At this point, I seemed to suddenly understand a lot of things, my mother's indifference to me since I was a child, my father's gentleness and never being close to me, and my grandmother's expression when she was dying.

I suddenly felt a mess in my mind, and I walked in the rain in a daze, and I don't know how long I walked and where I went.

The rain blurred my vision, but I saw a dark shadow rushing towards me through the dense curtain of rain.

The man suddenly grabbed me by the shoulder, looking very anxious, as if he had said something, and I could only see his lips open and close, but I could not hear what he said.

He held me tightly and walked forward, and I staggered and followed him in a daze.

He opened the car door, shoved me in, turned on the heater, and took a towel to wipe the rain off my face.

After being blown by the heating for a while, I felt as if my consciousness was slowly returning, and then I saw Gu Feng looking at me with a worried face.

"Did something happen?" he asked worriedly.

I suddenly didn't know what to tell him, that your stepfather was actually my biological father, that my biological father abandoned my mother in order to marry your mother, and that my mother would not allow us to be together?

All this is absurd and coincidental, more bloody than the TV series, but it is true.

"Xia Qing," he shook my shoulder gently, "what's wrong with you?"

I smiled bitterly, and there were thousands of words in my heart, and when I came to my mouth, I only turned into a sigh: "I'm fine, you send me back, I feel very tired." ”

After saying that, I closed my eyes tiredly, a little drowsy.

He dropped me off at home and watched me fall asleep before leaving.

I didn't sleep well, and I dreamed of a small dark room, where a little girl timidly peeked out through the crack in the door, and in the living room sat a beautiful woman, but the woman sat still and her eyes were glazed.

The little girl's eyes in the room were full of horror and confusion, tears were still on her face, a pair of small hands were clutching the edge of the door, her short nails were white from the force, and she wanted to open the door but did not dare.

I wanted to go over and ask her what was going on, to tell her not to be afraid, but for some reason I couldn't walk to her.

The little girl finally closed the door, climbed into bed, and curled herself up in a ball. I tried to see her face clearly, and at last I saw her face by a glimmer of light from the window, and it turned out to be me.

I remember. It was in the third grade of elementary school, and my essay "My Mother" won the first place in the school essay competition, and the teacher was very happy and asked me to write a "My Dad" to practice my hands, and she asked me to describe and narrate different family members, exercise my writing ability, and prepare for the next semester to participate in the essay competition for elementary school students in the city.

With the certificate of first place and the prize, a thick notebook, I went home happily to please my mother.

My mother looked at my award, although her expression was faint, but the corners of her mouth seemed to show a smile, her eyes were gentler than usual, and she even reached out to brush the wind-blown messy hair on my face to both cheeks.

I felt very satisfied, thinking of the teacher's request, I saved a little bit of my mother's attention, and said happily: "Mom, the teacher asked me to write a "My Dad", and after writing it, I can go to the city's essay contest in the future. I looked at her face cautiously, and there was a bit of coquettishness in my tone, "Mom, can you teach me to write 'my dad'?"

She was suddenly stunned, her face suddenly sank, and when she looked at me again, her eyes were terrifying.

She suddenly grabbed my shoulder and shook it vigorously, her voice sharp: "You don't have a father, don't you hear, don't you hear!"

When I was young, I didn't know why she said that, but I obviously had a father!

But I didn't dare to talk back, I just felt scared, and my tears couldn't stop flowing, and I could only keep calling "Mom, Mom......"

She let go of me suddenly, and sat down in her chair as if she was so tired, and stopped looking at me.

I was so frightened that I hid in my room, trembling through the crack in the door to see her sitting motionless in the living room.

I haven't dreamed about things when I was a child for many years, and I thought I had forgotten a lot of things, but I had been subconsciously remembering them.

I woke up from the dream, I broke out in a cold sweat, I could hear my heart pounding in the dark, I wiped my face casually, and I felt a wet coldness.

I closed my eyes again, but I couldn't sleep, I just felt cold and hot for a while, and I didn't know when I fell asleep.

I woke up again because I was so thirsty, and as soon as I opened my eyes, I felt a splitting headache and couldn't help but gasp.

After relieving the headache for a while, I found that my eyes were white, and there was a faint smell of disinfectant in the air.

Once raw and twice cooked, I soon realized that this was a hospital.

"Ah, wake up, wake up, finally wake up!" This loud voice has no one else except Li Xiaowan.

Why do I feel that this sentence is very familiar, and after thinking about it for a while, I remember that Xiaowan also shouted this sentence last time I was sick and hospitalized......

History is strikingly similar, more than similar, almost similar.

I still have the heart to laugh at myself, I went to the hospital twice in half a year, it's funny to think about it, I'm about to catch up with Sister Lin.

Thinking about it, I really laughed softly.

"Hey, we're all scared to death by you!" Xiaowan shouted exaggeratedly, and sat down on the edge of my hospital bed, "You've been crying and calling Mom, Mom, you can't wake up no matter how you call it, and your head burns like a piece of carbon......"

I was stunned, and the smile on my face faded.

"Xiaowan, you go back and rest first. A hoarse male voice suddenly came next to him, he paused, and then said, "Ling Yusen should be almost there." ”

Li Xiaowan, who was still arrogant just now, heard this, like a kitten pinched by the back of her neck, and she became honest all of a sudden.

After a while, he squirmed and said, "That, that, I won't bother you!"

"Thank you. The hoarse male voice said gently.

Xiaowan laughed dryly, said "where, where", and then flashed quickly.

It's rare to see Xiaowan's appearance, and I can't help laughing.

"Huh, and the spirit of laughter, it seems that the illness is about to be cured. The male voice next to him said coolly, with a bit of ridicule in his tone.

After saying that, he gently pinched my cheek, and there was a hint of inquiry in his eyes.

I reached out and grabbed him, smiled softly, and said, "I'm so thirsty." "The voice is hoarse.

He brought me a glass of warm water, and I drank it in one gulp before I felt a little more comfortable in my fiery throat.

"That's what you said, okay?" Gu Feng lowered his face slightly, and his tone was a little dissatisfied, "What's going on?"

I looked at him in a daze, I don't know if it was because of illness or something else, but I felt astringent in my mouth, and I felt very heavy when I wanted to speak.

At the end of the day, I let out a soft sigh, and I raised my hand to brush his eyebrows, the corners of his eyes, and his eye sockets, which were red and bloodshot, and his sockets were blue.

He's already worked so hard, so why should I add to his troubles.

I shook my head gently and said with a smile, "It's really fine." After thinking about it, he added, "It's my mother...... She has been emotionally unstable lately. ”

"You ......" As soon as he spoke, the mobile phone rang, it was Sun Changsheng calling, he frowned slightly, got up and walked to the window, and picked up the phone.

I couldn't quite hear what he said, but I saw that his brow was furrowed and his face sank as he hung up the phone.

He walked over, and before he could sit down, the phone rang again......

He answered several calls in quick succession, and when he hung up the last call, he rubbed his brow before walking over to me.

"The company is very busy, right? You have to go beforehand, I have nothing to do, and I can be discharged from the hospital in the afternoon." As soon as he wanted to speak, I preemptively spoke.

He was silent for a moment, then kissed me lightly on the forehead, as if sighing, "I'm sorry, I need to go back and take care of something." I'll come to see you later. ”

I smiled and gently pushed his frown away with my fingers, "Well, go ahead." ”

He grabbed my finger and gave me a gentle kiss, a look of apology on his face.

After he left, I stared at the white swaying ceiling in a daze, and I couldn't come up with a reason for thinking about it for a long time, so I could only sigh deeply.

I lay down for too long, and my body stiffened.

The sun outside was not bad, so I grabbed my slippers and swayed out of the room.

Maybe it was because of the rain yesterday, the air is much fresher today, there is a small garden behind the inpatient department, planted with a lot of greenery, some patients are walking, some are sitting on the benches in the corridor to bask in the sun.

People always say that it is rare to be confused, and people who are confused are easy to be happy. In the past, I didn't agree with that, but now, I wish I had never known the truth.

If I didn't know the truth, I would be just a child who was not loved by my mother, not the result of resentment.

For so many years, every time she saw me, she would think of that person, she should be full of resentment in her heart, resentful of that person's abandonment of her, resentful that I came to this world, and my existence reminded her of all this all the time.

She has never been close to me for so many years, and perhaps I should be thankful that she didn't strangle me when I was born. I gently pinched the green plants and laughed at myself.

"Oh, everyone has a responsibility to take care of flowers and plants. Vandalism is punishable by a fine. A gentle male voice sounded next to me, with a slight smile in his tone.

The voice was a little familiar, I turned my head along the way, belch, it was still an acquaintance.

He smiled gently, and his white coat made him elegant and gentle.

"Dr. Yu, why are you here?" I was a little surprised, I could meet him.

Hearing this, he tilted his head, and the smile on his face was even worse.

"Ahh

He smiled and nodded, "Are you sick?"

"Well, it's just a cold and fever, it's nothing. I smiled.

"Colds and fevers are not trivial, drink plenty of water, ensure adequate sleep time, and pay attention to appropriate exercise to improve immunity. He admonished with concern, paused, and smiled helplessly, "Hey, the occupational disease has been committed again." Occupational diseases, doctors can't treat themselves. ”

I was amused by his self-deprecating tone, and said very cooperatively: "Well, you still have to take your medicine on time if you are sick." ”

He glanced at me, smiled helplessly, and suddenly thought of something: "I saw you in a daze just now, have something to worry about?"

He is a very keen person, and he can always see through some of my thoughts, just like that time at the dinner table of Huang Li's blind date, he saw through at a glance that I was making up nonsense.

Although it is keen, it does not make people feel uncomfortable, on the contrary, it makes people feel very relieved to tell him about it.

Maybe the sun was too warm and made my mind a little dizzy, or maybe I really wanted to find a tree hole to listen to for so many years of grievances, so on this quiet afternoon, I told him this story, but I didn't tell him the real person in the story, just that there was a little girl whose mother didn't like her since she was a child......

Finally, I watched as a ray of pale golden sunlight in the void fell silently into the small pool in the middle of the garden, and disappeared into the gently rippling water, and muttered, "You say, shouldn't she have come to this world at all?"

He listened to the story I told quietly, his face was still calm and gentle, and he said lightly after a while: "There is a sentence in "Alive" - we will come to this world, we have to come, and we will eventually leave this world, we have to leave. ”

I was silent for a while, the sun was almost setting in the west, and the sky was orange, as if there were flames burning in the distance, I turned my head to look at him, and suddenly smiled: "Who says it's not." ”

I stood up, took the clothes on my body, and said with a smile: "Listening to your words is better than watching ten dramas." Thank you Dr. Yu for your kind words, and as a token of gratitude, I will invite you to dinner another day. ”

"Yo, that's what you said, don't fool around. He said with a smile.

"Well, it's not just a meal, look at what you said. "I seemed to feel much more cheerful and laughed with him.

"Then it's a foregone conclusion. He stood up, looked at his watch, and said, "I have to go back to duty, you go back to rest early, and try to get out of the hospital as soon as possible...... Invite me to dinner. ”

"Haha, okay. I waved at him and swayed back with my slippers.

Why did you tell him all this? I thought to myself, maybe it was because he felt like a brother and a friend that made me feel at ease.

I thought that my relationship with Yu Chen would end there, ordinary friends who are not very familiar with each other, who could have known that so many things happened between me and him later......

The sun finally set in the west, and the lead-gray sky suddenly darkened. I wanted to ask the attending doctor to be discharged, but the doctor read my blood test report and rejected my request with a straight face. Platelets are low and should be kept in the hospital for observation.

I was stunned and laughed again, according to the plot of the heroine of the TV series, it sounds like it should be the direction of leukemia.

It's a pity that I can't be the heroine again, and the next day, I had a fever and was discharged from the hospital.

Yu Chen is right, or should I say that Yu Hua said it really well, we will come to this world, we have to come.

I decided to let go of the past and stop being paranoid about pursuing the so-called cause, that the rest of my life would be so long and so short, and that we would eventually leave this world.

The days seem to be calm again, so calm that people relax and even slack off.

Just when I thought it would last indefinitely, something happened that shattered my peaceful life.

At the end of July, it was so hot that I felt a little irritable all day. At four o'clock in the afternoon, I received a call from my father.

Although he is not my biological father, he has been the pillar of the family since he was a child, and he is a mountain-like existence in my heart, but he actually cried on the phone.

The mother committed suicide by cutting her wrists, but was discovered by her father in time and sent to the hospital for rescue, and the person is still in a coma.

I clutched my phone tightly and froze in place, only to feel my father's voice as if it was coming from far away, buzzing and inaudible.

I thought I was blaming her, blaming her for transferring all her resentment to me, but when I heard that she committed suicide, I only felt my heart pounding wildly, my mind went blank, and cold sweat flowed from my forehead.

At that moment, I was so scared, but suddenly I remembered something.

That year, I asked her if she could teach me how to write "my daddy", and she yelled at me like crazy, and I was so frightened that I cried so much that I ran back to my small room, peeked through the crack in the door, and finally curled up in bed, crying tired and falling asleep.

In a daze, there seemed to be a pair of gentle hands caressing my hair, and she brushed the messy hair from my face and gently wiped my face.

She seemed to sit on the edge of my bed for a long, long time, and I felt in a trance that she had been looking at me with a gentle gaze. The faint scent of her body was so good that I fell asleep again in a daze.

I always thought it was a dream, but now I know that it wasn't a dream, it was her.

After hanging up the phone, I calmly asked for leave from the company, and also gave some work to Huang Li, when I left the office, the sun was still shining outside, and the bright sun shone on my face and hurt hotly.

I stopped a taxi, and the air conditioning in the car suddenly froze me to a chill, and I suddenly remembered something when I looked at the air vent that was "sizzling" with the air conditioner.

At that time, I was three years old, Xia Yu was not yet born, my father went to work, and she was still teaching at school at that time. During the day, they asked the neighbor's grandmother Jiang to take care of me, and at night they took me home after work.

Three years old is the age of great curiosity and activity, I like to touch around, Grandma Jiang boiled a pot of water on the stove, she sat by and watched.

The old man is prone to sleepiness when she gets older, and she dozes off when she looks at it.

Curious, I went to carry the kettle, the kettle was too heavy, and I couldn't carry it at all, and the water was dripping on my feet at once, and I cried with a "wow".

Grandma Jiang was so frightened that she immediately woke up, and when she saw the big blisters on my feet, the old man was so frightened that she had no master.

Fortunately, when my mother came home from work at this time, she heard the crying, she immediately rushed over, and when she saw my blistered feet, her tears fell on the spot, and she hurriedly picked me up and ran to the hospital.

It was also a hot day, and sweat and tears were dripping down her face, some of which were dripping onto mine, piping hot.

After that incident, she quit her job from school and stayed at home to take care of me.

While I was thinking about a lot of things, the taxi had already driven downstairs to the hospital.

When I ran to the door of her hospital room in one go, I suddenly didn't have the courage to push it open when I looked at the closed door.

The door was pulled open from the inside, it was the father, who looked tired, saw my appearance, sighed, and stopped talking a little, but in the end he didn't say anything.

When I walked into the room, I was greeted by the familiar smell of disinfectant water, and I was greeted by a white wall with a small bulge under the white sheets.

I used to think she was very thin, but I didn't know she was so thin. Her pale cheeks were sunken, and she looked much older, and I had only seen her last month.

Her hands were slender and thin, and her wrists were wrapped in thick gauze, and I involuntarily held her hand, her fingers were cold, and I suddenly panicked in my heart, and when I calmed down, I found that the pulse on her hand was beating weakly.

I sat for a long time before I went out, and saw my father sitting on a bench in the porch with a heavy face.

"Dad, what's going on?" I sat down next to him.

He was silent for a while before he sighed: "I don't know, your mother received a call this morning, it seems to be a girl, what is her name Tang...... By the way, it's called Tang Fei. Because I was going on a business trip tomorrow, I left work early in the afternoon, and I didn't expect to see your mother when I got home......"

Tang Fei: How could she find my mother? What did she do with her? I had no clue, and my intuition told me that my mother's suicide must have something to do with her.

I walked to the end of the hallway and dialed Tang Fei's number.

"Tang Fei, I'm Xia Qing. What did you call my mom today?" the call was quickly connected, and I said bluntly.

"Xia Qing, what kind of tone are you, are you questioning me?" Tang Fei asked calmly.

"I'll say it again, what did you call my mom today?" I said again with a calm face.

"Oh, you want to know that? I'll tell you. I just told her the truth. Tang Fei seemed to laugh before speaking again, "She is really pitiful, she was abandoned by a man, and her daughter carried her behind her back with her biological father's stepson, and she did such a shameless thing." If I had such a daughter, I guess I wouldn't have the face to see anyone. ”

I don't know how she knew about it, but I felt a chill in my heart, because because of me, she suffered that humiliation.

I clung to the metal frame under the window, and my nails were broken, and the broken nails sank into the flesh, and the blood flowed out, but I didn't feel pain.

I didn't know what to hang up on, and I was pressed against the frame of the window, the hard, cold corners embedded in my forehead, and the stinging pain finally brought me back to my senses.

My father didn't know what to do, and he gently put his arm around my shoulder, he hadn't heard me talking to Tang Fei just now, but I think he should have guessed it.

But he didn't ask anything, just patted me on the shoulder and sighed, "Your mother is awake, you can go in and see her." ”

I stood there for a few moments before taking a deep breath and walking step by step to her room, I was ready for everything, even if she scolded me in the most unpleasant words, I would bear it.

However, when I finally reached her bedside, she just looked at me sadly, with tears in her eyes, and her voice was weak but firm: "Promise me to leave him." ”