If it's a dream, it's really just a dream. Pen & Fun & Pavilion www.biquge.info

But a dream, it's really just a dream.

On the night before yesterday, I don't remember if the moon was dark and the wind was high, I had a dream.

In the dream, it seems to be a real world. When I'm still in my dreams......

The beginning of the dream, I have forgotten how it began, and I don't know why.

The clarity of the dream was that I saw a woman's face up close. The woman's face was looking at me from a position about seven centimeters from the tip of my nose. I don't seem to have seen that face, maybe I've seen it before but forgot, maybe I really haven't seen it. Because, there is no sense of familiarity.

Then, for some reason, I gently opened my lips myself, revealing a little gap. Then, the tip of the tongue is slowly spit out to less than two-thirds of the way to the lower lip......

Immediately afterwards, a scene occurred that made my heart unable to calm down for a long time.

The lips of that face suddenly pressed against mine, and there was a powerful suction that sucked my tongue into that face's mouth!

At that moment, a strong and unfamiliar tingling sensation quickly spread from the tip of my tongue to my lips, and then it invaded my throat non-stop, dilated my pupils, and captured my heart.

I've never experienced this feeling, I didn't know it was a dream, and I still couldn't understand one thing - why my first kiss was suddenly taken away by a woman I didn't know.

But if I don't understand, I don't seem to have any intention of refusing, but I unconsciously revel in that feeling......

The moment that face pulled her lips away from mine, I felt as if my heart had been pulled away. The empty loss seems to have a real meaning in that lip.

Then, the face began to become more and more blurry in my mind, less and less impressive.

Then she turned into a little white dog and ran away. Behind the little white dog, there was a man who kept chasing her, as if trying to catch her.

And I, on the other hand, stood there in a daze, watching the little white dog running and the man chasing......

"Boom!"

I was woken up by a thunderclap!

In the dark room, there was an uneasy look in my awakened eyes.

It turned out to be just a dream.

Why is it so real? so real that even the touch of your lips seems real......

Before his heart was settled, the thunder outside seemed to wake up the earth that had slept at night, and he kept trying.

When I thought that the flowers I had planted were still on the balcony, I immediately jumped up and went to collect them, for fear that the wind and rain would destroy the flowers that I had waited for almost two months to bloom.

The lightning flashed terrifyingly, as if it was about to tear the sky apart, and it was showing its posture in a forgetful manner.

Maybe it's because it's so terrifying that the electricity in the building doesn't dare to face the lightning outside, and they all go to sleep.

And I, on the other hand, lost sleep because of that dream.

Is that real?

I know it's not, but why do I ask like that?

It's just that I can't tell if it's illusory or if it's real that I don't know.

A dream, really just a dream.

Time goes on.

Perhaps, the beginning of a fate taking root and sprouting needs the end of another fate to be turned into nutrition as a price.

As for whether fate will blossom and bear fruit, in addition to the so-called influence of fate, it also depends on how the "gardener" takes care of it.

And I, as a failed "gardener", have been so weak that I hope that the "edge" will change color, and I can't talk about care at all.

Recently, I read an interesting psychology book, which said: cherish every moment, but don't easily evaluate the time you have spent, because this time, that time, today to evaluate yesterday, is never objective. We need to change our attitude towards life, believe that you have made the right choice in the past, believe that you are cherishing all today, and believe that you will do your best to work hard tomorrow.

It makes sense, I like it. However, if I feel that the choices I have made in the past are wrong, I will still feel that they are wrong. Because, I'm a sentimentalist.

Actually, during the time when I folded the wings, there was a girl who seemed to be quite suitable for me. She appeared shortly after Arou and I started our relationship, because the time we met was a little different, so fate played a joke.

If I had known Arou before I met her, perhaps, I wouldn't have known Arou. She is very likely to be my second relationship, and there will even be a good development. However, although I first knew that the blind date was her, I had no contact information about her when I was abroad, and it was at that time that my family gave me Arou's contact information, and then there was a conversation, and then there was a later. In other words, it stands to reason that I should have recognized that girl first. However, fate made me know Arou first......

Later, when I returned to China, Arou was no longer my Arou, and that girl also had a relationship.

At that time, I felt as if God was playing a joke on me, and it was just going to make me single anyway.

After that, because I saw the girl's speech on the buckle space. It can be inferred from the content of the talk that her relationship may have ended......

So, I rode out of curiosity to meet her. When I was abroad, I wondered if I had ever passed by the place where she worked, after all, I liked to travel around.

Yes, that girl is Xiaohong that I wrote about in Folded Wings.

Why does she seem like a good fit for me?

First of all, from the perspective of parents, both of our parents are very familiar with each other, and we can be regarded as old friends.

Second, in terms of the location of her home, her home is not far from my home.

Third, in terms of her height and shape, if I stand with her, the proportions are still okay.

Fourth, from a superstitious point of view, the matching years on my eight characters are more compatible with ninety-four and ninety-seven years, and she is ninety-four; Sagittarius and Aries are a match made in heaven, Sagittarius likes to play, Aries likes to be taken to play, and she is Aries.

Fifth, in terms of the time of both mothers' birthdays, her mother's birthday and my aunt's birthday are only a few days apart.

Sixth, in terms of the characteristics of the buckle space, she is a yellow diamond level 7, and I am also a yellow diamond level 7.

Seventh, in terms of the mobile phone used, she used a vivo mobile phone, and I also used a vivo mobile phone, but the model was different.

Eighth, in terms of the number of relationships, she has been in two relationships, and I have also been in two relationships.

The above is what looks appropriate. However, the most important thing is the part of the heart.

After I met her, I didn't really have anything to talk to about her. In addition to the fact that I didn't know how to chat, there was also the fact that she thought I was ninety-three years old, and she didn't think it was possible, and she didn't plan to say anything.

Later, she knew that I was a different person after '92, and it seemed that she had a lot to say. But I didn't understand why I thought she wouldn't have much to talk about when I was ninety-three. She said with a smile that she was restless because of the chickens.

I thought about the year and the zodiac, and I smiled. I see.

One night, I went into her button space, and I started with her recent remarks and continued to see her original remarks. I saw two o'clock in the morning, and I also saw the changes in her in those years, and I felt that she was stronger than I thought. The more this is the case, the more I feel that she is more mature than me.

She can be said to be a typical Aries. Very frank, very brave, dare to love and hate. To like is to like, and there is no ambiguity.

She told me that I was the most desirable boy she knew. She also asked if she had the honor of inviting me to join her exclusive group of lovers in the button. To put it simply, it is a confession.

For the first time. For the first time in my life, I met a girl who confessed to me when she said me so well, but I hesitated......

I've read the saying: If you hesitate before starting a relationship, the best outcome is not to start.

And why did I hesitate?

Because before Arou and I started a relationship, after Arou learned about my hobbies, she said that she had never tried to worship someone so much. At that time, I was really happy and moved! I thought that she was the other half of my life, because before her, no girl identified with me so much, and would use the word "worship". However, she and I had no results. This deeply stifled "what I thought", and I became even more inferior than before......

So when Xiaohong also thinks that I am so good, I am more insecure in my heart, as if it is easy to repeat the mistakes of the past. It's like a shooting star, which is indeed beautiful and shining for a moment, but will soon fade away and fall back into darkness. I'm already terrified of the rush of the beginning and the rush of the end......

Therefore, I mentioned above that if the girl I met first was Xiaohong, then she was likely to be my second love fate. However, even if I met Xiaohong first, who could have predicted that the fate between me and her would blossom?

People are constantly experiencing, constantly feeling, and constantly growing.

Hesitation is hesitation, but you can try to communicate as a friend for a while before deciding. After all, neither she nor I know each other well enough.

In the past, I always thought that anyone who wanted to know me would know me better if they read the first draft of "The Girls I Liked" that I wrote. After all, I think my strengths and weaknesses are already hidden, including my upbringing and changes.

In the past, I also told my family that my future wife must have read the first draft of "The Girls I Like" that I wrote.

Still, in retrospect, it was like a dream, a funny joke.

I used to be waiting for someone who really wanted to know me, to understand my past, to understand my growth, to understand my present. Because at that time, I felt that if a person really likes you, it will naturally want to get to know you and want to know more about your story and even everything. But, as if, this wait is empty......

During my relationship with Arou, I told her what the first draft of "The Girls I Like" meant in my heart. She went to see it too, but she just skimmed it out or picked some to see. Finally, tell me that she finished reading. In fact, at that moment, I felt that my heart was beating lonely and beating very painfully......

However, when I asked her who the first girl I liked was, she replied with something that made sense to me: Why should I remember them? I want to know about you, not them, I just need to remember you.

Indeed, why should she remember them? That's a good point.

I also indirectly expressed to Xiaohong the significance of the first draft of "The Girls I Like", but I didn't say that she had to watch it, I just hoped that it would be natural and really wanted to see it.

She watched it, and she watched it very seriously, and she didn't like to read long stories very much, but she watched it anyway.

But I know that she watched it, but she didn't really want to see it, maybe she wasn't interested, maybe she was afraid. So, she didn't finish reading it either.

Actually, she told me that I don't care about my past, only my present. Because everyone's past can make mistakes......

So, I knew I was wrong.

I shouldn't use "The Girls I Like" to measure how others feel about me, after all, what girl likes to read the "love history" of the person she likes? Although, I just express my own growth aspirations......

So, I no longer thought that my future partner would read the first draft of "The Girls I Liked", which was like a stone sinking into the abyss of no longer looking forward to it.

I like a person, and the most important thing is the feeling.

It feels right, it's right. If it doesn't feel right, give it a little time, and if it still doesn't feel right, then use a more relaxed identity to maintain a natural relationship.

Xiaohong gives me the feeling that she is a good girl. After listening to the story of her first love, I really feel that her first love made her learn to love. At the same time, I also think her first love is very good. If I were me, I really couldn't be like him. After all, I haven't learned to love yet......

Her goodness, in my heart, is intrinsic. And my goodness, in her heart, is external. The good in my heart is not as good as she thought......

So, I said that it would be good to be friends with her.

That scene also reminded me of when I confessed to me in college.

At that time, I was actually hesitant, thinking that it was better to be friends, but I still started my first love with her, and I had all kinds of mental journeys in the past few years......

Thinking about Xiaohong, I think that since I don't have confidence in myself, I shouldn't start a relationship, because the beginning of ignorance will bring more harm in exchange. I'm not the one I accepted when I met a girl who felt a little bit like me, even though I was looking forward to the happiness of that kind of love.

Reluctantly, there is no happiness.

Feeling, without telling me, when did happiness come and when did it go.

Now I am empty, even my heart......

Time goes on.

The feeling of the dim light shining on my body is like the dusk at sunset embracing me, but there is no temperature.

Touching my own face, I finally stopped thinking that my face was fleshy. Once upon a time, I always complained about how thin my body was, how fat my face was, no matter how much meat I ate, the fat was always the face, and the thin was still the body.

Now, three months of disrupted diet, poor sleep quality and frequent reversal of day and night have finally turned my health upside down. How do you feel, you seem to be proud......

It's a decadent way of living, even more decadent than the decadence I had since I left my second job.

Why do you want to? I don't know, but naturally, that's it.

Why don't you choose a positive way of living? I don't know, it seems that no matter which one I choose, soon after I choose, it will slowly degenerate into negative decadence. It seemed like I had to go through this phase......

Suddenly, I remembered myself on the first day of the Lunar New Year in 2016. As I said, what you do on the first day of the new year, then your life in that year will be largely related to what you do on the first day of the new year. It's a superstition, but I believe it.

On the first day of the Lunar New Year this year, I was still in Phnom Penh. It happened to be Sunday, so it was a day off.

That morning, I rode the "big black" to find the scenery of the tributaries of the Nile, and rode for a long time. So, at the beginning of this year, I was lucky enough to take a trip to Bali, Indonesia.

It was close to noon that day, and Sister Lily called me to buy groceries. As a result, I fell into a state of extreme exhaustion. Running wildly on a road of tens of kilometers, in the case of already riding dozens of kilometers. In a hurry, I finally managed to buy food, but it seemed that it was past the important lunch time, and I couldn't use it, so I was in vain. So, when I was about to leave Cambodia this year, I was also in a hurry.

After noon, I was so tired that I wanted to sleep. However, there is a saying in my hometown that you can't take a nap on the first day of the new year. But I was so tired at the time, and I thought of Sister Lily saying that it doesn't matter if you eat meat on the first day of the Cambodian New Year, because it's not in China. So, I went out to take a nap.

It's just that I didn't expect that I slept until the evening.

I think that the decadent three months after I left Cambodia and returned home had something to do with that nap on the first day of the new year.

I slept six hours that day, a quarter of the day in twenty-four hours.

If the first day of the Lunar New Year represents the trend of the year, then if you put that quarter set into the twelve months of the year, it is exactly three months.

In other words, I took a six-hour nap on the first day of the Lunar New Year, and I wasted three months of the year.

When I woke up that evening, my focus was on writing. Therefore, in the coming days, writing will become a very important spiritual area for me, and it may even open up a new situation for me.

In the past three months, although I have lived a very decadent life, and I have even seen all kinds of negative selves, I have no regrets. Because, life really doesn't have only one taste, even if it's loneliness and loneliness, which are some negative emotions, are also the taste of life.

There will be gains and losses, and there will be gains and losses, but don't be afraid that the gains outweigh the losses.

There are some feelings that you really have to experience for yourself to understand. That's something that can't be perfectly expressed in book descriptions, and it's also something that can't be perfectly explained by population paraphrasing.

Life will not always be full of sunshine, nor will it always fall into the night. But either way, at least be honest and accept it.

The life you can feel is your life.

The night breeze gently slid across my face, as if nature was caressing me, so I smiled, so my bangs were floating naturally......

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