What else can I do?

Watching yourself in a state of falsehood?

There's no way to move forward any more?

How to go further?

This is not the end, I am not done yet. But no matter what I do, I'm just a representation of the elements of the picture after all, so where can I go?

Moreover, it is not me who touches the truth, and the character of Yuan Changwen is always false, so how can it touch the truth?

Is it because I haven't killed myself yet? Although I know that all this is just a presentation of picture elements, do I still firmly grasp the role of "I am Yuan Changwen" in my heart?

Think about death, think about being unconscious, thinking about yourself, no one knows you, and I can't know anyone else. The whole mind will dissipate, and you will not remember thinking about anything.

Not a single me.

When I was a child, I felt a pang of fear when I thought about death. At that time, I told my parents but I didn't get a good answer. Only now do I understand that the fear at that time was to face "fear has no role".

Later, when I grew up, I didn't feel anything as if I was thinking about death. But I understand that it's not that I'm mature enough to resist fear, it's that my mind is twisted so much that it blocks the fear of death.

In other words, it is impossible to seriously think about the state of death at all.

I only think about the state of not having a job, the state of being ridiculed, and the state of not having money. And death seems to be far away from oneself.

Nothing is closer to oneself than death, not even breathing.

I can lose anything, it seems that I can't lose death.

This sentence is more like a reassurance, as if all this does not need to be killed, because killing is only the presentation of picture elements.

It's as if you don't need to be angry at the distortion in your head, because that's the presentation of the elements of the picture. Even, this anger itself is a presentation of the elements of the picture.

The problem is that these are not real. Moreover, I don't always think that all this is just a presentation of picture elements. When I'm angry, I don't think these are the presentation of picture elements. When I'm happy, I don't think so.

Then, this sentence only becomes a kind of appeasement, and it becomes a kind of talking point. As everybody knows, the Buddha said that this world is empty. And then, continue to eat, sleep, and make money, and take out this sentence when chatting.

Of course, there's nothing wrong with that. I am not pulled by the distortion in my head, but the whole picture element is presented in this way.

It's like a cartoon where the protagonist is dragged by someone, but in fact there is no protagonist at all and no one drags, but the whole picture is presented like this.

The direct presentation of the elements of the picture, this sentence is like the last fortress, not to protect me from being falsely violated, but to prevent me from crossing the chasm that should not be crossed.

None of this is real, why am I still here? No, I'm just guessing, thinking about what happens after the slaughter is done is just and a waste of time.

Should I ditch the phrase "picture elements are presented directly" and continue to kill?

In any case, unreal is unreal. None of this is real, neither is the thinking, nor is the character. That awareness is not here, and I will never be able to touch the truth.

Yuan Changwen felt that he would inevitably commit suicide in the end. When I made it very clear that the role of Yuan Changwen was not me, what was the difference between it and suicide?

It's not that I'm thinking, but I always think I'm thinking. After so many chapters of slashing, constantly thinking and constantly seeing your own absurdity, is it true that these thoughts are not under your control?

Theoretically, I knew that these were the presentation of picture elements, but I couldn't kill that sense of realism.

Just let yourself die, fall into the depths of the lake, no one knows and no one cares, just let me go. The unreal does not exist, I am as unreal as the world, the mind and body are also unreal, and the picture elements are only picture elements after all.

I'm not real, then throw me away. I can't touch the truth, so kill me.

This thinking prevents me from killing, so kill this thinking.

I don't know how to kill this thinking, and every time I think that thinking is just a representation of a picture element, I fall into a stupor.

There must be one more step here, but I can't find it myself.

Yuan Changwen is going crazy in his heart, there must be a step here, and he can definitely move forward. But where? What is it?

It's as if thinking is the presentation of the elements of the picture, so I should not think about anything?

What kind of logic is this, whether it is "thinking" or "not thinking", it is the presentation of the elements of the picture, what reason do I have to choose not to think directly?

Or should you see yourself thinking and understand that you are not thinking?

Isn't this the theater watcher mode?

However, this model of theatergoers is not really a theatergoer, it is just their own imagination. After all, it is still in the midst of falsehood, after all, it is still unreal, after all, it is just a picture element.

It's going even further.

The root of the problem was that I wanted to know if I should continue to kill. I think of slashing as something to work on and achieve something. However, I didn't know that slashing could be done.

Yuan Changwen's mind was in a mess, and he couldn't continue to think except for making it clear that all this was untrue. It's as if the mind has been poured, and it can't function effectively.

How does the mind destroy the mind itself?

Moreover, there is nothing to destroy at all, all this is just the presentation of picture elements. There is not a single me in the picture elements, and there is not a trace of reality. So, where am I? Where is that awareness? What the hell is "I exist"?

No matter what I'm thinking about, it's just the presentation of the elements of the picture. But where does this illusion of free will come from? Is it because I never know what I'm going to think in the next moment, so I assume I have free will?

And also about the continuity of thinking, as if the last moment I wanted to think about the apple, this moment I really think about the apple. In this way, it is easy to think that you have free will.

However, thinking is only the presentation of the elements of the picture, only what is realized at the moment. When I realized that I was thinking about apples, I was in fact aware that I was thinking about apples.

Then, it can go on and on indefinitely.

Since it is the presentation of picture elements, where is the freedom?

Yuan Changwen is completely confused, he wants to kill the mind, so what is the thing that kills the mind? Is it the thing that kills the mind in the end?