Something was holding me back, but I couldn't find what the problem was.

This is simply nonsense, I said before that it was good to just lose the role of Yuan Changwen, and just stop recognizing this illusion. But in fact, nothing helps at all.

How do I stop believing?

It's a hilarious question in itself, how do I stop believing, how do I sleep, how do I pee, how do I walk, how do I breathe?

It's instinct, something that belongs to me in itself. And now, the role of Yuan Changwen has been distorted to the point where it is impossible to believe it at all. Even if I understood that awareness logically, it didn't make me any different.

It won't be any different, because the characters are fake, and no matter how they change, it's a fake. It is only when there is no touch to the real that it is considered that the character becoming better has extraordinary significance.

The character is powerful, the character is awesome, the character can fly, the character has a superior IQ, the character is powerful, the character is domineering, and the character is charming...... Think it's meaningful, think it's good, think it's an unusual life experience, and only happen when you recognize the role.

So, it's like that in how the role changes. And this thinking also belongs to the role, so it is natural to look forward to the role becoming better and reaching the peak of life. Because these two are not two at all, but the same thing.

When touching the truth, you will inevitably stand in that position of awareness and experience everything through the role of Yuan Changwen. And at that time, it must be easy to do things like no thoughts and no attachments.

I shouldn't be speculating about what happened next, I'll just see for myself when the time comes.

Finding the problem that's holding me back is the key.

The absence of free will means that it is all just a program-like program, or a movie-like playback. No one knows what the future holds, but that doesn't mean I have free will. No matter what the character of Yuan Changwen does, it is all set content.

However, this conclusion does not make any sense. Because I don't know what the future holds, and I don't know what the outcome of the set thinking will be, whether or not I set it up doesn't really change for me. Perhaps, I will think that my thinking is set, so I will become negative or more positive.

In the same way, this kind of becoming negative or more positive is still predetermined. Therefore, this conclusion does not have any substantive significance at all. Another point is that the result of my propaganda thinking is predetermined, and there is also an underlying assumption, which is the linear passage of time.

So, I don't know anything at all.

Since you don't know anything, why do you always think you know a lot, why do you always want to explain this and that, why do you always want to show off your knowledge, why you always want to analyze various events, why do you always want to show that you know all kinds of things?

Why is this happening?

In the past, I won't discuss it, after all, I am in full recognition of the role. At that time, who was going to tell me that the world was false, and I would definitely slap him twice, false?

But now that I've seen this falsehood, why are I still holding on to it?

Why do you always show off when you don't know what you don't know? Is this the attitude of someone who doesn't know anything?

He said he didn't know, but he acted like he knew a lot. What is the difference between being modest and actually wanting to continue listening to compliments? Saying "come and bring something", but in my heart I am very happy, and maybe I think that other people's things are cheaper.

So, why are you still showing off? Fantasy showing off?

Will I have to say "I don't know" or "maybe" to deal with other people's chats? But then again, I don't see any future or any friends I can talk to.

People who are dying, why worry about all this bullshit?

Yuan Changwen relaxed his body, but it seemed that he was falling more slowly. It doesn't matter, who dares to say that they are not on the way to death? Who dares to say that after the ticking of the clock, they are further away from death?

The contradiction is that any of the character's actions are false, and even the killing at this moment can't escape the sentence "I perceive that the character of Yuan Changwen is killing". So, how do I know if a character's slash will lead to reality?

That's right, in case a character's slash is a slash, and there is no follow-up reaction, this is also possible. Or, the more you slash, the fuller it becomes, just like the mud and sand in the river, the more you clean it, the more turbid it becomes. The result of the character slash is not to touch the truth, but to flesh out the character from another angle, which is also possible.

How can I be sure that slashing can lead to the truth?

It's funny now, a person who keeps saying that the real me is now unsure whether the killing can lead to the truth. However, I still have to continue to kill, and the twist in my mind is not qualified to manipulate my ship of life.

Whatever it will bring in the end, maybe it's the retarded or maybe it's an idiot, or it's not changed at all. Anyway, I just can't let the distortions in my head control me, and it feels disgusting and uncomfortable to think about those distortions. What qualifications does such a limited thing have to master the rudder of the ship of life?

But then again, where can we get to when we get rid of these limitations? That awareness is the only reality, it's everything, and it never ceases to exist. And the fakeness of the characters and the like just diverted my attention and obscured that awareness.

Then, after all the falsehoods have been removed, what is revealed must be the truth.

But how do I cleanse the flesh from its falsehood?

Distortions in the mind are easy to handle, and distortions about things, about events, seem easy to discard now. But what can I do to discard my body?

It's easy to say, since I can think that the table and bench are not real, then I can also think of the flesh as false. But in my mind, the attitude towards the body and the attitude towards the table and bench are completely different concepts.

I can say, "I didn't know if I threw the table from the fifth floor and it would break," so I could throw the table down the fifth floor.

But, "I didn't know I could hurt by jumping from the fifth floor," so I jumped from the fifth floor.

Depend on!

It's back to the question of "touching the flame hurts"!

Theoretically, that awareness is everything, so anything that isn't that awareness doesn't exist. That being the case, the body is not real either. Okay, it's over, it's done.

But the belief in the heart doesn't stop there. If a word can stop believing immediately, then this orchestrated dream is too weak.

Even if I don't take care of my body, even if I don't eat regularly, I still face the problem of "touching the flame hurts". Since it's false, why not cut yourself yourself?

If I want to, why not?