I am the eldest granddaughter of Zhang Ge, and since the moment I was born, I have been destined to embark on a difficult road to glory.

My grandfather personally consulted the classics and named me after the word "Yi", which means that there are thousands of graces and phoenixes.

Unlike my sisters of the same clan, who shared a happy family, since I was three years old, I lived alone in the Qitong Pavilion (taking the meaning of phoenix perched sycamore) specially allocated by my grandfather, and he personally taught me to read and write. Chinese classics, historical classics, four books, five classics and six arts, almost every day of compulsory courses.

I never feel that it is hard, and I never compare it to the idle life of other sisters. Because my grandfather made it clear to me a long time ago that I am the eldest daughter of the Zhang family, and I am the most noble girl in the family.

I enjoy fine clothes and fine food, wear the most beautiful clothes, and receive the best educational resources, and I must pay the corresponding price.

If you want to give up, you must give up, and you can get it if you give it. One day, I will stand on the highest position, and only by taking every step can I stand tall.

At the time, I didn't know what that highest position was, and I didn't know what it would cost me to get there. It's just that in the eyes of his grandfather's hope, he carefully completed every task he assigned.

I just want to make him happy, that's all.

At the age of seven, the first winter snow came, I and a few sisters in the house in the octagonal pavilion brewed snow black plum, Ruoqing playful, one did not fall carefully in the snow, soaked in ice and snow. At that time, the north wind was cold, and I was afraid that she would get sick, so I hurriedly took off my satin fox tuck flower cloak and put it on her. I never thought about it, but I was cold and sick.

That was the first time my grandfather raised his eyebrows at me coldly, and he reminded me in a loud voice, and my grandfather was different. You can't lose your dignity and humility, and you can't take care of yourself in vain because of the convenience of others.

Maybe Ruoqing was also warned, after recovering from a serious illness, she was always uncomfortable with me. The eyes of the other sisters looking at me were also a little more unusual.

That was the first time I realized that I was different from others.

When they are playing and picking at the dinner table, I need to restrain my likes and dislikes, take my eyes off my favorite dishes, and use the same number of chopsticks regardless of which one, even the number of grains of rice is fixed.

While they were discussing the most charming and delicate begonia, I sat in the study, writing one paper after another, still not satisfied. It wasn't until the third watch in the middle of the night that Shi Ran put down his pen.

When they laughed uncontrollably, their laughter was like a yellow oriole out of the valley, and their hooves were crisp, and I was practicing in front of the mirror how to smile without showing teeth, how to be kind and dignified, gentle and reserved.

When they set foot in the spring garden, I practiced palace steps on stilts in the gap between the two nurturing grandmothers in the palace. Countless falls, wrestling, gnashing of teeth, and again.

Everyone praised me for being knowledgeable and reasonable, and that I was at a good age, but no one knew what kind of life I was doing.

In this way, day after day, year after year, I gradually grew from an ignorant female doll to a strange woman who reads through hundreds of schools in the eyes of outsiders.

In my step-by-step, arduous and obscure growth road, if there is anything worth consoling, it is that I have a sister who is carved in pink.

I like to see her laugh, whether it's coquettish, tricky, or even heartless. I like her carefree and unmistakable look. So simple, not dyed by any worries in the world, so clean and pure, clear and clear.

I want to protect this rare purity and not let anyone destroy it, it has become my sustenance, the white moonlight in my heart. It's impossible for me to have it anymore, and I'm going to have to let my sister keep it free.

On this matter, all of us agreed, including grandparents and grandparents. None of us will restrain her temperament, let her run rampant and be wanton and happy.

When he was eleven years old, it coincided with his grandfather's birthday, and the banquet was staggered and the guests were happy. During the period, the seats were full of friends.

A few radish heads were clamoring to fight crickets with the little prince of the Zhenguo Mansion, but my aunt couldn't rest assured, and she lacked skills, so I went over to take care of it.

I shouldn't have seen a foreign man at my age, but I was in a hurry. Today's guests are all rich or expensive, if you don't go, a few cousins will still be in trouble, and it will inevitably set off a storm. Besides, listening to my aunt's description, the little boy is still young, so it should be fine.

After thinking for a moment, I nodded, took a plate of soy sauce candy walnut kernels and walked to the Huxin Pavilion in the backyard.

Children at this age are less bound by rules and etiquette, and they are lively and active, playful and naughty at the age. Before he had even walked over, he heard the sound of chirping in the center of the lake in the distance, like a few small crows gathering their heads, making a lot of noise.

Among them, the bear child with the loudest voice is only five or six years old, not big, but he looks very good. The big black onyx-like eyes are dripping and rolling, there is a horn bun on the head, a white jade crown pinned, a small-mouthed goldfish bubble spitting, such as a first-class crystal jade bag, looking at it is a clever ghost.

I couldn't help but relax my steps and slowly approached, only to see a huge urn in the center, which took up almost half of the stone table. There were a few dried straw sticks scattered on the porcelain bottom, and there were the remains of about seven or eight crickets inside, and the remaining two were in a fierce competition.

I took a closer look at the two crickets, one was majestic and high-spirited, like a mighty general, and the other was demoralized and half-dead. Probably because the difference in strength is too great, but the victory and defeat are clear in half an hour.

Almost at the moment when the weak cricket fell, the little cousin immediately howled wolf.

"Ahh

Jade Bao laughed heartily, and his momentum was like that high-spirited cricket, showing off his might.

"I have said that my "great general" is the most powerful, but you don't believe it, how about it?

This "great general" was found by my brother for me at a great cost, and in comparison, you are really weak, and it is a waste of my "great general's" patience!"

The child is the most unbearable, hearing this, the little cousin immediately fried his hair, and found a black pot without thinking about it.

"It's not! It's clear that my cousin suddenly came over and frightened my "thunder"! Cousin, you compensate me for "thunder"! Compensate me for "thunder"!"

Adversity...... Sometimes, the logic of the bear child is really speechless. However, after several years of wits and courage with the little guy, I gradually mastered some little tricks to deal with the bear child's Lai Pi with ease. Let the soy sugar walnut kernel in his hand turn around from under his nose, and the little cousin who was still aggressive and wanted to crusade against me just now immediately saw the wind and rudder, revealing a pitiful little look, and the dog leg was extremely bad.

Without waiting for the little cousin to put the walnut kernel in his mouth, Jade Bao sneered disdainfully, his little eyes were very sharp, and he was particularly unscathed.

"Jiang Huan, you are really useless, a plate of small walnut kernels bought you. ”

The visitor is a guest, and I can't afford to deal with a child, I handed the plate to him, and before I could speak, the jade bag shook his head like a rattle, and said with a resolute face.

"I don't eat it! My brother said, the benevolent don't eat the food that comes from you, so I won't eat your food. ”

The jade bag is a big ghost, and the big truth is one by one, I can't help but laugh when I hear it: "Then has your brother explained what "food from the mouth" is?"

At this moment, the jade bag was stumped, the big eyes of the ghost elf flickered, and he tilted his head and couldn't figure it out. The eldest cousin on the side hurriedly patted his chest and came over to show off his cultural reserves.

"I know!

"Food" is food that is told to be given five or six times, and generally refers to insulting almsgiving. ”

I touched his head, and with a sense of relief that he could teach, I praised him.

It seems that Xiaoyi has been studying hard recently, so I will reward you with a piece. ”

Children are competitive and easy to satisfy, so give them some kind guidance at the right time, so that they can enjoy the rewards of their hard work, and it is easier to encourage them to persevere.

However, the eldest cousin's eating appearance seemed to be a little flattering, and he gobbled up a handful of walnut kernels and stuffed his mouth hard, which was so honest that the jade bag was about to drool.

I pressed the plate to him again and said softly.

"Oh, this is not a charity, my sister saw that you were cute and took the initiative to invite you to eat, do you want to taste it?"

The jade bag man was not very careful, and remembered that his brother had instructed him not to eat strangers' things, and his little hand, which was almost able to reach the plate, immediately retracted and muttered quietly.

"Brother, I said, "Nothing to do, but you are either a traitor or a thief", I can't just eat other people's things. ”

But looking at the appearance of his eldest cousin, he hesitated again and again, almost pounced, but finally he was firm in his ideals, as if to convince himself, and said to himself.

"Hmph, isn't it just walnut kernels? I'm not rare, as long as I endure it for a while, my brother will buy me a car when he goes back. ”

The eldest cousin took a handful in his left hand and a handful in his right hand, and ate it anxiously, and he actually had kung fu to say: "I can't buy it, this kind of soy sauce and walnut kernels are made by my cousin, and they are better than those made by Yi Shizhai." After this village, there is no such shop!"

Jade Bao stared at the plate that was about to bottom out without blinking, and swallowed hard, probably thinking that he was too unproductive, and his little face was higher than the sky, looking full of energy.

Such a young child knows not to eat "food that comes to me" and "nothing to do, either rape or theft", and at the same time has a considerable part of self-control, knows how to refuse temptation, I suddenly have some curiosity, teach his person, how to be pure heart and self-discipline.

Who made the little appearance of Jade Bag swallowing saliva too cute, I could only lean over, put a hot face on the cold ass for the third time, and said patiently.

"You did a great job just now, you were able to resist the temptation of food, and now my sister rewards you with one to eat, okay?"

"Reward, I have it too?"

Jade Bao pinched her round and chubby little hands and looked up suspiciously, her eyes were shining, and her caterpillar-like eyebrows were squeezed together, which was very cute. I couldn't help but touch his head and smile from the bottom of my heart.

"That's right, this is a reward from my sister, you deserve it, it's not someone else's thing!"

The phrase "you deserve it" successfully eliminated the defense line of the jade bag, and it was not difficult to see good etiquette when he hesitated to pick up a piece and put it in his mouth after observing enough. I suddenly felt a little sad, such a young child, life should be the same as I was at the beginning.

The eldest cousin looked proud, grabbed his arm, squeezed his eyebrows, and said, "It's delicious, right?"

"Hmm......"

The jade bun ate attentively, and was coldly crossed by the eldest cousin, and the walnut kernels that were originally stuffed into his mouth changed direction, and all of them rubbed on his face, instantly changing from a white and pure little bun to a little flower cat. The jadeite bag who loves cleanliness has a deflated mouth and is about to lose his temper, but he suddenly pauses and screams with a miserable expression.

"Brother......

I took out my silk scarf and was about to wipe it for a moment, but quickly adjusted the expression on my face, turned around, and met the man's inexplicable gaze.

He was dressed in a dark unicorn pattern trimmed Shu brocade robe, stepped on felt boots, and his face was like a crown of jade. It is like a leisurely stroll elegantly, reflecting the turquoise lake behind him, and his outstanding appearance is unforgettable. The eyes that were as black as paint were cold and pure, and the eyes were as lonely as snow.

"Miss Zhang. ”

He bowed his head, and I hurriedly bowed my head and bowed back.

"Chu Shizi. ”

He is the elder brother of the jade bag, such a peerless and proud demeanor, except for Chu Ci, the prince of the Zhenguo Mansion, he doesn't think about it.

After seeing each other's salutes, the jade bag couldn't wait to pounce on him, pulling his wide cuffs, and trying his best to end the plate upwards, exactly like the master's posture.

"Brother, this is delicious, you can taste it, taste it. ”

Because of bowing his head, I didn't see the look in his eyes, but I only heard him pause, as if he took a bite, and praised lightly.

"It's really good. ”

Immediately after that, the pair of eyes with real arrows swept over, and stayed for a short time, without any special meaning, but as if it was meaningful.

I suddenly had an urge to have stage fright, and I was looking at the empty plate at the bottom, and I used this as an excuse to say goodbye.

"Please take it slowly, I'll serve another plate. ”

The moment I raised my eyes, those clear eyebrows and eyes slammed into my heart, throbbing and trembling.

Afterwards, the Zhenguo Mansion specially sent someone to send a number of freshly picked cherries, and the housekeeper of the Guogong Mansion looked embarrassed, but he was asking for a plate of walnut kernels.

It turned out that after the little boy returned home, he didn't think about the tea and didn't want to eat, and he was worried about the taste of walnut kernels. The Duchess of Zhenguo has always been a beloved son, so she can only beg to come to the mansion with a sloppy face.

Thinking of the ghost elf's jade bag, I couldn't stop laughing, and made a whole jar of walnut kernels overnight and sent someone to send it over, estimating that it should be enough for a child to eat for a year.

A few days later, he received a generous gift from the Zhenguo Mansion again. This time, I used an eight-treasure bat food box to fill a box full of imperial princess tribute oranges. There is a thank you letter stored in the mezzanine of the food box, and the handwriting of "Xiuzhi" at the place of payment is majestic and powerful, and the force penetrates the back of the paper.

The name is a rhetoric, the word is repaired, and it is combined into rhetoric. Rhetoric, repair of the literate also.

Those pure eyes suddenly flashed in my mind, and I subconsciously crumpled the letterhead, pondered for a moment, and burned it with the candle flame before turning it into ashes.

I was restless for a long time, got up and put a cloak on the collapse, picked up a pen and wrote down the method of making sauce sugar walnut kernels in detail on a slip of paper, put it in the food box and sent it back to its original place, and fell asleep on the desk.

Since then, Yan Guo has returned to its normal trajectory without any waves.

Occasionally, in the dead of night, when I couldn't sleep, I thought of that figure countless times. It's just that it always flies by in a flash, and I don't dare to think deeply.

The breeze is illiterate, why bother to reminisce? That little ripple in the heart lake will eventually become a thing of the past, why bother not to forget it, and only add to the troubles?

Fifteen-year-old and Lili, presided over by my aunt Princess Mucheng, stared at me, the smile on the corner of her mouth seemed to be relieved and regretful. As she put my hair in a bun that symbolized growing up, I heard the soft murmur.

"My unspeakably expensive sister Yi'......"

I understood the meaning of her words, and I was acutely aware that the days of freedom were numbered.

After the ceremony, the eldest aunt quietly took my hand and told me that the queen might summon me to the palace in the near future. I had a just right flush on my cheeks, and I bowed my head in feigned shame, but I let out a sigh of fate in my heart.

This day has finally come.

Even though I know it all too well, this day will come sooner or later. But I still can't help but hope that it will be late, and it will be later. Even I don't understand what's wrong with me, I've already admitted it, haven't I?

It may be that God heard my prayer, and the next day came the news that the prince had gone south for disaster relief, and the matter of entering the palace was put on hold.

I used the stolen time to make jars of sauce sugar walnut kernels, all buried under the roots of the deep-rooted old locust tree in Qitong, preserving the only deviant thought in my life.

This delay was postponed for nearly a year.

In the midst of my grandfather's nightly lamentation, the prince finally rushed back to Kyoto before my sixteenth birthday. Under the peace of the eldest aunt, within a few days, the queen called me to the palace.

As my grandfather had hoped, my cousin was dignified and generous, demure and chaste, and light, which won the approval of the queen and met His Royal Highness the Crown Prince as he wished.

The prince was not much different from what I had imagined, he was handsome, amazing, and about my age. It is a blessing to be able to marry him, the luxury that many noble ladies dream of, and to marry someone who even her grandfather is full of.

At that time, I thought that only by marrying such a man could I live up to the hardships I had endured for so many years.

My husband will be the master of all things in the world, and I will be glorious all my life.

God treats me well, it's time to be content, isn't it?

The moment the holy decree entered the mansion, the whole mansion was jubilant, and the boulder that had been pressing on my grandfather's chest for fifteen years finally settled. Everyone congratulated me, and the corners of my eyes and eyebrows were full of envy, but I was not as happy as I expected.

Longhua Temple is prosperous in incense, well-known in Kyoto, every year there will be a large number of marriageable women into the incense to pray for blessings, in order to bless the marriage after smooth lì li, and happy happiness.

Allowed to go out for the last time before leaving the cabinet, I sat in the carriage with a heavy heart, staring at my sister's innocent face in a trance.

Entering the Immeasurable Palace, at the strong insistence of my sister, I won one of the draws and signed a lot. She was startled, and hurriedly dragged me to the Master of the Silent Sky to untie the sign. The master looked at the four words "in calamity" on the sign, looked at me again, pinched his fingers, shook his head and nodded eight words.

"It's hard to get through the catastrophe, and you can eat the bitter fruit. ”

A white light suddenly flashed in front of me, and I vaguely realized something, but I didn't dare to ask more because my sister was next to me. Just pulled her away and calmed her down as if nothing had happened.

Originally, I could go back and forth after praying for a day, but my sister moved her mind and insisted on throwing bamboo shoots in the back mountain, but I couldn't resist her, so I had to postpone the trip. When she finally rested, it was getting late, so she could only stay in the temple temporarily.

After dinner, the little nun brought a box of fresh melons and fruits washed in sweet spring water. Explained that the Duchess of Zhenguo also happened to come to Longhua Temple to make incense, and happened to stay in the courtyard, and learned that her two sisters were here, so they specially sent them to quench their thirst. Finally, it was emphasized that the melons and fruits were picked by the prince of Bairi Town on the mountain.

I couldn't help but sigh in my heart, this eight-treasure bat food box is exactly the same as it was back then.

When my sister was asleep, I opened the food box, pulled out the innermost compartment, and when I saw the note inside, my heart beat like a chime. I couldn't restrain the impulse in my heart, and slowly rolled it open, and the handwriting engraved on my heart was written in four words.

- Zishi, Houshan.

I immediately burned the note, turned off the lights and put myself to sleep, only to toss and turn again, unable to sleep.

At the end of the day, the first rays of sunlight were still curled up in the clouds, and I got dressed and walked to the back mountain. Secretly thinking that he had already left at this hour, and went to this no-man's appointment, which should be the end of his budding feelings.

When I arrived at the agreed place, it was empty, and I couldn't tell whether I was more fortunate or more disappointed. I wrapped my cloak tightly and was about to go back the way I came.

There was a sound of squirming footsteps behind me, I turned back in disbelief, surrounded by green bamboo leaves, he stood not far away and looked back, the outline wet by the morning mist, like the vast mountains in the distance, and the pure light of his eyes was as good as the first time.

"You're here anyway. ”

He smiled unexpectedly, and at the same time, I heard the sound of my soul fluttering.

Since then, a seed of madness has been planted deep in my heart, deeply rooted in my flesh and blood, and over time, it has grown stronger and stronger than it can be contained.

It turns out that this is what it is like to love someone deeply, like crazy like a demon.

But the crazy thoughts that grew in my heart were finally defeated by reason, more than ten years of ritual and religious bondage, and the family glory I carried, doomed me to not be reckless and do whatever I wanted.

The moment I stepped into the East Palace, I made up my mind to seal all the past qiē. It's a pity that the most terrible thing about love is that no matter how sober and restrained people are, they can't control their hearts.

I underestimated my feelings and overestimated myself.

On the night of the candle night in the cave room, the glass of wine with ingredients made the sunflower water arrive in advance. I couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief when I saw the red blood stains on my pants. There has never been a moment when I felt the color of blood so cute.

Afterwards, the bridal grandmother found out that this gesture was a "meeting gift" given to me by a woman in the East Palace, and Zhou Yun, the daughter of Zhou Ji, a cabinet scholar, used a small trick to demonstrate against me.

But she couldn't think of how much she helped me.

Soon after the wedding, the crown prince went south for the second time. As His Royal Highness's right-hand man, he was allowed to freely enter and leave the study of the East Palace, and discuss political affairs with his henchmen who remained in Kyoto.

From that day on, I saw him every day, uneasy and desperate with the shackles of morality.

Paper can't hold the fire, but there will always be ears on the wall, I didn't expect that the first one to find would be the Zhou Yun who has no city at all. But after thinking about it in a blink of an eye, it is not surprising that with a dignified scholar behind her back, Zhou Yun will fight back.

I thought she would be the first to publicize this royal scandal and make it known to everyone. Actually, she didn't. It's just that the old trick was repeated, and I smoked acacia incense.

I don't know what kind of means she used to attract the same confused expression, but I remember that frenzied force, which instantly swallowed up all my struggles......

And the truth is, to me, the fragrance of acacia is like a glass of wine.

My marriage with the crown prince was originally a political marriage, and considering the vested interests of both parties, he would not abandon me lightly. Besides, I didn't have any transgressions at that time, and there was no conclusive evidence. Even if the prince knew about it, he wouldn't give me up, at most he would be cold for a while.

But after I had a skin-to-skin relationship with him, the shape was very different.

When the prince returned, I was six months pregnant, and my belly was bulging like a round ball.

My husband is the most noble man in the world, how can he recognize this big green hat. What's more, I am nominally his original wife, and if the child in my belly is born, whether it is true or not, it will occupy the identity of his eldest son and become the best candidate to inherit thousands of miles of country.

What man would raise his shame after being betrayed and train him to take over the inheritance he had built for half his life?

From the day I left this child, I had foreseen the end of the day, and there was no other way but to die.

Perhaps, death is my only relief.

The spicy feeling rushed into the throat, and the heart-rending pain flowed back and forth in the body, and tens of thousands of ants gnawed at the heart. However, this qiē and qiē are less than one-ten-thousandth of the pain in my heart.

I fell into my sister's thin arms, and struggled to look up to see the innocent smile of the past. I wanted to reach out and touch her face, and comfort her softly as I had done before, not to cry. As soon as he tried to speak, blood gushed out of his throat.

I quietly stroked my round abdomen, feeling the little life that was jumping around bit by bit, flowing out of my body.

If you had to use one word to describe it, the feeling at that time, I think, should only be hate.

Hating him since that night has evaporated like the world, and there is no one to live. I hate him for taking me into the most beautiful dreams, but I was the first to withdraw, leaving behind only a boundless nothingness. hated the mountain alliance and sea oaths he made, but in the end he only fulfilled the mirage.

I hate myself even more for believing in him and loving him, but I can't bear the price behind it.

I used to think that I could love vigorously and without regrets. But how can you not complain, how can you not regret it?

I gave him all the willful indulgences in all my life, without hesitation, and in the end I didn't even get to see him for the last time. How can you not hate? How can you be willing?

When I woke up from the endless darkness, I was already in another completely strange world. Subconsciously stroking the flat lower abdomen, that young life seemed to have never existed.

A qiē is like a dream of Nanke, and when he wakes up, those grievances and grievances seem to have never happened.

I took a deep breath and welcomed my new life.