First bitter and then sweet, it is an existence that is tied to my life. Most of my experiences so far have been almost inseparable from its influence......

Soon after I was born, I began to be tormented by the disease, which tortured me for five years before I let go slightly;

On the first day of preschool, the new books that had just been handed out were soaked with boiling water coming out of the kettle, and the whole class finished the class with a smile.

When I was in the third grade of primary school, I really had the courage to answer the teacher's questions out loud for the first time, but because my voice was a bit magical, I was teased by many classmates and felt even inferior;

In the first year of junior high school, I ran 50 meters in 10 seconds, and I was at the bottom of the class for boys.

When I graduated from high school, I went to Dongguan to work for a summer vacation, and the three sisters took me to take the bus, and walked to the last row from the door in the middle of the bus.

I talked about the first love of my life in college, thinking that I could be together well, but the long-distance relationship broke up after less than 100 days;

The first job I got as an intern after college, I thought I could improve my ability well, but only two months later, the news came from my family that my uncle was going to have surgery, and then I quit my job to find a more realistic job, and began to embark on the road of repaying my debts with confusion;

The first time I went abroad to work in a strange country, the eczema of my body began to attack on the first day, and I was tortured for several months, and the process of learning the new job content was full of all kinds of sadness;

In the past few years since I came out of college and worked in the society, I haven't had a job for a full year, and I have just paid off the debts I have to pay off, and soon there will be emergencies that will cause new debts to regenerate, and I have hardly really felt what it is like to have savings......

Some of these initial bitterness, some later turned into sweet, some are still bitter, some are half bitter and half sweet, in short, I fell in love with the feeling of first bitter and then sweet.

For example, when I used to eat in the company canteen, I would first finish the dishes that were not so delicious or not so fond of eating, and then eat those dishes that I liked to eat, so that after eating, the aftertaste left in my mouth was more the aroma of the dishes I liked to eat. In other words, it's a treat.

Of course, some people will think that it is not more enjoyable to be sweet all the time?

No, bitter, sweetness is more heartfelt.

Besides, it's always sweet, and it's greasy, and I don't think it's sweet.

So, my marriage has also taken this route......

My marriage with Xiaoshi didn't have a wedding at the beginning, not even a ring, just like a love in the name of marriage.

Xiaoshi and I both belong to people who have less experience in love, but we entered into marriage relatively early. In this process, it is inevitable that various contradictions will arise.

And the main cause of this contradiction is that we know too little about each other, whether it is temperament, personality, outlook on life, world view, values, etc., we know very little.

What you see and feel before receiving the certificate is the external level of a person, and what you see and feel after receiving the certificate is the inner hidden level of a person.

Xiaoshi's true character was naturally revealed after receiving the certificate, and in the same way, my true character began to be gradually revealed after receiving the certificate.

At first, I thought that Xiao Shi would be a very gentle wife, but Aries is Aries, and her inner strength will be unconsciously revealed, but she herself will not be aware of it, and she will feel that she is her usual self.

She has always had her own standards for stir-frying, and if when she stir-fryed, an elder pointed at some of the methods next to her, she would be very disgusted. Sometimes even if I am too disgusted, I will say: "If you are so dissatisfied, don't let me stir-fry!"

Well, Aries is also arrogant at heart and wants to be recognized by others. Once she feels that everything she thinks is good, if she is opposed, she will feel that others are not getting along with her. Directly, a sharp look and a sharp expression are killed! Of course, this sharp look is presented to me at most......

She is more special, she doesn't like onions, garlic, ginger and other seasoned foods, a little seasoning is acceptable, and she can't stand it if she has more. Also, she doesn't like the smell of wind oil, no matter what kind of wind oil it is.

And Auntie may often rub wind oil, it may be because of a cold, it may be because of dizziness in the car, and it may be mosquito repellent.

At a lunch table, Xiao Shi sat next to her aunt, who may have caught a cold and wiped some wind oil, Xiao Shi directly blocked her nose with her fingers after smelling the smell of wind oil, and said with a little uncomfortable smile: "Auntie, have you wiped the wind oil?"

At that moment, I really didn't know how to describe the awkwardness of that scene......

Many relatives looked at it without saying a word, bowed their heads to eat quietly, and the aunt replied lightly: "My body is a little uncomfortable, so I wiped some wind oil." ”

Then Xiao Shicai continued to eat with a reluctant expression.

I didn't tell her about it at the time, and I didn't make her feel that what she was doing was wrong, because I knew that she was willing to marry me, and it wasn't easy at all. What's more, her family environment is not the same as mine, and the atmosphere is relatively different, which has formed her more straightforward character. So, I protected her in silence.

When she was eating, she liked to watch TV series or movies on her mobile phone while eating. When Auntie was talking to her, she wasn't all focused on replying, as well as on her mobile phone. Actually, it's very inappropriate to do so. Eating just staring at your phone makes it feel easy to distance people from each other.

So, my heart was so entangled, but I didn't know how to talk to her. I just think she hasn't gotten used to being at my home yet, so she keeps staring at her phone.

The more I think about it, the more depressed my heart becomes.

Therefore, I also started playing with my phone while eating. However, as soon as she saw me playing with my phone, she turned her head and said to me, "Eat!"

It feels like she's more like the head of the family.

I continued to play uncomfortably, and she started snatching my phone and looking at me with a sharp look and a sharp expression. That sharpness can be said to be like a knife stabbing at me, and I have nowhere to hide......

When Auntie sees this picture, she will reconcile a few words, but it will not have any effect. Because, the fire of Aries' strength is burning more and more.

Of course, after receiving the certificate, I also had something very wrong.

For example, I rarely help when cooking, and laziness has become synonymous with me.

The more I am like this, the stronger the little poem is for me.

Sometimes after a meal, I want to make up for my laziness and want to wash the dishes.

She coldly washed the dishes and replied, "No need!"

I was very afraid of the cold, she was cold to me at that time, coupled with the helpless and helpless coldness of my state of mind at that time, it really made my tears come out......

Many times, I secretly wept in the shower room or quietly on the road next to my home......

Every time I cry, I think of the divorce of the young man and woman I saw on the day I got the marriage license...... Because I don't know if I'm going to take that step too......

When I am too sad, I will look at the sky and sigh, "Why did I fall into such a situation?"

Uncle's physical health, marital disharmony, unemployment and confusion about the future directly stepped on me to a deeper trough, all kinds of helplessness and helplessness, suppressed to the point that I already doubted life in my heart......

In the face of the sharpness of the little poem, I was more silent. However, the more silent she was, the more uncomfortable she felt, and the sharper she became.

I had a discussion with her on the way to the street, and I said, "Can you not get to deal with family relationships as well as work? ”

She replied very officially: "I'm sorry, in my opinion, dealing with family relationships is the same as dealing with work." ”

Yes, she is a very ambitious Aries woman. is so strong that even dealing with family relationships has been put into the same attitude as dealing with work. This made me extremely depressed, and a home that could be very relaxed and comfortable made it the same as the uneasiness when the company was controlled by the leader, and I was really unable to hold it at that time......

Perhaps, this is one of the models of the legendary "marriage first, love later".

Xiaoshi and I were only in the stage of love at that time.

Although there are many contradictions, I try to let her go as much as possible after every time I cry. Because, I have always carried this idea: it is not easy for her to marry me.

It's not that she's elevating herself, it's that I'm lowering myself because she's just not used to it yet.

On the morning of May 1, 2017, I drove "Little Lucky" with a poem to visit her grandfather in her hometown.

Although Ah Gong is a little old, he is very healthy and can do a lot of work. And my main task this time is to leave a good impression on my grandfather, and to give the money for the next hire to my grandfather, who will collect it for my father first.

Ah Gong lives in the house of the third uncle of Xiao Shi, the third aunt just had the May Day holiday, and the third aunt's youngest son who is preparing for an internship is also there.

So, how do I deal with them? Relationships are a weakness for me. Alas!

At Uncle Xiaoshi's house, my grandfather and I sat next to each other, and the atmosphere was a little quiet, how could I break through the slightly embarrassing quiet atmosphere?

Well...... Forehead......

There are two dogs raised by the third uncle, one is a big rhubarb that looks like a wolf tied to the gate, and the other is a little black dog that walks around.

Thus, a topic about dogs unfolded......

"Grandpa, that big yellow dog outside looks like a wolf, look good. "Hehehe, I can't speak, I'm really full of embarrassment all the time, so reluctant topic.

"Oh, that dog......" Ah Gong said as normally as if answering a question.

"Ah Gong, this little black dog ......"

"Oh, this little black dog is very naughty and always follows me all the time......"

"Grandpa, does that dog outside bark when it sees passers-by?"

"Yes, when I hear the voice of passers-by, I bark very hard! Sometimes people don't dare to go to the vegetable patch next to them......

We kept talking about dogs, the growth of dogs, the joys and sorrows of dogs, and the bad ...... of someone secretly killing dogs outside

It wasn't until I couldn't think of anything to talk about dogs that I went out to breathe and relieve the embarrassment in my heart.

After Ah Gong also came out for a walk, I shifted the topic to the plants raised in the yard, and I felt that I could only find topics from these existences......

"Ah Gong, this ......"

"Oh, that ......"

…………

Not only is the word poor, but even the imagination is poor......

When eating, I want to eat as slowly as possible, eating can relieve the embarrassment of not knowing what to say, eating too fast is not good to be the first to put down the chopsticks, but if I am not careful, I will almost be the last to put down the chopsticks, as a guest, it is not good to eat too slowly......

Alas, visiting relatives has been an unnatural thing for me since I was a child.

The next day, facing Ah Gong.

"Grandpa, that dog ......"

"Oh, that dog......"

It's still about dogs, and it seems that after a night's rest, the imagination has come back a little bit.

On that day, I followed my grandfather to check which link of the hose that brought water from the mountains to my home was broken, resulting in no water at home.

The water from the third uncle's house is passed through the mountain with a soft hose slightly larger than the diameter of the thumb, and the length is a bit exaggerated, so we have to follow the hose at home all the way to the mountain.

Along the way, a few topics were occasionally inserted to ease the atmosphere, but they were all good and of no quality.

"Ah Gong, will the hose break by itself?" I can think of such a mentally retarded problem, and I have to give myself a five-body throw.

"Probably not, I only took it once some time ago, and I probably didn't know whose cow it was torn off......"

…………

"Ah Gong, is the water source very deep in the mountain?"

"Yes......"

"If you can't find a broken hose nearby, why don't you keep following up?"

"Yes......"

"It's so troublesome, why don't you dig a well?"

"The terrain here is not suitable for drilling wells......

…………

"Ah Gong, the trees on the mountain are so beautiful...... "Why don't I ask, Ah Gong, you look so cool?"

"We planted ......"

…………

"Grandpa, the location of my hometown was very good......"

"Ah Gong, that ......"

"Ah Gong, this ......"

"Ah Gong", "Ah Gong", "Ah Gong", ......

I've exhausted my brain power to find out what I can talk about, only to find out that it's even more brain-burning than my math exam......

On that day, what I can't forget for a long time in my mind are only two profound words - Ah Gong.

And Xiao Shi will try her best to teach me how to leave a good impression on my grandfather, to help cook, to chat with my grandfather, to ask my grandfather if there is anything I want to help with, to follow my grandfather to check where the hose is leaking, etc., she indirectly pushed me to do it.

In this regard, she did her duty as a wife, and it was for my own good. So, I'm very receptive.

Although I was sometimes a little disappointed in the face of her sharpness......

After returning home, she took care of a lot of things in an orderly manner, which won the heart of her aunt. But only if you don't get in the way of her natural play.

Gradually, Auntie also adjusted herself appropriately according to her personality, as much as possible not to express her own opinions, as long as she can do one thing well, different methods are also possible.

In general, in order to get used to Xiaoshi, the family chose to let Xiaoshi not be strict with her, although some practices may not be appropriate in their own opinion, and kept silent as much as possible. Because, they are willing to believe that she will understand.

Yes, both me and Xiaoshi need to grow. She's on my family's side, and if she can't find a sense of existence, she'll naturally be very repulsive, and I don't want that kind of picture to appear. And I, on the side of her family, if I can't find self-confidence, it will be difficult for me to integrate into their communication. Therefore, we have all handed over the problem to time, and I believe that we can all run in little by little in the long river of time and get better little by little.

She manages me very strictly, even more strictly than my uncle and aunt, but what is the purpose of doing this?

Yes, it's just because they love me and want me to be better.

She didn't realize at the time that it wasn't just me who needed to grow, but she as well. So in the later run-in, she finally got rid of the bad habit of watching TV or movies with her mobile phone while eating.

From the very beginning, our marriage was full of pain that needed to be tempered with various contradictions, which was a kind of suffering.

But, time is the concoction.

Our marriage will slowly run into roundness, run-in with luster, and run in with our sweetness.

Because, I could see that beneath that painful exterior was a heart of love beating hard......

Because of love, it is worth it.

Because of love, so trust.

Because of love, so love!