Chang An can swim, and the moment he jumps into the water and sinks, he knows that people have an innate instinct to survive.

"I didn't die, I got out of the water again, it's ridiculous, isn't it?"

Chang An recalls that more than two years ago, he was lying on the wet beach, with bright stars above his head and gentle waves around him.

"I think of my mother, I don't know where she got the courage to swallow that bottle of sleeping pills, and I don't know if she regretted it when she was dying, but my grandmother said that she couldn't follow her old path, she was competitive all her life, and finally ended her life in the most stupid way, she was a loser, a coward. ”

"I also thought of you, at that time the news had been exposed, I hid in the rental house in Yigang and used Brother Quan's mobile phone to surf the Internet, I saw a photo of you secretly taken by the media, you sat on a reef on Chiwei Island, lost a lot of weight, turned black, the whole person was decadent, the media was full of comments, saying that you have been looking for it, guarding the island every day, they think you are infatuated, but I think you are like a madman, like a psychopath. ”

"In February, Kim Dae-fu died in the hospital, and at the end of March, the news broke on the Internet that the last kidnapper was arrested, and the court trial should be in June, when I was already admitted to this drug rehabilitation hospital, and it was after that suicide attempt that I jumped into the sea, and I felt that I might have to fight again. ”

"I lived here for nearly a year, all the expenses are borne by Brother Quan for me, he is a good person, I think maybe I ended up addicted to him also has part of the responsibility, so he sold his ancestral property and sent me in, of course, he also has his own selfishness, I only knew after coming out of here, at that time he had been diagnosed with cirrhosis, and did not plan to treat it, and there was no money to treat it, so before sending me in, I promised that I would have to raise Xiaozhi until I became an adult, I agreed, but he couldn't survive me to come out, and then I found out that he left within a few months of my entry, Xiaozhi had no one to support, and was sent to sunflowers by the people of the Yigang Street Office。 ”

"What's more coincidental is that I met Xiaozhi's mother in this hospital, she has come in for the second time, and she has lived in a compulsory drug rehabilitation center before, but none of them have been successful, she has been relapsed again and again, she has been left for two months, she has gone out and relapsed, and then she was sent in, during which Brother Quan brought Xiaozhi over to see her once, but she no longer remembered that she had a daughter. ”

Chang An actually laughed lightly when he said this, "It's terrible, isn't it? I can not recognize my own biological flesh and blood, just for that small pinch of white powder, I thought it was really inferior to a beast, I didn't think I could be a person like her, if I became like this one day, I would definitely die, but do you know how Xiaozhi's mother went?"

She looked into Zhou Wei's eyes, and her eyes became empty and dazed at that moment, with endless despair.

"Suicide, Xiaozhi's mother committed suicide and left, she hid a small piece of the can's lid on her body, and cut her own artery at night when people were unprepared, but you must know that the can's lid is not sharp, and when the people found her, the flesh and blood on her neck were already blurred, she was cut down layer by layer, just like cutting pigskin with a blunt knife, the nurse in the hospital said that this was not the first time she had self-harm, and she had hidden a stainless steel spoon before, sharpened the spoon edge, and tore her scalp ......"

Zhou Wei was dumbfounded, feeling that the whole portrait was sealed in a thin film, and he couldn't breathe.

Chang An saw his wooden appearance, and smiled: "Don't believe it, but this kind of thing happens from time to time in drug rehabilitation centers, some people can't bear the pain of withdrawal and choose to self-harm, and often these people don't feel pain when they self-harm, on the contrary, they can get pleasure from it, but Xiaozhi's mother is not, I think she is bent on death." I've seen her at that time, lying in a pool of blood, with her eyes open, and a smile on her lips, as if she was finally freed from this pain, so all these years ......"

Chang An gasped again, "Drug addiction is difficult to quit, and heroin addiction is even more difficult to quit, not physical craving, but mental addiction, so few people can successfully quit, basically once out of the drug rehabilitation center or hospital, they will re-inhale it, but every time I feel itchy in my heart, Zheng Qiuzhen's appearance before death will appear in my mind, do you know?" No one collected her body, her relatives had long since cut off contact with her, and Brother Quan couldn't be contacted at that time, the hospital sent her to the crematorium with a quilt and a car, and she didn't even know where the ashes were buried, I didn't want to do this, really, I desperately told myself at that time, I must not be like this, I can't ...... like this"

Chang An said that at the end, he covered his face with his hands.

In the first half of the narrative, she has tried her best to stay calm, and she is indeed calm, but when she talks about this paragraph, she still can't stop her heart palpitations, as if she has relived those devouring nightmares.

In purgatory on earth, all of them turned into ghosts, and she didn't want to be one of them, so she had to climb out even if she fought for her life.

Zhou Wei wrapped her shoulders around her and forcibly turned the person around.

"Okay..."His voice was already choked, Chang An wanted to look up, but he grabbed it with one hand and hugged it into his arms.

"It's okay, it's all over, don't think about it in the future......"

Chang An rested on his chest, breathing in the familiar smell.

Outside the window, the fog was thick, and the small buildings were indistinct.

It was dreamlike, only his embrace, his breath, the arm he wrapped around himself was powerful and real.

Chang An grabbed his collar tightly in his arms, slowly gasping for breath, and forcing himself to let go of his hand.

She got up, looked up, and looked at him, the confusion and despair just now were gone, replaced by an almost calm coldness.

She said: "I didn't plan to come back to you, let alone tell you these things, one is that I can't face you, and I can't let you see me like this, and second, I think you should have better, remarry a wife, have a child soon, and be happy, instead of guarding a woman like me who has a history of drug abuse......"

"Chang'an!"

"Don't interrupt yet, let me finish it all at once. ”

Chang An puffed up, she came all the way from hell, her courage and perseverance should be beyond ordinary people, but she is not always full of confidence when facing him, on the contrary, the changes in the past few years have made her break all her wings, and she is no longer the proud peacock, so she must take advantage of today's lonely courage to finish speaking.

"I know that you have been looking for me for a long time, and I know that you have been single for the past few years, maybe not all for me, but I just didn't meet the right one, but I am still grateful, really, I have no regrets about being treated like this by you, but I hope you can be sensible and realistic. ”

She paused, looking at the man in front of her.

The man was also looking at him, his eyes as deep as the sea, "You go on, I'll listen." ”

Chang An lowered his head and swallowed, "I may not be able to have a child in my life, I fell into the sea and suffered from the cold, and I didn't pay attention to recuperation after the miscarriage, and then I quit taking drugs, and the doctor said that my chances of getting pregnant are very small, and it is almost impossible, you ......" She couldn't continue.

Zhou Yan plucked the socket of his teeth, staring at her motionlessly with a half-squint.

"What am I?"

Chang An continued: "It also means that if we continue to be together, your Zhou family may be extinct." ”

Zhou Wei suddenly laughed, very bitterly, and then lowered his head and rubbed his fingers.

"I thank you for thinking about cutting off my children and grandchildren!"

“……”

"Anything else, why don't you tell it all at once? ”

Chang An suddenly felt a panic in his heart.

His expression was unwavering, his eyes were deep and bottomless, probably he still minded, what man wouldn't mind this kind of thing? Not to mention Zhou Xian's family background and identity, but after the heartache, Chang An took a breath, but felt relaxed.

"Also, although I have quit the drug at present, but there is no way to guarantee that I will never touch it again in the future, to be honest, I still have an addiction in my heart, although it is not heavy, but it will come out from time to time like a devil, itchy, hooking, I don't know if one day this devil will become bigger and stronger, and then devour me in one bite, so you also have to think clearly, whether you can accept a woman who may relapse at any time and cannot have children. ”

She only said a few words, did not deliberately exaggerate, did not exaggerate, in fact, every word she said was the truth.

Inability to have children, inability to pass on the ancestry, and the chance of addiction and relapse, these together are enough to destroy everything, so don't blame her for selfishly refusing to show up all these years, and don't blame her for not having confidence in Zhou Wei, this kind of thing is a devastating blow to anyone, and even she has completely lost hope for herself, and where can she have the courage to look forward to a better life.

"So you're talking about this, in fact, you just want me to keep my eyes open and leave you as soon as possible?" Zhou asked .

Chang An stared at his face.

He was very sad when he stated just now, Chang An could feel it, but now he didn't, he had always been good at restraining and restraining his emotions, so at this time, except for some bloodshot eyes, he returned to his usual appearance.

Chang An felt that there was no need to hide it when it came to this.

"That's pretty much what it means, I didn't tell you before because I didn't plan to do anything to you anymore, but now that I've come to this point, I know that I can't keep running away, so it's better to make it clear, and leave the rest to you to choose. ”

"Leave me a choice, give up or continue?"

"Yes. ”

"Then what do you think I'll choose?" he said in an extremely natural tone.

Chang An thought for a while, "I don't know, I have to ask yourself." ”

"Okay, then I choose to give up, what will happen next?"

"Next..."Chang An looked down at his hands, to be honest, he was actually ready to be given up by him, but he was still very sad to hear him say it, but after thinking about it, she felt that it was normal, it was normal, and she subconsciously hoped that he would choose so, after all, she was no longer worthy.

"The next step is simple. Chang An raised his head and met Zhou Wei's gaze with a smile, "You can find a lawyer to draft a divorce agreement, I don't want any property or house, the only requirement is just that I hope you can help Xiaozhi complete the operation, this is what you promised me before, and it is also what I have to do for her." ”

"That's it?"

"Well, that's it, and then I'll move away, and from now on the bridge to the bridge, and the road to the road. ”

It's ruthless, Zhou thought at the time.

He raised his hand and rubbed his face, looked out the window, and turned around again, "Chang An, I only ask you one question, how do you feel when you sit here and look at me now?"

"It's a little sad, but I can bear it, and other than that, it's a blessing, I hope you can start over and find a better one, it's true!"

"Honestly, you dare to say you're telling the truth?"

“……”

"Well, even if it's true, do you know how it feels to sit here now?"

Chang An was stunned and shook his head.

"Then I'll tell you. He dropped the window, the cold wind rushed in with a damp mist, Zhou Wei pointed to the buildings outside the window, "I admit that I was very sad when I heard you say what I had encountered in the past few years, but I am not sad, I just feel sorry for you, and the rest of the rest is all snickering, all of which are glad, glad that Ding Shouquan saved you back then, glad that this hospital allowed you to quit drugs, and even more glad that you worked so bravely to get yourself out of the mud, and then appeared in front of me completely." ”

"You just said let me choose, how to choose? I've been a person since you disappeared three years ago, in fact, I'm not as infatuated as the media says, and I've been waiting for the past few years as you said, I've tried, really, I've tried to convince myself to accept other people, but then I found out that it doesn't work, either the skin is not white enough, or the hair is not soft enough, and there is no one who even looks like you in a skirt, so it's not that I don't want to choose, it's that I don't have a choice at all, you know, Chang An, I don't have a second option from beginning to end, even if it's you' In the past three years!"

He accepted the fact that she was dead, and then allowed himself to think endlessly about a dead person, which was like throwing himself into a desert, and it was only a matter of time before he ran out of food, so it was a false proposition, and the answer he had already placed in front of people, and she had always refused to believe it.

Chang An was stunned for a moment, all the emotions and reactions that should have appeared did not appear, she seemed to be stuck, staring at Zhou Wei like a fool.

After looking at it for a moment, she turned her head away.

"Sorry, I want to smoke a cigarette. ”

She took out the cigarette and lighter from her bag, lit one with a trembling hand, and inhaled a large puff sharply, and she only eased up a little bit when the choking nicotine was inhaled into her lungs, and then the tears began to flow down.

reminds me of a popular sentence on the Internet recently: The world is not worth it, but you are worth it.

Chang An just smoked like that, hugged his face, cried, laughed and panted at the foggy scenery outside the window, and finally turned his head, tilted his head, and sneered: "You are a psycho!"

Zhou Wei also laughed with her, and his eyes were red with a smile.

"It's really a neuropathy, it's sick for you, and there is a diagnosis at home, so it should be not light. ”

Chang An couldn't hold back himself anymore after hearing this.

In three years, she felt that she had endured the hardships of several lifetimes, but at this moment, at this moment, it seemed to be cured in an instant.

Zhou Wei reached over and smoked the cigarette in her hand.

"Wet with tears!"

"Stop smoking!"

"Don't smoke again. ”

He wanted to turn Chang An's face around, but she cried and laughed but refused, and finally Zhou Yan was ruthless, pinched her chin and forcibly twisted it, and touched a hand of tears with her fingers.

"Fool!" she squeezed two words out between her teeth.

Zhou Yan scratched the root of his teeth and leaned over to bite her lip.

At first, it was a real bite, with a punitive force, Chang An was in pain, hissing in his mouth to break free, but Zhou Wei had a lot of strength, and his arms tied her like a rope, she struggled a few times and couldn't escape, and began to respond.

Zhou Yan pried open her teeth and put them in, and there was a war of words, and the nicotine in her mouth mixed with the taste of tears was all swept away by him little by little.

The temperature in the car rose suddenly, Chang An was almost out of breath after being kissed, and he didn't know how long it took, and his body was completely soft in his arms.

Zhou Wei was a little relieved, but the tip of his nose still touched the tip of his nose, his forehead against his forehead, his hands were held at the root of Chang An's ears, and his fingers were inserted in her hair.

The tears on his face had long since dried, and some of them had been licked and swallowed into his stomach.

The two of them didn't communicate verbally throughout the whole process, as if all their emotions were melted into this long deep kiss.

After a while, the fog outside the window gradually lifted, and the sun peeked out of the clouds.

Zhou Wei finally let go of Chang An and raised his hand to brush away the hair stuck to the tips of her eyes.

"Let's go, go home. ”

"Well, go home. ”

……

It was more than an hour's drive back to go back, and we used this time to calm down with each other, and it was about ten o'clock in the long river.

Zhou Wei still has to go to the company, and he has already made several calls to come and urge.

Before leaving, he touched Chang An's face, "Sleep first, don't think nonsense." ”

Chang An nodded and didn't say anything more, but after the people left, she lay alone on the bed in the bedroom, and everything around her was the same as it was three years ago, curtains, cabinets, furnishings, and the smell of the man next to the pillow.

She thinks back to what she has endured over the years, the fault is not on herself, but she believes that there must be a cause and an effect, and there must be a cause for the effect, it is definitely impossible to say that there is no resentment, she once hated Jin Dafu, hated the person who kidnapped her, and even hated this world and life, but she reined in the precipice, and she was not buried in hell in the end.

She thought about how lucky she was that she didn't die in that explosion, that she didn't give up on herself completely, and more importantly that she came back unrecognizable, and that there were still people willing to linger and wait.

Enough, isn't it?

Zhou Yan drove to the company by himself, and just stopped in the parking space, his mobile phone dripped.

SMS from Chang'an.

- "I have given you the opportunity to choose, and you have given me the answer, so no matter what happens in the future, you must remember what you said today, keep your promises, and don't want to get rid of me again." ”

After reading it, Zhou Xian's eyes were red with laughter.

Chang An was lying on the bed here, his body shrunk, waiting for Zhou Wei's reaction, but a minute passed, five minutes passed, ten minutes passed, and there was no news at all.

Did he regret it?

Did he calm down and feel worthless again?

Is he going to change his mind?

A woman can muster courage in an instant, and she can destroy the confidence she has built up in an instant.

Chang An lay on the bed and tossed and turned, and just when he was about to be tortured to death by his own imagination, his mobile phone finally rang.

Zhou replied to her message.

She took her phone and opened it quickly, but there were only a few words on the screen - "I'll ask Xiao Zhao to pick you up at six o'clock in the evening." ”

Chang An: "......"

……

Xiao Zhao has always been on time, and at 5:50 he had already driven the car to the gate of Changhe and waited, when he saw someone pushing the door out.

Gray coat, jeans, sneakers, although the scarf around his neck wrapped a little chin, Xiao Zhao still recognized it at a glance, and then stood next to the car with his mouth half-open and dumbfounded.

"Master Zhao, I'm bothering you again. Chang An greeted as usual.

Even if he already knew some things before he came, and he knew who the person who came to pick him up, Xiao Zhao still couldn't stand it when he stood in front of him.

He opened his mouth, and the northwest wind poured straight in.

"Too... Mrs......"

Chang Anle couldn't help laughing, "Long time no see." ”

"Ahh Long... Long time no see!"

The car is on the inner ring.

Xiao Zhao peeked at Chang An from the rearview mirror from time to time, and Chang An was seen by her and wanted to laugh.

"Xiao Zhao. ”

"Huh?"

"Where are we going?"

"Ah, oh, Mr. Zhou said you will know when you arrive!"

“……”

Chang An thought that Zhou Wei was going to take him somewhere to eat, but half an hour later, the car entered Jardine.

"It's here!"

"That's it?"

Chang An glanced out, this was not the apartment that Zhou Wei lived in before!

"Mr. Zhou said let you go up by yourself!"

Chang An got out of the car and walked into the hall by himself, the hall was still the same as it was three years ago, even the property housekeeper on night duty had not changed, it was still the same aunt before, but her hair was dyed and permed, and she fashionably kicked a pair of high-heeled boots and brushed Tik Tok there.

Chang An didn't want to say hello, but when she walked through the hall, her aunt suddenly raised her head from the front of her mobile phone.

"It's been a long time since I've seen you here!"

Chang An was stunned for a moment, stopped and asked, "Do you still recognize me?"

"Yes, Mr. Zhou's eldest niece, but has her hair been cut? ”

“……”

Chang An hadn't actually been to Jardine a few times, and stood in front of a closed door from memory.

She rang the doorbell, hoping not to mistake the door, but no one answered after pressing it several times, and just as she was about to make a call on her mobile phone, there was finally a sound of footsteps inside.

The door opened, Chang An was stunned, and Zhou Wei in the door was also stunned.

Zhou was stunned because Chang An actually wore a skirt, although it was an old model three years ago, she has always had a good eye, and what she bought before was from a well-known designer, so even if it takes so long, it will not be outdated.

And Chang An was stunned because Zhou Wei was wearing an apron and anti-scald gloves on one hand.

"You...?"

"It's grand. He asked with a smile.

Chang An looked down at what he was wearing, skirt and coat, although he didn't wear makeup, it was rare to wear a light layer of lipstick.

"I thought you were going to take me somewhere to eat. She tried to explain.

Zhou Yan used his other ungloved hand to pull her in through the door.

"That's good!"

Chang An smiled and asked, "Do you want to take off your shoes?"

"Whatever you want!"

"What do you mean by me?"

"Shouldn't your own home be with you?"