Not again.

There used to be some regrets, and I would keep fantasizing about the same scene, but with different endings. Maybe I've become stronger, maybe I've found the other person's weakness, maybe I've been full of eloquence, etc., in short, I've reversed my regrets.

Zhen Nima is funny, things have happened, what is the point of me doing this except to enrich the character's attributes? Constantly fantasizing about victory, constantly strengthening the character's attributes, is constantly affirming the existence of the character.

I don't accept what's happened, I don't accept fate, I don't accept the status quo, so I keep fantasizing about scenarios to convince myself that it's not that bad.

The point is, I'm the one who judges that it's all bad, and it's me who convinces myself that it's not that bad. This Nima is a brain problem!

Regret, how did this state come about? How do I judge it as regret? I don't get what I want, it's a pity. It is also a pity that I thought it was going well, but after a few years, I suddenly regretted my original decision.

Let me see, "want to get", who wants? Obviously, the character wants, and the driving force of wanting is the self-definition in the head. Hey, here's the fun part.

If I want to go to the toilet but find that there is no toilet nearby, I have a hard time finding a toilet, or I can't go to the toilet in a hidden corner. All this will not make me regret it.

If I want to drink water, but I find that there is no water for sale anywhere, so I don't drink water for the whole day. Again, it doesn't make me regret it.

However, if I want something special and don't get it, then I regret it and often tell others about how I was when I was close to it, or if I had been like that, I wouldn't be the way I am now.

Therefore, the thing that "wants" must be able to show off, at least be proud, so that it will lead to regret when it is not obtained.

And one more point, almost ignored. Another factor that leads to regret because you don't get it is that you know that you may not be able to get that thing in your life, so you regret it.

That's the problem, I know that I don't have a chance in my life, so why do I still fantasize about having that thing? The character is using fantasy to strengthen himself, it seems to meet the needs of the human organism, to satisfy the hollowness of the human heart, but in fact, it is to make up for the shortcomings of the character.

Of course, whether you don't have a chance in this life, or you still have a chance to motivate yourself, it's all speculation about the future, and you want to control the future. And these are all tricks of the characters, inadvertently enriching self-definition.

In order to declare, "I am not an inconsequential character, I have particularity, I have brilliance, although I am not good now, but compared to you, I am still good." You must know that ...... in the first place"

The existence of a character does not require me to do anything earth-shattering, and of course, it quietly feeds this expectation into my mind, allowing me to focus on a long-term goal rather than discussing whether the character's existence is real or not.

Those regrets also have the same effect, focusing on the past, and then fantasizing about how the role of Yuan Changwen triumphed and how it was reversed, which is also affirming the authenticity of the role of Yuan Changwen. Thus avoiding discussion of the fact that the character is a piece of shit.

So, will the killing at this moment also affirm the character? The character is false, and since it is false and does not exist, how can it be killed? The action of killing itself affirms the existence of the character.

Yuan Changwen left the windowsill, sat on the edge of the bed, and let out a long sigh.

I do not know.

The crux of the matter is that I have so much falsehood in my head right now, and I take it as reality. If I don't kill it, I can't get rid of the character's control.

It is true that the act of killing itself will make the character real, but without killing, the character is still real. Because I've been seeing characters as real for so many years, and now I know that characters are fake, but I still hold on to all kinds of fakes.

If it was really possible to "do nothing", the role would have dissipated long ago. "Wu Wei" is already in a state of no self-definition, and there is no role without self-definition.

It's uncomfortable, not the pain of pain, nor the pain of sorrow, but the discomfort of being bound. I wanted to escape from this place, I wanted to escape from the killing, but it was the part that I wanted to escape, and I had to kill it.

If I can't see the structure of self-definition, it seems that the current reason makes me start to kill, but in the end, I will be reused and tied up again.

It's like a roller coaster, you don't know why you get on it, and then you want to come down halfway. But if there is no reason for killing the original, it won't be long before the same reason pushes me to sit on it again.

"I am a caring person", this is a self-definition, I will not kill indiscriminately, nor will I torture small animals. It looks very good, but sometimes it conflicts with other self-definitions, such as "I'm a clean person." ”

When I meet a stray dog, I don't like it being dirty, so I won't take it home. But I'm a caring person, and just feeding me some food, wouldn't it be too good to show my love?

Wretched!

That's the key, I think the stray dog is pitiful, so I'm going to help it to arouse my compassion. So, the very simple question, "How do I know this dog is pitiful?"

Putting aside emotions and words like "obviously" and "you go wandering" and answering this question head-on, the answer is bound to be "I guess." ”

Maybe you can talk about a lot of reasons, what kind of environment for stray dogs, there is no time to eat every day, the sleeping place is just a rain sewer, there is no bath, there is no food to worry about every day, etc. But there is no escape, that's just my guess.

Even if these speculations are true, even if the stray dog whimpers, why should I help it? What is the source of this action? Self-definition, "I am a caring person", so in order to maintain this self-definition, I will help it.

So, if there is a homeless man who is not a liar, should I help him too? Can I let the homeless man live in the house? Should I be responsible for the rest of the homeless man's life?

Perhaps, the full version of that self-definition is, "I am a loving person, not really loving, but loving without affecting myself." ”

Ha!

Honesty is the key, I don't know just don't know, there is no need to use self-definition to regulate my behavior, to explain my behavior. Once explained, it means wanting to be recognized in the eyes of others, wanting to convince others and convincing yourself, "Well, I'm not stupid. ”

Shit.