But it's not a dream, as much as I wish it wasn't, and the feeling of pain and fear of loss is so real that there's nowhere to escape.

Many things can only be imagined when they do not happen, and then we put ourselves in their shoes, which is far less profound than when they really happen.

I once asked Li Baitian in a dream, why wasn't you lying there? Now it is indeed Li Baitian who is lying down, and the resentment against him in that dream is really a joke.

Let me choose, if Yuan Ze and Li Baitian have one person who needs to lie down, if one of the two things can only be a dream and the other is a reality. I can't make such a choice, one is guilty, one is painful.

The things in front of me always seem to be the biggest thing, so when I had that dream, I thought I couldn't lose Yuan Ze. And when the reality was that Li Baitian was about to be lost, I knew that I couldn't lose Li Baitian.

I thought that Yuan Ze and I would be like this, living together, and Li Baitian would be like this, and we would get along with nature, maybe as we walked, our friends would disperse. Maybe I can still watch his life for a year, two years, three years...... But I never thought about really losing him.

I have it as a spectator, which is the biggest concession to feelings, but I can't fight for the impermanence of the world.

The ambulance came, the police helped the medical staff put Li Baitian on the unit price car, I insisted on following the ambulance to escort Li Baitian, Yuan Ze needed to go with the police, someone had to make a record and explain the matter.

I don't care about Yuan Ze, at this time, I only have Li Baitian in my eyes, this person who has accompanied me in my inner world for eleven years, he is important to me, I have never realized that it is so important.

What is the world like without Li Baitian, as if that little sun is extinguished, the sky is dark, and nothing can illuminate my heart anymore.

I can not be with him, he can not be with me, but he must hang and shine in one place, and as long as he exists, no matter where he is, my heart will not be so dim as this.

The paramedics were giving him simple first aid, and I sat on the sidelines, unable to allow myself to cry, not to disturb them. I just stared at Li Baitian, at his quilt on the ventilator, at his sleepy eyes, as if they would open in the next moment, at his right hand hanging to the ground, his fleshy right hand, and his fingertips seemed to tremble slightly.

I want to pull his hand, I want to rub his hand gently in the palm of my hand, I want him to know how important he is to me.

In the dream, I called Yuan Ze, and I said that as long as he was willing to wake up, I would promise him everything. But this is different, now I want to give Li Baitian, not any promise, nor his injury, not guilt and regret, only about him as a person, Li Baitian as a person.

How much I want to live in his heart and never come out again, I would rather not have my own life, give up being a man, turn into his heartbeat, turn into even a small hair on his body. In Him, always in Him, as long as you are one with Him, no matter how small.

But I'm not the Monkey King, I won't change seventy-two.

I could only look at him with cherished heart, every glance, even though he could not open his eyes, even though he could not see my gaze. I still want to convey with my eyes, to tell him that I am here, how much I care, how much I care about you.

My heart, section by section, sank and became more and more powerless, without the strength to cry, without the strength to think, just to look at him like this.

I forgot the memories of the past eleven years, and only remembered what he looked like, who he was.

He's such a good, confused bastard, he's jumping all over my heart, and he's going to have to keep bouncing until I stop my heart beating.

When the ambulance arrived at the hospital, I followed it and stood guard at the door when I was not allowed to enter. I didn't cry or make trouble, I just guarded.

I didn't think that Li Baitian would die, I didn't believe in his heart that he would die, I didn't believe it, never!

Three ribs, ruptured ligaments, multiple fractures, skull trauma, and the right hand, which is basically useless.

When I heard this, I was thinking in my head, eight people, put a steel rod on him alone, how he was subjected to it, when he was beaten, what was he thinking in his heart, there was a feeling that he was going to die.

He knew that when he asked Yuan Ze to take me away, he knew what he was going to encounter, but he must not have been afraid, because he was Li Baitian, and he was not afraid of anything, nor was he afraid of death.

He is only afraid that he is not like a man enough, and he is afraid of implicating women, and the kind of blood in his bones that wants to protect women will not change at any time.

If it had been on me, he would have died of distress.

I wonder how much he was in pain at that time, and didn't he feel hopeless?

I called Sister Li Wei and told the matter as naturally as possible, and Sister Li Wei put down what she was doing and rushed over as soon as possible.

The rescue lasted for a long time, and he was not out of danger, and I bit my mouth outside the operating room, and my mouth was almost swollen.

I didn't dare to think about the four words that his life was in danger, what did I think, I thought that there was a 50% chance that he would leave this world.

Then I couldn't see him anymore, and then I could only go to see a lifeless stone tablet every Qingming Ghost Festival, and then whenever I thought of Li Baitian, that thought was like hitting a wall, blocked, and couldn't go on anyway.

Because there is no possibility for us or for himself, for this world for him.

No, he still has ideals and so many hopes, if he leaves like this, I will be the first to be unwilling for him. How would I feel if Lee Baitian were to be turned into a corpse without breathing and no heartbeat in front of me.

I can only try to comfort myself, to be strong, not to be pessimistic, to have hope, the world will give him more luck.

The doctor came out and asked me to sign, they were going to amputate Li Baitian's right hand, the wound was too serious to be saved, and if any bad effects such as inflammation occurred, even a low-grade fever could take away his fragile life at this time.

Fragile ...... When has Li Baitian's life ever been fragile, he is a cockroach, isn't he unbeatable? He is so cheap, how can he be fragile.

I know I don't have the right to sign this, but Sister Li Wei's phone can't get through, and I can't contact his parents. As for Li Baitian's life, not a minute or a second can be delayed.

The tip of the pen trembled, and I wrote my name almost with my eyes closed. I think I cut off his hand, and when he woke up, how I faced him, how he faced himself.

He will lose a hand, a hand. From then on, he couldn't be cheap, he couldn't touch what he wanted to touch, he couldn't hold the camera, he couldn't press the shutter, he couldn't count the bills, he couldn't hold my face and say those strange things to me.

What a hand, a whole body, means to one. How much time does it take him to adapt, and how much sadness does he need to overcome mentally.

However, I will be with him, I will be his hand and help him do whatever he wants. That's all I can do to comfort myself.

Not long after the doctor went in with the surgical consent form, Sister Li Wei rushed over and asked me about the situation inside. I swallowed the sourness in my throat and said everything I had to say.

When he heard about the amputation, Li Weiguan had a stunned expression on his calm face. I saw that her breathing was getting heavier, and she grabbed a random nurse and shouted to her, "Call the doctor who operated on it to me, call me out immediately!"

The nurse was frightened, she said that she had no right to go in, Li Wei scared her viciously, "I am the patient's family, call the doctor out for me, immediately!"

The nurse hurriedly figured out a way, and soon the chief surgeon came out, Li Wei's upper body trembled slightly when he breathed, and asked, "Did you amputate your leg?"

The doctor said he was ready and that the surgery would start soon. Li Wei stared, his voice trembling and resolute, "I can't do it, I'm his sister, I have the final say, I can't amputate my leg, absolutely not!"

The doctor kindly advised Li Wei not to get excited, and explained the necessity of amputation and what their considerations were.

Li Wei was furious, "I have the final say, you have the final say! Let me tell you, he is the heir of the XX Group, and the son of our Li family cannot be crippled, even if his hand is wasted, even if it is an ornament, he has to grow it on my body." After a pause, he said resolutely, "Even if you die, you have to be a whole corpse." Treat, find the best doctor, use the best conditions, if you can't cure it, save my life, I'll take it and treat it myself!"

The doctor could only dismiss the intention of amputation and continue to go back to the rescue. I stood impotently aside, watching Li Wei start to call, she said, "Find the best surgeon neurologist in Beijing, whether by plane or rocket, transport it to me immediately, even on the operating table, grab it and grab it, do you hear it!"

Li Wei's domineering spirit shocked all the passers-by, and of course I was also calm. I suddenly began to feel more hopeful, she would never allow anything unbearable to happen to Li Baitian, for the sake of her younger brother, the heir of their Li family, against God, I think she also did it.

This kind of resoluteness made me ashamed to look up when I compromised in the face of the surgical consent form.

Sister Li Wei finished her own efforts, and could only wait for the results with me, and I didn't dare to face her gaze.

"If you're going to cry, you don't have to wait here," she said. ”

I don't cry, it's useless to cry. But I want to stay here, to be out there with him every step of the way, to worry about him, to be happy for him, and at this moment, I don't want to miss all his news.

Although I can't see him, I want to be there for him.

I shook my head, and Li Wei said, "Look up at me." ”

I didn't understand what it meant, but I obediently raised my head, and as soon as I lifted it a little, a slap hit my face.