Lin Rongshen said on the side: "It is estimated that she will not be able to calm down during this time. ”

When the dean heard Lin Rongshen's words full of deep meaning, he said with a smile: "I don't care about this, you are the child's father, and this matter depends on you." ”

The dean suddenly sighed, looked at Lin Rong and said with a deep sigh: "I didn't expect that time is like flowing water, and the door voice that I was most proud of before is now a father." ”

Lin Rongshen smiled and said, "You still haven't changed anything. ”

The dean shook his head and said, "I'm old, I'm old, I'm old, I'm not good, I should be retiring in a few years." The dean patted Lin Rongshen on the shoulder and said: "However, Rongshen, as your teacher, I have to persuade you, surgery has more room for you to develop, I hope you will think about it again, after all, you are a rare talent in surgery, and I regretted it for a long time when I heard that you transferred to another department for this matter." ”

Lin Rongshen responded lightly: "I will think about this issue carefully." ”

When the dean heard him say this, he showed a satisfied smile, and the two talked for a while, because the dean had other things to deal with, Lin Rongshen and my attending doctor sent him out of my ward together, and after everyone was almost gone, Lin Rongshen walked in from outside the ward, looked at me who was still lying on the bed and looked stunned and said, "The one just now is a tutor in college, and he is a surgeon who is admired regardless of his medical skills and conduct." ”

I said, "I don't know him well, why are you telling me this?" ”

Lin Rongshen sat on the edge of my bed, held my hand on the quilt and said, "When I sent him out just now, he said that I have a good eye for picking women. ”

I looked at him with wide eyes, and he squeezed my hand and said, "Are you happy to be complimented?"

I pulled my hand out of his palm, turned over and turned my back to him and said, "What's so happy, you have a good eye for picking women, how much Millie is, rich and beautiful, still a little girl, innocent and cute, which man is not tempted?"

Lin Rongshen heard my words and laughed in a low voice, he said, "I seem to smell vinegar." ”

I realized that there was obvious complaint and sarcasm in my tone, and I put the quilt on my head and said, "I'm going to sleep, you can go." ”

But Lin Rongshen didn't move, but looked at me covered in the quilt and smiled, after a long time, he stretched out his hand to take down the quilt that covered my face, and whispered: "Fool, so the baby will not be able to breathe." He leaned down and gently hugged me from behind, put his hand on my lower abdomen, and said softly: " Do you know, the child is really a magical existence, and so on two or three months, he will have small hands, small feet, small heads, and in a few months, he will know that in the mother's belly naughty, when resting at night, you will find that he will be full of food under your belly to turn over the river and the sea, and so on a few months after the child is born, as a mother, you will hear his first throat howling and crying, and then slowly and slowly, he grows up little by little, will call mom and dad, will make noise, laugh and cry, a fresh life is born. ”

Lin Rongshen's tone is obviously so flat and so low, but every word he just said seems to have smashed deep into my heart, I can't dig it out, but it faintly tickles my heart in the flesh and blood, that feeling is really strange, from his words, I can feel what the child will look like after birth.

Lin Rongshen's hand holding my body tightened a lot, he buried his face in my neck and took a deep breath, his tone was full of helplessness and said: "Lailai, don't make any more trouble, okay?" I believe that you will be a good mother in the future. ”

My heart moved, every word he just said was a great temptation for me, and I also wanted to be a good mother, but can I do it? Can the two of us give this child a good family?

Can we really forget about those things that are between us? Will his grandfather accept me? Will my mother accept Lin Rongshen? The two of us have been entangled for so long, just because one child really has a future?

No, this level of levels, just thinking about it makes my scalp feel numb, any of these things, I feel that the journey is long, I don't have the courage to open the previous scars again, that feeling is too painful for me, the pain is a little unbearable.

But what can I do now? Can I really kill this child with my own hands? The question is, can I do it?

I inevitably laughed at myself in my heart and thought that I had no way back to go now, and I had already been blocked by Lin Rongshen on this dead road, as if I didn't want to go, I could only go to the only way.

The next day, Sister Tan came to see me in the hospital, and saw that I was lying on the bed leisurely eating fruit, and Lin Rongshen beside the bed was seriously peeling apples, so she leaned on the door frame and hugged her hands, making a smack sound, and said in a very sour tone: "Sure enough, a woman with a child is a treasure, and I am jealous when I see it." ”

Sister Tan's sudden occurrence made me look up suddenly, only to find that she had been standing at the door for a long time, probably eating too quickly, and Sister Tan's voice suddenly scared me, the fruit in my mouth was not swallowed well, and the money stuck in my throat made me cough.

Lin Rongshen saw it, put down the fruit knife in his hand, patted my back with his hand, and said with reproach in his eyes: "What are you doing in such a hurry to eat." ”

I choked on the tears, and after a long time, I slowly calmed down and retorted, "You obviously cut the fruit into too big pieces." ”

Lin Rongshen said: "It seems that I should chew it and feed it to you to be considered thoughtful." ”

I still wanted to refute something, Lin Rongshen patted me on the back and asked in a cold tone, "Are you better?"

I nodded, and he brought me a glass of water for me to drink.

Sister Tan leaned against the door frame and still didn't move, still clasping her hands and said, "It seems that I don't have to go in, you little couple are so sweet, it's better for me, an old man, to be less stimulated." ”

When Sister Tan turned around to leave, she turned around and found that there was a person standing behind me who didn't know when, I anxiously called her from behind, she smiled and stopped, turned around and said to me: "Okay, since you are here, let you stimulate me, anyway, I am so old, I have seen all the ups and downs, and this little wind and waves is nothing to me." ”

He walked into the room with a smile, Lin Rongshen saw that I seemed to have something to say to Sister Tan, but he didn't stay in the room for long, because his phone rang, so he went outside the door to answer the phone.

When Sister Tan and I were the only ones left in the room, Sister Tan asked me how I planned to deal with this matter now.

In fact, I don't have a score in my heart until now.

Sister Tan smiled and said: "Don't worry about it, Chararei, I think the two of you are a good match, now that you have children, don't toss around anymore, let's live together, if you don't try to overcome some difficulties, those difficulties will always be there, why don't you give yourself a chance and hope? Maybe those things you worry about are not as difficult to break through as you imagined?"

I was a little surprised and said, "Sister Tan, you didn't approve of my marriage in the past, why do you still persuade me to get married now?"

Sister Tan said: "Do you think I'm really discriminating against marriage? Actually, no, from the first time you met Zhan Dong and brought me to meet you, I thought that the two of you were not suitable, because whether it was values or the family background of both parties, there was an inrush. ”

Sister Tan glanced at me and said: "And at that time, I could see at a glance that you didn't love Zhan Dong, so I didn't understand why you got married since you didn't love it, from that time I calculated a figure for you in my heart, and the marriage between the two of you was eighty percent yellow, and sure enough, I guessed right, you divorced in only five years, this result is not surprising at all." ”

Sister Tan stopped listening, and said: "But now the situation is different, although Sister Tan has never been married, the relationship between men and women is still understood, and it is not that she has never been in love, so you and Lin Rongshen look at each other's eyes, I can still tell clearly, whether we like each other or hate each other." ”

Sister Tan patted me on the shoulder and said: "Lailai, it is not easy for people to meet a person they like and the other party happens to like them in this life, you are really lucky, do you know how many people will not meet in a lifetime? In the end, they are old, the pressure of their parents, the pressure of age, forced them to stop waiting for themselves, in the busy age, choose an emotionless marriage partner and then will live a lifetime, if it is such a marriage, do you think it is interesting?" Isn't your marriage with Zhan Dong the kind I just mentioned? There is no emotional foundation, both parties are about to compromise, and the results and feelings are naturally conceivable. ”

I looked at Sister Tan's face with a few wrinkles and asked, "Did Sister Tan have it?"

Sister Tan was stunned for a moment and asked, "What have you had?"

I said, "Have you ever had a favorite?"

I don't know which point Sister Tan stepped on in this sentence, her always rich facial expression was a little stiff at this time, I saw a trace of sadness flash in her eyes, this sadness disappeared quickly, and then Sister Tan smiled and said: "Why haven't you been, and you love it very deeply." ”

I said, "Then why aren't you together?"

Sister Tan asked me rhetorically, "Why?"

I nodded and said, "yes, since you love you so much, why aren't you together?"

Sister Tan said with a bitter smile on the corner of her mouth: "Both of us love each other deeply, but it's a pity that God just doesn't give us time in this life." ”

Before I could understand it, Sister Tan looked at me seriously and said, "He died, at the age of twenty-three." ”

My heart tightened suddenly.

Sister Tan looked at the pot of sunflowers blooming brightly on the windowsill and said: "He has been in poor health since he was a child, do you know? Sometimes his strength is weaker than that of a woman like me, but I don't know why, for a man who is weaker than a woman's body, I love him so much that he has been with me in this world for a long time, and after retreating and leaving, I am still willing to keep the status quo and wait for him, because I believe that one day, we will still meet, although that is possible, maybe after my death." ”

I said, "So you didn't marry for the sake of him?"

Sister Tan looked away from the pot of flowers, looked at me and said with a smile: "It should be, but it may not be, because apart from him, I have never met a man in my life who can make my heart move, if such a man exists, I think, now I should be like you, I have my own children." ”

She looked at me with a hint of envy.

I said, "Are you going to go on like this for the rest of your life?"

Sister Tan asked me: "What if that's not the case?" Sister Tan smiled and said: "If I can't meet someone who makes my heart move, then I'd rather live like this, there is nothing bad about one person, there is nothing to worry about, and I won't let another worry when I go there, and I am free, isn't it?"

I said, "Aren't you afraid of loneliness?"

She said: "Of course I'm afraid, but I'm even more afraid of torturing each other for the rest of my life with someone who doesn't have any feelings." ”

What else do I want to say, Sister Tan has already gently taken my hand, and she said in a serious tone: "Lailai, there are many things in this world that are uncertain, just like a person who knows that today does not know tomorrow, don't leave regrets for yourself, even if you fail? It's better than people like us who don't even have a chance to fail, right? God favors you so much, why do you want to throw away the opportunity you have?" Good luck is not available all the time, if you grit your teeth and close your eyes and rush forward, maybe you will pass this level? Nothing is impossible in this world, so don't be so pessimistic. ”

I said, "Really?"

Sister Tan held my hand very tightly, and that strength seemed to be giving herself hope, she said: "Yes, if you have the opportunity, you will definitely be able to do it." ”

Although I felt that her strength made my hand hurt a little, but I didn't struggle, but let her hold it, I said: "Sister Tan, we will all have hope, and the person you are waiting for will definitely arrive, it's just a matter of time." ”

When Sister Tan heard my words, the strength of her grip on my hand gradually loosened, and the smile on the corner of her mouth loosened a lot, she said, "Yes, it will." ”

I didn't expect that Sister Tan, who has always been invulnerable to strong women, would have such an untouchable past behind her, she must be very hard, she will never be able to see the person who makes her heart move in this life, how much endurance does she need to survive like this?

If Lin Rongshen and I have one day......

When I think about it, I feel a chill down my spine, and I can accept that he is no longer with me, but I can't accept that he is no longer in this world.

After Sister Tan left, my heart was inexplicably heavy and sad, I don't know if it was because of her or because of something, my emotions were inexplicably sad.

When Lin Rongshen returned to the ward, he saw me lying on the bed listless, so he walked towards me, put his phone on the bedside table, looked at me and asked, "What's wrong?" ”

I didn't answer him, I just lay there, just shook my head with him and told him I was okay.

But Lin Rongshen could naturally see that my expression didn't look like a person who was okay at all, he leaned down and picked me up from the bed, hugged me in his arms, stroked his forehead and asked in a low voice, "Is there anything uncomfortable?"

This time I didn't push him away, but shook my head in his arms, buried my face deeper into his chest, and didn't speak, Lin Rongshen still felt that my mood was a little wrong, so he pinched my chin and lifted my face out of his arms, his voice was so good that it didn't sound good, he frowned and asked, "What's going on, tell me, okay?"

In the second I made eye contact with him, I still felt like I had been crushed by a stone and couldn't breathe, I moved my lips and said in a hoarse voice, "What do you think about death?"

Lin Rongshen heard me ask such a question, he raised his eyebrows, was silent for a few seconds, and said: "For a doctor, death is a very common thing, and it is also an inevitable thing, everyone will have this day coming, although modern medicine is developed, but still can't fight against death, can only let those patients not cut in line, and wait in line in an orderly and dignified manner." ”

I said, "What if I had to face that day one day? What would you do?"

His first reaction was to frown, and instead of answering, he asked rhetorically, "What's wrong?"

I grabbed his hand and stubbornly said, "I want you to answer me now." ”

Lin Rongshen said: "I didn't think about this possibility. ”

I said, "What if that's really possible?"

Lin Rongshen knew that if he didn't answer my question today, I wouldn't be at ease for a day, he thought for a while and said: "I will use all my life to learn but save you, if it still can't be saved, I will let you leave safely with the least pain, because in the face of death, this is the only thing I can do for you." ”

I said, "If I leave, will you miss me?" or for the rest of my life...... Do you miss me?"

Lin Rongshen covered my mouth and said, "Okay, stop thinking nonsense, your body is very healthy now, and there may be no problems at the age of sixty, this kind of assumption will hardly exist, lie down with peace of mind." ”

I took his hand away from my mouth and said stubbornly, "I want you to answer me now, you must answer me." ”

Lin Rongshen saw that I looked like I had to know the answer, and I was a little defeated, so I could only sigh helplessly and said: "Yes, I will miss you for the rest of my life, and I will even think about you when I work, eat, sleep and be in a daze, this is a very sad and helpless thing, I will be very sad and sad, and even lose hope in life, I will be depressed, I will give up on myself, I will do everything possible to find you anywhere you can, until I find you, I will not be sad or sad, only if you are by my side, I feel that life is full of hope." ”

He held me tightly in his arms, his chin rested on the top of his head, his eyes fell on the light and shadow on the ground, and said in a light tone: "So, take good care of yourself, listen to me well, take care of your body obediently, tell me when you are sick, don't hide it from me, this is a very cruel thing, don't torture me in this way, okay?

Hearing Lin Rongshen's words, I suddenly felt that my eyes were sour, yes, death is really a sad and helpless thing, life is just a few decades in the world, everyone knows what will happen to themselves tomorrow, why throw away their hopes, but leave infinite regrets to their future self?

Even if the final result is not as good as I wanted, I worked hard, even if I was not together, I can no longer blame myself for not persevering at the beginning.

People are like this, what they have not gotten will always be missed, and once they get it, they will die.

Lin Rongshen, who hugged me, felt the warm liquid dripping on the back of his hand, he lowered his eyes and found that my face was full of tears, he was a little frightened by my abnormal behavior, so he gently wiped my face with his hand, and asked softly: "What are you crying about, what happened, don't scare me, okay?"

I hugged his hand to wipe my tears, shook my head with tears on my face, and said, "No, I just heard a very sad story, that's why it's like this." ”

When Lin Rongshen heard my answer, he laughed out loud and said, "Since it's just a story, why are you still crying like this, it's not a good mother to have a changeable mood." ”

I hugged Lin Rongshen's hand and said, "Rongshen." ”

He looked at me, "Huh?"

I looked up at him and said, "Rong Shen, if you met him earlier, maybe if you met him, he wouldn't die, and she wouldn't have to wait hopelessly." ”

Although Lin Rongshen didn't know who I was talking about, he didn't ask much, just said softly: "Doctors are not omnipotent, in fact, everyone has their own creation, even if he meets me in your mouth, I may not be able to save him." ”

I said, "You're so good, you can do it." ”

Lin Rongshen saw my eagerness, and he said with a light smile on the corner of his mouth: "Well, maybe...... OK. ”

Hearing his answer, I felt relieved, my tense body relaxed, and I also felt a little tired, and whispered: "Rong Shen, you can sleep with me." ”

He touched my head and said, "Hmm." ”

After he hugged me and lay down, my body drilled into his arms, holding him with both hands, at this moment, I was so afraid of losing him, many things, compared to death, it seems that everything is insignificant, I thought, maybe we can try it between us, just like Sister Tan said, maybe we can break through the past?

After all, everything in this world is hard to predict.

Lin Rongshen felt my anxiety, and he whispered in my ear: "Lailai." I lifted my face from his bosom to look at him, and he looked at me, and just as I wondered why he didn't say anything when he called my name, his kiss fell.

I closed my eyes and pillowed on his arm to feel his kiss, very strangely, in a moment, my heart suddenly settled down, no more panicked, no longer so anxious, as if the whole person was washed by the spring breeze.

Just respond to him little by little with his movements, clinging to him, slowly plunging into the world of two people.

This kiss lasted for a long time, and after Lin Rongshen felt the throbbing on my body, he immediately left my lips, held my face and shook his head and said, "No." ”