What the hell am I doing?

This sentence has been asked countless times, but every time I encounter the same situation. The answer is not important, but the existence of a problem is a problem in itself.

The reason why there is a problem is that I find that something is wrong, and this problem comes from the conflict between the character and me. It's not some problem to solve, it's not some mathematical formula, it's not a physical paradox, or anything like that.

It's obvious that the belief in survival that I once relied on is gone, and I think that my life is to succeed, and I think that my life is to achieve some goals.

But now, these things are all tricks of the characters, and I am not the character of Yuan Changwen. Naturally, contradictions arise and the question "what should I do" arise.

I always wanted to find a path to plan, I always wanted to find a predetermined rule that could predict my future, and then I had the bottom in my heart, so I lived like this.

When I am pulled out of the warm arms of the character and out of my familiar life patterns, I will become overwhelmed and irritable at the same time. This is the state that all people in the period of confusion will have.

"If you say I'm wrong, then it's better to prove you right. ”

It's about trying to find a solid ground, and you pull me out of the familiar beliefs, then you'd better give me a new belief that I believe in and approve of me, so that I can stand firmly on the ground again.

Unfortunately, I don't, I don't know what the future holds, and I don't have any life coaching plans or anything like that.

Strangely, I don't know what the future holds, but I want to imagine the future as full of malice. And then in this moment, always plan something for the future.

It's funny when I think about it, how much knowledge and information do I have, how can I prevent future malice? I can only guard against what I think may happen in the future, so what is the probability of this malice appearing?

Even, what I think of as malice is all the malice of the future?

How much of the malice I can protect against in the future is total?

It's just a little bit of the imagination of the little brain, and when fear comes, that imagination is exaggerated. But with such an exaggerated imagination, I was either so frightened by fear that I couldn't move.

Or, or make up stories based on fear, and then go crazy to block the imaginary malice. But often halfway through, you will find that you are making up a horror story like an idiot.

How could you have believed that such a horrible thing could have happened?

Since you don't know what the future holds, you should have the attitude of not knowing.

I can't.

Either fantasizing about fear or fantasizing about beauty, these are the means by which the characters want to live.

Fear makes me hold on to what I have, whether it is what I have or what I will have in the future, and it makes me afraid to let go or rather, it makes me afraid of the moment when I lose these things.

These things are the various elements that make up the character.

Beauty, let me plump up the various attributes of the character in sweetness. Almost all of them end their fantasies with victory, almost all of them become great characters, and almost all of them are full of all kinds of cool points.

What's the point of living in this world, and why am I staying here?

Do you appreciate how the character of Yuan Changwen succeeds? and appreciate the nonsense performance of how the character of Yuan Changwen kills, but is unwilling to kill?

My view of the world is distorted, and as long as there is a view, then it must be distorted.

Where does the world come from? Where do values come from? Is there something called perception that I can acquire? Or is there a place called values that I can reach?

This event, that event, what happened here, what happened there, I would like to express my opinion and opinion.

Shit!

When others agree with me, how should I be, and when others slander me, I should be.

Are these really me?

Or are the moral values, customs, and trends of society manipulating me?

It seems that everyone can find their own corresponding behavior pattern in a certain situation, or the mainstream behavior pattern. "How should we be", this is the basis of my choice, not because of my personal thoughts, but because of the ideas of society.

Of course, in fact, my thoughts are largely the thoughts of society, because society has shaped the character of Yuan Changwen.

What else is there to see? What else is there to say?

Communicate with each other?

What other reason do I have to deal with crowds?

It's not that there's anything wrong with the crowd, it's me who really isn't right!

I'm just a madman, depriving myself of my role, killing my self-definition, exposing myself to the wilderness of "selflessness". Then standing there overwhelmed, the daily communication between the characters seems to turn into a lie.

This kind of lie is called politeness.

Why do I have to communicate with people? and for what?

What to talk about?

No matter what you talk about, you can't escape each other's opinions on the topic of conversation and give your own opinions. I'm fed up with those false perceptions and opinions, and I still want to take the false as the truth.

Once there is something that resonates with a group of people, you must follow it, even if you oppose it. Of course, if you disagree with any opinions, you won't chat with this group of people.

And if the chat topic does not generate any opinions, this kind of chat topic can be described as boring.

"The sun is a little hot", "It's three o'clock in the afternoon", "This tomato is five yuan a catty"......

What else can we talk about?

Even if, "I like hot days, the sun gives a lot of life", then how should I answer?

"Well, that's it," or, "Maybe." ”

In any case, as long as it is expanded, it will inevitably involve a certain point of view.

I hate opinions, I know I have opinions, and I don't want anyone to contradict them.

In fact, no one wants others to contradict their opinions.

The only way not to engage with opinions is not to communicate with people. At this point, the brain starts to communicate on its own, starts fantasizing about the scene and then plays various roles in it.

What I have to do is to grasp these fantasies and let myself see that I am fantasizing.

Those perceptions are the source of the noise, the basis of all the fantasy scenarios in my head.

Is the future going to be good? It's entirely possible that it's going to be very bad.

Why do you always don't acknowledge the status quo, and you always spend your time now on the future?

The status quo is, I, nothing.

It seems to have starships, brains, and psychic powers, but do I really have them, or do they really exist?

I'm sitting on a planet trying to kill a character, but I can't seem to do it. I'm trying, but I don't know if I'm really trying or if I'm hallucinating.

That's the status quo.

As for what the future holds, as for how long I will be killed, and as for what will happen after the killing, I don't know.