The whole person leaned in the back of the chair, looked up at the cold moonlight and the starlight in the sky, even through the car window, you could hear the whirring wind in the thick night, the sound of hunting. Lan Li knew that his condition was terrible, even worse than when he was filming "Buried Alive".

The scene was interrupted before the filming was completed. This means that the next step is to continue shooting, or even reshoot. The rhythm of the performance was interrupted, and when filming again, he had to adjust his state and re-engage in the role, which was not easy for the actors, as if they were self-tortured, and they would start all over again.

But this is not a problem for the current Lan Li. He is now fully engaged in the performance, and even if the rhythm is interrupted, he can easily re-engage with it, and the details and frames of those performances are vividly displayed in his mind.

The understanding and control of performance is quietly changing little by little.

The really serious problem is that his physical condition and mental state are not optimistic.

From the outside, he was just a little tired now, and there was nothing unusual about him. But in fact, his whole being was tormented and tormented.

His whole back was soaked, cold sweat was pouring out in layers, he had dried it once before that, and then he was soaked again, his whole strength was drained, he couldn't even move a finger, and it felt as if every muscle had been crushed by a road roller, his temples were twitching one after another, and the tenacious and sensitive nerves tugged lightly, all the way down the entire spine, pulling every nerve in his body, and the extreme pain could not even cry out.

When he first filmed "Buried Alive", he almost thought he was going to die again, that kind of immersive horror made people fall apart, but it was someone else's experience, even if the boundary between reality and fantasy has been completely blurred, even if the distinction between Paul Conroy and Lan Li Hall has been completely blurred, it is also an experience that Lan Li and Chu Jiashu have never really experienced.

This filming of "I Fight Cancer" is really re-walking the path he has experienced, from the torture of illness to the fear of death, from the coming of darkness to the torture of suffering, and finally reaching the other side of the light and regaining his life, just like the movie "Edge of Tomorrow" and "Source Code", he must experience his death again and again, die once, again, pain again, and again.

Every time, I watched myself go to the end of my life, but I was always helpless and powerless. He couldn't save himself, he couldn't ask for help, he could only keep repeating the end of his death.

The torture of the spirit is like a drop of water piercing through a stone, each time it is so real, so real, so delicate, that it is extremely cruel to break down the experience of death into countless details, as if the "pain" is divided into pieces, and savored little by little, until the soul is completely dissipated.

What's even more terrifying is that what he experienced was not only the death of Chu Jiashu, but also the death of Adam. The torment of paralysis and the impact of cancer are so long and so ferocious, as if there is no end in sight, and they can only float and sink in the boundless sea of suffering.

He can't say "buried alive" or "I who fights cancer", which work is more difficult to shoot, but there is no doubt that the pain and torture caused by "I am fighting cancer" is so real, so real that people have nowhere to escape. Even if he is out of the unreal, even if he leaves the movie, even if he finishes filming, in real life, the part of his soul that belongs to Chu Jiashu is still tormented and tortured.

This is where sickness and death are the most cruel.

The catharsis of the scene just now, Lan Li has completely blurred the outline of the performance, Chu Jiashu in the previous life, Adam in the movie, Will in life, and himself in reality, all of them are mixed up, it is no longer a performance, but a cry from the soul -

After experiencing the ups and downs of emotions, from repression to release, from anger to despair, from unwillingness to pain, from sadness to nothingness, from struggle to helplessness, until the final acceptance, the waves after disarming and surrendering, with a trace of bitterness, self-deprecation, banter, ridicule, like ripples gently flooded, compared to roller coasters and free landing, it is more intense.

Now he can almost be said to have run out of oil.

His eyes were hot and painful, he tried to close his eyes and rest, but found that the corners of his eyes were dry and cracked, and the pain was terrible, the hot temperature was always scorching the eye sockets, and the sour nose made the tears begin to pour up, but before it could form a mist, it had already evaporated, and the whole eye socket was very dry.

I can't even cry.

He lowered his eyelids and smiled dumbly, but found that just this slight eye movement, the sharp pain through the temple, stimulated the brain, from the epidermis to the depths little by little, as if there was a hole in the ground, and the pain that burst out in that moment was transmitted to every corner of the limbs, and he had to grit his teeth and endure unspeakable pain, but there was no sound at all.

Exhaled lightly, the burning lungs were like pins and needles, and the air that came up was filled with a smell of blood. He felt like a paralyzed patient with cancer, the scythe of the god of the earth already caught in his neck, and he was cold, but he still gritted his teeth and refused to give up.

Is this futile?

The moonlight and starlight in his sight were covered with a thin halo, and the whole world became hazy, and the hot eye sockets and dry lips seemed to be burning in the lower abdomen, and the fuel was his blood, spirit, and soul, and when the flame was extinguished, it was the end of life.

The corners of his mouth tugged slightly, revealing a ridiculous smile.

Lan Li knew that this was an illusion and was thinking nonsense, he was just acting, Chu Jiashu was transformed and reborn as Lan Li-Hall, Will in life successfully survived the operation, and Adam in the script also gained a new life through surgery, this is not the end of life. However, at this moment, in this scene, his mentality is maintained in such a wonderful and sad position.

Acting is a magical thing, isn't it?

Whether it's a method school or an experience school, in the final analysis, they all allow the actor to establish a resonance with the character, awaken their own emotions, bring that part of the emotion into the character, and then burst out the power of the plot.

Although the method is opportunistic, it is still not easy to reach the top-

For example, in "Brokeback Mountain", even though Heath Ledger treats Jack Gyllenhaal as the opposite sex and falls in love, he has to convince himself that Jack is a "opposite sex" and convince the audience that this is his ability, and it is also the embodiment of methodological polishing to a certain extent. Later, when Heath was figuring out the role of the Joker in "Batman: The Dark Knight", he broke the barrier of methodism and really forced himself to a dead end in an experiential way.

As for the experiential school, it is really too risky, as if it is performing with life. The "buried alive" performance, if Lan Li is put into the performance for the second time, maybe it will be better, maybe worse, but it is certain that it will definitely not be what it is presented in the finished product now. Because the performance of the experiential school is a moment of beauty, in a specific node, all the most real memories in the depths of the soul burst out, completely confusing the boundary between performance and reality, and also confusing the difference between the character and the individual.

This is not reproducible.

This is also the reason why Hollywood encourages methodism even more. If every actor uses experiential school, after reaching the extreme, he can no longer perform for a long time, or even goes too deep into the play and can't extricate himself, resulting in a series of irreparable consequences, it will be unimaginable.

It is interesting to see that experiential performances are still encouraged in Russia. This is also the reason why Russian cinema always has a rough and barbaric temperament, just like their literary works.

But for Lan Li, he doesn't mind whether he is methodist or experiential, because no matter which method it is, it is a new experience and exploration for him, opening up a whole new world for him, re-understanding and re-learning acting.

He tried to calm down and think, think about how the scene was performed just now, think about the difference between the details of the method and the experiential school, think about the incoming and outgoing of his own emotions, think about the ins and outs of the performance, and think about the experience after the release...... However, before the thoughts could swell, the brain began to throb.

The throbbing pain came and went, and then began to spread, as if thousands of embroidery needles had pierced at the same time, and the piercing pain made the muscles of his body tense, but he was now exhausted, and he couldn't even clench his fingers—he had lost the sensation of his fingers, and he was not sure if he could control them, the muscles were so numb and stiff, as if he had completely lost consciousness, but the pain did not diminish at all, wave after wave, like a wave.

Then the temples began to throb again, and the nerves of the thickness of the rope were directly pulled to the extreme, like the main control rope of the puppet, pulling up, the whole body stood upright, and every corner could feel the powerful pulling feeling, and then completely lost control of the body and was at the mercy of others.

The cold sweat seeped out again, and even though I was sitting in the car, I didn't open the window, and I couldn't feel the cold wind, but the cold shiver still came in waves. Lan Li couldn't tell whether it was a side effect after chemotherapy, or a weakness caused by cancer, or a loss of body functions after paralysis, or ...... Delusions of oneself.

He sat quietly in the driver's seat, his eyes slightly lowered, but his body was torn and tortured by the stormy waves. The pain was so extreme that he began to enjoy it, and the curvature of the corners of his mouth rose slightly. Bitter, but sweet.