunately it's not enough.

Man: It can only be said that you are too eager for quick success.

Me: I don't have any hobbies now.

Man: Well, I'm better than you, except for playing billiards, I don't have any other hobbies.

Man: They are all destroyed by life!

Me: I'm being by my current life, and I used to love to read, but now I can't do it anymore.

Man: Does it feel cool to be @ dry?

Me: At first, I was cool, but now I'm like a prostitute who has been fucked a lot, numb.

Man: That's right.

…………