"When I knew about Gao Lei, at that moment, I was already dead set on love, during this time I thought more than once, if back then, on the night when Yuan Qi took Qin Yu, if I was not so cowardly, I could muster up enough courage to hold Qin Yu's hand, what kind of ending would it be, now after so many things, I finally found a problem that I never thought about, that is, it is easy for two people to love each other, but it is too difficult to stay together, after Qin Yu was taken away by Yuan Qi that night, I sat alone on the side of the road and cried all night, and for a long time afterward, I have been annoyed, why I didn't stand up like a man, pointed to Yuan Qi's nose and told him, this is my woman, don't touch it!" At this point, my eyes turned red, and tears fell uncontrollably: "After that incident, I made up my mind to go to the mixed society, to be a very powerful bastard, to let others see my woman, and I didn't dare to move a little crookedly, so after meeting Gao Lei, I pushed you into the fire pit...... Also for her, I chose to leave Zhang Zongliang, in fact, in my bones, I am a very cowardly person, you don't know how scared I was when I told Zhang Zongliang to leave, but I had to grit my teeth and endure it, because I swore to myself, I must keep my woman!" I only said half of Zhang Lin's words, and there is the other half that I didn't say, that is, I have been with Gao Lei for countless days and nights, and when I was most helpless, she was all with me in a group to keep warm, even the posture of making love, Gao Lei taught me, if you want to forget, how easy is it?

"You've done so much for Gao Lei, but she still left you, is it worth it?" Zhang Lin saw me crying, ignoring the tears on her face, stretched out her finger and gently wiped my cheek.

"I don't blame Gao Lei, I really never blame her, because I just waited for me to get along, and then stayed with her carefree, but I ignored her feelings, I forgot that she was also an independent individual, and she was a helpless little girl, I took care of myself fooling around outside, wanting to give her a good life, but I never seriously cherished every day with her......"

"She won't wait for you, but I will, no matter whether you will become a powerful social big brother in the future, I will be by your side, if you have money, we will travel the world together, if you have no money, I can also accompany you to set up a roadside stall!" Zhang Lin cried pear blossoms with rain, and looked at me in a hoarse voice: "Han Fei, do you know, in your world, Gao Lei is the only one, but in my world, there are only you......"

"During the previous period of time, all I had been thinking about was how to protect the people around me, but now that I think about it, it's ridiculous, isn't it, when I was in the hospital, in the face of Leng Lei's accusations and coercion, I couldn't even protect myself, if it weren't for Ah Zhen and Shi Yigang, I would have been tied up by Lei Lei and sent to Li Yunwu, it's such a self-carefree me, what the fuck do I do to protect others!!" I looked at Zhang Lin with red circles under my eyes, and my voice was hoarse:" I just want to be a good guy now, I don't want to prove that I'm better than anyone, I just want those who look down on me to see, you don't want me anymore, I can live myself! And I can live very chic! Zhang Lin, now I really don't have the energy to re-manage a relationship, I only have one heart, after being taken away by Gao Lei, she didn't give it back to me, so, I'm sorry......"

"How can this be ......" Zhang Lin was very loud, and immediately cried: "Han Fei, I have been waiting for you for two years, and I have loved you for two years, how can this be? ”

"I don't pursue fame and fortune, because the woman I love the most and the best brother used to be by my side, we can eat a roadside stall for a dozen dollars together, smoke a pack of cigarettes for two dollars and five cents, and in the eyes of others, it looks like a group of poor boys who can't stand it, but that's the life I dream of! But later, everyone changed, the woman I loved the most was no longer willing to live with a poor boy like me, my best brother, no longer willing to be subordinate, to be a little-known little bastard, when my woman was worried that I couldn't give her the life she wanted, my brother was worried that I would rob him of his position, and it was destined to the day when I would be abandoned, now I don't want anything, I just want to go on on the road of bastards, for myself, and for Ah Zhen and Shi Yigang who have always believed in me。 ”

"So, what about me?" Zhang Lin looked at me as if she didn't know me, and her eyes were very strange.

"Linlin, you are a good girl, there is no need to entangle with me, this will ruin your life, I am a wild child without a father and a mother, my family conditions are destined to make me not like other people's children, to be a cynical gnawing old clan, the second ancestor, when my dreams of friendship and love are shattered, all I can do is swallow my crushed teeth and move forward slowly step by step!"

Zhang Lin heard my refusal and was silent for a long time: " I always thought that living in this society, we would all go with the flow, until I met you, at that time, you laughed innocently, and your tone never revealed the helplessness of now, the Han Fei I knew, clean and clean like a gust of wind, but now after a little drifting, but also brought dust, I thought that my appearance would remove the sand and dust you carried, so that you become as clean as before, but I now understand that if the sand and dust falls, the wind will disperse, I overestimate my own importance, and underestimate how ruthless you are, Han Fei, I am self-inflicted！”

"Find a good boy, I don't deserve you like this!" I looked into Zhang Lin's eyes: "I have hurt you once, from now on, I will try not to appear in your life again, forget me!"

"Han Fei, I mustered up a lot of courage before I came, I thought that you would reject me, and I also thought about your ten thousand words, but I never thought that you would say such heartless words to me, in your eyes, I have no use value, so I have to be kicked away like a ball, right? I tell you, impossible!" Zhang Lin stood up and looked at me angrily: "I will fight for the rest of my life, and I will let you taste the taste of despair!"

"Don't be stupid, if you want to take revenge on me, then you can beat me or scold me now, and if you continue to entangle with me, you will ruin your good years!" I saw Zhang Lin's appearance, and I was inexplicably a little distressed.

"I'm already like this, I don't care if I will destroy myself, but if I can destroy you, that's enough! I will give you everything you have done to me, bit by bit! I will make you a thousand times more painful than me! Ten thousand times!" Zhang Lin's voice was cold, and after finishing speaking, he pushed away the chair vigorously, ignoring the eyes of the people around him, and left the Western restaurant without looking back.

“......”

Looking at Zhang Lin's appearance, I was full of guilt, but I didn't worry that she would really retaliate against me, in my eyes, Zhang Lin is actually a very simple little girl, remembering the despicable behavior I took her to Beijing, I felt very uncomfortable, at that time I just planned to mix with society, stupid all day long, I thought that Zhang Zongliang was the best big brother in the world, and I also thought that Gao Lei was the best girl in the world, for them, I could give everything, unconsciously, so long time has passed, even Lei Lei, who was picking up cigarette butts and smoking with me, has become a social big brother in the mouth of the gangsters, Even the old seven and the strong son that I have always looked down on have followed Lei Lei's chicken dog to heaven and become famous, and I was full of ambition to make a name for myself in society, I have been out for two years, but when I was approaching the end of the year, I sat in a café with a thousand yuan on my body, and was pointed to my nose by a girl who once loved me deeply, "You will be 10,000 times more painful than I was at the beginning!"

I tapped my fingers lightly on the tabletop, looked at the street outside the floor-to-ceiling window, remembered the bits and pieces of the past, and after losing my mind in my seat for a long time, I stood up and walked slowly to the door with helplessness.

After leaving Zhang Lin, I called Xiaolong, because when he helped me contact Liu Aihua, I said that I would express it after the matter was completed, but after he heard about my intentions, he decisively rejected me on the phone, I thought about it for a while, and directly charged him with a thousand yuan of phone bills, and after a while, Xiaolong came to a text message: Served.

......

Two days later, the thirtieth year of the Chinese New Year's Eve.

With the midnight bell of the gala,

I'm twenty-one years old.

Looking at the brilliant lights of thousands of homes outside the window, the earth-shattering firecrackers sounded one after another, my grandmother and I, an old man and a young man, sat around the table, happily eating dumplings, grandma has been laughing, but I know that she is not happy in her heart, one of my uncle, two aunts and an uncle, the four children of the old man, no one is willing to take grandma to the New Year, because she is around, there is a burden to me.

Although I try my best not to admit it, but the Han family is really an impersonal family, my uncles and uncles, my father's brothers and sisters, all the time looking forward to me getting into trouble, looking forward to me getting out of trouble, and then came to this old man, with a sneering face and said: "Look at it, this is your accustomed grandson, when we said to send him to an orphanage, you didn't agree, what he is doing now is really a glory on your face!"

When grandma didn't hear these words, she would always show a quiet smile: "Even though Xiaofei is not good, he is the only child in the old Han family who knows that he feels sorry for me!"

I happened to go home and hear this sentence, I secretly shed tears in the quilt all night, I don't believe in ghosts and gods, but whenever I meet the Buddha statue, I will always be alone in the bottom of my heart silently, may the Buddhas of the sky bless the old man and his parents to live a hundred years old, for this, I am willing to pay half of the yang life, very naïve, but also very true.

Grandma is my only relative in this world, and I desperately wish that I could make a lot of money, and then do nothing every day, just take my grandma around the world.

This woman who used to be the daughter of a big landowner, fell in the middle of the family road after liberation, and lived with her brother, but her brother was not good to her, later, she met a new soldier who had just experienced the War to Resist US Aggression and Aid Korea, and returned with honor, this soldier was twelve years older than her, but she resolutely chose to leave with him, the first half of her life was bitter and difficult, and the second half of her life experienced the pain of losing her child, that year, her only filial son left, she chose to raise her grandson alone, and chose to keep watch for her son's bloodline.

This old man who took care of me for the rest of his life has never seen the sea in his life.

......

In the joyful atmosphere of other people's homes, the eighth day of the Lunar New Year is still the time when the flavor of the year is strong, but in our family, this year is over.

In the past few days of the Chinese New Year, Ah Zhen and Shi Yigang have both returned to their hometown for the New Year, and I myself stayed at home every day, and I also tried to make a few calls to Brother Cang, but the number that a woman answered at the beginning was already empty.

On the night of the eighth day of the Lunar New Year, I received a phone call that changed my life.

Erhei called.