I said, "I never blame you. ”

When Li Luo heard my words, he didn't have any happiness on his face, but his expression was filled with great loss.

After a long time, he smiled bitterly and said, "Thank you, thank you for not blaming me." ”

Both of us were silent at the same time, neither seemed to know what to say, there was a brief silence in the room, at this time, Chen Su's phone rang, he glanced at the call reminder, then turned around and went out the door, about a minute or two, he walked in again, and whispered beside me: "We should go." ”

I glanced at Li Luo, I thought about it, and still whispered, "I should go." ”

Li Luo didn't ask anything, just stared down at his hand and hummed softly.

After I got up with Chen Su, I was about to walk in the direction of the door, he seemed to think of something, and suddenly looked up and asked me, "Xiao Fan!"

I looked back at him and asked, "What's wrong?"

He said, "Are we over?"

It seemed to take a lot of courage for him to ask this, and I was silent for a while before I said, "Yes, we're done, Liluo." ”

When he heard me say this, he was holding a cup with half a glass of water in his hand. And he fell from the palm of his hand and shattered to the ground, as if we had broken all our past. The puddle of water wet his shoes, he seemed to have just found that his first reaction was to pick up the debris in the ground, and when he picked up the first piece, his hand was cut by those broken glasses, and the blood on his fingertips wrapped in the transparent glass, his dazzling red, made him look at it for a long time without speaking.

In the end, when nothing happened, he stood up from in front of me and smiled and said, "You go, I'm all right here." ”

I checked and asked, "Are you really okay?"

He smiled and said, "It's really fine." ”

I said, "I can send you back, do you have any money with you?"

He said, "Yes." ”

I said, "Okay, then I'll go." ”

Li Luo snorted, and the blood of his clenched fist kept flowing down the gap between his fingers, and I glanced at it, and the liquid dripping on the white marble floor under the ground was a little shocking, but I didn't say anything, and I didn't look at him again.

said to Chen Su on the side: "Let's go." ”

Chen Su didn't waste any more time, pushed the door of the open box, and helped me out, I thought to myself as I walked, Li Luo, I'm really sorry, let everything become what you are now, but I can't make up for you, I can't even say sorry to your face, maybe goodbye like this will be better for me and for him, better than parting with life and death in the future.

For so long, in fact, I have always regarded him as my younger brother, and in this relationship, this is also where I feel the most guilty about him, but I believe that anything will become lighter and lighter under the rinse of time.

After I came out of the hotel with Chen Su, Yi Jin had been waiting for me in the car for a long time, but he didn't ask anything, after bending over and sitting in the car, he took me, helped me sit down, and asked as if nothing had happened: "Is it cold?"

In fact, this kind of weather is really not cold, but it is about my body is a little weak, and my body temperature is lower than ordinary people, but I don't want Yi Jin to notice my physical weakness, I said, "I think it's okay." ”

Yi Jin didn't speak again, but directly wrapped a blanket around me, and after Chen Su got into the car, he said two words: "Drive." ”

After that, Yi Jin didn't ask me about the past with Li Luo, and he didn't even mention the name Li Luo, in fact, I had already thought about how to explain it to him in my heart, but he didn't mention it, I took the initiative to explain it to him, but I felt a little strange, so on the way back, I kept thinking about this question in my heart.

I didn't find a chance until the car stopped at the door of the hotel, and Yi Jin didn't talk to me, I thought he was angry.

But who knew that when he got out of the car, he still spoke in a normal tone and asked me very gently: "Do you have the strength to go?"

I was stunned for a few seconds and said, "I can go." ”

Yi Jin heard me say this, and didn't ask anything more, and helped me get out of the car. I followed my steps and walked towards the hotel lobby, my body is actually not as fragile as Yi Jin thought, of course, this is my own opinion, as for the actual situation, I actually don't know, sometimes although my body understands, it is not as accurate as the scientific method of analysis.

After Yi Jin took me home, although he didn't show it, I knew that Yi Jin minded about me and Li Luo.

When I arrived at night, I came out of the bathroom after taking a shower, and I went to the kitchen to prepare some fruit with my aunt, and brought it to Yi Jin's room.

I walked over to him with a little flattery, put the cut fruit in front of him, and said, "I have something I want to talk to you about." ”

He seemed to know what I was going to talk about, and he didn't seem to want to talk to me about it, because the next second, he whispered, "But I'm still working." ”

The implication of this sentence is that he doesn't want to talk to me.

I hesitated for a few seconds before I said, "Okay, we'll talk when you're done." ”

He hummed with a normal face, and after a while, after the aunt came in with Yi Jin's coffee, Yi Jin asked the aunt: "Did you drink the medicine?"

After the aunt put the cup on the desk, she replied to him: "Not yet, just now I kept shouting that I want to wash the fruit for you." ”

Yi Jin glanced at me, frowned slightly, and said, "Drink the medicine on time." ”

I got up from the chair in front of his desk and whispered, "Okay, I see." ”

I followed my aunt out of his study, and when I arrived at the kitchen, my aunt gave me warm Chinese medicine, and I glanced at the thick black liquid in the bowl, which still emitted a smell similar to rotten wood, and I wanted to vomit before I could pour it into my mouth, and the aunt standing aside said to me: "Oh, don't be afraid, pinch your nose and stuff it, this thing is fine." ”

I glanced at my aunt, didn't say anything, pinched my nose with a death-defying mentality, forced myself to drink, and when I drank to the last sip, I felt a little unbearable, threw the bowl in my hand, and vomited in the sink, my aunt kept patting me on the back, she comforted me and said let me slowly, slowly.

I threw up for a long time. I found that I had vomited all the things I had drunk, and my aunt just wanted to pour it for me again, but I grabbed her and said weakly: "Don't pour it." ”

When my aunt heard this, she looked at me.

I said, "It's useless to drink, I know." ”

Auntie was about to say something, but my hand slowly slipped off her arm and I walked out of the kitchen exhausted.

After I returned to the bedroom, my aunt prepared Western medicine for me, more than a dozen Western medicines, which were densely placed there, and before I ate a single one, my stomach was about to suffer a spasm. I sat there with myself in my arms and looked at the pills for a long time, and after my aunt had gone, I took them to the bathroom, poured them all into the basin, and then turned on the faucet and let the water in the faucet wash them away.

Yi Jin came out of the study in the middle of the night, and when he returned to the room, I had already fallen asleep, but I was awakened by his movements, I raised my eyes and glanced at him, he just went to bed, and saw that I was awake. He stroked my face, looked at me above me, and asked softly, "Did you wake you up?"

I shook my head, and I said in a hoarse voice, "I just had a dream. ”

The room was very dark, and the lights were not turned on, so Yi Jin looked at my face carefully by the moonlight coming in from the window and asked, "What did you dream about?" ”

I said in a hoarse voice, "I dreamed that they came to pick me up, the house in the dream was so big and warm, my mother made me a table of delicious food, and my father poured his precious flowers at the window." I smiled and said, "You know, I've dreamed of them many times since they left me, but every time." They all looked at me from afar, never close, but tonight was different. ”

I held Yi Jin's hand a little excitedly and said, "Do you know? My mother hugged me, and I slept on the bed she made for me, and it was so comfortable, Yi Jin, I have never slept so comfortably, but unfortunately, I woke up so quickly, in fact, I didn't want to wake up." ”

My tone was full of pity, but Yi Jin didn't speak. I just cared about the aftertaste, I didn't notice that Yi Jin didn't say a word beside me, I raised my face, only to find that his face was extremely bad, and the wrist I grabbed was even trembling, I felt that something seemed to be wrong, and the hand that grabbed his wrist quickly flicked back, and immediately retreated a long way.

Yi Jin looked at me with a cold face and asked, "Is it fun?"

I didn't quite understand looking at him.

Yi Jin suddenly grabbed my hand and asked me loudly, "I asked you if this is fun?"

He let go of me, took out the medicine I had to take every day from the drawer with his backhand and asked me, "Why didn't you take it?" Why did you pour out the medicine? Do you want to die so much?" Yi Jin slammed the medicine bottle in his hand to the ground with his backhand and said, "Okay, I'll fulfill you!"

After smashing the medicine bottle in his hand, he didn't think it was enough, so he smashed the whole room clean, and in the middle of the night, the room was full of sparse noises.

Those things splashed in front of me, I had never seen such an angry Yi Jin, I could only sit there helplessly holding my quilt and watching him. When the servants outside heard the movement in my room, they immediately rushed in, and all of them gathered around the door to watch, but they didn't dare to approach, because no one knew why Yi Jin was so angry in the middle of the night.

After Yi Jin smashed everything in the room, he rushed over and grabbed my shoulder, his eyes were red, and his face was an irrepressible storm and said, "Do you know? How scared I am of you, why, why can't you think about me? Hmm? Is it so hard for you to think about me? Are you tired? Are you tired now? Do you think you are as tired as I am? All I want is for you to be healthy, I don't ask for anything else! Why are you so uncooperative with me? Why are you always like this, you can never see how hard I work, how scared I am. ”

He said with a hideous face: "Yi Xiaofan, after so many years, am I always just a beast in your eyes, without seven emotions and six desires?!"

I have never seen such a Yi Jin, I was so frightened by him that I trembled with fright, I cried and shook my head and explained: "No, I don't, Yi Jin, I really don't, I never thought like this." ”

I grabbed his hand and said, "There's no hope, don't struggle, it's really hopeless, I know, I've taken too much medicine, I don't want to embarrass myself, you just let me go with the flow, it's useless, it's really useless"

Yi Jin's hand holding my shoulder was gurgling, and he said with a blushing face: "Yes, it's useless, I can save a person who wants to live, but I can't save a person whose heart is already dead, what's the use of me? What else can I do, you tell me what else I can do?!"

His last sentence almost roared at me, my body was crumbling in his hand, and my aunt saw that the situation was getting more and more wrong, so she immediately rushed up, stopped Yi Jin, and told him to let him not do this, my body can't withstand his strength.

And in the process, I just cried, because I didn't know what else I could do to alleviate the situation, and I was helpless. In the face of such a Yi Jin.

To the back, under the persuasion of his aunt, Yi Jin let go of me, his body was unstable and took a few steps back, he looked at me like that, his eyes and face revealed helplessness from the inside out, a tear slipped from the corner of his left eye, he said: "Yi Xiaofan, sometimes even I am thinking, how can I save you, no, I am not saving you, I should beg you." Please save yourself, why, you can't help me. He covered his heart and said, "Just help me, but why can't you do this, why?"

I couldn't stop crying.

When he had said this, he seemed to be so disappointed in me that he stopped looking at me, but left the bedroom with a tired and empty eye.

The rest of the aunts have been comforting me all the time, I made Yi Jin so big, and I made him so angry, but what can I do, I also want to live well, but God didn't give me this opportunity. I don't want him to work hard, because I'm afraid that after he tries hard, some things will still be in vain.

After I leave, what should Yi Jin do, what should he do, let him come and face my corpse alone?

Thinking of this, I couldn't restrain myself anymore, and lay on the pillow and cried.

I cried from midnight until dawn, and then I cried until I had no more strength, I curled up on the bed, and at that moment, I felt as if I had been abandoned by the whole world, and I had never felt so lonely and cold.

After the aunt came in with breakfast. He sat on the edge of my bed, patted me on the shoulder and said, "Miss Yi, it's time for breakfast, you can get up and eat." ”

I lay there and didn't move, and the aunt said, "Sir is in a hurry, don't blame him, he will be so angry, it is entirely because he is worried about you, you are really, why don't you take medicine? When you are sick, how can you not take medicine, and how can you get better if you don't take medicine?"

The aunt sighed and said, "Now we don't care about these things, it's important to eat first, your body is in the recovery period." It's even worse if you don't eat. ”

The aunt said a lot, but I lay there and never moved, those tears in my eyes were like faucets, still uncontrollable to flow into the pillow, the aunt saw that I didn't react at all, so she could only shake her head, put the breakfast on the table, got up from me and left my room.

What can I do after eating, after eating, I still can't live, not only can't I live, but I still don't live half-dead.

I don't want to drag Yi Jin down, I don't want to be half-dead and become his burden. He said that he was very tired, but I was also tired, so many medicines to take, so many needles to be given, every time I got sick, my arms were full of needles, and every day I felt like I was living in hell.

What is the use of such a me, why don't you let me die better, stay in this world, it hurts, my whole body hurts.

I lay there until I had no more tears in my eyes. I sat up from the bed and glanced at the food on the side, I didn't touch it, but got out of bed and rummaged through the cabinet, looking for a long time, and found my ID photo from the bottom of a book in the cabinet.

I found my clothes and dressed myself again, and I walked out as usual, and there was no one in the living room, and the house was cold.

I didn't alarm anyone, after I went out, I stopped a car from downstairs and asked the driver to take me to the hospital, and when I arrived at the door of Tan Yun's ward, Shi Jie was walking out of Tan Yun's room with a basin, he was stunned for a few seconds when he saw me, I don't know if it was my red and swollen eyes, or my miserable white face, so that he originally said why did you come, and it turned into a sentence: "What's wrong with you?"

I said in a hoarse voice, "It's a little cold." ”

Shi Jie looked at me a few times and said, "But you don't seem to be looking good now." ”

I said, "I'm fine, I'll come and see Tan Yun." ”

After such a long time, Shi Jie's hatred for me seemed to be a little smaller, and he didn't speak ill of me, he glanced at the ward, and said to me, "I just wiped her face." ”

I said, "Can I go in and see her?"

Shi Jie hesitated for a while and said, "There is no doctor coming now, it's not the time for treatment, you can go." ”

I said, "Thank you." ”

said goodbye to Shi Jie and walked towards Tan Yun's ward.

It was probably because I was in too bad condition, Shi Jie couldn't help but look back at me, but he didn't say anything in the end, and continued to hold the basin in his hand and walk forward.

When I arrived at the door of Tan Yun's ward, I didn't have the courage to push open the door, I was afraid that the moment I opened the door, I would see a lifeless corpse lying on the bed, I would make her like this, but I couldn't help her at all, and I couldn't pay her back.

How should I deal with such a her?

I didn't go in, just stood outside the door and looked at her from a distance, she looked much better than last time, except for a little scar around her eyes, she lay there as if she was asleep.

I watched for a long time, and when Shi Jie came back, he came to me and asked, "Why don't you go in?"

I came back to my senses, turned my head to look at him, immediately wiped the tears on my face, and said in a hoarse voice: "I have a little cold, and I am afraid of infecting her, so I won't go in." ”

Shi Jie frowned and said, "Are you really okay?" I think you should go to the doctor." ”

He thought for a moment and said, "I'll call your brother." ”

Shi Jie just wanted to go to his pocket to get his mobile phone, but I immediately grabbed his hand and said, "No, I'll go back now." ”

Shi Jie looked at me with some disbelief.

I said, "It's true." ”

Shi Jie didn't seem to want to worry too much about my affairs, so he didn't insist anymore. He said, "Well, you better go back and rest early." ”

I hummed, and looked at Tan Yun in the ward for the last time, I didn't say anything, just sleepwalked past Shi Jie's side, and wanted to leave here, but after walking a few steps, I seemed to remember something, looked back at Shi Jie, and said, "Goodbye." ”

Shi Jie also looked at me with a strange face, and replied to me with two words: "Goodbye." ”

I didn't know where I should go when I got out of the hospital, and after wandering the streets for a while, I went to the airport again. I bought a plane ticket to a random city there, I got on a plane and left, and I threw away my phone as I left, taking my ID card and money with me.

After the plane landed, I arrived in a strange city, I was so tired, I found a small hotel to stay, I slept all night, and when I woke up the next morning, I didn't dare to watch TV or read the newspaper, so I went downstairs and bought a breakfast, and then rushed up again. After gobbling it up.

I sat in the house for a while, I don't know how long, there was a knock on the door, I was a little nervous, vigilantly looked at the door for a long time, until the voice of the proprietress came from the door, I got up from the bed, walked in the direction of the door, when I opened the door, the proprietress smiled and handed me a thing, and a pot of hot water to drink.

The proprietress said, "This is a tourist attraction in our city, and if you feel bored in the house, you can go out for a walk." Not far away, just around the corner. ”

I took the newspaper from the hostess and looked at it, and then said thank you to her, the lady did not stay long, continued to go to other rooms to bring hot water, I carried the kettle into the house, closed the door with my backhand, closed the door, I sat on the bed and flipped through the newspaper, flipped through for a long time, my eyes fell on a beautiful lake on the newspaper, and my finger stayed in a circle.

I thought to myself, this kind of place must be beautiful.

I stroked it around. He slowly put down the newspaper, packed his things, and went out.

The lake was not far away, as the hostess said, it was nearby, there were many tourists, I sat there alone from morning to evening, and when the people were gradually gone, I took off my shoes and socks, and put my foot in to test the water temperature.

、

(Tianjin)