The reason why I came back to Beijing is because it is the city I am most familiar with besides Chongqing. (79') I spent my entire four years of college here, which made me feel more secure than anywhere else. I can't bear to reveal to my parents the news of my return, if they know my situation, I am afraid that it is already a vicissitudes of life, and a few ravines and deep lines will be added.

When I was still in Dubai, I had already completed the registration online through the unified platform for online appointment registration. Not long after, I went to the hospital alone according to the appointment time.

It is indeed impossible to see the 'women' who are surrounded by men without being sour. I looked noticeably younger than most of the 'women' in the department, and as a result, received a lot of sympathetic and disdainful glances.

"Little girl, are you coming alone?" said the 'woman' who looked to be in her early thirties, holding her husband by her hand.

"Yes. I replied lightly.

"Do you look 'quite' young, married?"

"Nope. "This time, I didn't even look at her.

"Where's your boyfriend?" she let out a long sigh of deep pity in her voice.

I stopped talking, don't overdo it, but the tip of my nose is unconsciously sore.

The woman was still chattering, sighing for me: "Oh, stupid. In the future, you have to learn to protect yourself, and when you meet such an irresponsible man, it's so pitiful, and your intestines are all repentant, right?"

I was under no obligation to answer her, got up and changed seats, away from the endless noise.

Do you regret it?, I asked myself. No, I don't regret it. This time, I sat alone in the long corridor of the hospital, sad but not ashamed. I never felt any pity for the love and generosity I gave him. But if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't choose to continue to indulge myself after he got married. Because at that time, it was not only about our love, but also about my morality, his faith, the original pure beauty, which was no longer there.

The doctor examined my body as usual, and after determining that I was eligible for surgery, he scheduled the surgery for three days later.

During the days of waiting, I didn't want to lock myself up in a deserted hotel, so I found a small courtyard near the hospital and stayed.

There are no four seasons in Dubai, and when I arrived in Beijing, I realized that it was already a 'spring' day. The landlord is a very kind old couple, although I am only a temporary rental, but still treat me kindly, which is a touch of warmth for a lonely trip. The rented rooms are not large, but the tenants are able to share a large courtyard full of sofas and cushions, and they can sit here freely.

There are a few lilacs planted in the courtyard, which exude a rich fragrance in the itchy air, and the fragrance is so sweet that people are stuffy with the warm wind blowing on their faces. While I waited, I sat in the courtyard all day long, smelling the intoxicating sweet fragrance, fighting longing and sorrow through numb daze. This kind of painful and anti-obsessive face 'blinds' the mood that should be opened and closed, and only makes the full 'spring' flow of hope. And I am a dying plant in the midst of all things, beautiful, but dying.

Lian Pian calls me every day, and the dusk in Dubai is the dark night in Beijing, so every time she calls me, it is just the right time to relieve the sadness of sleepless under the moon.

"Are you sure you don't want me to tell him?" Lian Pian asked me repeatedly.

"I'm sure. I replied over and over again.

Lian Pian was silent for a long time and said, "I met him at school today, and he stopped me and asked me why you haven't come to class for a few days." ”

My heart couldn't help but move: "How did you answer?"

Lian Pian said angrily: "I really want to talk to him well, but as soon as I opened my mouth, I still couldn't hold back the cynicism and scolded him so that his face was pale." ”

The corners of my mouth twitched, "And then? Did you tell him?"

"Alas......" Lian Pian let out a long sigh, "Xixi, I really wanted to tell him, but I still didn't in the end." Looking at the way he cares about you, I know that you still have a lot of feelings. Maybe you're right, if he knew, things wouldn't have ended so easily. Now I can't tell what's good for you and what's bad for you. I can't bear to see you carry it alone, and I can't bear to involve you with him again. ”

My body was paralyzed, and I couldn't tell if I was relaxed or lost. Musa's face flashed clearly in front of him, and he put his hand on his lower abdomen, feeling the warmth of this first form of life.

I couldn't bear it, but I had no choice.

The night before the surgery, the panic in my heart suddenly reached the extreme. I held the phone, my fingers resting on Moussa's number, trembling. Can I be vulnerable? I can give him a phone call and pretend to greet him as if nothing happened? The two little people in my heart are fighting fiercely, and my heart is turned upside down. But in the end, I turned off my phone and hid myself under the covers to consume it alone.

The next day, I arrived at the hospital as promised. As promised, let this life disappear from my womb.

Some miracles that I had been waiting for did not appear.

He doesn't chase me from Dubai to China every time, and his patience and love for me may have gradually faded over time. Even I knew that even if he chased him again, I didn't want to stay by his side with that inexplicable identity.

I finally understood that every step on the road of a person's growth is bound to come at a cost. Anyone can fall into embarrassment and despair, but in the darkest of times, one still needs to endure it with dignity.

After the surgery, I was in more pain than I had imagined, but I was also stronger than I had imagined. That feeling of loss hollowed me out countless times, and was filled with force countless times. I recuperated in the courtyard for a week, sitting on the chairs in the courtyard every day, chatting with the elderly, and basking in the sun with a cat called Sanfat. Sanfat was lazily nestled on my 'legs' like that, always slightly drunk, looking like he couldn't wake up. I learned it, pretending to evaporate in the sun.

On the last day of my recuperation, I received a call from Yin Qianyan. She didn't know where she knew that I had returned to China, and she wanted to invite me to her and Yan Hua's small wedding in Beijing.

Do you still have to have a wedding for the second marriage? I thought so bitterly in my heart, and still politely refused: "No need, I'm busy coming back this time, and I can't 'time' time." ”

Hearing this, she groaned for a while, I thought about it, and reacted: "Oh, although I won't come, the money will be delivered, you can ...... your or Yan Hua's bank card number"

"Min Xixi—" she interrupted me, "I didn't mean that. ”

I gently stroked the soft 'hair' of the three fats, and said suspiciously: "That's ......"

Yin Qianyan seemed to snort with difficulty, and after a while, he opened his mouth and said softly: "Min Xixi, I'm sorry." ”

"Huh?"

"I know that the person who told me about Yan Hua at that time was not you. ”

I paused for the hand of the three fat shun 'Mao', my body was still weak, and I asked her weakly: "Then do you know who it is?"

"I know...... Yin Qianyan's voice fell, "I guessed not long after that incident happened." But I didn't know what to do, and I felt very unbalanced, so I thought I would pull you up, maybe it would be better. Now that the dust has settled, I'm really sorry, I'm sorry......"

I listened to her words, and my heart was inexplicably terrified. Yes, by now, everything has settled. Everything is very different from what it was when it was originally seen, and what difference is there between knowing and not knowing?

I took a deep breath of the 'flower' and sighed, "Forget it, anyway, it's all over......"

Yin Qianyan seemed to breathe a sigh of relief, and asked tentatively: "Then the wedding, you really don't come?"

"No, I'll be back in Dubai tomorrow and I'll only take half a month's leave. "More importantly, how can I face her happy event in the face of her bright lights? Why are we so far apart? I am afraid that I will not be able to accept it.

After hanging up the phone, I leaned down and gently hugged the warm body of the three fats. It moved in my arms, opened a line of eyes, and quickly closed lazily again. It would be nice to be like it and not have to care about everything around you at all.

However, people are not cats, and they must face reality after all. After just one week of recuperation, I had to fly back to Dubai. As soon as the golden sun shone, my eyes flickered blank, and suddenly I remembered a word: as if I was in a different world.

I looked at the bustling city of Dubai, as if I was locked in a huge golden cage, and the evidence of my crime, the pain that still lingered in my lower abdomen, told me that you should have been imprisoned and tortured for it.

But now, I'm still standing freely under this sky. Does that count as a rebirth after the catastrophe?

I removed Moussa's phone number from my phone, even though I knew it by heart. I silenced all the words that had to do with him and 'spended' more time on academics. I thought that everything would probably be like now, and after graduating this year, all our 'intersections' would be erased together, and we would forget about each other forever.

However, I didn't expect that one day, he would still appear at the 'door' of my hotel room.

It was a morning, and it was supposed to be the most awake time of the day. Without any early warning, more than a month passed since I lost my baby. I opened the door and saw Moses' long-lost face appear at the door. First surprise, then surprise, but soon, it all precipitated into resistance and powerlessness.

"Mousa," I opened my mouth and muttered for a long time before I said with difficulty, "you should not come to me again, we have been over for a long time, go back." ”

After speaking, he clenched the handle of the 'door', gritted his teeth, and was ruthless, that is, he wanted to close the 'door'.

The door was not closed, and Mousa stretched out his arm against the crack in the door. His eyes looked at me, no longer with pain and helplessness, but with a frank 'swing' and 'swing' gaze, with the joy of 'wanting'.

“cece……”

After being silent for too long, hearing him call my name again almost makes people cry. Then Moussa pushed open the 'door' and walked in, hugged me in spite of it, choked up and said, "Cece, I'm divorced." ”

As if feeling that it was not enough, he hugged me tighter again, as if using all his strength, and repeated: "I'm divorced." ”