Why aren't you dead? Why are you still alive?

Yuan Changwen felt the heat in his heart, as if magma was about to erupt through his throat. And deep down, there is no end in sight.

What is a friend? What is a classmate who hasn't seen you for years? Eat and chat to see if you can use your relationships?

What about the networks that are deliberately maintained? When did the so-called connections become so important that they become necessary? Isn't it still just a personal preference?

Blast it, there's nothing worth grabbing, and I wouldn't want to catch it. The life that used to be was controlled by the distortion of the mind, and worries and fears were all around at all times. What else is called inspirational blood, it is nothing more than a cross-dressing show of fear.

Nothing can stop me from killing, not my friends, not my family.

I don't know why I want to be filial, and I don't know what else my mother can do. All the ideas about family, such as filial piety, responsibility, and how to get along, are all pieces of shit.

Regardless of whether it is true or not, the ideas themselves cannot achieve the goal they want to express. For example, how to get along with the elderly, no matter how rich the connotation is, how many people agree with it, it can't change the concept itself, but it comes from limitations.

Prejudice only.

Money, that insecurity itself is. Moreover, believing that money can bring a sense of security is still nonsense. These things are just affirmations in the distortion of the mind, so what is there to believe?

Mom, just an NPC, what's there to say? Why can't you enjoy Mom's love with peace of mind, but have to mix it with a series of rewards, as if you only enjoy it and don't pay, you will be considered garbage.

It's not that people think of garbage at all, but that you come to the conclusion in your own head that I think I'm garbage. This kind of grasping for false emotions is the thing that needs to be killed.

I don't want to have anything to do with my mother anymore, there is no place in my head for my mother, and there is no place for all kinds of ideas about my mother. My mother is not qualified to influence me, I must kill my mother, and my brain does not allow any shit to appear.

That's right, mom is a piece of shit, and anything that affects me is shit. These things can't stand up to any logical questioning, they are just protected by strong emotions, what is it if it's not shit?

Why can't I enjoy those good things and those good fortunes with peace of mind? Who is judging me for not being qualified to have them? And who is preaching to be grateful, otherwise I will lose these good things or good luck? Why am I firmly grasping for such baseless affirmations that others are good to me?

It's always hard to defend yourself when you want to fight kindness or other positive emotions. But fortunately, there is no need to justify it at all, unreal is unreal, then there is no right to continue to be arrogant in my head.

Even if the whole world agrees, it's not a reason for this shit to be arrogant in my head.

Everything is taken for granted, and no matter what happens, good or bad, there is only one reason. That is, it can only happen this way, and the elements of the picture can only be presented this way. It's not that because I'm good to others, people are good to me, it's just that the picture elements explain the picture elements.

It's just wishful thinking, just like the so-called good is rewarded. It sounds good, and it's very much in line with the observed phenomena and inner thoughts, but it's still unreal. The intensity of my emotions kept me from seeing this, but the madness and anger allowed me to easily penetrate the emotions and see how falsehood could be taken as real.

I don't need to reciprocate the fact that others are good to me? It's hard to agree with that, and of course, it doesn't need to be agreed with itself. Whether it returns or not, it's just a guess.

So, what should I do when others are kind to me? or not?

The question itself doesn't exist, and there is no need to answer or think about it, because I don't think there is such a thing as "others are good to me" at all. This judgment itself does not exist, and "others are good to me" does not have any effect on my mind at all.

It's like a piece of shit.

Well, I don't need to answer the nonsense question of "do you need to reciprocate or not when others treat me well".

Does this lead to turning oneself into a cold monster? Is this the so-called ruthlessness? Does ruthlessness mean "no love" or "not being bound by love"?

I don't know, this kind of speculation and summary is a kind of nonsense in itself.

It has nothing to do with the content.

It doesn't matter what it is. Because that kind of behavior itself is a kind of nonsense and falsehood. So, is there any need to argue in the content?

What's not nonsense?

It's not sarcasm, it's not mockery, because unlike in the past, I know that some are not nonsense and some are nonsense. That's why I'm able to laugh at people and be sarcastic about people, and to make the right thing to say.

But now, I can't say a single affirmative sentence, because I know that there is no basis for it. Either the picture elements explain the picture elements, or it's just unwarranted speculation.

Can I still laugh and be sarcastic when I don't know anything? The answer is "I don't know", maybe it would be more appropriate to describe myself as mentally retarded and idiot.

Yuan Changwen felt that he was gradually becoming irritable and unreasonable, those things that were so simple that he couldn't see them, and those communication principles that were so simple that elementary school students could understand them, but I didn't want to pay attention to them at all.

Fortunately, if you are alone, if you are in the family, you can either stop killing to explain, or be irritable and kill people directly. I don't have the patience to quarrel with the twist in my head, I have seen the twist, what sense do I need? just throw it away, kill it directly, and use anger to hit the strong emotional protective layer.

I don't have the slightest interest in role-related matters. Although the sense of presence still pulls at me, making me subconsciously want to prove myself and make sure that the character is authentic, it is just inertia.

I will slash, continue to slash, and the distortion in my mind is not qualified to exist. Not in pursuit of the truth, but in the destruction of the false. The existence of a character is inherently false, but this falsehood cannot be destroyed.

Strictly speaking, it is to kill the strong emotion of "taking falsehood as truth", the persistence of holding on tightly and not letting go.

Let myself perish, let myself rot, and the discomfort and devouring will come upon me. Fortunately, I was not afraid to stand up to these negative emotions so that I could be destroyed more completely.

It's a slash, it's letting yourself die, not becoming a better version of yourself. On the contrary, I strongly believe that after the killing, I will be abandoned by society. Or rather, I've cleared the shit of society out of my head. ()

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