The summer solstice has arrived, why do I feel a little cold?

Is it because my constitution is cold, or is the wind in my hometown too cold?

Well, I'm a guy who sleeps in the summer and covers the quilt...... No wonder, I love summer so much......

Today is the third day to unleash the beast within.

That bad habit started to kick in, because I was dizzy from a slight cold. In the past, whenever I was unwell and in a bad mood, that bad habit would come close to me and make me addicted to it. That's why it's so powerful that it needs a lot of effort to conquer it.

If what I did in the past when I was not feeling well and in a bad mood was a good habit, perhaps, I don't need to change anything now, because if that was the case, I would have already transformed into the self I longed for.

A large part of the reason why those good habits were suppressed by that bad habit in the past was because I couldn't open them......

There is no real empathy in this world, and many times, even though there are many people around, it feels like you are the only one.

I'm a Sagittarius, and my favorite feeling is to have a presence. If you have a sense of existence, you will feel that you are not superfluous, but alive.

When I was a child, I was happy because I was full of presence.

After entering adolescence, my thoughts begin to change, my happiness fades away, my sense of existence is absent, and I step into a world that can be melancholy from time to time.

Because there is no sense of existence, they will look for it.

I also began to slowly have my own hobbies and find my presence in them.

Well, I'm happy when my hobbies are recognized by others, especially when they are recognized by people I value.

However, over the years, in order to be recognized by others, I have even lost my original intention, and I have even forgotten who the protagonist is. Despite this, I don't get any recognition, just like a clown who entertains himself, laughing is what he knows, crying is only known by himself, even if it is already painful, but others still see a funny smiling face, and they will still think that I am not serious at all.

Many times I comfort myself, why should I look at other people's faces, and getting my own approval is the most valuable. No matter how good people are in this world, there are always people who don't approve of them, so should we care about those who don't approve of them and ignore the recognition we have already received? Others don't recognize us, but we approve of ourselves, and that's enough.

After all, comfort is comfort, and I want to open it for a while, but after a long time, I will still fall into the abyss that I can't think of.

I have low self-esteem because I feel like I can't accomplish anything, everything is at the level of half a bucket of water, and I don't have a real specialty.

Perhaps, for some people who are not in the field, it will feel good. For example, people who don't know how to draw will feel good when they see an ordinary painting, after all, they can't draw it themselves, and they still have a little admiration in their hearts. But in the eyes of those who are in the field, it is really just the average of the ordinary.

If I think too much, I am doomed to have little true happiness.

Therefore, I like to use narcissism to numb my inferiority complex and make myself feel that, in fact, I can still be happy.

For example, writing songs.

Well, I didn't study music theory, so I don't know anything about musical notes. But every now and then my mind would quickly flash some melodies that I liked but hadn't heard, and then I tried to hum the melody, and it only took two or three hums to make the melody take shape. But I haven't learned the notes, so how do I memorize them? To my surprise, if I come up with a lyric and put it into that melody, I can remember that melody completely. Even if I only sang it two or three times, every month or two, as soon as I saw the lyrics that were put in at that time, I would naturally remember what the melody was like and I could sing it. In other words, the lyrics were like musical notes to me. Today, I've written more than fifty songs, but I remember how to sing them like pop songs.

I've always wondered, is this a talent? I didn't study music theory, but I can write songs so easily. If I had studied music theory, wouldn't I have become a master composer?

So, I thought about starting with this hobby and wrote a song for my family.

I've sung it to them, but it's not the melodies and lyrics of my songs that they care about most. Instead, he asked me how I could remember those melodies and write songs if I didn't know music theory......

The meaning of those songs was erased in this way, and no one asked about it anymore. They don't understand my heart.

Even if it was my second love before marriage, the song I wrote to her was the most attentive at that time, but she couldn't understand it.

To this day, I have also written songs to Xiao Shi, but she has never seriously commented on it, nor has she responded to my heart at that time. Perhaps, just listen to it and get by......

Well, simply, it's over......

What I take seriously, even my loved ones don't understand......

My heart is lonely, and it always has been.

So, when I'm not feeling well or in a bad mood, it's that bad habit that gives me a little comfort. Because of good habits, they can't bring me happiness, only more loss.

And now, I've seen through it, and I'm no longer obsessed with what other people think. I just need to recognize myself, because only I know how I got to where I am today. I don't expect anyone to understand how important those good habits are to me.

I want to be a person who can block thousands of troops in my heart, and let those faint joys, sorrows, and sorrows drift with the wind.

Therefore, since you have seen through it, then it is time for that bad habit to abdicate and give way to those good habits. I am grateful that it has given me comfort when I am alone and helpless, but I need to wake up, after all, I am a person who needs sunshine, and I can't keep sinking in the dark. Otherwise, my life will be ruined.

I can also understand the incomprehension of my relatives and loved ones, and I love them just as much.

Although Xiaoshi's favorite hobbies and my favorite hobbies almost don't match, and there is a lot less fun, I respect her and love her all the same.

None of the things I do are approved of by her. And what she approves of is what I am not currently good at.

In order to make her so happy, and for the sake of this family, I have to try to break through myself and master the things that she approves of but I can't.

She joked with me before: "Do you regret marrying such a domineering and fierce woman like me?"

I smiled and replied, "No." ”

From my wife's point of view, she's doing a good job! Even if I'm a strict wife, I'm willing.

Supporting this family alone, under financial and work pressures, although there is some temper, I understand.

Her bad temper, I don't like. However, that doesn't stop me from loving her as a person.

Yes, she is not tall, not white, and not beautiful compared to the beauties on the street, but I just love her. In my heart, her body is just right above me, and her skin color is a perfect match for me.

In a video with her last night, I smiled and said to her, "I really want to fall in love!"

She replied indifferently: "You go to talk, I didn't stop you." ”

Call...... I just want to be in a relationship with her.

Well, take good care of your body, improve your skills, and then everything is on track, and you and your wife will talk about a relationship that says that if you go on your honeymoon, you will go on your honeymoon.

It's time to cook and eat.