Pen & Fun & Pavilion www.biquge.info Comrade Jia Yu:

It's been a long time since I've written anything, and I'm thinking about you! But I want to be as indifferent as I can to forget, I don't want to put pen to paper, I want to forget the pain—I don't want to live!

It's been the third year since you left, but my thoughts have never stopped like a tide, and the endless thoughts have consumed the essence of my life, and my whole life is so decadent and lifeless, and my body is as weak as a cramp and bones! I have lost my memory completely, and I have forgotten what I have to say and what I have to do when I do things! I often laugh at myself as a "young man's dementia" -- what kind of sorrow is hidden in my heart? What kind of quick-thinking and delicate person I am! Now I am not old, but I have to face a state of premature aging! What kind of pain and blow did your departure give me!

I often think:

When one day I also go to heaven, do you remember my face?

When that day comes, will you welcome us back together?

Will you still hold my little hand in your heart and still shush and ask for warmth?

......

I no longer have the expectation of life, and every time I think about it, I think if I don't have me, what would Doudou do?

I often think that you disappeared in an instant -- how is this possible? I remember every hair and wrinkle of your hair! I see every look on your face!

When I woke up in the morning and looked at the sleeping Doudou beside me, I thought: One Doudou for one you? Why did God arrange my life so much? The person I loved so much abandoned me in an instant! The life I loved so much fell apart in an instant! My heart has always been kind and soft, but I have to bear such pain?! How can I bear it?! How can you tell me to bear it?!

Every time I think that we will never see each other again, and we will never be able to continue the frontier, my heart hurts so much that I can't beat! Where are you in the vast sky? Will you think of us? Will you miss us? I miss you -- every day, every hour, every minute, every second every year!

XW

2012.2.27