I was in a foreign country, and when I heard the news of their marriage, my godmother told me, and my godmother said that when Youyou's twins were born, she would come over to accompany me when she had time.

I said, "Okay." Then he hung up.

I am Lan Tian, blue blue, quiet Tian.

When I was born, my parents asked my cousin, who had gone to college, to name me, and they said that I was born beautiful, not wrinkled like other babies. That's why it's called Lan Tian, and they wish me to live under the blue sky, quiet and beautiful.

Before I was twenty-one, I lived up to their hopes.

Although the conditions of my family are average, from my parents to my brother, they all raise me as a princess. I have had a lot of photos since I was a child, and my mother also wanted to send me to learn dance and send me to be a child star, in short, my mother thought that I was so beautiful, I should be born on the stage.

I thought so too.

But when I grew up, I realized that there are really many beautiful people, and beauty is a stepping stone to many things, and it can also be a stumbling block.

I was the prettiest in our class, but by no means the best mixed.

From the moment I met Li Hua, I liked him, I think how can he be so handsome, I like that he doesn't like to talk, I like the curvature of his smile, I like that his gaze is always faint, but it doesn't make people feel indifferent at all.

In order to be in constant contact with him, I accepted Xue Jiazheng's flattery. But with the Xue family, I'm not happy at all. I have a lot of pressure, every time I sit next to Xue's family and secretly look at Li Hua, I feel very shameless and annoying, and I feel that he no longer wants to like me.

Fortunately, he had a girlfriend at that time, even if I wasn't next to the Xue family, he wouldn't look at me carefully.

Then I worked with Youyou to discover Wang Yujie's secret. I've also struggled, I hope Youyou can tell Li Hua, I hope Li Hua can break up, but Youyou doesn't seem to have any intention of doing so. So lying in bed that day, I finally texted Li Hua and told him what Youyou and I saw.

And in the text message, the words pretended to be innocent, saying that I didn't know what the situation was, and Youyou might know better than me. Will send him this message, just a kind reminder.

Then Li Hua broke up with Wang Yujie. I also broke up with Xue Jiazheng. The reason for this does not need to be explained too much.

I originally thought that we were both single, so there would be a chance for development. But I found that Li Hua still didn't pay too much attention to me, even if I was more beautiful than Youyou and Yan Xiaochang. I think maybe it's because I've been stamped by the Xue family.

Later, I learned that in Li Hua's eyes, what he saw was Youyou. At that time, I wanted to be jealous of her, but I didn't think it should be, because we are best friends, and it is not a good thing to be jealous of our best friends.

But subconsciously, I've been jealous and comparing, but I'm not willing to face it.

Watching Li Hua get drunk that day, I was really jealous and jealous. I think Youyou has too much, she has filming, and Li Hua is waiting, why am I obviously more beautiful than her, and I am obviously more sought after, but I don't have these real things.

So I was selfish for a while.

Li Hua asked me to give his bracelet to Youyou, and let Youyou choose by himself, whether to film or go to X City to accompany him. I hid the bracelet, and after two days of hesitation, I left for City X.

What I did in this matter was particularly inauthentic. But I want to fight for it, and I think if I miss it, I may never have a chance again. Because they're about to graduate, they won't even be able to see each other after graduation, so whether it's successful or not, it's up to this time.

I didn't have a ticket, so I waited for him outside the theater where he performed every day, and he had a cold and fever, so I braved the heavy rain to buy him medicine, borrowed the innkeeper's rice cooker, and made soup and porridge for him.

The cold was about to heal, he told me I could go, and I suddenly cried, looking at my tears, he didn't say a word.

I said I liked him and wanted to be with him, but he was silent. I don't know what Li Hua was thinking at that moment, but he was very haggard and unhappy.

He may have thought of Youyou, and he was angry with Youyou. I knew why Youyou quarreled with him, because they had different values about life at that time, so I catered to Li Hua, and I said that I understood his love for dance, and I said that I didn't ask for anything, as long as I could see him often.

We were together in such a muddle, but Li Hua was not enthusiastic about me at all. He always said to me, "You can go whenever you want, don't worry about me, I don't have time to take care of you." ”

When I got back to the city, I said that I would do his laundry, that I would bring him food, but he didn't want it, and that he wouldn't allow me to participate in his life. Just let me go. But this kind of laissez-faire is different from the laissez-faire of Youyou, he let Youyou go because he spoiled her, and let me go because he didn't want to care about it at all.

From now I realized that I had him only once so briefly, and not really owned.

I know that I can't last long with Li Hua, so in fact, I made the same choice as Youyou, the future. Youyou filming, I'll go to the draft.

I really thought I could, everybody said I could, so I felt like I was born to be able to, and that's what I deserved. I was so blind and stupid to accept the producer's arrangement, I was so cooperative, so no one told me what was going to happen, they took me for a smart person and thought I was just pretending to be stupid.

Actually, I'm really stupid.

When I woke up and looked at the strange man around me, I was scared, very scared. I don't know what I'm afraid of, but it's really not what I thought.

Someone asked me, since this is already the case, why don't you just accept the arrangement, and then take the ranking, debut, and become a star. In fact, I didn't think about these issues at all. I just suddenly realized that this was not what I wanted, and I didn't want to wake up every day without knowing who the man lying next to me was.

My dream of stardom, that pure and stupid star dream, was completely shattered.

Withdrawing from the competition is the only thing I've ever done in my life to be proud of. Among them, I have to say that there is the influence of Youyou, because we talked about it before, if you encounter unspoken rules, what kind of attitude should you maintain, Youyou said, you can't obey.

I think she was right.

So when I'm helpless, I still want to find Youyou. But in those two days, I was in a trance, I was standing at the station in the city, my mobile phone was out of battery, and I couldn't get through to call Youyou.

I didn't seem to want to wait for a second, and at nine o'clock, I looked at the people around me, wondering if there were still bad people hiding inside. I don't want to stay in a place where there are people, I want to see Youyou, tell her about it, let her accompany me, enlighten me, and let her share it with me with the strength of a good sister.

I've always been a person who relies on others, and even shopping by myself is a terrible thing.

Without thinking about anything, I got on a black tricycle.

I don't want to remember the darkest of encounters. In fact, after that incident, I was in a trance for a long time. I was worried that Li Hua would not want me anymore, and my worries were not wrong at all, and I found that he really never seemed to be mine.

At that time, Youyou and Li Hua were together, and I didn't blame them.

At that time, I didn't want to continue tossing at all, I just wanted that what happened to me would never be known by others and let time erase them.

But I couldn't erase it, and when the indecent photos were exposed, I broke down.

After the depression, I went back to work in the city, and at first I found a job, but it didn't go well. Being beautiful is never an absolute good thing, my colleagues will harass me, and the boss's excessive diligence will also make me feel that I have no intentions.

So Li Hua and Youyou took me in again.

I went to his mother's company, and after a period of adaptation, and after the company of Li Hua and Xue Jiazheng, I gradually recovered. At that time, Youyou had been filming outside, and he was very busy.

I still like Li Hua, just as Xue Jiazheng still likes me. But I thought, as long as I could look at him like that, he was just polite to me, and he was too busy to talk to me.

At that time, I really didn't have any extravagant expectations for him. So later, when he broke up with Youyou and met again, I also hoped that they would reconcile. Actually, it's not that I really want to, but I understand the feelings, their feelings haven't changed at all, and it's about a matter of time before they reconcile.

So I asked me to help, in fact, out of a little bit, hoping that they would remember me in a good mood. I don't want to lose Youyou, a good sister, and I don't want to lose the indisputable image that has been established in Li Hua for so long.

Before Youyou came back, I felt that I was really doing well, being taken care of by them like a princess, and when the real princess returned to the throne, you maid, even if you were more beautiful than the princess, so what, the princess was still a princess.

Then I had an accident and my uterus was gone.

I think my life is completely ruined. I really didn't want to live, I didn't think I would be able to be saved until I decided to take sleeping pills. Those who can die are said to die.

Before I died, I fulfilled my last wish and called Yuyou to tell you about the feelings I had hidden for many years. I just want to die, I haven't thought about the feelings of the living, and I can't take care of that, I didn't think about what kind of impact my phone call would have on Youyou and Li Hua.

Anyway, I'm dead myself, and I'm gone.

But why didn't I die, if only I had died like that.

Since then, I've had a breakdown, I can't control myself at all, I don't have any control at all. I often do some wrong things, such as not hiding my feelings for Li Hua in front of Youyou. Sometimes I suddenly wake up and feel that this is very wrong.

But I haven't corrected it properly, because sobriety is only for a moment, and most of the time, I am in a mess, relying on them to be good to me, and my own temperament comes from nonsense.

My Hu came and drove away Youyou. I didn't feel happy either, because Li Hua ignored me, or ignored me, whether there was Youyou or not, he wouldn't pay attention to me.

I always used to pretending to be well-behaved in front of my godmother, perhaps because I knew that she was the only one who could give me a chance to meet Li Hua. My godmother was also very good to me, she used to be good, because she was really rare for me, a beautiful goddaughter, but now she is good, and she seems deliberate, because she feels that she owes me, so she is very careful.

A lot of small details can actually touch me, and I am also very depressed. Every day, every time, how can I not go crazy.

Later, because of Youyou's relationship, I had the opportunity to act, and I wanted to go, because I felt that my crippled body was no longer afraid of suffering anything. I don't have anything, so let me get back to my dream.

But after I got it back, I realized that my original dream was no longer a dream, I was like a person who had lost my soul, nothing could really make me happy, the only thing that could make me excited was every time I saw Li Hua.

Xue Jiazheng is married, even Xue Jiazheng is married, and there will probably be no one in this world who will marry me again. I didn't expect Li Hua to marry me, but I have always regarded him in my heart and silently as the most special man in my life.

Even if he doesn't marry me, he has to be in this position, standing for me.

I'm in love, I'm disliked, and I can't find any happiness at all. Without happy people, they no longer know what gratitude is, and I begin to hate and begin to anesthetize myself.

After taking drugs, under the influence of drugs, my pessimistic and misanthropic attitude became more and more obvious, and my personality became more and more irritable, and I didn't want to control anything about myself anymore. I'm not doing well, I'm going to let them all see for themselves, I'm not doing well.

And these are not actually caused by them, but I don't know why, I seem to be punishing them by ruining myself.

Occasionally, there will be reason, there will be introspection, but it is still only a flash. Most of the time, I am affected by a negative mentality, I break the jar and break it, I just want to make myself feel a little more comfortable, happy day by day, death or not, it doesn't matter to me anymore.

In fact, at that time, I probably didn't love Li Hua anymore. I don't even love myself anymore, who else do I love, I'm just a puddle of mud, a walking corpse, refusing to go into the ground, and I have to disgust everyone.

Only in the few days of drug rehabilitation, Li Hua can be by my side every day. He encouraged me to be stronger and more willful, and he said he was there for me and he would stay with me until I got better.

Is this really the only way for me to keep him by my side? So I don't even really want to quit, I want it to quit a little slower, a little slower, and I even hope that until I die, it doesn't really quit, and then tie Li Hua in this way.

I have nothing left, even the kind of sincere love that my godmother had for me at the beginning, in fact, is gone, and my best friend is gone. I just want to be able to grasp a little bit of it, and I think it's a little bit better for myself.

At that time, I was probably a madman, a madman who was disliked and couldn't get rid of it.

I drank too much, I went to find Youyou, I wanted to go to her to confess, sometimes I drank too much, and my brain would be clearer than usual. I didn't expect that I confessed that I was pitiful, but my original intention was not to impress Youyou and let her do anything for me.

But Youyou is tired, because she is too tired and tired because of my presence.

Li Hua and my godmother took me abroad, in a very beautiful London town, there is a small church here, we live near the church, Li Hua's mother often takes me to the church, and the three of us will sit side by side on the bench, close our eyes and put our hands together in prayer.

The heart gradually calmed down.

I looked at the man next to me with his eyes closed and focused, his face was calm, and his heart was probably at peace. The fire of love rekindled in my heart, but I also knew that he was like an iceberg to me, and I couldn't get close to him.

I wanted to give myself one last chance and beg him to promise me a wedding. He agreed, when he was preparing, many things were done decently, I think I just rely on these memories, let's go on like this, I have been married once in my life, what will happen in the future, let's see what happens.

But the day before the wedding, he still left, he stood at my door, the moonlight hit his somewhat emaciated face, his face did not have much apology, but a kind of determination, he said: "I'm sorry Tian Tian, I can't accompany you to perform." ”

I nodded, closed the door, and tears rained down on this side of the door.

After wiping away my tears, I will no longer miss Li Hua.

This time, I really gave up.