Chapter 184: The Past Is Like Smoke
Seeing this, I remembered Yao Jun's purpose for looking for me.
What Zhan Jiang left behind may be what she wants.
And didn't Chu Qingchuan also tell me that he wanted to correct my biological father's name? He should think that Zhan Jiang was my biological father.
And judging from the diary, the only people who know my background are Zhan Jiang and Cheng Mubai.
I looked down and pulled out the rest of the story.
After Zhan Jiang left, Cheng Mubai no longer contacted Leng Yu, and Leng Yu disappeared for a while, and later learned that he returned to his hometown and divorced his original partner, and a few years later changed his name to Liu Chengan and returned to Jiangcheng and found Cheng Mubai again.
At that time, it was reported that Zhanjiang had defected and died in a shootout with a border drug dealer, and in short, the absurd marriage automatically expired after the deadline was reached due to the disappearance of the man.
"He started pestering me in every way, showing me his divorce papers, telling me that he had figured it out, saying he was sorry for me. I didn't tell him the fact that Yang Yang was his daughter at the time, because I wanted to see if he was truly remorseful. It wasn't until he knelt on the ground and confessed to me, saying that he would treat Yangyang as his own, and I was finally moved by his sincerity. He was my first man, and I was probably still psychologically dependent. I stayed with my father despite his opposition and moved out of my yard.
I didn't take Yang Yang away because I was afraid that he would backtrack. We simply got the certificate and didn't have a wedding, but after we got married, he often went to my mother's house and brought cigarettes and alcohol to my father, like a filial son-in-law. After half a year of running-in, I found out that he was still good to me and took care of his family. Although I like to socialize, but for people who do business, I don't think it's a big deal.
But my father never let go of his mouth and didn't admit him, and I felt that my father was a little excessive. He didn't seem to mind, and took the initiative to ask me to take Yangyang home, saying that it would be like a family. He said that maybe his father was dissatisfied with him because he didn't take care of Yangyang. I listened to his words and took Yangyang over, but Yangyang always had a fever after a few days of living, so I had to send her back to my grandfather's house. It was from then on that Liu Chengan finally showed his fox tail. I didn't expect him to lay the groundwork for so long, in fact, just to take advantage of my father's relationship.
At a party, he drank a lot of wine and came home, with the smell of a woman's fat powder on his body. He beat me and said fiercely that he was married to a shit. I don't understand why he said that, he trampled me under my feet and scolded my father for being stubborn, inflexible, and refusing to make things easier for him. My father was in charge of the military at that time, and he had a good relationship with Uncle Chu, and he also had many comrades-in-arms who were engaged in business and politics, so he could be described as a friend of life and death. Only then did I know that the reason why he was so interested in me was that he had taken a fancy to my background and my father's connections early on. Sure enough, he was a mercenary businessman.
Since then, I have been beaten by him a lot, and the once peaceful life is gone. His business got worse and worse because he didn't have help, his temper became bigger and bigger, and he became uncertain. He would cry and confess to me, and he would kneel and beg me to pity him and forgive him, and every time I relented, the next violence would follow.
In this cycle, I seem to have compromised. I actually sympathized with him and wanted to take him out of the predicament caused by bankruptcy. One day, he sincerely knelt in front of me and said that I should take Yangyang over again, and we can live a good life like a real home. He said that his family and everything is prosperous, maybe when Yangyang comes, he can make a comeback.
I don't know how I got hot-headed and did the most foolish thing in my life. I took Yang Yang back and threw her into the abyss with my own hands. By the time I found out, it was too late. I really wanted to die to apologize, but I found out that I was pregnant, twins.
After Yangyang's accident, my father broke off the father-daughter relationship with me in anger, and did everything possible to send Liu Chengan to prison. I don't deserve to be a mother, I'm sorry Yangyang. I know she's been suffering a lot, but I can't take care of my two daughters. It was much better for her to live with her grandfather than with me.
……”
Later, Cheng Mubai wrote that she had secretly visited me and found that I had gotten rid of the shadow of the past, and she felt a little better.
My life story is told in this way, and for me, the story of the previous generation is far more tortuous than my experience.
I closed the notebook and accidentally dropped a yellowed old photograph from the folder.
In the photo, there are two women and a man, I recognized Sister Meng and Cheng Mubai, and that man, I think it should be Zhan Jiang, is very handsome and heroic.
I looked at the man's face, and the perseverance in those eyes looked like the man waiting for me outside at this time.
Chu Qingchuan, will it?
I was surprised by my bold idea, and wondered if it could be the words in Cheng Mubai's diary that hinted at me.
She said that when she was a child, Chu Qingchuan seemed to have the shadow of Zhanjiang.
But this kind of thing cannot be guessed based on subjective assumptions.
At that moment, the woman in the hospital bed opened her eyes and put her cold hand on mine.
I took a deep breath and saw that she wanted to speak, so I reached out and moved the oxygen mask for her, revealing her mouth.
"Yangyang, I wanted to bring this secret into the coffin, but I thought I should let you know. The man who is with you is Qin Meng's son, Xiao Chuan. If I don't tell you, if I continue to leave selfishly, and you are kept in the dark, you will never know why Qin Meng is against you being together. Qin Meng, have you seen it, is she okay?" Cheng Mubai's breath was weak, and it seemed that she was going to consume all her strength when she said these words.
"It's good. "I didn't say much, I didn't want her to think too much. How could she know that three years ago, Sister Meng lost her mind and almost died in a car accident because she met her on the street.
"I'm sorry, Yangyang, if it weren't for me ......"
"Don't mention the past, you take good care of your illness, take care of your body, don't embarrass your daughter. "I'm talking about Liu Jing.
Liu Jing and Cheng Mubai are simply the same character, soft persimmons, easy to pinch and bully, and have no backbone.
"Liu Shan, do you know where she is?" Cheng Mu's white-gray pupils suddenly stared at me, and I shivered.
"She was abroad, didn't she tell you when she left? She didn't come back, married a foreigner and made a lot of money, and paid for your medical expenses. "I lied, and even though I don't know if it was right to do it, I think it's better than telling her that Liu Shan is dead.
"Oh, this is her character, it's better to go out, don't have to worry about me. Yangyang, I'm sorry for the three of you sisters. A cloudy tear slipped out of the corner of her eye, and before it could roll down, it had already dried.
"I'm fine, you don't have to apologize to me all the time. You can take care of yourself. Get better soon. "I admit that my heart is heavy.
Cheng Mubai let out a dry laugh in his throat and slowly closed his eyes.
I looked at her swollen face and felt nothing but the creation of a man.
"Yangyang, Qin Meng, after her crazy illness gradually improved, she liked to associate with different men. One day, she pulled me and told me to dance, and we passed an alley on the way. At this time, four or five men suddenly jumped out to surround me, and I realized that Qin Meng had remembered everything back then. She deliberately asked someone to come, saying that she wanted me to experience her despair back then. Ah, this happened when you were three years old. I didn't say anything, this is probably what I deserve, hehe, Qin Meng's ideas are always extreme, so she can become an artist. After that, she went to further study, and her works were successful, and because of her strong criticism, she was favored by foreign art institutions.
She didn't want Ogawa in the first place, but the doctor said she couldn't have children anymore, so she came back and took Ogawa away.
Yangyang, if you have a chance, you have to ask Xiaochuan and ask him to find out who his biological father is.
Well, thank you for coming to see me, I want to sleep. Yangyang, if you can, please take care of Xiaojing, okay?" Cheng Mubai's tone was not as laborious as just now, but with a sense of relaxation.
Just when I wondered if she was happy because she had vomited out her heart for many years, I suddenly heard a rapid sound from the instrument displaying the electrocardiogram next to me, and I turned my head to see that the peak line that symbolizes heart rate is getting shorter and shorter!
I hurriedly rang the call bell at the bedside, and shouted to the nurse who was on the wire: "Come to ward 1206, hurry! The patient's heartbeat is almost gone!"
As I spoke, I watched as the line faded into a straight line......
Probably hearing my voice, Chu Qingchuan pushed open the door with a bang, rushed to me and supported me swaying.
After a while, the doctor and nurse came in a hurry, stepped us aside, and began to do CPR.
Chu Qingchuan hugged me in his arms, and I looked at the busy medical staff blankly, as if I was watching a silent mime.
His big hands warmed me and poured blood down my neck, regaining a bit of my senses.
I haven't had time to call her mom yet.
I don't know if I should call it or not, but if she just doesn't wake up, I think I'll regret it, not for me, but for her.
She must have wanted to hear it.
Do I hate her?
Is Sister Meng wrong? Is Zhan Jiang wrong? Is Cheng Mubai wrong? Are their fathers wrong?
Is it their fault, or is it the fault of the times, or is it the fate that has gone wrong?
I can't figure it out, it seems that there is never a clear right and wrong for feelings.
But we have to pay for the choices we made in the first place, and even have to burden others and us with the guilt.
I relented again, and I sympathized with them.
But in those six years after another, they made mistakes again and again in the tragedies created by the times, and what kind of torment was it?
"Sorry, we tried our best. "At this time, the doctor came over and told us that the rescue was ineffective.
Chu Qingchuan held my hand, and through the comparison of temperatures, I knew how cold my hands were.
I walked to the bed, and the puffiness of my face seemed to be slowly fading.
I don't know if it's an illusion or what, Cheng Mubai's face actually became the same as on the old photo.
"Mom. I pursed my lips, not calling her, but savoring the meaning of the two words.
Chu Qingchuan held my hand tightly.
Because I didn't have a relationship with Cheng Mubai, the hospital still contacted Liu Jing to deal with the aftermath.
The body was taken to the morgue, and I waited in the hospital corridor for Liu Jing to come and see if she needed help.
I kept the diary in my bag, and I wanted to burn it when I got back, and burn the unbearable past.
But I left that old photo, and having it, it was enough.
I sat on the bench and was distracted, and Chu Qingchuan leaned against the wall opposite me, looking at me with his hands and arms folded.
When I raised my eyes, I saw his worried gaze.
I smiled: "Good work." ”
He pursed his lips in a straight line, crushed his lips, gathered his long legs, and walked over to me and sat down.
"When you're tired, lean on. He patted himself lightly on the shoulder.
I obediently put my head on his shoulder, adjusted my position, and wrapped my arms around him.
He leaned in on me, too.
When we are tired, we are fortunate to have someone we can trust to rely on.
I closed my eyes, trying to think about something, but I didn't have a clue.
"Chu Qingchuan, where is my father?" I asked.
He hesitated for a moment and whispered to me: "Back then, he went wrong in his mission, and was slandered as a traitor by his renegade comrades, and someone at the top of the organization was bribed, and his files were destroyed by the inside and outside cooperation. As a scout, he has a strong anti-reconnaissance ability, and he has changed his identity several times, resulting in no clues about Zhan Jiang later. ”
Only then did I think of what Cheng Mubai mentioned that Zhan Jiang left her.
"My mother said he had given her something to keep it, but she didn't tell me what it was or where it was. I said as I thought.
Chu Qingchuan didn't seem to be in a hurry, and said softly, "It's okay, look for it slowly." ”
"Is he still alive?" I asked.
"Yes. Chu Qingchuan replied.
"Do you know him?" I asked again.
"Nope. ”
"Then why are you helping him get his identity back?" I asked again.
"Because he is your father. ”
"Father, everyone has it, but the feelings should be different. I said without emotion.
Chu Qingchuan was silent at this time.
"Like you, what are your feelings for your father?" I asked him.
"No emotion. He replied indifferently.
"I didn't sigh either. I pretended to be light-hearted.
"Blazing Sun, it may be better not to pursue the truth than to know the truth. He turned his head and looked down at me.
I bit my lower lip, feeling that he wasn't talking about me.
Could it be that he also doubted his background, but didn't want to delve into it?
If he knew that his father was Zhan Jiang, and thought that my biological father was also Zhan Jiang, wouldn't I be half-brothers and sisters?
Or maybe he didn't want to find out who his father was? After all, Sister Meng's experience was miserable at that time, and if he insisted on finding the truth, it was Sister Meng who was hurt the most.
Or does he know the whole truth, including his biological father and my biological father, and just pretend he doesn't know anything?
I thought about all the possibilities and finally realized that what he said was right, and that it might be better not to pursue it than to know. But what about me? Why can't I leave myself out like he did?
"Then why did you bring me to find my truth. I asked him.
"This is what your grandfather gave me. His deep voice struck at my heart.
"Do you remember the time we met at your grandfather's house, and you went back to the house to play with Jiajia? At that time, I was drinking tea with your grandfather in the courtyard, and he said to me that if you are wronged in the future, or if you have a bad life in the Chu family, let me take care of you more, and enlighten Jingnan by the way, don't be like you. Before I left, he told me that if I had the chance, I would like to let you meet your mother. Chu Qingchuan said slowly.
Grandfather......
Thinking of his voice and smile, I couldn't hold back and cried after all.
In order to hold back the voice, I bit the back of my hand, and Chu Qingchuan took out my hand, clasped the back of my head and pressed me into his arms.
Tears soon wet his shirt, and I couldn't hold back my sadness.
"Yangyang, listen to grandpa, I'll take care of you in the future. ”
I breathed a sigh of relief and didn't answer. It's easy to say, Sister Meng, can you pass that level?
And I need time to digest this messy past.
At this moment, the sound of messy footsteps came, and when I looked up, I saw Liu Jing running close with red eyes.
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