Chapter 79: I'm a Crazy Man. But I'm only myself.
Han Lu bowed her head and was silent, like a child who had done something wrong.
I sneered in my heart, but my eyes were hot.
I had to bite my lower lip and tell myself with pain, don't cry, become a bright sun, you are not a child anymore.
Your tears will be shed for those who understand you.
"What's the matter? I'm just going out for a while, and I'm dying again?" I said half-jokingly, actually hinting at Chu Qingchuan that I had been framed.
But I also know very well that this is not what it used to be, Han Lu and Li Yutong in front of me are not comparable at all, and Chu Qingchuan will not trust me.
I changed time and space, changed the scene, changed the plot, changed the actors, but my situation has not changed, and fate and true love joked with me.
Is it to blame Han Lu for pretending to be too good, or is it to blame Chu Qingchuan for having too shallow feelings for me?
As far as I'm concerned, it's only that I'm emotionally invested again, but I don't know it until I'm bruised and bruised, and I realize that I'm actually in love with him.
"Cheng Jiaoyang. "Chu Qingchuan called my name directly, sternly like an elder.
I know I'm angry with him because of my indecency, because of my inappropriateness.
"Huh, it's pretty tasty. Have you eaten it?" I don't know what I'm eating, it tastes like chewing wax.
Chu Qingchuan's eyes were cold, like sharp arrows: "Didn't I understand you clearly enough before, why did you still doubt Han Lu and say those words to her?"
I knew there was something wrong with that.
Chu Qingchuan is not a brainless person, and he will not be gullible, I said before that everything he does has a factual basis.
But many of the facts we know are one-sided.
I don't believe that he would be so indifferent to me just based on Han Lu's relay, and Han Lu has been pretending that she likes me, how could he slander me in front of Chu Qingchuan in person.
I've been sitting here just to see how she's getting apart.
"Han Lu, could you please tell me, what did I say to you?" I threw the knife and fork in my hand onto the plate, making two crisp sounds.
I feel like I'm quite a ruffian, compared with the woman in front of me, who is stronger and which is weaker, who is sharp, it can't be more obvious.
Because it is a private restaurant, there is only one table of guests at this time, and the chef is busy in the back, and the waiter sees this posture and withdraws in fun.
Han Lu looked at Chu Qingchuan timidly, Chu Qingchuan had a cold face and said, "Tell her."
"Jiaoyang, I'm sorry, I just wanted to listen to the song that Qingchuan laughed and sang, and somehow played a recording, maybe we were shopping, and we accidentally ran into something on the key, I'm really sorry. Han Lu was full of apologies, and I believed it.
Smartphones, it's normal to accidentally dial a phone and open a program, right?
"Then let me hear what you recorded?" I said quietly.
"Qingchuan ......" Han Lu also made a pitiful look for fear of affecting our relationship, I can't even be disgusted now.
Xu is because his feelings are temporarily suppressed, and it is like watching a play at this time.
"Let her listen. Chu Qingchuan still looked at me, but his eyes no longer had warmth.
I pursed my lips and smiled slightly, at least it would have regained a little self-esteem, but it annoyed him even more.
In my current situation, I am the one who is disliked. The reason why he didn't leave was not to prove his innocence, but to give himself a chance to die completely.
I will cut off all hope with my own hands, about love, about happiness, from now on, I will never ask for extravagance.
If I was dead set on marriage and still had expectations for love, then now it proves that my wound is not deep enough and not painful enough.
Cheng Jiaoyang, you shouldn't love, you won't love, don't fake literature and art to say anything about believing in love, Eros will never favor you, everything is an illusion, it is to destroy you.
Almost in line with my guess, the recording begins with the paragraph where I questioned her: "You think Li Yutong is worthy of him, and all the conditions are above you, so you have low self-esteem......"
I listened quietly, feeling the tone and mood of what I was saying.
However, before the broadcast was finished, Chu Qingchuan whispered "Enough", and then looked at me in silence, as if waiting for me to open his mouth to defend himself.
I want to ask Han Lu, where did the previous conversation go? Where did you say that I was coquettish and seduced Chu Qingchuan with my flesh?
But does it make sense? Will Chu Qingchuan believe me? I don't think I can beg for a man's love and mercy, Chu Jingnan is my best enlightenment teacher.
There were too many misunderstandings in this, and Chu Qingchuan told me about Xiaoxiao, Han Lu, and Cheng Xun in order to show me his determination.
In this out-of-context recording, it is as if I used these secrets to stimulate and humiliate Han Lu, and slander her "pure" feelings for Chu Qingchuan.
It just so happened that I had shown my alienation and jealousy towards her in front of Chu Qingchuan many times before, and after all these things were superimposed, I became the most unbearable and dirty one.
I picked up the bright knife and compared it to my left wrist, the edge of which was slightly cool.
Immediately after hearing the sound of the chair mopping the floor, Yu Guang caught a glimpse of Chu Qingchuan standing up.
"Cheng Jiaoyang!" he called my full name again.
I tilted my head to look at him, moved my gaze to the nervous Han Lu, and smiled with a smile: "Do you want to cut your wrists?"
I just want Chu Qingchuan to continue to misunderstand me, didn't he tell me about Han Lu's wrists? Then I'll stimulate them.
He's right, I'm a madman. But I am only cruel to myself, and I will not harm others.
Han Lu actually cried, she kept apologizing to me, and almost knelt down for me, but it was Chu Qingchuan who held her arm.
"Just kidding, look at what scares you. I don't want to hurt myself for people who don't matter. When I said this, I stared at Chu Qingchuan's eyes and kept smiling.
Don't you like to see me laugh? Look at it, remember, and thank you for your sincerity in what you have done to me, I don't owe you, I have already paid for it.
You appeared in my life, changed the trajectory of my life, accompanied me out of the dark time of pain, but also gave me wounds with your own hands.
Chu Qingchuan, we don't owe each other.
I blinked a little faster, and my eyelashes were a little sticky and heavy.
"Sir, I hope my character issues will not affect my career in AC. I stood up against the corner of the table.
The moment he lowered his head, two large tears smashed on the white tablecloth. I hurriedly turned around, my waist-length hair just in time to be thrown up to block their view, and also hide the embarrassment that I couldn't hide.
Once the tears break the embankment, they can't be stopped.
Because what I left behind was my back, I didn't bow my head when I walked out, and let the grievances and stubbornness gush out of the tear ducts, as long as the people behind me felt that I didn't care about him.
Later, someone told me that it was my ruthlessness and determination that made the man lose the courage to chase me at that time.
"The better men and women are, the more they care about their status and self-esteem in a relationship. The more you love, the more you are afraid of nothingness. He said to me.
He added: "Love blinds people, and he treats you like a lost lamb who wants to lead you out of the wilderness." But the lamb's rebellion caused the shepherd to lose his sanity and clarity. ”
I am very disdainful, what kind of loyal and unwavering love is nothing but satisfying self-conjecture and deceiving oneself.
If Chu Qingchuan really thinks so, then he is too narcissistic, does he really regard himself as his father? However, this is all an afterthought.
When I walked out of the restaurant, I was greeted by the lively street on a summer night.
But the boiling voices and the traffic seemed to be cut off from time and space with me.
It wasn't until I heard a song come that I woke up from my daze and turned my head to find its direction.
"The lips haven't opened yet, and they're already hurting each other...... The memories have not turned black and white, they have been put out of the matter, the promises have not been spoken, and the relationship is no longer ......
Give me a pair of hands to lean on you, and give me a pair of eyes to see you leave. It's like a butterfly can't fly in the sea, and no one can bear to blame......
Before dawn, the sweet dream will wake up, and we are all free. ”
I followed the melody and approached, and the singer who sang it was full of emotion.
It's a home-clean bar, with no noisy electronic music and dance floors, female singers singing folk songs, occasionally rock, and quiet literature. The last time I asked Qiao Rui to tell a story, he also chose a similar place.
This old song struck at my heart, one by one, naughty and bad.
I sat down at the bar, asked for a stout, and refused the bartender's suggestion to bring me a cocktail.
During this period, someone came to talk, but I ignored it, and they left in a funny way.
It's different from a noisy bar here, most people still have quality and won't act excessively.
The girl who sang seemed to have a playlist tailored specifically for me, and actually sang "The Price of Love" again.
During the break, she sat down next to me.
"Hey, someone?" she offered to greet me.
"Well, you sing so nicely, please have a drink. I smiled at her.
"Ha, thanks for the compliment. Can you sing?" she wore a high ponytail, her face was delicate and sassy without powder, and she was also a happy girl.
"Wolves howl. "I'm kidding.
"Haha, let's come along, listen to your good voice, the midrange area should be very tasteful. Anyway, there are no more people, so let's have fun together. "Her enthusiasm was too much for me to refuse.
And I'm in a bad mood and want to vent.
"Will it scare the remaining guests away?" I was pulled by her arm and walked onto the small stage.
"Run, run, anyway, I've got the final say here. The girl raised her eyebrows at me.
"No wonder, then I'll hug my thighs. "I didn't think this bar was hers.
She said hello to the rest of the band, I smiled and thanked them, and then we both sang the ballad one after the other.
"Sure enough, I didn't mistake you, literary fan. "After the song, we just sat on the stage and drank and chatted.
"Guan Gong is playing with a big knife in front of the door, you are the professional. I said.
The girl looked at me for a long time, then finally frowned and bit her lip and asked me, "Have I seen you somewhere?"
"Why is it popular for girls to have such awkward conversations?" I took a sip of beer.
"No, no, no, alas, Huzi, do you look at the beautiful woman with a familiar face?" she beckoned to the drummer to look at me.
The drummer shook his long hair and said, "I see that all beautiful women are familiar." ”
"Fuck off. The girl puffed out her mouth and continued to think, and I continued to drink.
"Ah, I remember! Last time I took wedding photos with Mr. Qiao in the 91 Art District, I saw you! It's you! Domineering sister!" After the girl exclaimed, the drummer named Huzi snorted and rushed in front of me.
"Sister, it's you, please take my belated knee. "He saluted me.
"Hahahaha!" I remembered the thorn I had at that time, and laughed uncontrollably.
"Sister, let's get to know me officially, my name is Jiang Mengchen, I am in the third year of graduate school, and I will graduate soon. The girl introduced herself.
"What a nice name. When you go to school, you become a boss. I chatted.
"No, the major shareholder of this bar is my cousin, hey, say Cao Cao Cao is here, sister, come on!"
I followed Jiang Mengchen's gaze and found that the person who came over was Xia Xue.
It's a coincidence that no book is written.
Xia Xue said that she invested in such a place mainly because she had a place for friends to gather.
It sells coffee during the day and alcohol at night, and sings along the way, which is good.
I complimented her on how good she was, and she shook her head and smiled helplessly.
This little episode was a temporary relief from the pain of a broken love, which I thought was nothing more than that.
But when I got home, the huge emptiness and sourness finally swept over the sky like a tide.
I woke up from my dreams many times, fell from a high altitude countless times, and over and over again, unable to distinguish between dreams and reality.
When the alarm went off, I had a splitting headache.
On this day, Sinan pointed out the problems on my topic and asked me to continue to revise. This issue of the main issue is also officially released and put on sale today, and the electronic version is synchronized.
Mondays are always busy and full of plans.
When Sinan came out of the office, he asked me what was wrong?
I lifted my heavy head and asked him what?
"It's as red as a monkey's buttocks, is it a fever?" he pointed to my face.
I said it was a little uncomfortable, but I was able to hold on.
"Working while sick is a practice that seriously affects efficiency, so go to the hospital quickly. He commanded.
I looked at my watch and said I'd be off work soon and I'll be there in a moment.
He didn't say anything more, and went on with his own arrangements.
After work, I went to the pharmacy to buy medicine for the symptoms, thinking that what Yang Buregret said had come true. The nerves that had been tense relaxed a little, and my body had to look a little bit like that.
That night, when I fainted in the living room, I heard a dull sound, followed by Chu Yao's panicked footsteps and screams.
"Brother, sister-in-law, no, she fainted in the hot sun, I can't lift it, come and help me." In a daze, I heard her on the phone.
I wanted to say no, I could do it myself, but it was like being in another dark space, and I couldn't communicate with her.
I don't know how long after fainting, only the sense of hearing is sensitive.
"Yangyang, why don't you take care of yourself? You've always been so stupid, heh, I don't seem to be much smarter than you. ”
"I wish I could go back to the days before I was seventeen, when I always had a little tail behind me. ”
"When I grow up, I have changed, and so have you......"
"Is he okay with you?"
Who was talking to me? The voice was familiar and terrifying, maybe it was just a dream, right?
"Yangyang, I always seem to make you cry. It's fine if you don't wake up, I can come to see you often......"
It must be a dream, or a dream with temperature, warm.
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