Before coming here, Chang An smoked a small half pack of cigarettes at home, and after thinking about it for an afternoon, she felt that she should have been mentally prepared, she couldn't cry, she couldn't have an emotional breakdown, and she couldn't even show a little fluctuation, but her eyes were already damp with the old man's words.

In fact, the more people who have tasted sorrow, the more they crave hugs and cares.

Chang An held back the strength in his chest.

Zhou Fushan looked at her appearance, "Thin..." and raised his hand to stroke Chang An's head, "Why do you still cut your hair so short, like a tomboy." ”

Chang An was even more moved by what he said, and couldn't help but tilt his head.

"It's a lot longer. ”

In fact, it was really short at the beginning, and now it has no ears.

Zhou Fushan stroked the hair on the top of Chang An's head over and over again, and asked in a hoarse voice: "Have you suffered a lot?"

Chang An shook his head, "No!"

"Hmm. ”

The old man responded vaguely, and suddenly laughed, "It's good if you don't have it, it's good if you don't have it, okay, okay... Eat, go, go to eat. ”

He reached out and helped Chang An, who was half-squatting, up.

Chang An turned around and wiped his eyes very quickly, and then went around to the back of the wheelchair and said to the little nanny, "I'll come." ”

She pushed Zhou Fushan to the round table.

The old man has been sick in bed recently, and he hasn't sat at the table to eat for a long time, but he is happy today, and pulls Chang An to his left-hand chair from behind, "Come, you sit here." ”

Chang An swallowed his breath and glanced at Zhou Wei, who nodded his head.

The nanny in the back sensibly pulled out the chair for her.

The family was seated.

The old man picked up the chopsticks, "Let's start eating." ”

Chang An later recalled that the meal made her feel like a child who had a rather bad grade in school and was ready to be trained and scolded when she went back at night, but no one mentioned it from beginning to end.

It was already past eight o'clock after dinner, and the old man's health was not as good as before, and he also reminded Zhou Wei to take Chang An back to rest early.

Chang An took the bag and scarf.

"Grandpa, then I'm leaving!"

The old man smiled and waved his hand, and shouted, "Come back and walk around more when I'm empty, and I can kill a few plates before my brain is confused." ”

Chang An didn't feel good when he heard it, and wanted to say something, but his chest was blocked, so he could only nod his head vigorously.

After that, he said goodbye to Zhou Shiqing and Liu Shulan.

Zhou Wei took Chang An out, the car was parked outside, and just as he was about to get in the car, he saw Liu Shulan hurriedly walking out again.

"Ahh

Zhou Wei fished Chang An out, "Wait for me in your car!"

Chang An didn't ask much, and obediently climbed into the car by himself.

Zhou Wei closed the car door for her.

Bentley is well enclosed, and the glass is absolutely soundproof, so Chang An couldn't hear what the two were talking outside the car when she sat inside, but she could see the expressions of the two.

Almost all the time Liu Shulan was talking, his mouth was closed one by one, Zhou Wei frowned the whole time, and only said a word at the end, and then Liu Shulan left unhappy.

Soon the car door opened, and Zhou Wei sat up.

Chang An glanced at him, "Can you go?"

"Well, buckle your seatbelts!"

On the road, Chang An's face was not abnormal.

She used to be good at hiding her emotions, and after three years, this skill has only increased.

However, she asked some about Zhou Fushan's situation.

"Grandpa is a lot older. ”

"At this age, it's normal. ”

But he didn't do that before. ”

In the past, although he was also rickety in his hands and feet, and also on crutches, he was able to speak and do things neatly.

Zhou Tao held the steering wheel, and his voice suddenly sank a little, "I gave him an in-depth physical examination some time ago, and the results were not ideal. ”

Chang An was stunned for a moment, "Didn't you say it was just a slight stroke?"

"Not only that, but there are many problems, multiple organ failure, kidney function is not good, and the doctor said that it may be only in the last year or two. ”

People who have not experienced death can't understand that feeling, but Chang An understands it too well.

No one can really face death directly, and no matter how powerful a person is, he will show vulnerability and fear in front of life, and this emotion exists for both the living and the departed.

"This is also the reason why I agreed to meet Tian Jiaqi before. The man driving spoke again, his voice was light and soft, but there was obviously sadness and helplessness hidden underneath.

Chang An knew that Zhou Wei and the old man had a very close relationship, even higher than his parents.

If the old man was gone one day, she couldn't imagine what would happen to him.

"Grandpa's body has always been tough, don't think about it too much, maybe the doctor just said it casually. Chang Anshun covered the hand that held the gear next week, originally just wanted to give some conscious comfort, but his palm suddenly reversed, and wrapped Chang An's fingers urgently and tightly, as if it was not enough, spread out and straightened, and the thin five fingers wrapped Chang An's fingers one by one, until the whole was wrapped in his palm, he firmly retracted.

Chang An looked at him sideways, he had just come to his senses, the two made brief eye contact, and the lights outside the car window passed by, and the light in his eyes dimmed and brightened in those flashing lights.

In fact, many things in life are in a thought, just like when Chang An decided to disappear and no longer appear in the original world, at this moment, she let the pain in her heart pile up little by little, piling up to a certain critical point, so that she once got some kind of response to what God prayed for.

Give me a little courage, a little more, a little more...... Until he felt the temperature in Zhou Wei's palm, he had some kind of strength and pulled her firmly.

"Zhou..."

"Huh?"

The man with one hand on the steering wheel turned his head again.

Chang An looked into his eyes and asked, "Are you free tomorrow morning?" I want to take you somewhere. ”

……

Zhou Wei has not slept well over the years, he can wake up at all, and he has a very clear biological clock, and he usually wakes up before seven o'clock.

He habitually reached out to fish for people, but accidentally got empty.

"Chang'an?"

The curtains were closed and the lights were not turned on in the room.

Zhou Wei lifted the quilt and got out of bed, and suddenly heard a "bang".

There was a chair in front of the vanity mirror, and the sound came from there.

Zhou Wei walked over, and Chang An sat on the chair, with his back leaning, two bare legs sticking out of his nightdress, one on the ground and the other on the dresser.

Although there was no light in the room, her skin was whiter, her legs were whiter, and she was slender like two white tubes.

Zhou Wei swept his eyes, and his eyes fell on her hand, she still had half a cigarette in her hand, and the cigarette butt burned red.

"Sorry, did I wake you up?"

Zhou Wei shook his head and asked, "Why did you get up so early?"

"Can't sleep. ”

"Can't sleep and get up to smoke?"

Chang An smiled bitterly, and didn't shy away from it, she took another puff of the cigarette in her mouth, and her eyes were floating, scattered, and confused, mixed with the soft and soft on her body, forming a contradictory and seductive taste.

Zhou Wei turned his butt to the table and asked, "When will you learn to smoke this?"

"It's been a long time. ”

"How long?"

She didn't speak, but half-smiled and took another puff.

Zhou Wei sat there and watched her finish the remaining half of the cigarette little by little.

"What time is it?" Chang An asked.

"It's not even six o'clock. ”

"Aren't you sleeping?"

"Wake up. ”

"Then let's go now. ”

Zhou Wei paused, "Okay!"

Chang An pinched the cigarette butt and got up to change clothes.

Six o'clock in the morning in winter is not too bright, and it is rainy that day, and the sky is gloomy.

Zhou Yan took Chang An to have breakfast near the community, and then got back in the car and set off.

Because it was still early and had not yet reached the rush hour, it was already on the elevated ten minutes later.

Chang An didn't say where he wanted to take Zhou Wei specifically, but only gave him an address - No. 207, Wuchang South Road, Fuhua City.

Fuhua used to be an independent city, but it was merged into Yunling a few years ago and became a municipality directly under Yunling.

The elevated highway drove a short period of high speed, and then the high speed turned to the provincial road, and finally entered the Fuhua area.

Fuhua is obviously not as prosperous as Yunling, and there is less traffic on the road in the morning, passing through a small commercial area that is not very lively, and driving about ten kilometers, it is dark outside.

"Is there a heavy fog today?" Chang An asked.

Zhou replied: "It should be haze." ”

"Is the smog so bad?"

"That's it in the winter. ”

Chang An sighed and said no more.

Zhou Wei's car was driving on an unfamiliar road, passing through layers of dark haze, and finally heard a female voice from the navigation: "You have arrived near your destination......"

"Have you arrived?" asked Zhou Wei.

Chang An looked at the blurred outline of the building in front of him, "Turn left at the intersection and pull over." ”

Zhou Xun complied, the car stopped, and saw a building across the road not far away.

"Here?" asked Zhou.

Chang An nodded: "Yes, here!"

"Where?"

Even though there was a sign hanging at the door, the air visibility was so low that I couldn't see what was written on it, but it looked like a hospital or a nursing home.

"Tianyou Medical, the only national designated voluntary drug rehabilitation institution in Yunling. ”

"What?" Zhou thought he might not have heard clearly.

Chang An looked at the iron gate in the mist, as well as the few houses behind the iron gate.

"I've been here for about a year for the last three years. She turned around and looked her head in the air, "I'm addicted to heroin, and I'm being treated here." ”

Zhou Wei buzzed in his head.

He felt that he might have misheard, or that he didn't understand, and sat there for a while before he took a breath up, and then he leaned back, leaning back against the car seat, and his heart hurt so badly that he pressed his hand down.

He had speculated a lot before, why did she not want to come back even though she was alive? There must be a reason.

A few days ago, Xu Shilong sent him a WeChat, he had already met Chang An at that time, but Chang An said cruel words, word by word poked into his heart, he once felt that he was like an out-and-out fool all these years, but after calming down, he began to figure out the logic a little bit.

He looked for Xu Shilong, and the two went out for a drink, Xu Shilong didn't say anything to him in person, but made up for him afterwards; He said: "According to my experience in handling cases in the past few years, the most inhumane is the kidnapper, and the meat ticket is rarely able to get out of the whole body, especially the woman, who was either directly torn apart or mutilated, but at present, she is not missing arms and legs, and there is no problem with her spirit, so there is only one possibility left, and she was violated during the abduction." ”

Zhou Wei actually thought about this aspect, but every time he thought about it, he forced himself to stop.

It's too painful, if it is true, he can't imagine what Chang An did when he was guilty, and he can't imagine how she survived alone in the past few years, but subconsciously he has actually acquiesced to this fact, and has even begun to comfort himself, especially when he did it with her in the past few days, he also paid special attention to it, she didn't reject physical contact, and she didn't overreact, so Zhou Wei once felt that she might have passed this hurdle, but she was ashamed to say it, so he persuaded himself not to ask more, and also prevented others from asking more.

But I never thought that this would be the case.

Heroin, drug rehabilitation, Chang'an, he couldn't connect the three at all.

"How could it be..."The man's voice was obviously hoarse, and he rubbed his face hard before he came back to his senses, "What happened back then?"

Chang An's waist collapsed, and his body leaned back.

"...... of the year"

The camera in my mind suddenly pulled out so far, "Actually, I don't remember a lot of things, probably heroin can really make people lose their memory, I just remember that Jin Dafu asked you to ransom people with money, and found that you called the police again, he took me to transfer places like crazy, and I don't know where to get a speedboat, in fact, it's not a speedboat, it seems to be more like a fishing boat, they tied me to the generator in the stern." ”

Zhou knows this.

"They also strapped explosives to the ship. ”

Zhou also knows this.

"Then the ship blew up, and you weren't on that ship?"

"At first, but then I was rescued, it was Xiaozhi's father, the boat was stolen by Jin Dafu, Xiaozhi's father found that the boat was gone, and he must look for it, the ancestors of the Ding family were Jiaochun fishermen, and they were very familiar with the nearby waters, and finally found the boat not far from the island, and also found me......"

Chang An briefly repeated, paused, and looked at Zhou Xun again.

Zhou Wei was silent, looking at her with slightly red eyes.

He was waiting for her to continue.

Chang An breathed a sigh of relief, "Actually, Jin Dafu has always wanted to move me, but the other kidnappers are purely seeking money, probably not wanting to make a big deal about it, so they stopped him a few times in the middle, otherwise I may not be able to survive, until I found out that you called the police over there, Jin Dafu probably panicked and hated it, plus the previous case of slimming steel bars, and the death of her sister, he blamed me for the destruction of his family." ”

People will definitely be irrational when they are extremely hateful, let alone a kidnapper addicted to drugs, an outlaw, and what scruples do they have.

“…… He tied me up and pulled me onto the boat, the other kidnappers were not around at the time, I begged him, I wanted to keep the baby......"

Chang An remembered that she had no dignity at all, and she didn't want all the elegance and elegance in the past, although her hands and feet were tied, she still twisted her body like a dog and crawled to the root of Jin Dafu's legs.

She confessed her mistake, she kowtowed, she cried and shouted and promised that as long as she was not moved, she would not hurt the child, and she could do whatever she wanted.

"But it didn't work, he was completely out of his mind, he said he couldn't watch you succeed in your career and have a lot of children, and then he injected me with heroin. ”

At this point, the story can basically be pieced together, but it is completely different from the plot that Zhou Qian had guessed before.

He buried his head and held his face in both hands, feeling that he was almost out of breath.

Chang An's voice continued: "I thought I would die if the needle went down, but no, he should have controlled the dose, I only felt dizzy, and the whole person was empty for a period of time, how to describe that feeling?"

Chang An closed his eyes and licked his dry lips.

The so-called willpower is actually a rather ethereal thing, you can't touch it or see it, you think you are so capable and strong, but there are things in this world that can easily destroy your will, not to mention heroin.

When Zhou Wei raised his head again, his eyes were already scarlet, he held Chang An's hand, pinched it hard, and the figure leaning on the chair fell from the clouds suddenly, a huge sense of grief and emptiness hit, she grinded her teeth hard, and continued to say: "Actually, I wasn't sure that I was injected with drugs at that time, until I had a withdrawal reaction two days later......"

Chang An sat there and breathed heavily, in fact, she didn't want to come back for so long, and she never mentioned this experience to anyone, first, she felt shameless, but more importantly, she didn't want to remember it.

Reminiscing about it is like going through it all over again, including the desire to die immediately after the needle is inserted into the blood vessel, and the pain of slicing bones at the beginning of the withdrawal reaction like being eaten by a hundred ants.

Zhou Wei leaned over and asked, "What happened later?"

"Later..."Chang An picked and chose in his mind, trying to make the retelling as simple as possible.

"At that time, the child was gone, I was rescued from the boat by Ding Shouquan and fell into the water, he pulled me to the shore when I was covered in blood, at that time he thought I was injured somewhere, and took me to the hospital for examination only to find out that it was a miscarriage. ”

Zhou Wei turned his head and gasped out the window.

Although he has been fully psychologically prepared for this period of the child, and knows that the chance of saving the child in that situation is almost zero, when he heard it with his own ears, Zhou Wei still couldn't stand it.

It's not that he feels sorry for the child, he feels sorry for the person who conceives the child.

God knows that after so many years, he still has the few messages that Chang An sent him before he was kidnapped; She said that she had good news to tell him, and in just a few words, he could feel the excitement of the time through the screen.

"The child was gone, I was desperate, I didn't feel like a good mother, I even felt... I can't come back to see you......"

Zhou Wei let out a deep sigh, "Fool." ”

"Yes, I thought I was stupid, I thought it was the end of the world, but there were more desperate days than that. Chang An continued, "I stayed in the hospital for two days, and the next night it started to be wrong, joint pain, diarrhea, completely uncontrollable runny nose, yawning, sweating, at that time the nurse thought I had an allergic reaction to any drug, but I didn't find a problem after checking it again, the state lasted all night, and it didn't improve slightly until dawn, but a few hours later, there was a similar reaction, or even more serious, and then Brother Quan, who was Xiaozhi's father, asked me if I had a history of drug abuse." ”

"It may really be arranged by God, Brother Quan saved me at the last moment and camelized me back from the sea, he is an honest fisherman, but do you know, Xiaozhi's mother also has a history of drug abuse, so he can see at a glance that my symptoms are withdrawal reactions, maybe I am too painful, after I was discharged from the hospital, he took me back, and found a way to contact the circle of Xiaozhi's mother in the past, and got me a little heroin. ”

Zhou closed his eyes.

Everything is really predestined in the dark.

"Brother Quan saved me from being buried in the fire, but he pushed me into another hell, and with the first time there will be a second and a third time...... I used to think that those propaganda films about staying away from drugs were too exaggerated, and they became addicted to demons one by one, and they were not ghosts, but I didn't expect that I would become like that one day. In just over a month, I lost more than 20 pounds, I didn't dare to come back, and I couldn't come back, Xiaozhi's house became my refuge, but it takes money to buy drugs, Ding's economy is not rich, he himself has a very serious liver disease, and he has almost exhausted all his family funds for Xiaozhi's mother to raise drugs before, so after more than a month, he cut off my supply, it was simply ......" Chang An suddenly pulled his hair.

Zhou Wei pressed her hand, "Don't say it, you don't have to tell me in such detail!"

"No, I want to say, I must keep in mind the pain of withdrawal, not only the pain of a hundred ants, but even every bone and joint is like being knocked open, as if it can be cut off at any time, no, it's not breathless, it's better to die than alive, and Xiaozhi's father is too soft-hearted, at that time I had moved to Yugang with him, he tied me up again and again, and again and again I couldn't resist the hysteria when I quit, so I started to buy drugs again and again, this kind of day lasted for about three months, that is, those three months, you hired more than 20 ships to find me at sea, I know that you live to see people and corpses, but I have become a skeleton, a walking corpse, how can I have the face to go back to see you?"

“…… Of course, I also have sober times, as long as I don't commit drug addiction, I'm no different from a normal person, I will teach Xiaozhi to paint, and I will follow Brother Quan back to Jiaochun, and go fishing at sea together, I once thought that maybe the days ahead will go on like this, I'm finished, completely wasted, it depends on when God takes back my life. Even if she recounted it in the most bland tone now, Zhou Wei could easily feel the despair at that time.

It turned out that while he was waiting for the torture on the island day after day, she was also suffering greatly in another place.

"You never thought you wanted to come back?"

"No, I definitely thought about it, but I stopped myself from thinking about it, really, I can't think about it, it hurts when I think about it, it's very uncomfortable, it feels like ...... It's like ...... "Chang An rubbed his eyes with his hand," It's like seeing where my home is, where my relatives are, where my lover is, but when I look in the mirror, I've become a monster, I don't have the face to go back, and I can't go back, but God knows how much I want to go back, while escaping, while being ugly day after day, ugly to the point that I feel disgusting, and the pain of this contradiction has accumulated to a certain extent, probably completely collapsed, and I don't know how many times the drug addict has no inventory, I ran to the beach and jumped, I think it's better to die, and I don't have to face such an unbearable self all day long, but you know whatIt turns out that it's hard to die..."