I don't know if I should laugh or cry, forgive me for not being able to calm down at this time, I stand in the middle of the road, and I feel like the whole world is spinning.

Those troubles, all the troubles I live in the world, poured into my head like a flood. My half-dead dad who gets into trouble every day, my neurotic mom who calculates everything with me and makes me feel powerless, the great opportunity I had to pass up, and the man I love the most, who cheated on me.

I suddenly felt as if I had nothing, and even if I did, it was an unbearable pressure.

At first, I couldn't hold back crying because I knew I still had to go up to see my dad, but when I thought about seeing my dad, I was afraid that I would not be able to cry again in the hospital room, and I didn't dare to go up right away.

I admit that I thought about dying, but most people who succeed in suicide do so immediately when they think of it, and as long as they hesitate, most of them will not succeed.

I hesitated, and my hesitation was that my dad was still lying there. I sat down in the corner of a flower bed, hugged my knees and started crying. I hate myself, I hate myself for why I read Li Hua's text messages cheaply, if I don't see it, this dream will not be broken, as long as the dream is still there, whether it is true or not, I am willing.

I'm just very domineering, I can't stand my man, and while loving me, he cares about other women. I can't share his concern and good with other women, and I can't accept his deception immediately, even if it's for fear that I will misunderstand.

Anyway, I'm sad.

Li Baitian's attribute is timely rain, and he called me to ask why I didn't go to Beijing.

When I was very sad, all I thought about was bad things, and I had long forgotten that there was a person like Li Baitian, let alone taking the initiative to find him to enlighten me.

Li Baitian heard me crying here, so he asked me what was wrong. What's wrong, I don't know what's wrong, I have no way to share the relationship with Li Hua with others, I cried for a while, Li Baitian stopped talking, listened to me cry silently, and asked tentatively, "Sister, is your family dead?"

Li Baitian can guess the point, probably he thinks that the thing that can make me cry so sad is probably the death of the family.

I pinched my throat and said, "My dad is hospitalized......"

Li Baitian may have felt that my father was so sick that he was dying, and he didn't know what to say, so he said, "Sister, calm down." ”

Holding back my tears, I babbled and said, "Brother Tian, what should I do......"

Actually, I don't need to seek any answers, because I know what to do, and this voice can be said to be a cry of despair. What should I do in the future, I drag these burdens, I don't have a job yet, I don't know where my future is, the man I love dearly, who can give me happiness without doubt, is not reliable......

What should I do......

I'm just confused, very deeply confused. This confusion comes from the fact that I know very well in my heart that the next road should be walked, and tomorrow should be passed, but I don't know where this road will lead.

In the end, I didn't explain what was going on with Li Baitian, although he couldn't figure it out, but at least he could feel that I was suffering the rhythm of the blow, so he said, "Don't you can't think about it." ”

I cried "um" and I said, "No......"

Some people live because of sustenance, and some people live because of care. Now my sustenance has suddenly collapsed, but I still have to worry about it.

I felt that I had been crying here long enough, so I hung up the phone with Li Baitian, wiped away my tears and went back to the ward.

I know what to do, and the priority now is to take care of my dad, and sometimes I even think that if my dad dies, I can be much easier than I am now.

In the ward, my brother raised his face and asked me, "My brother-in-law is gone?"

Since he met Li Hua, he called Li Hua his brother-in-law, this kid's mouth is much sweeter than mine. I remembered the scene of Li Hua's car driving away, but I had to be as calm as I could, and nodded to my brother.

I tried not to think about the quarrel with Li Hua, nor did I think about Wen Juan, I also comforted myself, Li Hua just borrowed a little money from Wen Juan, but he is taking care of my dad all these days, compared to this, the difference is 108,000 miles.

I thought I might not be able to monopolize his concern, so I retreated to the next best thing, and I endured.

I was also worried that Li Hua would not come back once he left. It doesn't matter if he comes back or not, I don't want to take the initiative to look down on him again.

It's not about being strong or not, it's just about not wanting to.

But Li Hua came back after finishing his work, and came back as if nothing had happened, I know that he must have the same thoughts in his heart as me, so I won't mention that matter for a while.

I was lukewarm to him, either I didn't speak, or I opened my mouth to say, "Thanks, I'm sorry, help me." "Anyway, how polite it can be is how polite.

Li Hua probably didn't have the face to explain more to me about Wen Juan, everything that should be explained has been explained, it is obvious that Wen Juan is in trouble, and it is as simple as him squandering his wealth. If he explained it again, he would explain it to his relationship with Wen Juan, which was purely making trouble for his mouth.

My dad has been living for more than a month, it's time to be discharged from the hospital, and the little money I have in my own hands is almost gone. When I was in the hospital, I tried not to let Li Hua spend any money and buy anything, so I took my wallet and went down to buy it. I don't want to spend his money, I don't want to owe him anything.

Maybe at that time, I was already preparing to leave him.

The day before I was discharged from the hospital, I said to Li Hua, "My dad will be discharged from the hospital tomorrow, I don't need you, thank you." ”

He said, "Youyou, don't always do this to me, I was wrong about that." ”

Li Hua doesn't like to admit mistakes, this is the first time that he is serious. So I put a woman's triple move and said, "Are you wrong? Where are you wrong? You're not wrong about anything." ”

Li Hua was so blocked by me that he couldn't speak.

I took my dad back to the house where he lived with his wife, and he still didn't know anyone, but he was obedient enough. When I was in the hospital, he especially listened to Li Hua's words, and I didn't see Li Hua coax me like my father.

My dad never knew Li Hua's name, and I didn't plan to mention it to him.

At home, his wife was no longer willing to sleep in the same bed with him, so she split out a utility room with a broken bed in it, and the quilts were all old, and my father was settled here.

This is his wife's roof, and I can't speak, and if I complain any more, his wife will say, "Then you take him away and see where he can live." ”

I'll admit that I don't have the ability to pick up my dad right now, so I can only watch him be wronged.

Then his wife can also bear it, bullying me now that I don't work to take care of my dad, and I do all the laundry and cooking at home. Her clothes don't need me to wash, so they send them to the dry cleaners themselves.

I had to use my own money to buy groceries and cook for their family, and if it weren't for the 5,000 yuan from my mother, I wouldn't have been able to survive a long time ago.

According to my dad, I don't know when I will really wake up, and the money in my hand really won't last long. I'm graduating soon, my family doesn't give me money to spend, and every penny I spend, my heart is dripping blood.

I called my aunt and begged them to help me, but my aunt said, "Youyou, don't think I'm talking ugly, who dares to help in your family's situation, you can't stop when you help, who doesn't want to live their own life." ”

Yes, I understand the reasoning.

My aunt said, "Youyou, I advise you to leave it alone, now it's because you manage too much, the more you want to manage, the more that woman pushes you, and when she pushes it cleanly, you can't ignore it, it's too late for you to regret it." ”

What my aunt means is that that woman has no conscience, and it is impossible for her to watch my dad die, and if I just leave it like this, she should take care of it, and she will take care of it. It's not that hard, but it's better than me spending it here, and I'll have to push my dad to her anyway when I'm exhausted.

My aunt advised me to leave for a while, get away, and not be within the range of what the woman could greet with a casual hello.

I think what my aunt said makes sense, no matter what, my dad is also my brother's biological father, although I'm not there, with my brother watching, nothing will happen.

It's time for me to let go, only when I manage my life well and have the ability can I take my dad out of the sea of suffering. Otherwise, with my current ability, I would take him out and take care of him by myself, which is no better than him being wronged here.

After that incident, I didn't take the initiative to call Li Hua, Li Hua would take the initiative to call me, but my attitude was lukewarm every time. This time it was the same, he asked me where I was going, and I said, "Beijing." ”

He said, "Can't you just be in the city, so I can still take care of you." ”

I said, "Sister Xiao Chang is in Beijing, I'll go to find Sister Xiao Chang, you don't care, I have to go this time." ”

I didn't want to buy a discounted ticket, so I bought a train ticket. Li Hua had to send me, I said no, but in the end he did.

Just last year, we sent Yan Xiaochang away, the same season, the same train. The same announcer's voice came from the waiting hall, and this time I was the protagonist of the farewell.

Before I was ready to go in, I still glanced at Li Hua solemnly, I hadn't looked at him for a long time, and this time I was indeed a little reluctant.

He stretched out his arms and said, "Hug me." ”

I put down my luggage, walked up and hugged him, this hug is worth a thousand words, this hug is full of helplessness. In this ever-changing society, no one dares to determine what kind of scene and mood the next hug and meeting will be.

He kissed my hair and said to me, "I go to see you often." ”

I nodded, glanced at him, and said lightly: "Let's go." ”

When I turned around, I burst into tears.