In the cold wind, in an alley near the bar street in X City, I held an iPad in one hand and a cigarette in the other, staring at the empty stinky tofu stall opposite.

About three meters away from the tofu stall, four young men dressed as killing Matt were holding watermelon knives and slashing another tattooed man to the ground.

JUST AS I ACCIDENTALLY SHOOK OFF THE THIRD CIGARETTE BECAUSE OF THE COLD (NOT BECAUSE OF FEAR, JUST PLAIN COLD!, SWEAR TO THE LIGHT!) THE YELLOW DOT ON THE IPAD TURNED RED, AND THE FOUR KILLERS GLARED AT ME FIERCELY AND FLED THE SCENE. And my work officially began at this time.

That's right, I'm dedicated to the aftermath of people who can't be reincarnated after death, and as for why I got this speechless profession, you judges still need to listen to me one by one.

But I don't have time now, I have to deal with the ghost of this "tattooed brother" who died first.

"Brother, don't look! you're dead!"

"Huh?" the tattooed brother looked at me with a cute expression.

"According to this book of life and death, Brother Tai, you were hacked to death with a knife, and you didn't belong to the people who died horizontally. However, before he was killed, he suffered amnesia due to one of the stabs in the head. According to Article 7 of the 2015 New Ghost Culture Care Regulations of the Prefecture, people with unsound memory are also part of the imperfect limbs, and those with incomplete limbs cannot be reincarnated after death. Got it?"

"Huh?"

"Did you get hacked amnesia or were you hacked stupid?"

"Huh?"

I held out two fingers to him and said, "What is this?"

"Huh?"

"Ah, your sister, believe it or not, I'm shooting you with an iPad!"

"Huh?"

(10,000 words omitted here)

After a ten-minute explanation, the tattoo brother still didn't reply except for the word "ah".

In desperation, I had to decide to take him back to the base camp first, and then think about it in the long run.

Before leaving, I took five pieces of stinky tofu and 50 yuan for a taxi from the stinky tofu stall that I had been staring at for a long time.

There's no way, who made this guy run away without a trace as soon as he saw the slashing man while shouting that the terrorists are coming again.

The long-legged beauty I was staring at for a long time just now disappeared in a puff of smoke, so it's not too much to compensate for it from him!

Well, take the opportunity to take this big brother home to tell you about the origin of my sad work!

No, no, you should introduce yourself first.

My name is Zhang Meng. It was the first thing I did in my life that I thought I felt fulfilled – changing my name.

It's just that I was always bullied in an orphanage when I was a child. Therefore, the first thing I did when I grew up was to change a fierce name for myself, thinking that such a domineering and leaky name would never be looked down upon in the future.

Who would have thought that the effect of external leakage was not achieved, but there were a lot of side leaks.

I was blackmailed by my classmates at school, I was squeezed out by my colleagues at work, I was sprayed by four teammates when I played LOL, and I was chased by my uncle for three streets when I bought a pack of fake cigarettes and muttered.

Things like this have run through the trajectory of my life for so many years, and I have the privilege of being an out-and-out dick.

I often wonder why other people's fates are so much better than mine.

I also occasionally consoled myself that God was just testing me. After all, the sky will descend on the Si people, and I have already memorized the rolling melons.

Eventually, I was pleased to find out,

When God closes one door for you, He always opens another window for you.

But can anyone explain to me why there is an anti-theft net on the window?

One night a month ago, I sat on a park bench and sighed. I was fired because I bumped into the boss and the secretary's OOXX in the morning.

"Oh my God, where the hell have I offended you!

The uncle who sold the ring next to him said: "This brother, only because you are the body of the Eight Yin, so you will be incompatible with foreigners!"

"Foreigner, old man, don't make trouble, I don't know any foreigners! The only foreigner I've ever seen in my life is the husky in front of my house!"

"You fool!"

"The yang of yin and yang?"

The so-called heaven and earth are infinite, infinite and taiji. Tai Chi moves and generates yang, moving poles and stillness, static and generating yin, and static poles removing. One movement and one stillness, each other is its root. Divide yin and yang, and stand on the two instruments. “

"Hey, uncle, aren't you a ringer, why do you still have this thing?"

"The ferrule is just my side job, my real identity is ......," he said, pulling out a business card from his bag and handing it to me.

I took the business card and read: "Young student girl, lonely white-collar young woman, contact number 13..."

"Hey, it's wrong, it's this one!"

"Ancestral secret recipe, Western medicine cures psoriasis!"

"No, no, I took the wrong one again, this one, this one. ”

"The president of the Scrap Acquisition Association. ”

The old man snatched the business card and rummaged left and right in his bag. After a long time, he finally took out a crooked piece of handwritten paper and said: "This identity is quite special, so this business card is rarely used, it is a bit confusing, forgive me." ”

"Cui Ming, the director of the Difu Yang Office?"

When the old man heard me read the business card, he immediately put away his lewd smile and said with a straight face: "That's right, it's the old man." As a member of the underworld, in charge of the six life and death matters, of course, he knows astronomy, geography, yin and yang, and numerology. This little brother, I see that your numerology is peculiar, how about a hexagram for you today?"

I shook my head: "No money!"

The old man said unrelentingly: "Or, will I give you a word test, a fortune telling, and a marriage?"

"Uncle, I really don't have any money, besides, as a person who has been abducted and deceived thousands of times, will I believe in your cheap deception?

With that, I'll turn around and leave.

The uncle hurriedly pulled me and said, "Little brother, don't worry. It's okay not to tell your fortune, do you need a student girl?

"Hey, don't go, don't want a student girl, do you need to pass the sewer in your house? Do you have athlete's foot? Do you sell glass bottles at home? It's really not okay for a guy to come to my circle, and my first prize in this circle is an IPAD!"

The old man held my arm, no matter how hard I struggled, he wouldn't let go.

I've encountered all kinds of scammers many times, but this is the first time I've stalked people like this.

I was forced to be helpless, so I had to take out 2 yuan to buy a ring, thinking that it would be okay to do good deeds.

The old man finally made a business with great difficulty, so he happily took out a ring for me.

With the ferrule in my hand, I aimed at the box of Hibiscus Kings in the third row, and threw it out with a wave of my hand. So many years of experience have taught me that the alluring jackpot like the iPad must have a hidden mystery and cannot be easily tricked by us. I'm not going to stare at an iPad like anyone else. To do so would only be to lose your own money. Compared to the jackpot that can only be seen from afar, the Hibiscus King near the front row is obviously more likely to be in my pocket.

So, I seriously aimed at it for a long time and threw it away! Who would have thought that an accident would happen at this moment.

The ferrule that came out of his hand did not fall to the ground flat, but rolled crookedly all the way to the side of the ipad on the ground, and then fell down impartially!

So, I happily went home with the ipad I bought for 2 yuan, not noticing the meaningful smile on the corner of the uncle's mouth.

When I got home, I couldn't wait to open the ipad, thinking that I was finally an Apple family! But after opening it, I found that the app inside was something I had never heard of, is it a copycat version? Forget it, 2 yuan for a copycat is also earned!

After automatically ignoring those strange apps, I clicked on the Dou (Harmony) landlord app.

As a result, as soon as it was opened, it was written that the special version of the Dou (Harmony) Landlord's Hades.

Now even poker games are cosplaying?

Well, do as the locals do. I also gave myself a domineering name, "Looking for Nie Xiaoqian", and then quickly entered it and began to kill all sides.

Who knows, this made me think I had picked up a cheap iPad, but it took me to a point of no return.