I curled up on the bed alone, hugging myself tightly and curling into a small ball. Fragments flashed through my mind, my taped mouth, my bound hands and feet, and then a man crawling on top of me, pumping me and hitting me hard. His face was so close to mine, but I couldn't get rid of him. I picked up the knife in the drawer and cut it on my body, on my forearm, on my thigh, on my calf, on my hand, and I felt that it was not enough, so I took off my shirt and slashed it on my chest, lower abdomen, and waist. In this way, he will not * me, my body is full of blood, so dirty, so hideous, he will not come. But his face was still in front of my eyes, lingering, and he pounded my body again and again. To keep Glory from coming in, I locked the door behind my back and pressed my wardrobe against the bedroom door. But the glory came in anyway, and he desperately snatched the knife from my hand, and I didn't give it, and waved it from side to side. Glory wrapped his palm tightly around the knife, and I let go of my hand when I saw the blood pouring out.

"Glory, he* me, I can't stop him if I cut through my whole body. ”

"Glory, I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you, I just want to hurt myself. ”

"My heart is so bitter. ”

"I want to cry. But I know crying is the most useless. ”

"I'm worse than anyone else. ”

"I'm in pain. ”

"I can't control myself. ”

"Can I cry for a while?"

"I don't cry, I'm good, don't send me to a psychiatric hospital. ”

"It's horrible there, someone is shocking me with an electric baton. Someone gave me a tranquilizer. Someone hit me. Someone forced me to take medicine. ”

"I don't go to the hospital. Please. ”

Glory just hugged me in my underwear. He didn't clean my wounds, he just hugged me so gently that I couldn't feel him hugging me. He remained motionless, for fear of touching my wounds and hurting me. And the blood gushing out of my body was also stained on the glorious white T-shirt, and it was red, and he didn't care at all, just listened to me.

"Tell me all your pain in the future, okay?" Glory's eyes were shining, watery, like tears.

I didn't speak, I just put my hand around his neck. Very hard. I knew I was holding it so tightly that Glory would not breathe, but he didn't push me away, he wrapped it around my back, it was still very light, for fear that he would break me if he was not careful.

He carried me to the restaurant and handed me pills and water, which I knew were sleeping pills. In the case of mental illness, the brain is in a state of hyperactivity all the time, and it is impossible to sleep. Because I don't go to the hospital, it's manic to mention the hospital. Throwing things, throwing things, smashing things. Glory didn't stop him, he said to smash anything, as long as I didn't hurt myself. I know that I have put him under too much weight and weight during this time. I obediently drank the water, took the medicine, and lay down in his arms, falling asleep quietly.

When I woke up, I was already in Tao Li's hospital. The wounds cut by the knife were also bandaged one by one. There are large and small white gauze everywhere on the body, like the patched clothes of the poor people in the 30s of the last century. But they mend clothes, and I mend my body.

I sat on my bed in a daze, not even noticing that glory had come to me.

"I made a report, transferred to an agency, and I could have a normal holiday, and I just wrote articles and stuff every day, which was very easy. I'll come to see you when I have time, and you're here to heal, okay?"

"You are obedient, and the doctor who treated you is very good. She is a good friend of mine, her name is Tao Li. You can trust her as you trust me. She is very skilled in medicine and will definitely be able to cure you. ”

"You have to be good, don't hurt yourself again, okay?"

"Xin Rong and I will wait for you together and accompany you. ”

"To force yourself to sleep and eat well, you, may, promise me?"

I looked at him, and those eyes seemed to be magical, and I nodded. Actually, I didn't want to agree, I wanted him not to leave me for a moment, stick to him, I didn't want him to go, I was afraid of the hospital. But looking into his eyes, I couldn't say no.

At this time, pushing the door in, a beautiful girl was Tao Li.

I shrank into Glory's arms again, Glory comforted me softly, gently supported the back of my head, and slowly pulled my head from his arms, making me look at this strange woman, "Don't be afraid, she is what I told you, my good friend." ”

"Hello, I'm a good friend of Glory, Tao Li. ”

Seeing that she was a good friend of Glory, I also timidly stretched out my hand and shook her hand. I looked at her, peach blossoms and plums, flowers and fruits and on her face, delicate like a ceramic doll.

"Glory, your friend is beautiful. It seemed that it was her beauty that pleased me, and I turned my head to praise the glory.

Glory looked at me in surprise, and then turned to look at Tao Li with questioning eyes.

"It's like this, over and over again, sometimes it's normal, sometimes she knows she's going crazy but can't control it. ”

"Don't use the word crazy, she's just sick. And she has a memory, and I want you to carefully consider everything you say to her in the future. ”

"Glory, I'm much more professional than you. Don't think that reading a few books on mental illness can point fingers at me. ”

"I'm not questioning your professionalism, you're professional enough. But I want you to treat her with a little more love and care. I don't force you, it's just that she's hurt too much, so I don't want even a little bit of it to make her sad. Sorry if I said something that made you uncomfortable. ”

"I can't see you like that. You can rest assured that you will return to the army, and I will give you back a healthy person. ”

I listened to both of them, and thought to myself that I would get better soon, and that no one would worry about me.

Tao Li also prescribed medicine for me and talked to me every day. She didn't force me to recall anything, I just slowly peeled back the cocoons along with her questions. Every Saturday and Sunday, Glory comes to accompany me. Weekends are my happiest days of the week. Like Tao Li, he asked me questions, and I didn't feel the slightest pressure when I answered them.

"I haven't seen Xin Rong for a long time, can I bring her over next time?"

"When you're healed, you'll be able to see her. ”

I know that glory is for my good, and I am not healed now. From time to time, I still can't sleep. When I think of some scenes in the past, I still shudder, my teeth chatter, and my whole person can't stop convulsing and spasming. If I strangled Xin Rong to death with one hand when I became ill, it would be a pain for me forever. And seeing me with the onset of the disease will also leave a shadow on Xin Rong for a lifetime.

The weather was getting colder and colder, and Glory held my hand and said, "When the flowers bloom in spring, will I pick you up from the hospital with Xin Rong?"

Afraid of reminding me of my past memories of the mental hospital, Tao Li gave me a single room. The room furnishings are also arranged by Tao Li, which is more like a dormitory than a ward, with warm stickers and a simple and elegant wooden table. Because Tao Li's father is the chief expert in the hospital, Tao Li is also more convenient to speak. My ward was set up to help alleviate the condition, and this was approved by the report in the name of experimentation. My attending physician, Tao Li, is solely responsible for this experiment, and communicates with Tao Li alone in any case of major or minor illness. Because of this, it also solved the problem that I had to hide at home and not go to the hospital for treatment.

I gently held my glorious face, "Okay, I'll watch the flowers bloom with you." ”