Now is the time for visits, when I came to the inpatient department, I went to the intensive care ward accompanied by Chu Qingchuan according to the guidance of the nurse.

My heart hung all the time, and I didn't notice when Chu Qingchuan held my hand, and how I embedded my nails in his hard palm because of nervousness, leaving marks of different shades.

"Although your mother has been using the best treatment methods and drugs all these years, her desire to survive is too weak, and the chemotherapy in the later stage is very painful, and in the current situation, she may not last more than a week. A few months ago, the condition was not well controlled, but I don't know why it suddenly deteriorated, and the resected lesion recurred, and her physical condition could not be operated on for a second time. ”

I stood outside the door of my hospital room, the doctor's words echoing in my head.

A few months ago, the condition deteriorated, was it because of Liu Shan's death?

After all, the mother and daughter are connected, maybe she sensed something? Liu Shan's fate is inseparable from her after all.

I closed my eyes, calmed myself down, and adjusted my mood so that I could calmly face this mother, who was born but not raised.

Seriously, I don't know what emotions to communicate with her, and I don't even know what to call her.

"Bright Sun, if you don't want to talk about it, just go in and have a look. Chu Qingchuan gently hugged me and patted me on the back.

Only then did I realize that the reason why he agreed to me to come to Yancheng was because Yao Jun was not angry because Yao Jun was looking for me behind his back, perhaps because my mother was terminally ill, and he couldn't stop him anymore because of reason, reason, and human nature.

I straightened up, raised my eyes to look into his gaze, and asked, "Chu Qingchuan, do you still have something to hide from me?"

He stared straight at me, pursed his lower lip, pinned a strand of broken hair from my ear behind his ear, shook his head with a smile, and said, "The little girl has grown up, and it's not good to be too smart." ”

The smile was not happy, but a little helpless.

"Chu Qingchuan, I don't need your protection, your so-called protection seems to me to be all your self-righteousness. "I felt incompetent, but I didn't want to admit it, so I took my anger out on the man.

It took me a long time to realize that I would always be willful and immature in front of him, because my subconscious was telling me that no matter how much I messed with him, murdered him, or sarcastically mocked him, he would forgive me and never be as knowledgeable as me.

"Well, it's my self-righteousness. Go ahead, I'll be waiting for you here. He patted me on the shoulder and opened the door to my hospital room for me.

I exhaled deeply and stepped into the single room, my eyes fixed on the face of the woman lying on the bed.

"Hello. The sudden whisper startled me, and I realized that the nurse was busy in the other corner.

"Hello, I'm here to visit a patient. I nodded at her and looked back at the hospital bed.

She was as thin as a piece of paper, covered with a white quilt, and if you didn't look closely, you couldn't even tell that there was a person lying inside.

On the white pillow, a round bare head rested on it, and his face was so withered that his eye sockets were deep, but his face looked horrible because of the edema.

I remembered the first time I saw her in the store, when she looked old, but at least she still had the charm and some beautiful shadows of her youth.

But now, the disease tortured her like a dried corpse, and only the slow and heavy breathing in the oxygen mask announced the dying struggle of life.

I subconsciously clenched my fists, my legs seemed to be filled with lead, and I finally walked to the hospital bed.

The nurse came over, looked at me and asked, "Are you Yangyang?"

I looked at her suspiciously, she hurriedly walked around to me, pulled out a magazine from under the pillow of the hospital bed, pointed to the cover and said, "Every time Sister Cheng wakes up, she has to look at this photo, and then say sorry Yangyang while shedding tears." This, is this you?"

"Eldest sister, where is Liu Jing?" I felt a little pantothenic in my heart and didn't answer her question.

"You said Sister Cheng's daughter, since the last time Sister Cheng's bastard husband came to the hospital to make trouble, she hasn't been here for a long time, but she often calls me, saying that she can't get out of her body, let me take care of her mother. The nurse sighed.

I remembered that I saw Liu Jing dancing in Fengyue, and when I calculated the time, it was only two months before and after.

"Trouble?" I asked.

"Yes, I've never seen such a man, and Sister Cheng's life is bitter enough. Everyone is like this, that bastard came to ask her for money, and even made trouble in the hospital office, asking them to refund Sister Cheng's hospitalization fee and ask the patient to be discharged. Isn't he just trying to get the money and let Sister Cheng go home and wait for her to die?, how can there be such a man with no conscience!" the nurse scolded hatefully.

"Are you saying that Liu Jing has also left since her father came to make trouble?" I asked again.

"Alas, Xiaojing, like her mother, is soft and easy to be bullied. I finally cried and begged the bastard man to leave the hospital, I don't know how it was negotiated, and the bastard didn't come to make trouble again. I heard that Sister Cheng had saved a large amount of medical expenses in her account in the hospital, which was specially used for her treatment, but it could not be used for other purposes, so the hospital would definitely not withdraw the money. The nurse said.

"Eldest sister, I want to be alone with her for a while. Is that okay?" I whispered, looking at the patient with his eyes closed.

The nurse rubbed her hands and nodded: "Okay, okay, you accompany Sister Cheng to talk, no one has come to see her for a long time, maybe she will wake up as soon as you come." ”

"Has she been asleep?" I asked.

The nurse sighed: "Alas, I've been sleeping more and more lately. I woke up from time to time, and I didn't want to open my eyes, the only thing I could do was touch the magazine under my pillow. She cried so much that her eyesight was no longer good. You stay with her, I'll go out and get some hot water. ”

The nurse shook her head and walked out of the room with a kettle.

I sat down on a stool in front of the bed, and saw the pinhole-riddled hand on the edge of the bed, swollen like an inflated hand.

I couldn't help but cover my mouth with my own hands and rub my face vigorously.

I kind of hate the injustice of fate, even if she is at fault, even if she robs other people's men, but in comparison, why does the bastard who violated us live the most free and happy life?

Cheng Mubai is sick, I'm sick, Liu Shan is dead, and Liu Jing doesn't seem to be having a good time, can such a broken home be called home?

I finally mustered up the courage and trembled to hold the withered hand, which was cold and unwarm, swollen so much that I didn't dare touch it.

She was much more miserable than my grandfather.

"Yangyang, is that you?" a soft murmur brought tears to my eyes.

I saw her eyes open, but they were gray, as if they had covered the already dark sky with a thick layer of dust.

She turned her face sideways to me, her hand on the other side of her body slowly lifted, and she laboriously pulled open the oxygen mask that was over her mouth.

"It's me, I'm coming, see you. I reached out a hand to help her hold the oxygen mask.

Her whole body is now as if she has been soaked in potions, and her body is filled with potions.

"Yangyang. She whispered my name as a wrinkle appeared at the corner of her eye as she smiled and looked deeper on her swollen face.

"Yangyang, I'm sorry. I am not worthy to be your mother, and don't hate me, because it is not worth hating me. I'm sorry......" she muttered.

"Don't talk, get some rest. I couldn't bear to see her mouth open with difficulty.

"Yangyang, if I don't tell you some things, I may not have a chance. You open the bag under this cabinet, and there is a diary inside. Ahem, when you're done, burn it. She said this sentence for three minutes before she finished it intermittently.

I gritted my teeth, let go of her hand, and opened the cupboard at the head of the bed.

Inside was a black ladies' bag, and I unzipped it and sure enough, I saw an old-fashioned rubber notebook with yellowed sides.

"Yangyang, when I die, you will be the only one in this world who knows these secrets. You've grown up, and I should tell you the truth. In the past, I lied to everyone and told a big lie, but it backfired, and you and Liu Shan and Liu Jing suffered together, I am a sinner, and I deserve to suffer this. But you're not wrong, I'm sorry. She finished speaking with great force, and closed her eyelids heavily.

I helped her put on the oxygen mask, and with the incandescent light at the head of the bed, I opened the notebook in my hand.

Exactly, this is not a diary, but a text similar to a memoir.

Maybe it was because I didn't think clearly when I was writing, and the events in the text were mixed together, and the timing felt a little confused, but I watched carefully and finally straightened them out.

Looking at the last date of the scribble, I understood why the memoir was so fragmented and messy.

This was written a month ago, when Cheng Mubai's condition was not optimistic.

I thought it was ironic, but it seemed to be expected.

My biological father is really not Zhan Jiang, but the scum who violated me.

He turned out to be my biological father.

In Cheng Mubai's memoirs, I further restored the past that Chu Qingchuan told me last night.

The night after Zhan Jiang was drunk, he did not have an actual relationship with Cheng Mubai.

When they were broken by Cheng Sitian, they just had skin to skin, but in that era, combined with the situation at the time, it was enough for the two families to settle down.

After that, Zhan Jiang was disheartened and applied for stationing, far away from his hometown and no longer in contact with his family, and became Mubai, who became a yellow flower girl who kept an empty house alone.

In the six years since he left, Sister Meng's illness has been good and bad, she has forgotten Zhan Jiang, but she still chats and talks with Cheng Mubai as a sister.

At that time, Grandpa Chu withstood the pressure of the outside world and his wife and recognized Chu Qingchuan as his son.

And Sister Meng has always been nervous, even if others tell her that Chu Qingchuan is her son, she is crazy and can't be a good mother.

Therefore, Chu Qingchuan has always been excluded in the Chu family, no one treats him well, and even Grandpa Chu chose to snub Chu Qingchuan because he was afraid that his wife would make him restless.

Eventually, my grandfather couldn't stand the stares and ridicule of such a young child, and he didn't have the love of his mother, so he took him into our foster care and was cared for by my grandmother.

At this time, I finally understood why Chu Qingchuan had such deep feelings for my grandfather.

Although he didn't show it at the time, from what I have seen of his attitude towards his elders, he was the most respectful to my grandfather, and he was also the most unestranged.

Cheng Mubai said in her memories that she liked Zhan Jiang, but knowing that Qin Meng and Zhan Jiang had no guesses, she never dared to do anything arrogant.

"That night, I saw Brother Jiang getting drunk and just wanted to drink a little wine with him. But he mistook me for Sister Meng and hugged me. When he kissed me, I forgot to resist. It's my fault, it's that I'm too weak, and I'd rather be used as a stand-in than push him away. All the mistakes in the future were caused by me. Cheng Mubai wrote.

After that, a man named Leng Yu appeared in the memoirs.

In the fourth year after Zhan Jiang left, Sister Meng's condition gradually improved, and she often sat alone under the banyan tree in the compound. I still spend a lot of time with her, and I've grown up and is a handsome young man. It is said that he should be like a member of the Chu family, but I always see the shadow of Zhan Jiang between his eyebrows. Maybe I'm thinking too much. From this narrative, I feel that Cheng Mubai doesn't know the fact that Grandpa Chu is shielding his second son.

It seems that Grandpa Chu hid from many people at that time, didn't Chu Qingchuan also tell me that he only learned the truth about these past events recently.

"That day, I sent Sister Meng home, and when I went to the river to wash my clothes, I met Leng Yu. He talked very well, saying that he had come north to pan for gold. It was the early days of reform and opening up, and many ambitious people chose to go south, but he broke through from the south to the north. It was the first time I had seen such a gentle and elegant southern man, and I thought he was a little different. After that, he stayed in Jiangcheng, saying that he wanted to do some trade, that is, to transport the fashionable goods from the south to the north for sale. He seems to have a wide range of ways, and his sweet mouth will come to things, which coaxes many aunts to like to take care of his business.

He often gave me small things, hairpins, and clothes, but I refused. He also used to help me with some heavy work and would wait for me at the intersection where I got off work. I told him I was married, and he said I lied to him, how could he never see my man after he got married. I said he's a soldier, and you'd better stay away from me. He settled down for a while, but after a while, he began to stalk me again, and he was really good at chasing girls, and for the first time I found myself liked. The feeling of being loved is something I've never felt before. But I didn't know that there were many purposes behind men's rhetoric.

At that time, new ideas poured in, many people's minds gradually opened up, and the conservative attitude towards love was shocked, and I began to hear people around me say the word 'divorce', which was something I could not have imagined.

By the time I realized it wasn't good, the gossip about me and him had spread, and my dad beat me indiscriminately to the point that I was lying in bed for three days. He said that the man would hurt me sooner or later, that he was cunning and sinister, and that he had the heart of a villain. I am very aggrieved, if I marry a man who does not love me, will I have no chance to regret it? Is it true that if Zhan Jiang does not come back for the rest of my life, I will remain a widow for the rest of my life? The rebellious mentality has made me, who originally rejected and resisted extramarital affairs, become a desire to move.

And one night not long after, when I was accompanying Sister Meng, she suddenly asked me mysteriously if I had ever done such a thing. I was stunned by her question, and said no. She giggled and said that I had been married for so long and had not broken my body, what a shame. I knew she was sick, but I couldn't help but listen curiously as she continued. She said she remembered a man who was very nice and gentle to her, and she described to me in detail what happened that night. Even though she had forgotten the man's name, I knew who the man was, his husband in name only. ”

Seeing this, I almost expected who Cheng Mubai gave for the first time.

Sure enough, I turned to the back and saw that a year later, under Leng Yu's passionate pursuit and my grandfather's strong suppression, the two secretly had a relationship.

Since then, it has been out of control.

There is no impermeable wall in the world, gossip came out, and Cheng Mubai, under Leng Yu's persuasion, mustered up the courage to file for divorce from his family.

Grandpa naturally disagreed, in that era, how shameful divorce was, he would rather his daughter be alone in the empty boudoir than be poked in the back.

"When I saw that my father disagreed, I wanted to go to my father-in-law to reason. Unexpectedly, he was admitted to the hospital with a sudden cerebral hemorrhage and his life was in critical condition. I definitely can't mention this matter at this critical moment, what surprised me was that because my father-in-law was seriously ill, Zhan Jiang, who had been missing for nearly six years, went home. When he stood in front of me, I could barely recognize who he was. He had a long scar on his face, dark skin, and a fierce body, not at all like a soldier. We were like two strangers, without any common language, and we were so unfamiliar with our childhood affection.

He has been in the hospital with the bed, and I occasionally go home to rest. That's when I found out I was pregnant. I have a habit of keeping track of my periods, because I pay attention to it and I'm afraid of getting myself in trouble. This time, it dragged on for more than ten days, which has never been done before. I bought the test strips and found out that something really happened. I secretly found Leng Yu and asked him what if I got pregnant? I said yes, and I said yes. And he asked me why, and I said congratulations on becoming a father. His face changed suddenly, and I was told not to joke. For the first time, I saw a fierce gaze in his eyes.

I was too frightened to say anything more. He kissed me tenderly, saying that he had taken measures every time, and that it was impossible to conceive, and if he did, he had to find out whose it was. "Didn't your husband come back? You probably slept with him, did you?"

But I still naively thought he was teasing me, and it wasn't until my father presented me with evidence that he had a family in the South that I finally accepted the reality in despair.

I didn't dare to tell my father that I was pregnant with Leng Yu's child, so I did the craziest thing in my life, and that night, I drugged the wine jug that Zhan Jiang had brought with me.

He smelled it and looked at me, and I was so scared that my heart almost jumped out.

When I saw him raise his neck and drink, I felt a little more steady.

However, what I expected did not happen, when he pressed me under him, his mouth was full of wine, but he exuded a much stronger manly aura than Leng Yu, which was a temperament forged by a military spirit, although it was very deeply hidden.

He fell into my ear and said, 'I have done you all these years. Son, you say it's mine. But I'm going to atone for my sins, sorry to delay you. But there is only one woman I love. ’

I felt his inflated desire and forbearance as he rolled over and got out of bed, leaving me to dry.

I am grateful to him and I hate him too.

When he left, he left me something to keep safe.

If you hate me, throw it away. Then I will live in darkness all the time, tortured to repay my sins against you and Qin Meng. ’”

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