Moussa and I didn't talk much all the way, and we got into the elevator one after the other. I quietly opened the 'door' and waited for him to enter the house, deliberately not turning on the light.

His figure faded from the bright light of the corridor into the darkness of the room, and only the moonlight and neon seeping through the window made his handsome face like a sculpture.

The door snapped shut slightly, and I stood still, just looking at him quietly, as if waiting for something. His steps were slow, and he stood before me, opposing me.

Everything was silent, and the time was long.

The air seemed to be filled with a hot and dry smell, fermenting. My heart was beating violently, and in the deep silence of the night, it seemed to pour out a scorching fire, attracting me to run for it.

With the strength of the wine, I reached out and hooked his neck, and almost at the same time, his eyes sank and he hugged my waist. At the moment when the 'lips' and tongue were entangled, my body couldn't help but tremble, and the pain, entanglement, and sadness in my heart before seemed to be filled with this 'kiss'.

In the darkness, we capture each other's breath, as if it is an engraving, to squander all the surging emotions. After a long period of repression and restraint, the two hearts are equally 'chaotic', looking forward to and longing. His warmth wrapped around my lips, fear and excitement came together, and I burst into tears of happiness, and suddenly realized the despair and joy of a moth to a fire.

I was locked in his arms, feeling his hard chest and pounding heart. His face pressed against mine, and the warm breath blew on my neck, causing my body to shiver. I have forgotten all kinds of cold and unforgiving realities, and all reason has collapsed at this moment, leaving only the endless expectations and longings for him in my heart, rushing out and unstoppable.

He wore only a thin shirt, and I didn't unbutton it, but tore the end of the shirt tied into the trousers, and put my palm in and slowly covered his skin. Along the curve of his 'fine' body, he 'touched' and explored carefully, feeling his rapid breathing.

"Cece......" he called in a low voice, his voice a little hoarse, his breath a little rough, and there was no such silence as before. We walked to the side of the 'bed' in the entanglement of 'lips' and tongues, 'mixed' and chaotic breath, and all the clothes faded away, conveying each other's warmth with hugs. Only then did I realize that I was so eager for the warmth of physical closeness, not only *, but also a kind of embrace that could drive away the loneliness in my heart. I want him to 'rub' into my body, to pass on all the life force and love to me, to let me possess him and be possessed by him at the same time.

The long-standing thoughts and tosses were alleviated in such an almost suffocating embrace, and each other was filled with deeper longing, but there was no next move. I felt his restraint and patience, his body stiffened, but his clear eyes were tumbling with turbulent 'waves' and 'tides'. I gently caressed his back, trying to soothe him with tenderness, but his breath became even more unstable, and he trembled and was about to sink in, but he fell down and turned his head to endure it.

He closed his eyes and looked miserable, "Cece, I can't do this, I can't do this......"

Perhaps it was the strength of the wine that brought courage, or perhaps it was deliberately 'blinded' by drunkenness, I stood up with one hand, pinched his chin softly with the other, straightened his face, and asked him softly, "Why? Don't you want to?"

His Adam's apple rolled down, his eyes lowered, and he said with difficulty, "I think." He didn't dare to look me in the eye, and the corners of his mouth trembled, "But I can't...... Such an act cannot be done before the marriage......"

I stared at his eyes in astonishment, clearly looking at the pain and helplessness in his eyes, and for a long, silent, I suddenly let go of the hand that was pinching his chin, and the corners of my mouth hooked up a trace of weak self-deprecation: "You are actually going to guard her chastity for her......"

"No, not because of this. He closed his eyes, his long eyelashes shaking, "Cece, if you do this, you will go to hell......"

"Go to hell?" I was surprised, and after a while, I showed a bitter smile, "Men and women love each other, it is originally their own will, where do you come to go to hell? If you really want to go to hell, then you will go with me, what's the big deal?"

The last sentence, which I said jokingly, saw a look of great horror in Moses' eyes. This horror made my nose sore, and I suddenly felt aggrieved, so I turned away and used my back to fight him.

At this time, I only felt that his reason for "going to hell" was very ridiculous, and when I resisted the huge psychological pressure and was finally willing to give it a go, he actually found such a clumsy reason. It was much later that I learned that Muslims really believe in the existence of heaven and hell, and that the hell of extreme suffering, the 'yin' is so intense that people who are unchaste before marriage will be tortured unbearably.

I bit my lip, curled my head in the shadow of my arms and hair, turned my back to him, sighed, and whispered, "You go." ”

This rejection made me feel deeply humiliated. I opened up my courage, but he threw it away with a clumsy excuse. I closed my eyes, tears silently wet the pillow towel, and the thought that he would be someone else's groom tomorrow added a heart-piercing pain to the shame.

There was silence behind him, and Musa did not move, and he sat for a long time before he propped up his arms and covered my naked body with the quilt. I didn't refuse, knowing in my heart that this action was a precursor to leaving, and even more desperately buried my head deep in the scattered 'messy' hair, and endured the sound of sobbing, feeling my back getting colder and colder.

But unexpectedly, I didn't hear him get out of bed. During the squirming movements, I felt that he also got into the bed, and pressed his naked 'chest' against my back, and his whole body was suddenly warm.

"Why aren't you leaving?" I whimpered and resisted, but deep down I longed for him to stick a little tighter, a little tighter. He seemed to sense my thoughts, and stretched out his arm to wrap me around his 'chest', so that our bodies were close to each other in the largest area, conveying the breath that belonged to each other.

"I'm not leaving. He whispered, "That's it, hold you, okay?"

The slightly hoarse voice made my whole body tremble, and his hand rubbed softly over me, gently 'kissing' my back, then from my neck to my ears. This kind of mood is a bit like a 'chicken' tail wine, emotions coexist, but the layers are clear, the aggrieved are still aggrieved, and the warm are very greedy. I enjoyed it, I blamed myself, I wanted to say something, and I was afraid that my voice would break the sad feeling.

His lips slowly went up, and when I took my earlobe, I was startled, my body trembled sensitively, and finally blurted out, "What about your wedding?"

In my heart, I still hope that everything will change.

But Mousa did not give the answer I wanted to hear, and he suddenly stopped kissing me, stiffened his body, and said hoarsely: "Tomorrow is the day of the 'female', I don't have to show up." Moreover, the 'female' day will also start at 6 o'clock tomorrow night. ”

The answer of "oh......" is expected, and it is impossible to tell whether to be happy or disappointed. I was overwhelmed by the silence of the night, and after a pause, I asked, "Well, your family, and the Ayub, won't they be looking for you everywhere tonight?"

He hesitated for a few seconds, hugged me more deeply, pressed his cheek against my back, and the fine stubble made my body itch, with a sense of 'temptation' and 'bewilderment' and resistance.

"Don't ask. He whispered, "I just want to stay with you tonight." ”

I was a little panicked, a little sad, and the pain of reality caused my lips to tremble, and my teeth to clench, but I found that there was still a thin happiness on the painful side. After passing through the whole seemingly vast and boundless sorrow, happiness came, with sad joy.

Reason and emotion are tormented again, what should I do? These five months of going around and around have condensed into the silence and helplessness of embracing each other 'naked' tonight. We lay in the cold moonlight, honest with each other and stubbornly guarding the last line of defense, finding such a balance between heat and restraint.

Time is ticking by, and tomorrow is coming soon, and this is the last time, really the last time. Thinking like this, my eyes widened, and suddenly I rolled over and hugged Mousa face to face.

"...... Mouses," I sighed as my fingers traced over his long, thick eyebrows, from the sunken eye sockets, down to the high bridge of his nose, and finally on his slightly trembling lips, "Will you forget me when you leave?"

He opened his mouth, his Adam's apple rose and fell, he wanted to say but couldn't speak, and the affection and regret in his eyes couldn't be hidden. As the words were about to come out, I covered him and shook my head, "Don't say it, I'm afraid to know." ”

His head was lowered, his eyelashes fluttered, and he gently 'kissed'. He snorted slightly, and opened his 'lips' for me to slip in, tangling with me. The hand was placed on my back and I pressed hard against him again. At this time, only the entanglement of the body can bring comfort to each other, like a kind of half-pain and half-joy that is grabbed by fate. Quiet, desolate, weeping with joy.

In the early hours of the morning, before dawn, Moses got out of bed. Thinking that I was not awake yet, he lightly put on his clothes and dropped a 'kiss' on my forehead. I pretended to close my eyes, thinking he would say goodbye without saying goodbye. But no, he straightened his clothes and stood there quietly, looking through the window at the city that had not yet woken up.

I don't know what he was thinking, but I was about to get up and call him, when I heard the melodious sound of the salute. At this time of the day, it's early morning prayer time, but I don't pay much attention to it on weekdays, and I still sleep with my head covered. But the meaning of this prayer was different for Mosa, who did not wear a white robe, but still insisted on bowing reverently and prostrating deeply in the direction of Mecca.

I watched his movements in amazement, and that ethereal and empty fear swept over me again. Every time he prostrated himself, I felt that he was a little farther away from me. Even last night, we hugged each other and slept all night, and even now, I still have his breath around me.

I watched him kneeling on the floor with a reverent appearance, his eyes blank and unfocused. only to know that the loneliness at this moment is deeper and deeper than last night.